Suggestions for dealing with school

[EACarlson]

I need help figuring out the best way to speak to the administration of my kids' school. Today for the second time in the last few weeks my older son was sent to the nurse for a nosebleed. The first one was somewhat of an issue because he ended up with quite a bit of blood on his shirt that they made him change it. Today's wasn't as bad and stopped almost immediately after he got to the nurse. Am I out of line for thinking that they should have contacted us to let us know that happened? Compounding the issue is that about two months ago my younger son broke his arm at school before lunch and they never contacted us about it. We knew nothing until we picked him up from latchkey and he was crying his arm hurt so much. How do I tactfully suggest to the principal and district administration that maybe they should be contacting the parents in these situations? The only time I've heard anything from them was when my older son got so overheated in gym he threw up. And that was only because I had to go pick him up.

 

[smokeyblue]

I need help figuring out the best way to speak to the administration of my kids' school. Today for the second time in the last few weeks my older son was sent to the nurse for a nosebleed. The first one was somewhat of an issue because he ended up with quite a bit of blood on his shirt that they made him change it. Today's wasn't as bad and stopped almost immediately after he got to the nurse. Am I out of line for thinking that they should have contacted us to let us know that happened? Compounding the issue is that about two months ago my younger son broke his arm at school before lunch and they never contacted us about it. We knew nothing until we picked him up from latchkey and he was crying his arm hurt so much. How do I tactfully suggest to the principal and district administration that maybe they should be contacting the parents in these situations? The only time I've heard anything from them was when my older son got so overheated in gym he threw up. And that was only because I had to go pick him up.

No tact required. Just plainly say you expect to be called and do it in writing, preferably via email. Regardless of your approach, you are going to get a carefully worded response crafted by their attorney because of the broken arm.

 

[mmbrad02]

Wow! I would definitely be reaching out. Our daughters school contacted us when she busted her chin in PE, immediately, and also called us when she got stung on the playground. I couldn't imagine the lack of communication honestly.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Is there a reason you haven’t talked to the nurse directly to try to understand what their policies are?

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

Bloody noses regularly happen for some people so I wouldn't expect to be called for that. I had them pretty often growing up and it was pretty much just a matter of waiting at the nurse's office until it stopped and then back to class.

The broken arm... did your son go to the nurse's office for that one? That would be a real injury worthy of a phone call.

 

[MillauFr]

I'm with Smokey on this one. Most situations require tact. This is not one of them. I understand schools are dealing with far more than they should these days but a broken arm and nothing? Not acceptable.

 

[glss1/2fll]

As someone who works in a school office, we've had students break bones and not known it. We knew they hurt themselves, but the pain didn't start until the swelling was several hours underway. By then they're home.

We rarely call parents for nosebleeds, even if we have to trade out clothes.

We call home if there will be a mark or they hit their head super hard and concussion is a possibility. Calls for anything less happen only if we're not super overwhelmed or we know the family and know they want a call.

For sure contact the nurse and the administrator. Be polite and tell them what your expectations are. It's an easy fix from.

 

[EACarlson]

Is there a reason you haven’t talked to the nurse directly to try to understand what their policies are?

One nurse for three schools, so who knows where they are at any given time. We also as parents were not allowed into the building until last week. I'm currently working on an email to the nurse, principal and district official in charge of the nurses. My wife told me I can't send it until after she reads it tomorrow.

Bloody noses regularly happen for some people so I wouldn't expect to be called for that. I had them pretty often growing up and it was pretty much just a matter of waiting at the nurse's office until it stopped and then back to class.

The broken arm... did your son go to the nurse's office for that one? That would be a real injury worthy of a phone call.

He did, was sent back to class for the second half of the day, and then 2.5 hours at latchkey.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't think bloody noses would require a call to parents (unless it was a result of a fight). The broken arm, yes, they should have called. BUT, was it obvious the arm was broken? I'm not sure what "latchkey" is, but if it's another organization (ie: not at the school) and he was there for 2 1/2 hours and no one suspected it was broken, maybe it wasn't obvious? Just saying "my arm hurts" isn't enough of a clue.

