Teenage son with depression help!

[lovintheland]

Hoping to hear from others who have experienced the same. My 17 year old son has experienced anxiety on and off from a very young age. Recently we found out he had lied about where he was and had been to a couple of parties and was drinking. When we confronted him about this he had a total breakdown and admitted he thought drinking would make him feel better. He had been feeling at rock bottom for a few months and we did not know. His girlfriend of over a year had broken up with him and he was also worried about the stress of his final year at high school. We immediately made an appointment with his counsellor from several years ago. She reported to us yesterday she is very worried about him and is seeing him again next week. She also advised us to make an appointment with our GP. He had another big tearful breakdown this morning and said he is sick of feeling this way.
I'm so worried and absolutely heartbroken and I just wondered what we can expect treatment wise. Will he be able to live a normal life or will he always be like this. I have read negative things about medication but am not sure if this is the only option.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

 

[Mizzoufan]

Hoping to hear from others who have experienced the same. My 17 year old son has experienced anxiety on and off from a very young age. Recently we found out he had lied about where he was and had been to a couple of parties and was drinking. When we confronted him about this he had a total breakdown and admitted he thought drinking would make him feel better. He had been feeling at rock bottom for a few months and we did not know. His girlfriend of over a year had broken up with him and he was also worried about the stress of his final year at high school. We immediately made an appointment with his counsellor from several years ago. She reported to us yesterday she is very worried about him and is seeing him again next week. She also advised us to make an appointment with our GP. He had another big tearful breakdown this morning and said he is sick of feeling this way.
I'm so worried and absolutely heartbroken and I just wondered what we can expect treatment wise. Will he be able to live a normal life or will he always be like this. I have read negative things about medication but am not sure if this is the only option.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

I have no words of wisdom but lots of prayers for your family.

 

[Shutterbug]

Have your GP refer you to psychiatrist. You need someone in the mental health field. A psychologist can prescribe medication(which more than likely they will try). There are several types out there. Yes side effects from some anti-anxiety drugs can be down right awful and sometimes are worse than the anxiety itself. For others they are a great relief and work well. The route you take is something that you will have weigh the pro's and cons on. I can understand fully about your concern with them. The other main thing is that he needs coping skills. These will help him deal with the anxieties and depression. You need to find a good counselor that will work with him on those. Also if you dont feel like the psychologist or counselor is really listening or helping dont be afraid to change them. Important is to get a good fit.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

Your story sounds similar to my 17 year old. No words of wisdom. They are under so much stress senior year, wondering how everything is going to work out after high school. Try to spend time with him doing fun things and make him go along if he doesn't want to- bowling, sporting events, plays, shopping, anything you can think of to get out of the house and off of media (which can add to depression). Make sure he knows that you are his friend, always. It's hard. Good luck.

 

[low-key]

My mom had depression from about 40 until death, but the Doctor found the right med and it made her right back to herself, one time when she was in 70,s it came back found a new medication and she was as good as new. Depression is often a cause of some chemical imbalance, you should try some medicine if thats what the Doctors think

 

[emer95]

I just want to reach out to you, mom-to-mom, and hug you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. We're in the middle of some similar tough stuff with our sixteen year old daughter. It's so hard to watch them hurt and suffer. It's such a helpless feeling. My daughter has been seeing a counselor since November, which has been really helpful. We now have good days and bad days, instead of just bad days.

The one thing I want to tell you, and it's what I cling to, is that there is a very high chance this is temporary. Hormones play a huge part in our kids' lives. More than we give credit to. I'm praying that with the right help, my girl will come through this stronger and better than before. I'll pray for your son, too.

 

[lovintheland]

emer95 than you so much, reading that actually felt like a comforting hug. Thanks to all of you for your input, I now don't feel like my husband and I are so alone in this. I pray for all of you going through this too.

 

[TaylorEar]

First - I think the fact that he is talking to you about this is a really good sign. He obviously feels like he can trust you and be honest with you - that's a good thing! Just remind him constantly that you are in his corner.

Ask your GP for a referral/recommendation to a psychologist. When it comes to meds, I would not take the advice of a GP only...

Regarding whether or not he will be able to live a normal life/will he always "be like this"?: Depression is not a terminal diagnosis. I also don't think there is a "cure", so much as a way to navigate your way through it. Every person's experience is different. The important thing is to be a support system, and to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and there may be many tunnels!).

