Spin-Off of Invitation Thread - Destination Weddings

[_19disnA]

There were family members who I found out later were offended that we didn't send out formal invitations and therefore they chose not to come, but it was truly our intention to ensure people did not feel any obligation to be there or send a gift. I felt bad that people were offended.

I think what you decided to do was the right thing. Some would probably act like they were 'offended' no matter you decided. Sometimes family dynamics can be challenging and/or some act like they always want to be in charge.

Relatives of ours were invited to a destinaion wedding of some friends to be held in Mexico. They didn't feel safe traveling there and it sounded like many others felt the same way. If you hold a wedding in a destination location that involves signficant travel, there is likely the chance that some won't be able to attend for any number of reasons. Travel, hotels, meals, etc. can involve quit a bit of expense for an entire family in additon to the cost of a wedding gift.

While the couple is certainly welcome to decide where they want to have their wedding, having it in a distant destination (international or not) will likely mean that some choose not to attend. Factor such as the cost and the overall logistics of travel might make it impractical for some to attend.

 

[Skywalker]

DH and I got married one year ago tomorrow in St. Thomas, so yes it was a destination wedding but it was also an elopement. No guests, not even our kids and we each only told one friend what the plan was. I told a friend because I needed her help with my dress, he told his friend because he can't keep a secret lol. It was SO nice to escape the drama, the guest lists, etc. and just go do what WE wanted to do.

View attachment 749647

Hey! My husband and I did the same , married in St. Thomas just the two of us! Didn't want the whole big thing...it was great.
Happy Anniversary!

 

[marthachick]

When our son and his now wife started planning their wedding they talked about a DW. I told them no matter where they went, we would be there for the wedding. BUT to remember that my parents don’t travel and if they went somewhere expensive it wasn’t fair to expect all of their friends to be there. They decided to do a local wedding so everyone could come.

 

[georgina]

I have not been to a destination wedding by OP's definition. In 2010 we went to a nephew's wedding in France (he had been living there 10 years and was marrying a French woman.) Last summer we went to a niece's wedding in England (She lives there and was marrying a Brit.) We combined both trips with a longer vacation in the country. Many members of my large family also attended these weddings. We have gone to family weddings in many US states that we traveled to attend. I would go to a destination wedding only for close family or friends.

When I got married in 1987 I wanted to go to Hawaii and get married with just a few family members invited. My mom pitched a fit so I had a church wedding so all her family could attend and I absolutely HATED it. I have told my kids they can have whatever kind of wedding they want. We gave DD a fixed amount of money to spend toward hers.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Sometimes family dynamics can be challenging and/or some act like they always want to be in charge.

Eh it's more likely not a family dynamics/must be in charge thing but rather people subscribing to certain forms of etiquette and do not like when it deviates from that. You can probably assume it's less likely to be the case that younger family members were the ones truly offended by the lack of a formal invite.

 

[1GoldenSun]

We had a Vegas wedding. For those who attended, we asked them not to bring gifts as we knew they had to spend money to get there and considered their presence to be their present. We also did not send out formal invitations as we didn't want people who couldn't attend to feel obligated to send gifts. So we just sent out a group email to family and friends saying we'd love for them to come if they could. We had about 40 people come. There were family members who I found out later were offended that we didn't send out formal invitations and therefore they chose not to come, but it was truly our intention to ensure people did not feel any obligation to be there or send a gift. I felt bad that people were offended.

I think it was nice of you to not send invitations so people didn't feel obligated to send gifts.

My husband's and my financial planner invited us to his wedding in Barbados. We'd never even met him face-to-face. Imagine his surprise if we'd accepted! The bride, the groom, a few of their closest family and friends, and...some random couple.

 

[easyas123]

My eldest son and his fiance are having a destination wedding. They want to avoid all the crap associated w/ traditional weddings. And they like to travel. They are looking at Greece and a few domestic locations...but they bought a house a year and a half ago and don't seem to be in a great hurry. They'd just have us 4 parents, our youngest & his wife, and her sister and her husband - so only 8 immediate family members.
I half expect them to elope and tell us about it afterwards, and I'm also ok with that.

