Suggestions for baby shower gifts? (2nd baby)

[laurajetter]

I wasn't expecting nor necessarily wanting a baby shower for my second baby but my mom said she and my sister decided that they wanted to throw one. I know how she goes all out for these things, gets herself all exhausted making tons of food, etc. and I told her I didn't really need one since I have most everything, especially since I'll be having another boy at the same time of year. She was saying how I should use it as an opportunity to get some gifts that could help me out (she's probably thinking about the fact that we are tight on money since I've been laid off). The other thing is, our house is small and we don't have much space for a bunch of new stuff (although new things are always fun to have!); as it is, we're trying to majorly declutter our house to make room.

I told her if she has one I'd really want to keep it low-key, and maybe not invite as many people as we did the first time. Even though we're not agreed on that issue at the moment, I would at least like to mention in the invitation that if they choose to bring gifts that the items I am most in need of are x, y and z. The problem is, I'm really having trouble thinking of what items to write.

I know there are probably things you can always use or having replacements would be helpful, but I'm having trouble thinking back and wanted some suggestions. The only thing I can think of is socks... we were always running out of socks! The trouble is we do quite a bit of natural parenting which would probably make it hard for others to shop for us. For instance, we will be cloth diapering so getting a bunch of disposables won't help us that much. We don't use pacifiers and such... I just can't think of other useful items to tell people (although I'm sure we're forgetting some things that I'll probably realize later would've been nice to have new).

Does anyone have suggestions of what might be helpful the second time around?

 

[Bren's Mom]

How about a diaper shower? For sure you're going to need those! And they're generally easy to exchange for different sizes if you get a few packages too many of one size or another.

 

[Laura]

I wasn't expecting nor necessarily wanting a baby shower for my second baby but my mom said she and my sister decided that they wanted to throw one. I know how she goes all out for these things, gets herself all exhausted making tons of food, etc. and I told her I didn't really need one since I have most everything, especially since I'll be having another boy at the same time of year. She was saying how I should use it as an opportunity to get some gifts that could help me out (she's probably thinking about the fact that we are tight on money since I've been laid off). The other thing is, our house is small and we don't have much space for a bunch of new stuff (although new things are always fun to have!); as it is, we're trying to majorly declutter our house to make room.

I told her if she has one I'd really want to keep it low-key, and maybe not invite as many people as we did the first time. Even though we're not agreed on that issue at the moment, I would at least like to mention in the invitation that if they choose to bring gifts that the items I am most in need of are x, y and z. The problem is, I'm really having trouble thinking of what items to write.

I know there are probably things you can always use or having replacements would be helpful, but I'm having trouble thinking back and wanted some suggestions. The only thing I can think of is socks... we were always running out of socks! The trouble is we do quite a bit of natural parenting which would probably make it hard for others to shop for us. For instance, we will be cloth diapering so getting a bunch of disposables won't help us that much. We don't use pacifiers and such... I just can't think of other useful items to tell people (although I'm sure we're forgetting some things that I'll probably realize later would've been nice to have new).

Does anyone have suggestions of what might be helpful the second time around?

Here's a checklist to get you thinking: http://www.mybabyconnection.com/Checklist.html

 

[laurajetter]

How about a diaper shower? For sure you're going to need those! And they're generally easy to exchange for different sizes if you get a few packages too many of one size or another.

That would be a good suggestion for most people but we're going to be cloth diapering and although there might be a few minimal instances we might use a disposable, I don't want to be stuck with tons of packages of disposables, what we were trying to avoid in the first place. I hate to seem unappreciative if people were to do that, yet it just won't fit our lifestyle and I'd hate for people to spend money on something we really won't use.

 

[mickeyboat]

My initial suggestion would have been diapers, too, but since you aren't using disposables, that's a no go.

My suggestion would be for books and clothes. You can never have too many books - maybe ask that each person bring their favorite childhood book. It can even be for an older child to save for later, and share with siblings. As for clothes, I know you probably think you have enough, and you probably do. But it is nice to have #2 have some of his own outfits, instead of every time you put something on #2, thinking back on what it was like on #1.

I also had two children, same sex, born at the same time of the year. They ended up being wildly different sizes, though, so new clothing was nice to have. There were also a few things we didn't have the first time around that were nice to have with #2 - like a bouncy seat.

