Teen Safety Disney Cruise

[sbtrfly74]

We're leaving on Friday for our 7 day Fantasy cruise and I havent really come up with a curfew yet. Last time for our 3 day cruise both kids were in the Vibe, so just a heads up for all the parents thinking the kids can come back to the room together. One night I found my oldest outside of the Vibe on the last night hanging out with other kids on Deck 4 in the lounge chair area and made her come back sooner than usual. My kids normally listen and follow rules but that was a deal breaker for me.

The only time I ever gave them a when ever curfew was when it was a midnight premier of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 or 4 which ever was the most recent and they both went and came back to the room after. They were both exhausted the next day for disembarkation day.

 

[Farmmom3]

Missing the point??
I guess my objective in booking our Disney cruise was to spend MORE time with my three teenagers and make memories together as a family. I like the idea of kids having an option for a couple of hours a night, but when we are only on the ship for four nights, I would hope they would want to get a good nights sleep in order to enjoy the following days activities??
I think families would value special times together- not send kids away so parents can have a spa day??

 

[sweetlovin']

Missing the point??
I guess my objective in booking our Disney cruise was to spend MORE time with my three teenagers and make memories together as a family. I like the idea of kids having an option for a couple of hours a night, but when we are only on the ship for four nights, I would hope they would want to get a good nights sleep in order to enjoy the following days activities??
I think families would value special times together- not send kids away so parents can have a spa day??

I agree with this depending on the cruise as well. A 4 day cruise where I have paid for all 3 of my kids and I to learn how to be a dolphin trainer, my kids are going to bed early and getting up on time and happy for our day. On a TA cruise or a Panama Canal cruise, where there are many more sea days and not as many excursions, I would be more willing to let my child stay out later.

 

[JohnDS]

Missing the point?? I guess my objective in booking our Disney cruise was to spend MORE time with my three teenagers and make memories together as a family. I like the idea of kids having an option for a couple of hours a night, but when we are only on the ship for four nights, I would hope they would want to get a good nights sleep in order to enjoy the following days activities?? I think families would value special times together- not send kids away so parents can have a spa day??

I can identify with this sentiment. My sons efforts would be better spent getting me to rent a boat to go running around the gulf of Mexico finding semi deserted islands to explore (did that), than to convince me to let him go hang out with people he just met all night (not gonna happen). We can do fun stuff, but it's a family vacation, not a vacation from family.

He's not a teen yet but very soon, and I can assure you those odds will still be the same.

Sent from my rotary phone using DISBoards

 

[mab2012]

I think this is an interesting thread. I don't think there's any "right" or "wrong" on something like this, but my own thoughts run along the same line as cjbcam's. Most 16 year olds will be going off to university in a year or two, at which point they will presumably be responsible for their own lives - managing their own time, safety, finances (hopefully), etc. By 18 they are legally adults, with all the responsibilities that entails - the right to vote, the ability to enter a binding contract, and legal responsibility for their actions.

I do wonder how a 16 year old who can't be trusted in the confined and - yes - relatively safe environment of a cruise ship is going to manage all these new responsibilities in just a year or two.

All that said, everything depends on the individuals involved. Whether or not I agree with the OPs position, I take strong exception to anyone presuming to tell me how to parent my own children. And you'd have a hard time convincing me that any 16 year old, no matter how intelligent, mature, or responsible, has sufficient experience or the proper perspective to offer parenting advice to the parents of his peers (which is how I think many will have interpreted the OPs post, regardless of his intent).

 

[JohnDS]

I take strong exception to anyone presuming to tell me how to parent my own children. And you'd have a hard time convincing me that any 16 year old, no matter how intelligent, mature, or responsible, has sufficient experience or the proper perspective to offer parenting advice to the parents of his peers (which is how I think many will have interpreted the OPs post, regardless of his intent).

Lol, you betcha

Sent from my rotary phone using DISBoards

 

[jimsubry]

Good food for thought, OP. I only have a ten year old so I have no idea what kind of rules I will have for him then. I think some teens are trustworthy enough to have a later curfew, and some are not. I will have to see if he turns out to be trustworthy in other areas before he's granted the privilege of staying out that late in a cruise ship's nightclub. Although I do agree that this sort of club is probably the last thing a parent has to worry about. The worries would more revolve around if the teen is actually staying at the club and not roaming around, hanging out in other teens' staterooms, drinking, and so on. A 16 year old male getting accosted by a stranger isn't on my list of worries at all. And besides worrying about the teen's safety, one thing I wouldn't like about letting him come in at 2am is that I'd be woken up and irritated at the sleep interruption!