 

[georgina]

I think it was nice of you to not send invitations so people didn't feel obligated to send gifts.

My husband's and my financial planner invited us to his wedding in Barbados. We'd never even met him face-to-face. Imagine his surprise if we'd accepted! The bride, the groom, a few of their closest family and friends, and...some random couple.

Oh my. I would not have felt obligated to send a gift in that case. Serious overreach.

 

[georgina]

My eldest son and his fiance are having a destination wedding. They want to avoid all the crap associated w/ traditional weddings. And they like to travel. They are looking at Greece and a few domestic locations...but they bought a house a year and a half ago and don't seem to be in a great hurry. They'd just have us 4 parents, our youngest & his wife, and her sister and her husband - so only 8 immediate family members.
I half expect them to elope and tell us about it afterwards, and I'm also ok with that.

Good for them! I can't tell you how much I wish I had said no to my mother, and had the wedding I wanted. I hate that crap too, although my DD went the more traditional way. Luckily she planned it all; I did go with her to look at reception venues.

 

[Turn the Page]

I think it was nice of you to not send invitations so people didn't feel obligated to send gifts.

My husband's and my financial planner invited us to his wedding in Barbados. We'd never even met him face-to-face. Imagine his surprise if we'd accepted! The bride, the groom, a few of their closest family and friends, and...some random couple.

Good lord how big is your portfolio?!?!?!?!

 

[barkley]

Did you (or one of your children) have a destination wedding and if so, who did you invite? Did you really expect all your guests to attend? If some declined, were you disappointed? I’ve got no quarrel with people planning whatever kind of wedding they want but I do think it’s a rather unreasonable ask of most guests to put that kind of time and money in.

it wasn't outside the u.s. nor was it anywhere anyone i knew ever considered a destination but we were invited to a wedding several years ago that was in a touristy place that made travel a nightmare for 99% of the guests-at least a 6 or 8 hour drive one way (closest airport got you driving 4 hours one way from another direction), limited lodging and b/c of the day/time of the wedding and 'minimum night stay' requirements in the region you were (a) looking at at least 2 days off work (traditional m-f job) and (b) on the hook, even if you didn't stay that long-for 4 nights of lodging. we declined and from what we heard attendance was VERY scarce.

one set of the bridal couple's parents (we heard) were pretty ticked off at the low number of guests (read-gifts) so a few weeks later they started calling people and inviting them (as was their regular summer habit) to a potluck bbq at their home. as soon as the person accepted the invite the conversation would end in 'GREAT-x and y will be back from their honeymoon so you can personally give them their wedding gift since you weren't able to attend the wedding' phone lines started burning up as people started calling others to warn them. they were very surprised to hit a point in calling people to find so many people weren't home that day/didn't return their calls/had 'a previous obligation'

we did not attend.

My niece had a block of rooms reserved at a bit of a discount, but it still wasn't enough for me to be able to afford to go.

if invited to a wedding (or any event) with a block of rooms-always call the physical property as well as (if applicable) their 800 reservations number and do NOT identify yourself with the wedding but inquire about rates available for the same dates. ask if there are any discounts available (the regular ones-aarp, aaa...). you may find rates MUCH LOWER than what 'the block' is charging. i worked in wedding planning and our block rates were frequently higher than the off the street discounted rates for the identical rooms/time periods (b/c we gave the b&g a free room or discount on some aspect of the wedding for locking their guests into our highest published rates).

 

[barkley]

Good lord how big is your portfolio?!?!?!?!

maybe the financial planner figured if any of his clients accepted it would justify writing off part of the event as a business expense?

 

[MamaMermaid]

We had a Disney wedding. We live about 2.5 hours away. We had about 50 people there and invited about 100.

We’ve only been invited to 1 destination wedding. It was for our best friends; they got married in Ireland. But, I was 8 months pregnant and my OB obviously didn’t clear me for travel.

 

[rlk]

DH and I got married one year ago tomorrow in St. Thomas, so yes it was a destination wedding but it was also an elopement. No guests, not even our kids and we each only told one friend what the plan was. I told a friend because I needed her help with my dress, he told his friend because he can't keep a secret lol. It was SO nice to escape the drama, the guest lists, etc. and just go do what WE wanted to do.