 

[lovintheland]

First - I think the fact that he is talking to you about this is a really good sign. He obviously feels like he can trust you and be honest with you - that's a good thing! Just remind him constantly that you are in his corner.

Ask your GP for a referral/recommendation to a psychologist. When it comes to meds, I would not take the advice of a GP only...

Regarding whether or not he will be able to live a normal life/will he always "be like this"?: Depression is not a terminal diagnosis. I also don't think there is a "cure", so much as a way to navigate your way through it. Every person's experience is different. The important thing is to be a support system, and to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and there may be many tunnels!).

Thank you TaylorEar, I emailed his campus minister at school last weekend when this all came to a head as I thought he had probably talked to her and she said she was relieved he had confided in us. She said he had told her how he did feel supported and loved by us which she said not many teens would be able to express.


I agree about the meds, when he was about 9 and going through a period of anxiety I took him to a different GP who immediately said "look at him, he's so sad, he needs medication right now" it was the first contact this GP had with him . we decided to try counsilling instead which worked at the time, but this is much more serious now. We will get a referral hopefully asap.
I really appreciate all the support fellow dis boarders have given

 

[pat fan]

Hugs to you Our DS has been through this (I guess I should say we all have because it affects everyone) and a good counselor is a MUST! As others have said, don't be afraid to switch if one isn't working. Took our DS a few years with a counselor to get on his feet, and there have been backslides, but he is living a good life now, so keep your chin up!

 

[Christine]

To the above threads that said go to a psychologist for meds: no, they can't prescribe meds. You need a psychiatrist for that. But I agree, a GP is not the way to go for that but is a start.

OP, anxiety is a horrible thing and it spirals into depression. Sometimes, having the anxiety first (which turns into depression) is a good thing versus straight, awful depression. If there's a bright spot in this, I hope that's it. Anxiety is crippling and generally people are wired that way, so this may be a lifelong struggle with your son until he learns how to deal with it.

With the help of your current counselor and GP, get him in with a good psychiatrist and anxiety psychologist. As a team, they can probably really help him.

 

[Belle2667]

Hugs to you. You are not alone.

Senior year of HS for DS19 was horrible. He and his girlfriend of 3 years broke up and he started dating girls which were the complete opposite of the ex. He was clearly depressed and he had complained of anxiety for years. His behavior and attitude just kept going downhill despite going to several psychologists. His GP put him on meds. He had the "suicidal" thoughts that go along with them (more likely for those under age 25). He attempted suicide, though it was more in response to a situation that was spiralling out of his control and thankfully not very well thought out. He was voluntarily institutionalized for a week and we weaned him from the meds. Upon leaving that hospital, he began to see a therapist at a Behavioral Health center. 3 times a week to start. She helped immensely. He learned that anxiety and depression will come and go during life and she gave him the skills to handle it.

Now, 6 months later, he's a freshman in college with a 4.0 gpa and a group of friends that are truly supportive.

Hang in there. My experience would urge you to use the drugs as a last resort. In my mind, those were the catalyst for the breakdown he had. The 4 months of intense behavioral health meetings helped the most, especially with the desire to get better, which is sounds like your son has.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am surrounded by people with issues unfortunately.

I will address the meds since that is huge concern here. Meds should be taken in tandem with doing counseling.

Do not allow a GP to prescribe meds to your son, see a psychiatrist for that. Depending on the severity of the depression will depend on the need for meds. It may be necessary for a person to take to them just to be able to apply the counseling to their life and get them out of a depression.

Yes it is true that anxiety/depression can be a lifelong thing for a person. Basically your son has to learn how to manage that, which is why counseling is needed.

The best thing you can do is guide him to help which is what you are doing.

 

[Shutterbug]

To the above threads that said go to a psychologist for meds: no, they can't prescribe meds. You need a psychiatrist for that. But I agree, a GP is not the way to go for that but is a start.

OP, anxiety is a horrible thing and it spirals into depression. Sometimes, having the anxiety first (which turns into depression) is a good thing versus straight, awful depression. If there's a bright spot in this, I hope that's it. Anxiety is crippling and generally people are wired that way, so this may be a lifelong struggle with your son until he learns how to deal with it.

