SOO Frustrated!!!!

[dean556]

A little of a background some of my hubby's family and mine live in FL.and they are all getting mad at us cause we are coming down there and have no plans to spend with them. Our past 7 vacations have been drive to fl stay with my family a few days and then his and come home.Plus we see all of them on holidays they are coming up here for Easter this year.
Well this year we wanted to do something fun and different so we are going to Disney for 6 nights 7 days.And I have our days all planned out.
Now everyone including my mom and his parents are ranting and raving telling us we need to be seeing family for vacation not "blowing our money" at Disney.Well tonight his dad called and started again about it well I lost it! We have not had a real vacation in 7 years,he works 60+ hrs a week I work 40+ a week Its our money, our vacation.
I just get tired of our family telling us how we need to do things. Our bills get paid,we have no credit card debit,no we dont drive new cars they are used but they are paid for. I dont understand why our familys cant understand we just want to take a vacation for us and be happy that we have the means to do it.
sorry about the vent but I am at my wits end with it all
thanks for listening and would enjoy your input

 

[worm761]

i would have to say that you did the right thing. i just tell everyone that when they start paying my bills and paying for my vacations THEN they get to have an opinion on where i go and when. until then, if you have nothing nice to say then i will just not talk to you about this part of my life. i did the same thing when they kept telling me how to raise my son. lol...they are getting used to it.

have a great and magical trip. how many vacations do you and your husband get a year? if it is more than one maybe one of them could be to go to the families. maybe that would help appease the family. you also need to make sure your husband is 100% on your side. even if he disagrees, he should stand by you in front of the family.

 

[Stacerita]

Sorry to hear the family is being unreasonable about your vacation. Especially if you have been seeing them often and are going to see them this Easter as well. Its a tough situation. Good luck.

 

[twinklebug]

OP - I can understand your situation & feel bad for you. I have trouble deciding if I should tell one set of parents about our Disney vacation plans as my mom fully expects us to stay at her home which is "so convienient" to disney (i.e; 20 miles away, but awful traffic!) I can't imagine 2 sets.

Would it be possible for them to take a mini-vacation and stay a night at Disney so your families can get together for a dinner and fireworks? If not, hopefully, eventually they will "grow up" and understand.

 

[dean556]

i would have to say that you did the right thing. i just tell everyone that when they start paying my bills and paying for my vacations THEN they get to have an opinion on where i go and when. until then, if you have nothing nice to say then i will just not talk to you about this part of my life. i did the same thing when they kept telling me how to raise my son. lol...they are getting used to it.

have a great and magical trip. how many vacations do you and your husband get a year? if it is more than one maybe one of them could be to go to the families. maybe that would help appease the family. you also need to make sure your husband is 100% on your side. even if he disagrees, he should stand by you in front of the family.

we both get two weeks. we tend to use the rest of our vacation time during christmas when they all come up here.My hubby is on myside he is just the quiet type he doesnt like to stir the kettle as he says.were I on the other hand will take so much and the I blow up lol

 

[dean556]

OP - I can understand your situation & feel bad for you. I have trouble deciding if I should tell one set of parents about our Disney vacation plans as my mom fully expects us to stay at her home which is "so convienient" to disney (i.e; 20 miles away, but awful traffic!) I can't imagine 2 sets.

Would it be possible for them to take a mini-vacation and stay a night at Disney so your families can get together for a dinner and fireworks? If not, hopefully, eventually they will "grow up" and understand.

I have thought of taking a all family vacation with them all and have mentioned it but they say that it is a waste of money. It drives me nuts you only live life once and you cant take it with ya when you go! lol


and the ones that live there say its too far to drive for just dinner errgg yet they want us to drive down there for dinner they live in south fl.

 

[AlleyKat]

It's too late now, but don't tell either family about any future vacations, to Disney or otherwise.

It seems both sets of parents need to be reminded that you are capable adults, exercising your rights to live how you both see fit. These selfish, self-centered "adults" also need to be reminded that it is your money that you are "blowing", not theirs!

When the subject comes up again, and you know it will, tell them it is CLOSED for discussion.

 

[aterriq]

AlleyKat, when you were younger, did you and family visit only other relatives for vacations. If your parents ever took you on a vacation without visiting relatives, remind them how much you enjoyed the trip and like spending family time together.

If this doesn't apply, don't tell them about your future plans. Not everyones idea of a vacation is the same.

 

[themudd4]

You go Girl...Go see Mickey, and have a great time. If you all want to spend a little time with them have them meet you all for dinner at your resort one evening, and kiss them goodbye! Your right, it is your vacation and you are entitled to it!

Go on and go and have a great time regardless of family!

