Teenage girls - UGH!!

[jen0610]

DD14 just called and she is sitting at home sobbing. She started out the conversation with Mom I might get suspended from school. My cell has been ringing with text messages from her friends, letting me know what all went on. I am ready to throttle a girl and she's not mine!!

DD has been "dating" this boy. One of her "really good" friends can't stand the kid. Has been down right mean and hurtful to him and in turn to my dd with her comments. I have seen how she is around him at school functions and on line. She's a hateful and rude girl. I have stayed outta it, mom can't fight DD battles for her. I've given suggestions to DD on how to handle her, but other than that and deleting some facebook comments the girl made, I've been hand off.

The boy found out last week, that his family is going to have to move back to LA - this weekend!! Needless to say, neither DD or him are very happy little love birds.

Somehow this girl found out today what was going down. At lunch, him and DD are sitting at their table. This girl comes up and starts in. "Finally (insert DD's name) can get a real boyfriend instead of feeling sorry for a piece of trash like you." "I always knew you were a loser and had losers for parents." "Starting next week, our lunch table won't have the smell of **** at it since you will no longer sitting here" Many, many other insults were being said by the girl and I can't type without getting points. DD, the kid and 6 others, were all telling her to shut her mouth. If they get up and move from table to table, the kids get into trouble. And seeing as he only has 2 days left, they wanted to sit together these last 2 days and there are no open tables to move to as a group. If there had been an open table, they would have moved and told the lunch room warden why, if they had gotten in trouble for it. The kids are telling me she kept it up for a good 20 minutes of their 25 minute lunch.

A couple of DD's other friends said, that during classes that the girls had together, she was making comments to DD. They didn't always hear them, but they would see her leaning towards DD.

The straw that sent my DD over the edge, was as they were getting off the bus this evening, the girl told DD she had better have learned her lesson after having dated a "white ******" and not to lower her standards the next time. From what DD's bestfriend told me, it took him and the boy friend everything they had to keep DD from getting ahold of the gril and ripping the hair off her head and knocking her head off her shoulders. DD didn't touch her, but it sure wasn't from the lack of trying. They said DD was screaming at the girl, that she was deadmeat!! Come close to her and she'd knock her on her ***. The best friend said DD busted his lip with her elbow while he was trying to hold her back. By the time the boys managed to start dragging DD towards our house, the girl had shut her mouth and had started to hightail it for her housing addition. Yea, the girl got off 4 stop before she should have, with the intent of running her mouth some more.

While I'm not overtly happy with DD, I can see why she lost it. I would have lost it on the girl back when I was the same age, with that last comment. The kids don't know how much of what took place off the bus that the bus driver saw. That is why DD doesn't know if she's going to get into trouble or not with school. If she does, I guess I'll be telling the school, that once those kids were off the bus, it was no longer a school issue, but a home issue. And if the bus driver had done his job and not let the kids off at any ol' stop, the girl wouldn't have about had her head ripped off.

My heart is breaking for my kid. Having to deal with this little ***** is not making the boyfriend leaving any easier. It might have to be a chocolate treat night tonight for DD and some of her friends.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Unbelievable! Is the "friend" jealous of the time your daughter spent with this boy? I hope everything works out okay!

 

[FireDancer]

Look up frenemy, you just described one perfectly.

I think resorting to physical violence because of words, not matter what the words are, is wrong. There were no winners here.

 

[wvjules]

So your DD got in a 'fight' because another girl was mean to her boyfriend?

And, FTR, it is still a school issue even if it happened when they got off the bus and were at the bus stop or on their way home.

 

[happygirl]

Teenage drama, I see it hasn't changed since I was in HS

 

[RachaelA]

Why is she going to get suspended for something that happened when she was off the bus?

Why didn't one of the kids get the lunch aide when the mean girl was spouting off crap at lunch?

 

[kathie859]

A chocolate treat?????? Really??????