View attachment 749647

Beautiful picture.

My husband and I also eloped, no family drama! We are from the east coast and got married out west.

 

[Magical2017]

We had our wedding close to where DH grew up but a few hours from where we were living. People could still make it a day trip if they wanted. We rented out a B and B and paid for our wedding party to stay the weekend with us and had the wedding there. Then we flew to Hawaii, just the two of us. As much as I love our friends and family, I would not have wanted them to come to Hawaii with us during that time. There are some who would have boundary issues and want to hang out and do things together and DH and I just wanted to do our own thing.

 

[Earstou]

We were invited to a DW about 10 years ago. The bride and groom didn't want to go through the hassle of planning a wedding, so decided to let a resort do all the work. We had to book through their travel agent, who would not give us a quote until we provided passport numbers. I wasn't going to do that until we decided IF we were going. Googling, I found out it would be at least $2,000 for a three night stay, for someplace I didn't even want to go to. Getting time off from work would have been tricky, too. Plus the resort was very hard to get to, involving hours on a bus, after hours on a plane.
We decided to decline, which ended up being the best decision. One of the parties involved back out of the wedding just weeks before it was to happen, after the deadline for deposits. The parents felt bad and paid for all the lost deposits.

 

[Babs Johnson]

It wasn’t an exotic resort. I was the Best Man for a friend who got married in Minneapolis, Minnesota because his bride grew up there and her family still lives there. DW and I spent 4 days there and went to a Twins baseball game and Valleyfair theme park too.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

So, in the invitation thread, destination weddings (weddings that are taking place at some foreign vacation location) were mentioned several times as invitations that are often declined. Personally, I’ve never attended one, although we’ve been invited to quite a few over the years. Luckily never by anyone extremely close and certainly none we felt obligated to attend.

Did you (or one of your children) have a destination wedding and if so, who did you invite? Did you really expect all your guests to attend? If some declined, were you disappointed? I’ve got no quarrel with people planning whatever kind of wedding they want but I do think it’s a rather unreasonable ask of most guests to put that kind of time and money in.

Thoughts and experiences?

Yes. We got married at WDW. We are from NJ but moved to California. Originally planned on getting married in NJ. Had the place booked and everything and canceled. I didn't want a large wedding and guest list getting out of control. When we were getting ready to catch our flight back to NJ, my neighbor came over (we were at my parents house). She said she just got back from wedding at Disney and BINGO! Next thing you know, I'm planning a WDW wedding. We had close friends and family. About 20 people. I did expect some to decline, mostly the ones living in California. I think 6 declined.

 

[ronandannette]

We were invited to a DW about 10 years ago. The bride and groom didn't want to go through the hassle of planning a wedding, so decided to let a resort do all the work. We had to book through their travel agent, who would not give us a quote until we provided passport numbers. I wasn't going to do that until we decided IF we were going. Googling, I found out it would be at least $2,000 for a three night stay, for someplace I didn't even want to go to. Getting time off from work would have been tricky, too. Plus the resort was very hard to get to, involving hours on a bus, after hours on a plane.
We decided to decline, which ended up being the best decision. One of the parties involved back out of the wedding just weeks before it was to happen, after the deadline for deposits. The parents felt bad and paid for all the lost deposits.

This has always been my issue with all the ones we’ve been invited to. We’re not tropical resort people and since going would have to count as our annual vacation, it’s always been a polite “no but thanks for asking” from us.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I’ve never been invited to a true destination wedding, although I’ve attended several that involved distant travel and an overnight stay, sometimes out of state, to where one family (usually the bride’s) or both was based. IMO, if you want a destination wedding (at a place such as WDW for example), that requires most or all of your guests to travel, you should keep it small, limited to immediate relatives and closest friends. Because it really is an imposition, involving additional time and expenses that many won’t be able or willing to take on. I think you need to consider who are the most important people you want to be there, and the best way to make it possible, so that you, and they, won’t be disappointed.