Good luck, and congrats!

 

[Nancyg56]

I am not trying to be rude, I really am interested in the answer. Are showers for second babies normal in your circle? The reason I ask is that you really do not seem to need anything, you are having a baby of the same sex in the same season and are challenged for space.

Under these circumstances I would think showering for the second baby is a little overkill unless your family celebrates every baby this way. People will bring a gift when they visit if they choose but an invitation is not easy to get out of. I know folks say "Just decline." but that is not always as easy as it sounds and asking people to bring gifts that you do not need and really do not want could be misconstrued.

I think that if my Mom really wanted to celebrate the birth of a new baby I would ask her to make it a party and make sure that she let people know that you do not need gifts. This would take the pressure off of family and friends whose finances are as stretched as yours are.

 

[MegaDisney]

I am not trying to be rude, I really am interested in the answer. Are showers for second babies normal in your circle? The reason I ask is that you really do not seem to need anything, you are having a baby of the same sex in the same season and are challenged for space.

Under these circumstances I would think showering for the second baby is a little overkill unless your family celebrates every baby this way. People will bring a gift when they visit if they choose but an invitation is not easy to get out of. I know folks say "Just decline." but that is not always as easy as it sounds and asking people to bring gifts that you do not need and really do not want could be misconstrued.

I think that if my Mom really wanted to celebrate the birth of a new baby I would ask her to make it a party and make sure that she let people know that you do not need gifts. This would take the pressure off of family and friends whose finances are as stretched as yours are.

Completely agree with this. Also, there really is no polite way to ask for specific gifts. It's tacky to even mention them in the invite.

 

[mickeyboat]

Completely agree with this. Also, there really is no polite way to ask for specific gifts. It's tacky to even mention them in the invite.

Yes, I agree with this. What you need should be spread by word of mouth.

 

[Piecey]

How about a "baby care" shower...

Things like wipes, soap, shampoo, laundry detergent..?

If you don't want a lot of people, that should work.

 

[fussymonkey]

Also, there really is no polite way to ask for specific gifts. It's tacky to even mention them in the invite.

I think this depends on the customs of your area. I have never yet received a shower invitation that didn't include a registry card. For all that its supposedly 'tacky' its dang convienant to know what a person could use, what they need, would enjoy having. I don't feel obligated to stick to the registry- its just a suggestion. What would be considered tacky around here would be for the recipient to receive a gift that isn't on the registry and to return it.

In this economy I think its a little odd to have a shower for a second baby that this circumstance. Several of my friends have had showers for second babies, but usually when the child is born many, many years after the elder children and the mother no longer has any baby stuff. I like your mom's enthuasiam, but maybe you can redirect it into something less 'gifty'? Like maybe she can just have a meet-the-baby party after the baby is born, or host the lunch after the christening, etc.

OP, if have a shower you must, what if your mom made the theme "home made welcome" and ask the guest to bring something handmade to the shower? The gifts I treasured the most were the ones that friends and family members made for my children.

 

[laurajetter]

I think this depends on the customs of your area. I have never yet received a shower invitation that didn't include a registry card. For all that its supposedly 'tacky' its dang convienant to know what a person could use, what they need, would enjoy having. I don't feel obligated to stick to the registry- its just a suggestion. What would be considered tacky around here would be for the recipient to receive a gift that isn't on the registry and to return it.

In this economy I think its a little odd to have a shower for a second baby that this circumstance. Several of my friends have had showers for second babies, but usually when the child is born many, many years after the elder children and the mother no longer has any baby stuff. I like your mom's enthuasiam, but maybe you can redirect it into something less 'gifty'? Like maybe she can just have a meet-the-baby party after the baby is born, or host the lunch after the christening, etc.

OP, if have a shower you must, what if your mom made the theme "home made welcome" and ask the guest to bring something handmade to the shower? The gifts I treasured the most were the ones that friends and family members made for my children.

In our area I don't think there is necessarily one accepted custom regarding second baby showers. For the most part, I think the majority don't from what I've seen, yet two of my close friends did have a shower for their second but I think those were because the host insisted on throwing one.