 

[AlleyKat]

AlleyKat, when you were younger, did you and family visit only other relatives for vacations. If your parents ever took you on a vacation without visiting relatives, remind them how much you enjoyed the trip and like spending family time together.

If this doesn't apply, don't tell them about your future plans. Not everyones idea of a vacation is the same.

It appears that you have me confused with the OP...dean556.

 

[rlovew]

If they really wanted to see you they would be willing to meet you for a dinner, otherwise I wouldn't worry about it, but I do understand your frustration. My husband's mother told us at Christmas that they would not visit us again until we had children and if we wanted to see them we could come visit. It is a 14 hour drive either way and they have more vacation time than my husband, they just think that driving to see us isn't worth the inconvience.

 

[isyt]

I sooooo know how you feel. I had 2 sets of grandparents in florida growing up and there were a few times my parents did not tell the gparents we were going to fl. My mom just moved to fl and I am already thinking of not telling her of all my jaunts to wdw. It would just be that I should be by her. My mother moved down mid January and I have already seen her once and she is coming in 2 weeks again. You are right about putting your foot down, don't let them guilt you, my family does it to me enough.

 

[swillis]

I sooooo know how you feel. I had 2 sets of grandparents in florida growing up and there were a few times my parents did not tell the gparents we were going to fl. My mom just moved to fl and I am already thinking of not telling her of all my jaunts to wdw. It would just be that I should be by her. My mother moved down mid January and I have already seen her once and she is coming in 2 weeks again. You are right about putting your foot down, don't let them guilt you, my family does it to me enough.

I agree. I have several family members that live in FL. Just because they happen to live there, doesn't mean we "have" to visit/ I've stopped telling as well.

 

[byoung]

Next time don't let them know. Have a great vacation.

 

[hmeadq]

They all drive new cars?

Ask them how much their last car cost. $30,000? Remind them it lost $10,000 in value the second they rode it off the lot.

You're going to go on a lot more rides, which are a lot more fun, and it will cost you a lot less!

Remember when Stupid people start questioning how you spend money you are doing something RIGHT!

((My parents sometimes drive the 5 hours to us in Ohio, but only to visit my grandma. When I ask them to come by our house (a 45 minute detor) they say it is to far, just for a meal. Then a week later they will bug me about comming home to visit more often! So in their mind their retired time is to valuable to spend 45 minutes to come see me, but my full time 2 job time needs to spend 10 hours & a hotel room to come see them?? (and yes I do often go have supper with grandma when they are up, but I cannot always make it since they seldom travel on weekends) Parents can be illogical, just keep saying, See you at Easter!)))

 

[Disney Crazy Debbie]

Family relationships can be very complicated and demanding. As long as you keep in touch and do visit from time to time that's what is important. However, it is very important to you and your husband's relationship to have "fun" time and make memories that are very special to you. If you're not careful you'll find that you are older and still just a "kid" under their thumb and living an extended life through them. What I am trying to say is that when you became an adult you put away childish things and you honor your parents but you and your husband took wedding vows that make you a family and each family is unique. So, admire your courage to stand up and make certain that you set "playtime" aside for each other and if that is a vacation at WDW or any where else so be it. That's how strong marriages are made, not just working through problems but so playing together! Sorry I was a little philosophical here!

 

[aterriq]

It appears that you have me confused with the OP...dean556.

Thats what I get for doing this at work and having my boss walking around.

 

[disgram]

I understand completely!!! My husband's family are from Orlando and they all expected us to stay with them and spend the whole trip with them. My husband was a police officer and only got a week's vacation every 6 months when he first started. We wanted to make memories for our son when he was small and while he loved his daddy's family, he wanted to see the Mouse!! Finally we had enough money and decided to take him to WDW. The uproar from hubby's family was tremendous!! Finally, as the previous poster said, he told them that he was paying the bills and that his son would only be young once so we were going to Disney World!!! They were welcome to come and spend ONE DAY with us and we would be able to see and spend time with them. He was firm and after many phone calls with them berating and cajoling us, they finally agreed. That first trip was the first of many great trips that we have taken to Orlando and to WDW. Just hang in there and be understanding but firm. Esp. since you will be seeing them at Easter time!!!

 

[annej]

i have a grandmother in Lakeland and a mom-in-law in St Pete . We just started not telling when we go. We spend 2 weeks each Summer with my grandmother and the rest of the clan at the beach each summer and she is here for Christmas so I feel like this is our time without anyone else.We are very blessed. Not telling gets past them putting the guilt trips on us. Go and have fun and if they want to see you badly enough they can come have a meal with you . That's what my grandmother has done in the past.

 

[dean556]

Thank you everyone all your words have really helped alot.I dont feel guilty about not spending time with them I love them all,but at the same time want some family time of my own if you know what I mean thanks again for all the support!!