My older son is a July baby. He was also in the special ed program from before preschool even. He had to start K on time. It is true that if your child is in special ed, they cannot repeat pre-k for another year, and they must go on to K. This is due to federal funding issues. Pre-K is funded for Special Education through the Federal Government and allows for 2 years of funding per pupil. Beyond that, the funding comes from another source, once they enter Kindergarten. So, it is quite common that special ed kids enter K before they are "ready".
My son is in 3rd grade now. He is struggling with reading as well. He is reading at a mid 2nd grade level, when tested. However, his issue is comprehension and fluency in fiction. He was reading on his own at 3 years old, but he cannot process fiction based stories at all. He can read the words, but he can't answer very simple questions about the stories. However, he can read a book about electricity and circuitry and have no problems understanding that.
He also struggles with independent work and organization. He has ADHD and Autism which is the basis for most of his issues. He is extremely socially immature, and barely talks to anyone at all. He is happy, though, so we don't stress too much about this. He doesn't seem the least bit interested in having social relationships. And, that too, is fine with us.
Of course, if he was only in 2nd grade, he would "appear" to be fine, and right on grade level. However, it would be just an appearance, as he has obvious issues and struggles. Holding him back would not have made much of a difference at all.
The way we see it, grades at this point in time do NOT matter at all. Heck, I don't even remember what kinds of grades I got in elementary school and it really doesn't matter at all until High School, and even then, really only the last two years of HS matter when it comes to higher education. So, for now, we are not even looking at grades as much as making sure he is making FORWARD progress every year. That is, who cares if he is behind in reading, as long as he is making progress. He will never be a reader, like I was. When I was his age, I had read hundreds of chapter books. I read everything I could get my hands on, and then some. But, I certainly wasn't doing advanced math and engineering machines out of Legos at 8.
I think too many parents today focus on making sure their kids are excelling at everything, and they focus too much on their child's weaknesses. It should be the other way around. Focus on their strengths, and use those strengths to solve the problems that come from the areas of weakness.
In our case, we use books about subjects our son is passionate about to work on his reading comprehension. Who cares if he never gets "into" fiction? It's much more valuable for him to be able to understand nonfiction books and reading anyway, isn't it? He only really needs to read fiction through school, and then once he's done with that, he can choose to never read a "story" ever again for all I care. So, we just need to make sure he can get through school and its expectations, while we focus MOST of our attention on making sure he is ready for the REAL world.
OP, it's normal to struggle with school related issues with a special needs kid. It's normal to question everything, and feel like there is more that you can do. You have to listen to your gut. If you really feel that he is NOT in the right place, and school is not good for him, pull him out, or fight for help that you think he should be getting. However, also know that it's OK to have a child that is struggling, and it's OK to have a child who is behind his peers. All kids are different. You have no idea what the other children in his class struggle with, and everyone has something that is hard for them. Try not to do too much of the comparison stuff.