The only reason I mentioned including gift ideas on the invite is because one of my friends (mentioned above) who was in the same situation had her evite worded very strategically. She has a way about her as being super-friendly, appreciative, etc. She somehow worded it to say in as tactful way as possible that her relative really wanted to throw her a second shower however since they already had many of the items they need, if we choose to bring a gift then the most useful items would be diapers in all sizes or gift cards to Target or Home Depot since they were still working on decorating/furnishing the baby's bedroom. I guess I didn't see it as being tacky because of the way she worded it (probably a lot better than I just did!) and it also gave everyone an idea of what they actually needed when I'm sure everyone was wondering.

However, now that I'm in that position I can't help feeling a little tacky about it. My mom claims that nowadays people are having second baby showers all the time. I did think about the idea someone mentioned of just having a celebration without gifts, but I know my mom; I don't think that she'd be super keen on throwing a party just to throw one and not have the guests bring gifts. Ugh, I guess a lot of it comes down to family dynamics! I don't want to burst her bubble or seem unappreciative of what she's trying to do for me, yet I need to have this done as tactfully as possible. I will probably talk to her soon about maybe not having it. I already mentioned it but she seemed to think it was no problem at all.

Another issue is I'd rather not invite any of my friends since for the most part none of them had second showers except for the two I mentioned, but the problem is in each of those cases I was unable to attend theirs; I don't feel comfortable inviting them. My mom thinks I should invite some of them. She already has a number of people she wants to invite (her friends, members from our mutual church group, etc.). For me, that's enough without adding my friends but I know she will try to convince me otherwise. I feel like this is opening a giant can of worms... I hope I can make her see my point of view without hurting her feelings.

 

[scrapquilter]

gift certificates for take out!

 

[hoosll]

There's a great gadget called "itsben" (Sp?), it keeps track of how long it's been since you fed, changed, etc., the baby.

I'e given it to a couple of second baby mothers as it is so easy to get distracted by child#1 ... also great for passing child off to SO or babysitter.

Get a big bottle of Dreft, twilight turtle nightlight with stars, lulllaby CD (heartbeat therapy is a great one), Baby 411 (new edition).

 

[ksjayhawks]

Actually if mom is throwing the shower it should really be a family event (etiquette wise) and also, second showers are usually not done except for very, very special reasons.

However, since a shower is a gift giving occasion, most of the time there will be registry information on the invitation such as " registered at xxx and yyy." or a registry card included. That gives people ideas as to things you need. Does it mean that they will always buy these things, no. You cannot tell gift givers what to give, that is rude, so I would not list on the invitation to only bring x,y,z. Why don't you go to Walmart, Target, whatever is in your area and make a list of things you would need such as cloth diapers, socks, baby care items--soaps, shampoos, etc? That will help guide them. Some guests will give clothes, of course, which you could need depending on new baby's size.

Or as suggested have a theme such as "baby care". If you do get disposable diapers, you can always return them or donate them to a good cause.

Or, have your mom and sis take the money they would spend on the shower and have a shopping day with you instead to get the things that you need. People who want to give a gift will do so after the baby is born.

Or, as mentioned have a meet the baby party after the baby is born. Gifts are optional for this type of party.

As for your friends, if you don't want them added to the list, tell your mom "no" and stick to it. It sounds like she is planning a rather large affair for your second shower. Good luck!

 

[englishteacha]

Second showers aren't common here unless the baby is born much later than the siblings. My mom was given a shower when I was born...16 years after my brother and sister (they're twins).

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with others that gift suggestions should not be in the invitation and should be word of mouth if asked. That said here are things I have given for second (and third, etc.) babies:

*baby book
*scrap book with premade pages for early years
*basket of bath items (baby soap and lotion ,etc plus a few new wash cloths and a hooded towel)
*matched outfits (shirts or ball caps, etc) for baby and older sibling
*gift card for new family to go out to dinner or order meal in while adjusting to having another baby
*good CD with "baby music" (Kenny Loggins, Jack Johnson, etc.)