Since this is really only one incident (the broken arm... I don't think the bloody noses count), I would give them the benefit of the doubt and they didn't know the arm was broken. Now sure, maybe get in touch with the nurse/administrator and find out what happened with the arm... did he fall? What care did they give him? What did they think the diagnosis was? But does it need to be done in an "attacking" mode? I don't think so. Why did you not reach out to the school the day after the broken arm to find out what happened? You're going to wait two months and then complain?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Was there a reason why the discussion didn't occur when your son broke his arm? That was 2 months ago and would have prompted a contact right there or should have. I'm not necessarily thinking the school would have known your son actually broke his arm but injuries should prompt something ya know.

You don't have to be tactful as that implies the need for awareness in sensitivity, this is just a parent matter of factly (although calmly) talking to the school about communication.

I do agree about the bloody nose not necessarily on its own need a parental contact but I think after the 2nd time when there isn't a pre-existing known condition should also prompt just a heads up to a parent because it could warrant a quick check up with the doctors.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Bloody noses regularly happen for some people so I wouldn't expect to be called for that. I had them pretty often growing up and it was pretty much just a matter of waiting at the nurse's office until it stopped and then back to class.

The broken arm... did your son go to the nurse's office for that one? That would be a real injury worthy of a phone call.

My sister was like that too however they were aware of her past on that. If I up and suddenly had 2 nosebleeds when I didn't before it would have been been cause for a quick "hey just to let you know" because I was not at all prone to nose bleeds. I've had maybe 5 or 6 in my entire life whereas my sister could have that in less than 6 months growing up.

 

[HsvTeacher]

I am a school principal, and I expect our school nurse to call parents if there is an injury or blood involved.

I hope that a parent would reach out to me to find out why they were not notified. If the nurse does not deem it necessary, I would address it with her. If it does not seem to be a school policy to notify parents, I would tell the administrator you expect to be contacted in the future. There also needs to be a policy change, too.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

One nurse for three schools, so who knows where they are at any given time. We also as parents were not allowed into the building until last week. I'm currently working on an email to the nurse, principal and district official in charge of the nurses. My wife told me I can't send it until after she reads it tomorrow.

He did, was sent back to class for the second half of the day, and then 2.5 hours at latchkey.

I’m just thinking that a discussion with the nurse might help explain the why (and eliminate the middle man, unless the middle man becomes necessary). I always appreciated having a good rapport with my kids’ school nurses so talking directly to them was the norm for me. (I am also a nurse so we speak the same language.)

It does seem concerning that the arm wasn’t something that prompted a call. I remember getting a call one day when my DS was pushed on the stairs in middle school and injured his arm. She had me come get him and take him to our doctor’s for an XRay, which I did. It wasn’t broken, but she was adamant about my taking him, even when I myself wasn’t sure it was really necessary. (Full disclosure I worked in a major pediatric ER for several years and as a camp nurse, but not as a school nurse. I know the role has evolved a lot and things can be crazy busy from what my school nurse friends tell me. Not saying that should excuse anyone from not calling for something that warrants a call, but I’d also want to know what her day is like, ie is the workload actually manageable? Did I read she is covering three schools? If you find out that’s an issue, maybe that’s something that needs to be addressed with administration.)

Your post made me chuckle remembering a case that we had hanging in the back room of the pedi ER. The doctor had diagnosed the nose bleed as being as a result of ‘picking’. How’d he know? Simple detective work - doc noticed blood on the child’s index finger, lol. I’m pretty sure that nosebleeds in kids are fairly common, but if someone had a medical condition documented in their medical history on file where bleeding could be a problem, that would be a different story.

 

[QueenIsabella]

How old are your children? An older child--say, high school age--I would expect him to speak up and say, "No, my arm really hurts when I touch it or move it" or something like that.

In elementary school, the nurse always called for injuries (or potential injuries--like the time my son slid down the climbing nets in gym class).

