Teenage girls - UGH!!

[Kallista]

When I was in high school a wigger was just a classification, kind of like a stoner, skater, nerd, or jock. Just about everyone fit into some category. We didn't psychoanalyze the word. Now, if they actually said white ****** it has different racial undertones but it is still not worth getting into a fight over.

It's racist.

Wigger stands for "white ******." It's refused to refer to white kids who "act black," instead of "acting white." The very fact that people had a name for kids who "act black" is racist.

Just because you didn't understand that it's racist, doesn't mean that it isn't racist.

You might want to check your privilege sometime.

 

[FireDancer]

You might want to check your privilege sometime.

I'd love to but my white privileged membership card must have been mailed to the same wrong address as my white elite membership card. I just don't get any of these supposedly cool life benefits.

Physical violence for mean words?

Wow, this thread is turning into an episode of Jerry Springer.

I thought we learned on a different thread that was reserved for the trailer park.



It takes quite a train wreck to make a middle school girl fight thread interesting and the OP succeeded. Bravo!

 

[jaminmd]

I'd love to but my white privileged membership card must have been mailed to the same wrong address as my white elite membership card. I just don't get any of these supposedly cool life benefits.

I have extras, I'll mail you some.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I'd love to but my white privileged membership card must have been mailed to the same wrong address as my white elite membership card. I just don't get any of these supposedly cool life benefits.

 

[my3sonsagn]

Regardless of the circumstances ("friend" not liking boyfriend) I have to say that the OP's daughter tried to take the high road by ignoring what was said at lunch other than everyone telling the other girl to knock it off repeatedly. While I would hope that my child would let an adult know at that point that she and her boy friend are being harassed, I can understand that kids don't want to be seen as "tattlers" (14 is a tough age - typically not capable of handling the really hard situations on one's own yet not wanting to admit that to an adult). If, however, someone had followed my kid off the bus when it wasn't even their stop (BTW - that is a huge no-no around here; you get off at YOUR stop unless you have a pass from the school office given after a parent note is sent in. Period.) just so they could keep getting in my kid's face harassing and verbally threatening them then I wouldn't add any punishment over what the school might choose to give. I would discuss different ways of handling it earlier in the future, but I would consider it a lesson learned - by both parties. There is only so much verbal abuse ANYone can take before they lose their cool.

 

[hambirg]

I find it odd that your DD's friends are texting you. Are you a little too invested in your DD's life, perhaps?

You refer to the "lunch room warden," admit you have a temper and gave an example of your DD's temper. It sounds like you have a bad temper & your DD has one, too. Referring to the lunch aide as a warden is a little immature, IMO.

Your DD was enticed but she took the bait. They all behaved badly.

And who moves with a week notice? That's odd, too.

Do you have any idea why this "friend" doesn't like the bf? Maybe she has a valid reason. If what you say is true, she sure has a lot of anger towards him. I doubt this is just random, so I'd bet there's quite a back-story there.

I agree that it doesn't sound like any of these kids are mature enough to be in a relationship. Why is your DD getting in the middle of this? Can't the bf stand up for himself? It just sounds like a whole lotta drama and everybody, Mom included, is feeding off of it.

As far as the attitude of the OP and some of the things she's posted here. . .

 

[dngnb8]

Well call me privileged as too.

I understand where the word COMES from and as strange as it sounds, kids in my HS didn't think of it as a racist thing either.

The etymology is important. The word was derived from an insulting word. It is like kids saying, That's so gay, whenever something happens they feel is wrong.

The issue with Hate Speak is when it is accepted into the vernacular as nothign is wrong.

These words are hateful, insulting, and are used as verbal weapons. When we accept these types of words in the common vernacular as harmless, we inadvertently arm those who use them as weapons, then rationalize that the word doesnt mean anything.

There is no room for Hate Speak.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The etymology is important. The word was derived from an insulting word. It is like kids saying, That's so gay, whenever something happens they feel is wrong.

The issue with Hate Speak is when it is accepted into the vernacular as nothign is wrong.

These words are hateful, insulting, and are used as verbal weapons. When we accept these types of words in the common vernacular as harmless, we inadvertently arm those who use them as weapons, then rationalize that the word doesnt mean anything.

There is no room for Hate Speak.

I see what you are saying.

I just don't think kids use them to be as hurtful as they really are KWIM?

 

[dngnb8]

I see what you are saying.

I just don't think kids use them to be as hurtful as they really are KWIM?

Here is the issue. A kid may use them innocuously, but it enables those who dont use it so harmlessly. In this example, the term was used as an attack. She probably has used it like you say in the past. Now, she is using it as an attack. The kids do understand this. They arent dumb.