 

[Nancyg56]

However, now that I'm in that position I can't help feeling a little tacky about it. My mom claims that nowadays people are having second baby showers all the time. I did think about the idea someone mentioned of just having a celebration without gifts, but I know my mom; I don't think that she'd be super keen on throwing a party just to throw one and not have the guests bring gifts. Ugh, I guess a lot of it comes down to family dynamics! I don't want to burst her bubble or seem unappreciative of what she's trying to do for me, yet I need to have this done as tactfully as possible. I will probably talk to her soon about maybe not having it. I already mentioned it but she seemed to think it was no problem at all.

Another issue is I'd rather not invite any of my friends since for the most part none of them had second showers except for the two I mentioned, but the problem is in each of those cases I was unable to attend theirs; I don't feel comfortable inviting them. My mom thinks I should invite some of them. She already has a number of people she wants to invite (her friends, members from our mutual church group, etc.). For me, that's enough without adding my friends but I know she will try to convince me otherwise. I feel like this is opening a giant can of worms... I hope I can make her see my point of view without hurting her feelings.

I know that your Mom is trying to be helpful but be aware that there will be people who will find this invitation tacky, especially if it is not just close family. Also, this is going to open that can....be prepared to be invited to showers that you normally would not be included in... those that your Mom is insisting on inviting. If you do not attend them, unlike the friends whose showers you did not attend prior to this, there will be talk.

If you are already feeling awkward about asking for gifts, and clearly your Mother is looking for gifts for you, perhaps you should give this more thought before giving in. Your Mother is not the only one who is going to need to buy gifts for the showers that are coming up, you will as well.

I look at this like a Tupperware Party. You ask folks to attend, you say they do not need to buy but really...they need to buy. Then you tell them they do not need to book but really...there is free stuff for you if they do. Then you get invited to a slew of Tupperware Parties. You could have bought your own stuff for what you are now spending. And you know that you have to go. They booked off of you for you.

You need to do what you are comfortable with.

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

I'm surprised that some people think it's rude to have a second shower. Our family welcomes every baby, first or fifth. I do think it's rude for any event to ask for gifts, but having a second shower doesn't mean the mom is being greedy or gift hungry. There are those who have the huge second blowout, but OP doesn't seem like she's at BRU with a scanner in hand ready to print out those registry cards.

My sisters and best friends threw me a luncheon and my DSILs had a brunch. I was having another boy and didn't expect one thing from anyone beyond a congrats or maybe a card. I would let them throw you the shower, and ask they keep it simple and not even mention gifts. If people want to bring something special for the baby then they will.

My boys are only 19 months apart so I didn't really need anything beyond diapers and a few minor things. Which is just what I got at the second party, diapers and a few new outfits. My husband's family thought we could use those items most. My sisters and best friends chipped in for a spa day me. The showers would have been just as fun and special without one gift. I was just happy to see everyone so excited about the new life joining our families. Nothing wrong with celebrating that!

Why not just ask them to mention that you're having another boy? Or make the invites specifically boy themed. That way people that want to bring a gift can bring something for a boy.

I hope you have a nice second shower, whatever may come of it.

ETA: No games at either shower, just like JLD mentions below. Easy and simple!

 

[JohnsonsLoveDisney]

I had showers for all 3 of my girls. The first 2 are 5 1/2 years apart and one born in the summer the other winter.

And the 2nd two are 20 months apart, one winter one late fall. So i had pretty much everything i needed. But both family and friends insisted that i have a party.

So we made it a baby "sprinkle". Since i didnt need anything major. It was mostly just an excuse to have everyone over for lunch and relax. To me, it wasnt about gifts. We served a huge luau style lunch, Played NO GAMES. and everyone that wanted to made a scrapbook page or two for the baby. Which was the best gift of all.

On the invites it said "if you choose to you can sprinkle the baby with items such as diapers, baby wipes, bottles, baby shampoo and lotions, diaper cream, pacifiers, socks ( they always seem to get lost in the dryer). But gifts are not necessary.

Most gave small gifts like above, and a few gave things like clothes. They would have done that regardless of the party. All in all it was a fun time to hang with everyone and celebrate the new baby.

I also have a friend that had 4 girls, all 2 years apart and had showers with each one. So its fairly normal around here.

 

[happygirl]

I went to a second baby shower a few weeks ago and it was a scrapbooking party, People brought scrapbooking things for the mom. IT was really neat and different then anything I had ever seen