Given that your son got through the school day, and then after care, without a complaint, I don't know what more the school could have done. They can't send a kid to the ER for every bump or bruise. I will tell you, I've dealt with 3 broken arms over the years. In all three cases I had, at least, it was very obvious, immediately, that something was very wrong. Only in one case could we actually see the broken bone, but the child's actions/reactions made it clear that there was an issue.

Editing to clarify: that was three broken arms among my four children. I'm a former EMT, and dealt with plenty of broken bones in my duties. But there, we'd treat everything as broken and send them off to the hospital. With my kids, I know them well enough to notice personality changes due to an injury.

 

[Minnesota!]

Nose - no, I wouldn't expect a call.

Arm - maybe? My kid broke his and you wouldn't know. I mean, he fell and got hurt and babied it a bit, but still used it. We took him in late that night since it was still bugging him. I think the only time I would have expected a call is for a fight or if the kid had been hurt/sick enough to need to be picked up

 

[Southernmiss]

Nosebleeds were common in our family. No big deal.

The arm, maybe it didn't bother your son until late in the day.

My question, what about your email would cause your wife to say wait before you send it? What is your wife's take on these situations?

 

[mjkacmom]

Email the nurse if you want to be called. I know so many parents whose kids broke bones and they didn’t realize it for days. I wouldn’t expect a call over a nosebleed. I wouldn’t escalate this to the administration.

 

[EACarlson]

Was there a reason why the discussion didn't occur when your son broke his arm?

My wife tries to avoid confrontation if at all possible. Even when she knows that she shouldn't. Many times I deal with it for her or can convince her she needs to. This one she would not allow me to go in and speak with them.

I'm not sure what "latchkey" is, but if it's another organization (ie: not at the school) and he was there for 2 1/2 hours and no one suspected it was broken, maybe it wasn't obvious?

Latchkey is a generic term for after school childcare. At least it was in the '80s, maybe it's been replaced with something else. The YMCA sends a couple of 19 year old college students to the school to make sure 30 or so elementary school kids don't kill each other. They knew he was hurt, but didn't call because he came to them like that and told them he had been to see the nurse then sent back to class.

Nosebleeds were common in our family. No big deal.

The arm, maybe it didn't bother your son until late in the day.

My question, what about your email would cause your wife to say wait before you send it? What is your wife's take on these situations?

I have a history of getting upset and losing all tact and decorum. The words that were used in my exclamations about the school would get me kicked right off the DIS. She's pissed but so afraid of confrontation that she doesn't want a direct answer. She wants to ask some people she knows the next time she sees them in person what they think the policy is.

 

[kanerf]

Sending a carefully worded request from your attorney might result in a better response.

 

[mom2rtk]

My wife tries to avoid confrontation if at all possible. Even when she knows that she shouldn't. Many times I deal with it for her or can convince her she needs to. This one she would not allow me to go in and speak with them.

Latchkey is a generic term for after school childcare. At least it was in the '80s, maybe it's been replaced with something else. The YMCA sends a couple of 19 year old college students to the school to make sure 30 or so elementary school kids don't kill each other. They knew he was hurt, but didn't call because he came to them like that and told them he had been to see the nurse then sent back to class.

I have a history of getting upset and losing all tact and decorum. The words that were used in my exclamations about the school would get me kicked right off the DI. She's pissed but so afraid of confrontation that she doesn't want a direct answer. She wants to ask some people she knows the next time she sees them in person what they think the policy is.

Oof, hate how this system won't let you edit a reply you are responding to if you only want to reply to part of it.

I get how some people don't like confrontations. Sounds like you are working as a team and you are trying to step in when necessary. But your wife needs to be careful she isn't teaching your son that all confrontation is bad and to be avoided. Maybe he didn't tell anyone his arm hurt so much because he knew it would precipitate some sort of confrontation. He needs to learn when to stand up and say something and when to quietly try to avoid it.

My son's arm was broken by another child on the playground. (Picked up by a larger child and dropped to the ground). I raised holy Hell. The school ended up paying all of our medical expenses not covered by insurance (although breakdown of safety was obviously my primary concern).