A teenager often thinks that adults just have no clue about these situations but, believe me, we've been 16 ourselves and have lived through all the situations we thought OUR parents were clueless about. We're just being savvy now!

 

[CarolyninCO]

Whether or not I agree with the OPs position, I take strong exception to anyone presuming to tell me how to parent my own children. And you'd have a hard time convincing me that any 16 year old, no matter how intelligent, mature, or responsible, has sufficient experience or the proper perspective to offer parenting advice to the parents of his peers (which is how I think many will have interpreted the OPs post, regardless of his intent).

This is exactly how I read the OP's post. You couldn't have said it better.

 

[sbtrfly74]

I only went on a 3 day cruise and the last night found my DD18 (was allowed in the Vibe) outside of the Vibe on Deck 4 hanging out with some guy.


She tried to tell me "I'll be back whenever" an my response was youll be back in 10 mins! I thought my two kids would go in and out of the Vibe with each other and sometimes that just doesnt happen as much as you wish it would.

So parents of two kids that can check them selves in and out of the clubs (of course they can at that age) dont be naive like I was that they would.

I didnt like the whole level 4 entrance thats dark and gloomy from the get go.

This time I will be getting an extra Wave phone, My DD will be 21 but still has a mentality of a 16yr old so she will probably have the same restrictions as the 17yr old. Im thinking 12am curfew will me more than sufficient unless its a premier of a movie which I dont anticipate.

 

[redmomof4]

It seems that I am in the minority. My DD was 14 during our Oct cruise on the Fantasy. We allowed her to stay at Vibe until 2 AM. We used the Wavephones, and we contacted her 2-3 times each hour. She also would call us and stay on the phone until she reached our cabin. She did ask to go to the D Lounge which is open all night, but we said no. I'm a night owl on vacation, but I do need to go to sleep at some point! Prior to all of our cruises, we discuss safety issues and how she should never go into a cabin with anyone else, even someone her own age. I shared with her the story of the man who lured a girl to his cabin by saying he was a Cast member. I don't believe in sugarcoating real world issues. We have never had any safety issues, but I know that every family must do what they think is best.

I am also in the minority. We recently got off the ship & I allow pretty expansive freedom. My kids were allowed to stay out until their respective clubs closed. We discussed dangers beforehand, asked them to always double up, even if it wasn't with each other. We used wave phones extensively and if I was going to bed b4 they were coming to the room, I would set an alarm to make sure they were there. My kids are 11, 13, & 16. Six years ago we allowed our then 16 yr old the same freedoms. I agree it is what you as a parent are comfortable with and what your children are accustomed to.

 

[dmccarty]

Our rules are not because we do not trust our kids but because we do not trust others. Our kids can be little saints but that does not protect them from other people looking to do harm.

Our oldest does not like the tight leash at AKV/AKL but the leash is not because we do not trust our child. The hallways at AKL/AKV are very long. One year, at our request, we were in the second to last room at AKV and my pedometer showed it was a 1/4 mile from our room to the bus stop. A 1/4 mile is a long distance in a curving hallway where some can grab one or even two kids.

A child in one of our kids soccer leagues was raped in just such a situation during an away game. This happened years after our kids were frustrated that we would not let them walk to the pool by themselves. Tough. They can be upset.

During our stay at VBR we loosened the leash because of the location of our room and allowed the oldest a bit more freedom. Circumstance were different so we could change things. I don't have a problem with the kids staying at the kids clubs until closing. The problem is getting from the club to the room. That is the danger. On the other hand, I cannot sleep until my family gets home, so that might limit how late they can stay out. Again, not a trust issue but I need to get to sleep.

Bad things happen to 16-18 year old male teenagers.