With the help of your current counselor and GP, get him in with a good psychiatrist and anxiety psychologist. As a team, they can probably really help him.

You are correct. I had it reversed

 

[leebee]

I remember that time period as the "dark days" of DD21's senior year of high school. We didn't see it coming but now I realize all the stress she was under- some real, some she put on herself/magnified. She spent a couple years seeing a counselor and about 6 months taking Celexa, both of which she said really helped. That all seems like such a long time ago, even though it was only 4 years. DD says she understands what "went wrong" in high school and how she got to the place she was in, doesn't expect it to recur, and knows the signs and how to get help if it does. She is about to graduate summa cum laude from college, is in a wonderful, serious relationship with a great guy, and already has a job lined up for after graduation. I anticipate a bright and happy future for her! I know it seems like a dark time now, but with solid counseling and, if recommended, a decent medication regime, things will improve.

 

[Domo]

The ideal combination in the treatment of depressive illnesses is medication to act as an umbrella and a talk therapy to act as the cleanser. There are hundreds of drugs out there and tonnes of therapy styles so getting the right mix might be a bit tricky. There are also most desperate measures but I'm not going to go into those as they are last resort things and you need not worry yourself with them.

They the forums here:

http://www.crazymeds.us/

Very friendly people who will be able to help, I guarantee it, in a down to earth, experienced and sensitive way.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm sorry for what your son and you are going through. I agree with a pp about the situation possibly being temporary. He is under a lot of strain. Losing a long term relationship that meant a lot to him plus facing a tough transition is hard. It would be hard for anyone. You have gotten a lot of good advice. I hope your DS will seek strategies for how to cope and gain perspective on stress and how it impacts our lives. We all have to deal with stress on many levels. It's part of life and we have to find ways to cope that works for us. It's what we do about stress that makes a difference. I'm not doctor, but those are the root issues that jump out for me after reading your initial post.

Reading about other people's experiences that have made it through tough times can help. Exercise is a wonderful way to combat the blues. Not saying it's "the" cure all, but studies do show it helps some situations. Setting goals and steps to achieve them helps to lift someone from a slump. Trying something new, challenging but fun. Volunteering just for a small amount of time. Helping others in some capacity also helps to lift the volunteer's spirits. Just some examples of non-prescription ways to work through issues. I'm not saying they "will" work or that you should forgo treatment options, just that in addition any one of those suggestions may help in some way.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Poor guy. BTDT. It's good that he is reaching out for help. Get a referral for a psychiatrist. They can do a proper evaluation and prescribe meds if needed. A good psychiatrist won't just jump to meds without taking in to consideration all options.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. It sounds like he's had some major stressors going on, as well as the hormones, as a pp mentioned, and that can be a lot for someone who's young and doesn't yet have many coping skills. Agree that therapy can help with developong some strategies, and medication if it's recommended.

"Self-medicating" with alcohol and other substances is never a good idea. Some of these things can be part of a person's make up, but if they learn how to manage them, they don't have to be necessarily become devastating. It behooves him, though, to learn to cope better now.

Pick up a copy of The Wellness Book. Even if it's just you that reads it, there are things in there perhaps you can also teach your son as far as relaxation, stress and coping. (I try to do some of these with my teens, too.)

Also sending hugs and prayers.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

The ideal combination in the treatment of depressive illnesses is medication to act as an umbrella and a talk therapy to act as the cleanser. There are hundreds of drugs out there and tonnes of therapy styles so getting the right mix might be a bit tricky. There are also most desperate measures but I'm not going to go into those as they are last resort things and you need not worry yourself with them.

They the forums here:

http://www.crazymeds.us/

Very friendly people who will be able to help, I guarantee it, in a down to earth, experienced and sensitive way.

It is very tricky to find the right medication, I'll second that! I just wanted to add that there is a genetic test that can tell you which medications will work better for you. It tells you which antidepressants, pain medications etc. are best. I don't remember the name, but I'll ask her.

OP, I'm very sorry about your son. Depression and anxiety runs in my family and both of my kids are coping with it. It didn't "just go away" for either of them, but they are dealing with it with cognitive behavioral therapy and medication. I'm so glad you found out what was going on with your son so you can help him! Lots of parents never know.