How about a nice sit-down to discuss the inappropriateness of physical violence? I get that the other girl is mouthy, rude and crude--but DD needs to understand the correct way of dealing with differences and it's not with a street fight.

 

[pigletgirl]

Wow...well, not much to say, except for the fact that maybe your DD needs some new friends. Everything, that ALL the girls did was totally unacceptable.

 

[jen0610]

So your DD got in a 'fight' because another girl was mean to her boyfriend?
And, FTR, it is still a school issue even if it happened when they got off the bus and were at the bus stop or on their way home.

She got into with the girl, because she would not leave DD or the boy alone. The comments were directed at one or the other and Both of them at times. Like I said, I post the ones that I wouldn't get points for. One of the ones I can't use and was told to me by the bestfriends was the girl called DD ****. She's lucky, DD either didn't hear her or that if DD did hear her, that she didn't react the way mom would have. At 14, if someone had called me that name, I'd ripped their head off and shoved so far up their behind that it would have been sitting on their shoulders again.

And seeing as that when the two boys flashed a knife at the bus stop and nothing was done to them, because according to the Principle, they were NOT the school responsibility yet, because they hadn't set foot on the bus, yea I'm gonna take the same stance that once those kids step off the bus in the afternoon, they are no longer the schools resposibility.

 

[wvjules]

She got into with the girl, because she would not leave DD or the boy alone. The comments were directed at one or the other and Both of them at times. Like I said, I post the ones that I wouldn't get points for. One of the ones I can't use and was told to me by the bestfriends was the girl called DD ****. She's lucky, DD either didn't hear her or that if DD did hear her, that she didn't react the way mom would have. At 14, if someone had called me that name, I'd ripped their head off and shoved so far up their behind that it would have been sitting on their shoulders again.

And seeing as that when the two boys flashed a knife at the bus stop and nothing was done to them, because according to the Principle, they were NOT the school responsibility yet, because they hadn't set foot on the bus, yea I'm gonna take the same stance that once those kids step off the bus in the afternoon, they are no longer the schools resposibility.

Well that explains your DD's reaction.

As for the bus thing - it is not that way here (oops, not sure about here but it was not that way where I lived in WV). At the bus stop in the morning and in the afternoon, the student is still the responsibility of the school.

 

[luvmy3]

Well that explains your DD's reaction.

MTE. I don't condone any physical violenece unless its in self defense and I'm sorry but see you next tuesday doesn't qualify.

 

[pigletgirl]

She got into with the girl, because she would not leave DD or the boy alone. The comments were directed at one or the other and Both of them at times. Like I said, I post the ones that I wouldn't get points for. One of the ones I can't use and was told to me by the bestfriends was the girl called DD ****. She's lucky, DD either didn't hear her or that if DD did hear her, that she didn't react the way mom would have. At 14, if someone had called me that name, I'd ripped their head off and shoved so far up their behind that it would have been sitting on their shoulders again.

And seeing as that when the two boys flashed a knife at the bus stop and nothing was done to them, because according to the Principle, they were NOT the school responsibility yet, because they hadn't set foot on the bus, yea I'm gonna take the same stance that once those kids step off the bus in the afternoon, they are no longer the schools resposibility.

Regardless of the word, you DO NOT lay your hands on anyone, despite how awful something like that is. Its always the one who retaliates who gets in trouble.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I would take it up with the girl's parents, personally. And if the school punishes your daughter, I would fight it.

 

[castmember19]

I would take it up with the girl's parents, personally. And if the school punishes your daughter, I would fight it.

I don't know if that's a good idea. If the girl is a racist, who's to say she didn't learn it from her parents?

And I'm sure they wouldn't be happy to hear that OP's DD almost attacked their DD...

I don't see why she should be suspended. She didn't put her hands on the other girl. I can't say trying to attack her was a good idea, either, but what's done is done. Sounds like your DD needs to cut ties with this "friend."

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow....

All I can say about the whole situation described...

And that goes for every one involved...
The so-called 'friend',
The DD,
The school,
And, the OP.

What an incredible, unnecessary, and toxic mess...

