Team building or encouraging a clique?

[ozliz]

so recently I have been spending much too much time with teenagers and I have to say sometimes it is a little scary... Surely I wasn't like that?!?

One thing I have noticed in sports is that in doing team building for that elite team and rewarding its members for its success I am starting to see attitudes of 'we're better' in a snobbish way and exclusion of old friends when one makes the higher level team and the other is left behind. While I definitely think that effort and skill should be rewarded, team building should be encouraged, and children shouldn't be cushioned in an 'everyone wins a participation award' type way, I worry that cliques and exclusivity are not encouraging the right values such as respect for all. It is great to give the younger kids something to aspire to but in focusing on the elite (getting better uniforms, more promotion etc) is it encouraging this cliquiness

I say this because I definitely hear some teens in the elite team talking in a mean way about some of the ones who didn't make it. They get together and post lots of selfies in their new uniforms (pretty normal I know) but there are others that are no longer included in the friendship group. While friends do change, it is the attitude around it that worries me.

Thoughts anyone? Do you see the same thing encouraged in sports clubs, especially among teenage girls who tend to be more cliquey? Is it even causing a problem of less accepting and respectful kids or just part of the real world?

 

[mefordis]

I just see this as a part of life. And nothing new. When I was in 7th grade volleyball they allowed everyone to play, but only the top 8 or so players who were any good got the nice uniforms because they were the ones who would actually play.

As far as attitudes and cliques, I see that 40 something year old women can be this way as well.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I don't think (or at least I would hope) it's not actually being encourage by coaches or other adults involved in the team. It's more of an attitude adopted by the kids that the top team is better than the lower teams. It's certainly nothing new, it's just perpetuated more and more because of the availability of social media. There were certainly cliques and hierarchies when I was in high school. The varsity cheerleaders didn't hang around with the JV squad. The popular crowd tended to center around the best football players and only the "elite" few were allowed in.

It's certainly not the most desirable behavior. It would be nice if everyone could be accepting and encouraging of everyone else, no matter where they "ranked." However, think of it this way. The teen years are confusing, exhilarating, horrifying, treacherous, fun, and frightening all at once. Kids are trying to assert their independence and find where they fit in whether it be a sports team, cheerleading, band, etc. This attitude of "we're better than you" is pretty natural at that time in life as they struggle with social politics and not wanting to feel inadequate. Eventually, I think most teens grow out of this stage. Some don't give a rip what others think of them and just choose not to get involved. It all evens out in the end, and hopefully the kids learn from these experiences as they move toward adulthood.

 

[okeydokey]

My kids are both in band and there are different levels of band outside of marching season. Most kids in the lower level aspire to be in the upper level so they increase their dedication and practice to achieve that. The kids in the upper band never look down on those who are still in the lower band. They really consider them all a big band family and wouldn't treat each other so badly.

 

[DeaverTex]

It's sad, but they might as well get used to this sort of behavior. They're going to experience it for the rest of their lives. Those who excel quickly learn to despise those don't, because if they don't, then they won't fit into their new peer group. And by the way, all too often, coaches do encourage this sort of elitism.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

I think there has always been these types of cliques in various forms. However, with social media, it is more obvious

 

[low-key]

my work keeps making all of us go to team building classes, we all think its dumb

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I have lots of opinions on this subject, so let the flaming begin. I think that hyper-competitive sports for kids are a huge waste of time. I told my kids when they were younger that when you are 30, no one will care if you sucked at softball, or soccer, cheer leading, or whatever. There is no future in these things, unless you are one of the tiny percentage of elite athletes who make a living off of their sport. I encouraged them to study and develop their interests and talents.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing for kids to play sports, it can be a great experience if it is teaching the right values. If it is teaching elitism and exclusion, it could be harmful (all I can think of right now is the movie Dodgeball, a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation!).

 

[sam_gordon]

I have lots of opinions on this subject, so let the flaming begin. I think that hyper-competitive sports for kids are a huge waste of time. I told my kids when they were younger that when you are 30, no one will care if you sucked at softball, or soccer, cheer leading, or whatever. There is no future in these things, unless you are one of the tiny percentage of elite athletes who make a living off of their sport. I encouraged them to study and develop their interests and talents.

For many kids though, sports IS their "interest and talent". My DS is still (age 12) convinced he's going to be a professional soccer player. But he could be a coach (youth or school), an administrator, a referee, a sports trainer, or any of the many associated professionals. Or he can continue to play just for fun. A "waste of time"? When we're "grasping our pearls" because kids are spending more time in front of a screen, I would think anything that gets kids active (that they like to do and are willing to do) is a good thing. It also teaches them teamwork, leadership skills, and discipline.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing for kids to play sports, it can be a great experience if it is teaching the right values. If it is teaching elitism and exclusion, it could be harmful (all I can think of right now is the movie Dodgeball, a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation!).

THAT I will agree with. But I don't think sports is teaching them elitism and exclusion, it's the adults surrounding them. It can easily happen in band or choir ("Isn't it great you got a solo, you're SO much better than everyone else."), art ("What a beautiful painting, it needs to be front and center at the school"), academics ("Great job on that test, I'm sure it was easy. All those other kids had to work hard and couldn't get the A++++ that you got"), among others.

My kids don't participate in sports because they're going to make a career at it, they do it because they enjoy it.

 

[tippity]

I hate team building

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I can't seem to get the quote function to work right. Anyway, Sam Gordon, I didn't not mean to say that your kid playing soccer is a waste of time. I should have worded things differently. I think it's great for a kid to play a sport that they love.

 

[MrsDuck]

Team building is one of my personal circles of hell.

I don't think it causes cliques but it certainly causes eye rolling on my part!

 

[Bec3b1g]

I have lots of opinions on this subject, so let the flaming begin. I think that hyper-competitive sports for kids are a huge waste of time. I told my kids when they were younger that when you are 30, no one will care if you sucked at softball, or soccer, cheer leading, or whatever. There is no future in these things, unless you are one of the tiny percentage of elite athletes who make a living off of their sport. I encouraged them to study and develop their interests and talents.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing for kids to play sports, it can be a great experience if it is teaching the right values. If it is teaching elitism and exclusion, it could be harmful (all I can think of right now is the movie Dodgeball, a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation!).

So many good things have come out of sports for my kids. With anything, there has been some bad mixed in with the good, but it's been overwhelmingly positive.

As far as elitism or exclusion, my kids have never experienced it. There are no cut teams for every ability level if that's a problem for you.