Teaching at your child's school or having a friend / neighbor as your child's teacher - thoughts?

[itutorfortravel]

Thank you to all who offered encouragement and support! I got this

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would sit with your dd and tell her that you cannot include 15 names on the list. Just be honest.

As far as your dd, I would tell her not to worry and everything will be OK.

 

[itutorfortravel]

I would sit with your dd and tell her that you cannot include 15 names on the list. Just be honest.

Thank you!

 

[kmb584]

I second @The Mystery Machine. Sit down with your daughter and let her know that a list of 15 isn't possible.

I grew up in a very small town and each year I had at least one teacher that was a friend's parent. If anything, we were more well-behaved than usual because we knew Mr./Mrs. as "A's" dad/mom. No one flung a bad grade in anyone's face either. I truly think everything will be fine once the school year starts and your daughter realizes that there's nothing to be anxious or worried about.

 

[morgan98]

OP, my freshman and sophomore years of high school I went to school where my mom taught. Eight years later and a different high school my brother spent all four years at the school where my mom taught. No big deal, really. My mom was professional enough to deal with teaching a few of our friends and we trusted that she would do so.

This was my mothers job and we did not put demands on her. This was her business. Tell your daughter she is stressing over nothing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you for the encouragement! Have you been in this kind of situation? Just wondered what your thoughts were (or might be) if you were me OR if you were the parent of one of my child's friends? Her anxiety over it is honestly beginning to make me feel skittish...

Not a teacher but a parent of two girls, 24 and 18 with anxiety issues. So plenty of experience dealing with that condition.

The best thing you can do for her is to reassure her everything will be fine. Then do not talk about it with her.

If she brings up something, you tell her that you will handle it and everything will be fine. The goal here for your dd is to feel comfortable that you will handle it as a professional.

 

[spacemountainmom]

This is not up to your daughter. She is a child. I certainly would not quit a job because my daughter was obsessing over issues that will likely never materialize.

I worked at a middle school while my son was a student and high school while my daughter and son both were students. I am not a teacher, but work in a disciplinary area. I not only dealt with students who knew my kids, I dealt with some of their friends as well. I've also dealt with many students who are the children of my acquaintances and friends. It's never been an issue. I'll admit that I used to worry that kids would "retaliate" against my kids, but it's never happened.

I know both of my kids have had other kids say to them, "your mom got me in trouble!" Their response has always been that they are pretty sure the kid must have done something to warrant the trouble. They just laugh and move on. The few times that happened, it was mostly in jest.

I would tell your daughter that it is not possible for you to exclude so many kids and explain to her that you are not anticipating any issues that will impact her. If it happens, then deal with it. I'm guessing it likely won't be a problem.

 

[gwynne]

This is not up to your daughter. She is a child. I certainly would not quit a job because my daughter was obsessing over issues that will likely never materialize.

I worked at a middle school while my son was a student and high school while my daughter and son both were students. I am not a teacher, but work in a disciplinary area. I not only dealt with students who knew my kids, I dealt with some of their friends as well. I've also dealt with many students who are the children of my acquaintances and friends. It's never been an issue. I'll admit that I used to worry that kids would "retaliate" against my kids, but it's never happened.

I know both of my kids have had other kids say to them, "your mom got me in trouble!" Their response has always been that they are pretty sure the kid must have done something to warrant the trouble. They just laugh and move on. The few times that happened, it was mostly in jest.

I would tell your daughter that it is not possible for you to exclude so many kids and explain to her that you are not anticipating any issues that will impact her. If it happens, then deal with it. I'm guessing it likely won't be a problem.

ITA. And I am really surprised an 8th grade child would be involved in drafting an "exclude" list. Maybe I'm missing something, but that could be misinterpreted a lot of ways by other parents/kids.
I think if a short list like that is necessary, it would very quietly be made between the teacher and administration only. No child involvement at all.

 

[Nohal]

Since you will be teaching 8th graders a high school math I think that the kids in that class would be more advanced and that maybe their wouldn't be any drama. I also wonder how many kids are in the 8th grade around here it would be at least 200 in that case I would dwindly down from 15. I feel for both of you as I can see both yours and your daughters points. Good luck.

 

[Kimberle]

Two of my dd's best friends Mom's taught in their middle school. One Spanish, the other French. Most of the friend "group" had the French teaching Mom as she was the only French teacher. They all got along great. She was a great teacher and very fair with her students. They didn't have the Spanish teacher as they didn't take Spanish. I am also friends with both Mom's.

It was never an "issue" with anyone. They were great teachers who respected their students and were fair with all.

 

[J.C.&ALI'SMOM]

I had my father as a teacher in 7th grade! We changed classes and he was the only science teacher. There was no changing. It sounds like a tween's fear of embarrassment by parents. Just let it slide, do not transfer. This is a learning opportunity on how we can't change everything we want to.

I work in the public schools as an SLP. I have worked with several of my girls' friends and there has never been an issue.

 

[itutorfortravel]

ITA. And I am really surprised an 8th grade child would be involved in drafting an "exclude" list. Maybe I'm missing something, but that could be misinterpreted a lot of ways by other parents/kids.
I think if a short list like that is necessary, it would very quietly be made between the teacher and administration only. No child involvement at all.

Thank you!

 

[Skywalker]

I am surprised you are letting your daughter's attitude become a real "thing" for you. My child would not be micro-managing my career. You just have to be a parent and say this is my job and I will handle it just fine.

One year my friend's mom was my teacher, and I was also in class with another kid whose mother was the teacher. Maybe some slight awkwardness in the first couple of days until everyone realized this was just business as usual.

 

[morgan98]

Thanks for your POV. Goodness no, she is not making the list! I guess I am just sensitive to her feelings since I came on her turf vs the other way around, so I started the conversation with her not really anticipating the response I got!

OP, I get that you are trying to be sensitive to her feelings, but this really is not her issue. This is your career and part of the family's financial well being. I just think people were reacting to your first post when you said you may either consider a transfer or even being a sub for a year and giving up potential retirement benefits. That is what has people thinking that your daughter has too much influence over the situation.

Like I said, when we went to the same school as where my mom taught, we understood that first and foremost it was her job and it would all be okay. This is actually a fairly common situation for teachers, administrators and students.

I am not even going to get into the story where my mom (a French teacher) taught my brother and he got a D for one quarter!

 

[Nettester]

The only person I would ask to be excused from having in class would my own DD. Your DD should not get to create a list of other kids banned from your class. I think the principal also went a little overboard asking you for a few names of kids you'd rather not teach. Give your DD back her list because it is NOT her place to have this kind of influence in class distribution. I don't think it matters if there are 3 names or 15. It just isn't her call. Or your call either. Your boss was being nice to try and alleviate your anxiety, but I think you should tell your daughter and your boss that you'll handle any students placed in your class as a professional. Your DD will have more anxiety if she senses YOUR anxiety. Play it cool and don't give the issue more attention.

 

[DVSea]

z

 

[tnkr_bell]

I went to high school where my dad taught math. I never had him as a teacher, but some of my friends did. It was never a big deal. I'm sure it helped that he was a well liked teacher, but either way it was never an issue.

 

[itutorfortravel]

I just wanted to thank everyone who offered encouragement and support and who understands the complex feelings I have over this situation. We will figure it out!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My dad was my PE teacher for grades K-6, and my track coach for all of HS. Was no big deal. DW is the clerk where my daughters went/go to elementary school. They love having her there.

 

[Skywalker]

Why did you delete your post OP? Now I understand why people have "the rule" lol. Oh well