Our kids have been to WDW enough to know how to get around on the buses. At some point, we will let them go to the parks together if they want too. I wandered the parks with cousin at a pretty young age and I think our kids will be able to do the same at some point. However, the point of the family vacation is to be together so while they might be able to go off by themselves it will not be often. Time passes quickly and family time is precious not only because the kids get older fast, but because parents, at least this parent, has to work very hard to find free time and money to go on vacation.

In 10-15 years, it will be interesting for the OP to return to this thread and see if his opinion has changed.

Later,
Dan

 

[tinkerone]

I have to agree with a few of the previous posts. its not that I don't trust my children, I don't trust others. I don't know them, my children don't know them. its to easy to talk a child into doing things they would normally not do. way to easy and if you think for a minute 'not my child' wake up. it may not be something bad but you can bet they have done something that your not aware of or would disapprove of. i'm not going to freely open the door to this. their strangers and being with them for a possible 7 days doesn't change that.

I cringe when we have family dinners now, both my children are grown and gone, when they start talking the 'remember when' stories. the things they did that I didn't know about. nothing horrid but certainly things they knew I wouldn't approve of. heck, I had those stories in my childhood. can you honestly say you did everything by the book when you were a child? i'm sure someone will totally disagree with this and say 'never'.

i'm just looking at what could happen with the other side of the coin when I say I disagree with the opp. that's my parenting and i'm not trying to push it on anyone, just saying my reasons have to do with what paths my child could be lead down by others. I wasn't willing to take that chance.

something bad can happen at any moment but if it does I want to be able to say I did my best to protect them.

 

[dmccarty]

...

I cringe when we have family dinners now, both my children are grown and gone, when they start talking the 'remember when' stories. the things they did that I didn't know about. nothing horrid but certainly things they knew I wouldn't approve of. heck, I had those stories in my childhood. can you honestly say you did everything by the book when you were a child? i'm sure someone will totally disagree with this and say 'never'.

...

something bad can happen at any moment but if it does I want to be able to say I did my best to protect them.

I look back at some of the things I did as a teenager and I wonder how I lived. The scary thing is that I was a GOOD kid but I did some really stupid things as well. Some of those things would not likely happen today because society has changed and that is a good thing.

My kids are fascinated by COPS and other police reality shows which is great. They have seen what drugs and drink can to do people which was far more effective than me talking to them. Of course my talking would have been taken as A Lecture and who knows how well they would have taken what I said.

I have had many conversations with others my age about parenting today and what we did as kids. Parents are certainly more protective today than when I was a kid. I would leave the house for hours, if not all day, and that was acceptable. Other kids did the same thing. I would ride my bike all over the place, go for long walks in farm fields and in the woods. At one school, I rode my bike to school and for some strange reason I would get up before my parents, fix my own breakfast and go to school for a second breakfast. I was getting to school before other kids and most of the teachers! What was wrong with me! I would cross a busy four lane round in the dark by myself every morning. One the weekends, I would cross that same road to go to a 7-11 to get candy, comics and slushee.

I would let my kids do SOME of these things but not others.

At that school we had what is now called Stranger Danger talks and films. A police officer would talk to use once or twice a year about "Stranger Danger" and he had a very bloody film to show. Can't imagine that the film would be shown today.

I don't know why parents are more protective today. My guess is that while kids were harmed years ago, it was a more local event so you did not hear about the crime unless it took place within the broadcast range of local TV or the distribution of the local paper. Today, with cable and 24 hour news stations, we hear of crimes on the other side of the country which did not happen when I was a kid.

Parents today have more information about sexual predators that my parents never dreamed of having. When we lived in the city, we knew which nearby houses had a sexual predator as did most other parents. There were quite a few predators living in close by but what was scary was the man we knew was a predator but was not on a list. What was scarier were the predators we did not know about. Our parents did not have this information but parents today do have this knowledge and have acted accordingly.

My kids will tell me I am being mean when we tell them they cannot do something. Most of the time they are kidding but I will tell them that parents have to be mean sometimes, it is part of the job.

Later,
Dan

 

[Ofinn]

Bad things can happen to a person at any age. Being over the age of 18 doesn't exclude you from sexual assault. I think at some point you have to let your kids grow up. At 16 you're 2 years away from being on you own. Your not going to be able to hold your kids hand when the go away to college. I think rules are important, but so is teaching your kids how to function on their own, and how to protect themselves.