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I don't know if that's a good idea. If the girl is a racist, who's to say she didn't learn it from her parents?

And I'm sure they wouldn't be happy to hear that OP's DD almost attacked their DD...

I don't see why she should be suspended. She didn't put her hands on the other girl. I can't say trying to attack her was a good idea, either, but what's done is done. Sounds like your DD needs to cut ties with this "friend."

Honestly, I had a bit of a mouth on me when I was a teenager and it had nothing to do with what my parents had taught me. They would have wanted to know if I had done something like this (not that I would have ever made a racist statement, but I did say things I should not have) and they would have used what almost happened to me as a teaching tool. BUT I will agree it depends on whether you know the parents and what type of parents they are.

 

[Tiger926]

I find it odd that your DD's friends are texting you. Are you a little too invested in your DD's life, perhaps?

You refer to the "lunch room warden," admit you have a temper and gave an example of your DD's temper. It sounds like you have a bad temper & your DD has one, too. Referring to the lunch aide as a warden is a little immature, IMO.

Your DD was enticed but she took the bait. They all behaved badly.

And who moves with a week notice? That's odd, too.

Sorry the OP's daughter's boyfriend is moving, but this is another reason why 14 year olds don't need to be dating. A lot of drama and responsibility that goes with dating at young ages.

As a highschool teacher of at-risk students, the OP sounds like one of my students with some of her phrases and her response to the situation.

We have a Safe School Act, and so both parties would be in trouble, because the Safe School Act was broken. Absolutely unacceptable what the girl said and did to the OP and her boyfriend. We would have suspended her for sure, and OP's daughter would have consequences as well as she made a verbal and physical threat toward the other girl.

I'm sorry, but kids learn how to react from their parents, just as much as from peers, so by OP calling the girl a name and discussing how she would treat her, is showing a lack of good judgment on the part of her as a mom. I totally get that OP is upset, as she should be, but she needs to mature a bit, and learn to control herself, so as to be a positive role model for her daughter. Perhaps this is isolated, and is a one-time thing, but if not, then the OP's daughter needs to learn other coping strategies for these types of behaviours.

I am a bit concerned about the lack of involvement from school as well, and the OP can discuss this, but she needs to understand that her daughter also didn't handle the situation in a great way either.

Any buying her a sweet treat. Oh, dear...not even sure where to begin with that one?

Tiger

 

[jaminmd]

Sorry the OP's daughter's boyfriend is moving, but this is another reason why 14 year olds don't need to be dating. A lot of drama and responsibility that goes with dating at young ages.

As a highschool teacher of at-risk students, the OP sounds like one of my students. My students struggle with patience, good judgment, temper and violence, so we are always working with them on social skills and relationships.

We have a Safe School Act, and so both parties would be in trouble, because the Safe School Act was broken. Absolutely unacceptable what the girl said and did to the OP and her boyfriend. We would have suspended her for sure, and OP's daughter would have consequences as well.

I'm sorry, but kids learn how to react from their parents, just as much as from peers, so by OP calling the girl a name and discussing how she would treat her, is showing a lack of good judgment on the part of her as a mom.

Any buying her a sweet treat. Oh, dear...not even sure where to begin with that one?

Tiger

I agree.

 

[FireDancer]

When I was in high school a wigger was just a classification. Kind of like a stoner, skater, nerd, or jock. Just about everyone fit into some category. We didn't psychoanalyze the word. Now, if they actually said white ****** it has different racial undertones but it is still not worth getting into a fight over.

 

[Kallista]

If someone called one of my kids' friends a ****** and my kid busted that person in the mouth for it, I would be okay with that. I would tell my child that he has to face the school consequences because it was against the rules, but I wouldn't impose any additional consequences. Sometimes you have to break the rules. Standing up for friends and family is more important.

OP, your kid did her best to put up with other girl's ridiculous, bullying nonsense for a very long time. Everyone has a breaking point. I'd buy my kid a treat, too. She's having a bad week.