Stealth Saving

[SophiaG]

I need advice please.
My DH is onboard with the idea of saving, but when it comes to real life saving vs eating out or a new gadget, that all goes out of the window.
Do you have any experience or advice about how to help him get saving rather than spending? For example, I try my best to meal plan and save on groceries accordingly but its not uncommon for him to 'not fancy' whatever is planned and order in instead. I don't want to tell him to stop ordering in, I'd like him to come to that decision by himself.....
We are planning a WDW trip in 2017, so in my mind a meal out near home is a meal less in Disney, but he just looks at me like I'm a bit crazy.

 

[LovesTimone]

You could implement the date night once a week and enjoy dinner out. Tell him Saturday night is date night.

What do you say to him after you gone to all the trouble of planning a meal and cooking and he turns his nose up at it? I would find that selfish and hurtful..

Does he just order out for himself or are you going along with it? If your going along with it, you need to stop and say no, I planned and cooked this meal so this is what I am going to have for dinner.

When planning and budgeting for groceries you could build this into your budgeting so spending less on groceries, and pick one night a week to order in, and tell him, on Thursday night we are going to order in.

Do you have kiddos? This would not be a very good example for them. It sends out a message, If Dad doesn't eat what mom cooks why should we.

Give him so real numbers to look at on what it would cost for the trip. While the numbers for 2017 aren't out yet you could price a trip out and then padded it by 15% or more to make sure your covered. Sticker shock sometimes helps with getting everyone on board with the budget.

 

[BOST99]

This is pretty much me and my DH too before we had kids. We would get home late form work and the last thing I would want to do is cook.

I showed him what we were spending a week/month on take-out (he was buying lunch every day too). That helped put it in perspective but what really helped was setting up a separate bank account that is only for take-out/eating-out. We have a small but realistic amount deducted from his check bi-weekly and that is our take-out/eating-out budget for two weeks. If he uses all the money on buying lunch and we run out before the two weeks is up, then I say no to take-out/eating-outn until he is paid again. If we have extra, I put it into our vacation savings account.

 

[aprilchem]

This is pretty much me and my DH too before we had kids. We would get home late form work and the last thing I would want to do is cook.

I showed him what we were spending a week/month on take-out (he was buying lunch every day too). That helped put it in perspective but what really helped was setting up a separate bank account that is only for take-out/eating-out. We have a small but realistic amount deducted from his check bi-weekly and that is our take-out/eating-out budget for two weeks. If he uses all the money on buying lunch and we run out before the two weeks is up, then I say no to take-out/eating-outn until he is paid again. If we have extra, I put it into our vacation savings account.

We do a variation of this as well. I get DH to agree to a monthly eating out amount at the beginning of each month and then take that out in cash and put it in an envelope. When DH asks to eat out or get takeout I give him the envelope to see if there's enough - if there's not, we don't eat out. It puts into perspective how much we're really spending.

 

[sharona]

Maybe a little more sharing of the meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking responsibilities is in order. If he has input on the menu and is invested in the meal (either cooking or helping cook) then he won't be so likely to decide he wants something else.

 

[Earstou]

Make sure your meal planning includes his favorite foods and then prepare ahead of time with a crock pot. Hard to say "let's order" when your dinner is already sitting there ready!

 

[SophiaG]

What do you say to him after you gone to all the trouble of planning a meal and cooking and he turns his nose up at it? I would find that selfish and hurtful..

Does he just order out for himself or are you going along with it? If your going along with it, you need to stop and say no, I planned and cooked this meal so this is what I am going to have for dinner.

He doesn't say it if I have cooked, this would happen on a day when we both get in at a similar time and I was planning a meal from the freezer or other quick option. I have to confess that I would used to join in (student days) but now I just cook what I had planned for myself leaving him to order for one.

Very occasionally, I do plan for him to order in as he loves curry, and I really can't make myself like it. Plus, as hard as I have tried, apparently I can't make it very well. Maybe I need a cookery school!

We do a variation of this as well. I get DH to agree to a monthly eating out amount at the beginning of each month and then take that out in cash and put it in an envelope. When DH asks to eat out or get takeout I give him the envelope to see if there's enough - if there's not, we don't eat out. It puts into perspective how much we're really spending.

I think this is a great idea, I will try to suggest this, it will help him see that a bit here and a bit there all add up, which I think is the problem. Plus the minimum order values for delivery are a problem.

I'd like to have a similar envelope system for groceries but we do 80% of grocery shopping online so I'm not sure how I could make that work.

 

[Jaime4004]

DH and I take out a certain amount of cash every 2 weeks (payday) for each of us. That money is for eating out, getting gadgets, or whatever. Once it's gone, it's gone and we have to wait til payday again. We occasionally cheat though

 

[virge]

There are many factors that could influence my suggestion so I'll give some background before my suggestion.

My husband doesn't want to follow a budget. We have no debt except for our mortgage & one car loan. We have a good emergency fund, are well covered with insurance, & are putting away for our retirements. We both make a modest salary (low middle income). I take care of all our family's finances & have tried several times to create a family budget to reign in our spending so we could save more for vacations, large household purchases, pay off the car sooner, etc. My husband never complained about it but he just doesn't follow my budgeting requests & spends what he wants (gadgets, eating out, etc). He will only reign in his spending choices when our checking account is low.

I eventually decided we just have different budget ideas. I would rather save for "bigger" things & he would rather spend on everyday treats. I love him more than I love big things so it's not worth fighting about it. My "stealth savings" involves me transferring money into an account in my name at the beginning of each month or when we have extra money (tax refund). My husband knows I have this account & that it is for big family/household purchases. He spends as he wants during the month & stops when I say the checking account is low & we need to watch our spending until the next paycheck.

I don't know your family & situation but perhaps you could just set money into a personal account immediately after you get your paycheck. If the money isn't there your husband can't spend it. (personally, I don't suggest making it a secret though)