We as adults need to educate the kids hate speak still spreads hate.

 

[Goofyluver]

We don't reward poor choices in this house, with chocolate or otherwise.

Here's what we've always told our son:

You can't control what others say to you. But you can contol your reaction.

 

[Jennasis]

I'd be calling the girls parents.

 

[DebIreland]

Sorry the OP's daughter's boyfriend is moving, but this is another reason why 14 year olds don't need to be dating. A lot of drama and responsibility that goes with dating at young ages.

Absolutely. She's a child for heaven sake.

OP, on the one hand she's allowed to date but, on the other hand, you're giving her a chocolate treat?

Head ripping and potential decapitations aside (not to mention threatening to shove items up into super-personal crevices!) I would focus on teaching your daughter how to restrain herself and behave appropriately regardless of the taunting and also, teach her that she has many years ahead of her for dating. Can't she just be a kid right now? You describe her like she's already grown up.

 

[Magic Mom]

We don't reward poor choices in this house, with chocolate or otherwise.

Here's what we've always told our son:

You can't control what others say to you. But you can contol your reaction.

 

[Schmeck]

I see what you are saying.

I just don't think kids use them to be as hurtful as they really are KWIM?

That's not an excuse. Well, it is, but it's a cop-out one. Of course they use it to be hurtful, they do it to be mean, to make fun of someone else, they're just ignorant of the meaning.

 

[pigletgirl]

We don't reward poor choices in this house, with chocolate or otherwise.

Here's what we've always told our son:

You can't control what others say to you. But you can contol your reaction.

Exactly.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

That's not an excuse. Well, it is, but it's a cop-out one. Of course they use it to be hurtful, they do it to be mean, to make fun of someone else, they're just ignorant of the meaning.

Not really...Like Firedancer said...we used it to classify...If you smoked pot you are a stoner...if you play sports you are a jock...same thing. That's not making fun of someone.

 

[LSmith]

Sorry the OP's daughter's boyfriend is moving, but this is another reason why 14 year olds don't need to be dating. A lot of drama and responsibility that goes with dating at young ages.

As a highschool teacher of at-risk students, the OP sounds like one of my students with some of her phrases and her response to the situation.

We have a Safe School Act, and so both parties would be in trouble, because the Safe School Act was broken. Absolutely unacceptable what the girl said and did to the OP and her boyfriend. We would have suspended her for sure, and OP's daughter would have consequences as well as she made a verbal and physical threat toward the other girl.

I'm sorry, but kids learn how to react from their parents, just as much as from peers, so by OP calling the girl a name and discussing how she would treat her, is showing a lack of good judgment on the part of her as a mom. I totally get that OP is upset, as she should be, but she needs to mature a bit, and learn to control herself, so as to be a positive role model for her daughter. Perhaps this is isolated, and is a one-time thing, but if not, then the OP's daughter needs to learn other coping strategies for these types of behaviours.

Tiger

I agree, as well.

 

[Schmeck]

Not really...Like Firedancer said...we used it to classify...If you smoked pot you are a stoner...if you play sports you are a jock...same thing. That's not making fun of someone.

You're still calling someone a name, and there are negative connotations associated with that. That's still not nice. Why do people even have to call someone something? Why do you have to 'classify'? Does it make you feel better about yourself, that you are above those 'stoners' and 'jocks'?

My favorite quote is 'Labels are for jars'.

To the OP - check out your bullying/harrassment policy at your daughter's school. there should be some policy in place - if not, get one started!

 

[okeydokey]

Rather than reward your daughter's behavior with chocolate, you really need to discuss some real life skills. If she had actually gone through with assaulting this girl, it would be your daughter in trouble, not the name caller. what the girl said was reprehensible, but assaulting her would not solve the problem.

 

[Scornelius]

Not really...Like Firedancer said...we used it to classify...If you smoked pot you are a stoner...if you play sports you are a jock...same thing. That's not making fun of someone.

Please, finish the statement. If you're white and act black, you're a wigger? Define acting black in that situation and tell me again it's not racist. My mom has said the same thing my whole life, and it makes me irate. She also says the N word is just slang for negro and shouldn't be taken as such an insult. Whatever.

Incidentally, I haven't heard kids say that word in forever. I figured it died around 1994. How lovely to see it pop back up.

OP, I think there are some hills to die on and confronting a bully is one of them, as far as I'm concerned. I was suspended for a similar thing when I was a bit older than her, and I've never regretted it once.