 

[tinkerone]

Bad things can happen to a person at any age. Being over the age of 18 doesn't exclude you from sexual assault. I think at some point you have to let your kids grow up. At 16 you're 2 years away from being on you own. Your not going to be able to hold your kids hand when the go away to college. I think rules are important, but so is teaching your kids how to function on their own, and how to protect themselves.

i have taught my children how to protect themselves from day one. this does not exclude me from doing what i can to help protect them. i'm not going to put them in a bad situation just because i have been teaching them what to do in that situation. i'm going to try and help them avoid it.

in my mind allowing a 16 year old free rein of a ship is not in anyones best interest. thats jmo and i'm not going to try and tell anyone that there thoughts are wrong because i know whats right for us may not be right for you. there will one day be a thread about some teen falling over board and people will wonder what went wrong. its not like it never happens, it does. so many ship crimes are never reported that i don't think we understand the dangers on board at all.

your right, kids go off to college and you lose some control over what they are doing. i slept very well when my child went. i had taught him what was the right thing to do. i couldn't control what he was doing. but when ever he came home i was right back to being 'mom' and made sure he didn't put himself into a situation.

this could be debated for ever. we all have different parenting thoughts and mine may not be right for you, yours may not be right for me. i wish everyone well with the choices you make. i hope none of us regret making them.

 

[justmestace]

And the REAL world outside of the cruise does?

I'm pretty sure their is not a whole lot of drinking, drugging and sex going on in the Vibe.

Can you say the same at your Teens friends house after school?

Not IN the Vibe! But as a parent of now-grown kids who cruised Disney as teens, I have to say I'm pretty shocked at what went on when they SAID they were in the teen clubs.

My kids have seen more of the crew area than any of the rest of us could begin to imagine. They and their friends onboard managed to get alcohol....drugs, I haven't heard any of them admit to ever....and sex? Please! If kids are so-inclined, they'll find a way....whether it's on a ship or at home.

 

[justmestace]

Missing the point??
I guess my objective in booking our Disney cruise was to spend MORE time with my three teenagers and make memories together as a family. I like the idea of kids having an option for a couple of hours a night, but when we are only on the ship for four nights, I would hope they would want to get a good nights sleep in order to enjoy the following days activities??
I think families would value special times together- not send kids away so parents can have a spa day??

EXACTLY!!!!

We had excursions booked in all the ports, always. The kids went with us. In order to get everyone up and out the door to be on time for those, we ALL needed our sleep. There's no reason AT ALL for kids to be out on the ship past midnight. Even now that they have the Wave phones, I don't want my kid out all night and calling and waking me up every half hour.


Sometimes I don't sleep well at night, and I've gotten up and walked the ship after midnight, as has my husband. There is absolutely NOTHING ....NO REASON AT ALL....for kids to be out that late.
We've seen kids out that late, of course. Congregating in the stairwells....they'll say "We're just talking".....HA! Some are, some are a little more "occupied".

 

[justmestace]

One thing I wanted to say also.....a lot of people have said that at 16, these kids are "just a couple of years away from being 18 & therefore adults"....

There is a HUGE amount of maturity yet to be obtained between the ages of 16 and 18. And again another huge amount between 18 and 21.

Almost all 16 year olds are nowhere near being mature enough to handle adult situations.

 

[TXDCLfan]

One thing I wanted to say also.....a lot of people have said that at 16, these kids are "just a couple of years away from being 18 & therefore adults"....

There is a HUGE amount of maturity yet to be obtained between the ages of 16 and 18. And again another huge amount between 18 and 21.

Almost all 16 year olds are nowhere near being mature enough to handle adult situations.

exactly

 

[cgdogs3]

So I think I have read every post here and have had a lot of reservations about posting. I'm going to leave my opinion to myself (especially since I don't have kids so I'm not sure what I would do in this situation). I do have a question though. I'm 22 and look like I'm 16. If I'm out late, say to take pictures of an empty ship), should I be concerned about people telling me I shouldn't be out? I personally think it's up to my parents and grandmom to make that call (whom I will be traveling with very soon!) Thanks! I also appreciate how civil the discussion has generally stayed. Yay!!