so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Gumbo4x4]

I was just looking @ pics one of my dd's friends put on FB of a pregnant 15yo's baby shower. I think it was put on by her friends. Just the teen girls were there (like 10 of them) & the girl's mom.

I don't like it - I think it makes pregnancy look like a whole lot of fun to these other girls - do you agree?

You could always send a nice blouse with a big scarlett letter on it

 

[Gumbo4x4]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

I don't think it makes a hill of beans worth of difference in the decision process.

But certainly, you're right. The best thing we can do for someone in a difficult situation is to make sure they know they are all alone in this World. What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I was just looking @ pics one of my dd's friends put on FB of a pregnant 15yo's baby shower. I think it was put on by her friends. Just the teen girls were there (like 10 of them) & the girl's mom.

I don't like it - I think it makes pregnancy look like a whole lot of fun to these other girls - do you agree?

The baby is going to be born with odds stacked against him or her, statistically. Having nice things and a community of people who love the baby will be helpful, so no, I don't have an issue with that. I think after the child is born, any of these friends spending any amount of time with the child will realize very quickly that it's not fun to have a baby.

 

[Shmily1]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

Really? And you would know what is best for someone else's situation? Actually, that would not have been best in my DD and DGS's situation (and probably many others). I promise they are right where they need to be in life.

 

[Sultana]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

They should ALL realize that the best thing is to put up the baby for adoption? Really?
Well, I guess if you are surrounded by some of the posters here, that is indeed what they should do as they will never get any pity or support.
God forbid that the family will help the girl to raise the baby, so that the young mother can finish school AND keep her child.
Just like Shmily did. Thank God there are people like her and that family!

You could always send a nice blouse with a big scarlett letter on it

I don't think it makes a hill of beans worth of difference in the decision process.

But certainly, you're right. The best thing we can do for someone in a difficult situation is to make sure they know they are all alone in this World. What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

I totally agree.

 

[ReneeA]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

Statistically, the teen moms with the best support system do much better than without. Successful mom, successful baby...why would anyone want to see failure there? As for adoption, you certainly aren't going to convince that mom to give up her baby by being unsupportive...probably just the opposite.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't think it makes a hill of beans worth of difference in the decision process.

But certainly, you're right. The best thing we can do for someone in a difficult situation is to make sure they know they are all alone in this World. What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

Really you don't think telling all these 15 yr olds that it is wonderful and great that they are bringing a child into this world that they are not equipped to raise on their own isn't contributing to the massive increase in single mother statistics? Telling them it is so great that there is no reason they can't do this, we are so happy for you, lets celebrate this.

 

[Colleen27]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

I don't believe one has a single thing to do with the other. To me, this is the same logic that says if we make it difficult for teens to get birth control they'll realize they aren't ready for sex. Both decisions are made on emotion, with logic often taking a back seat. That's human nature, especially the teenage human.

 

[ReneeA]

Really you don't think telling all these 15 yr olds that it is wonderful and great that they are bringing a child into this world that they are not equipped to raise on their own isn't contributing to the massive increase in single mother statistics? Telling them it is so great that there is no reason they can't do this, we are so happy for you, lets celebrate this.

You obviously didn't read the report that teen pregnancies are down tremendously is the past 3 decades. Single mother statistics are up because of the rise in divorce rates (if they are up at all...I haven't read a study on that).

 

[Burnedout]

Really you don't think telling all these 15 yr olds that it is wonderful and great that they are bringing a child into this world that they are not equipped to raise on their own isn't contributing to the massive increase in single mother statistics? Telling them it is so great that there is no reason they can't do this, we are so happy for you, lets celebrate this.

Actually it is more of a "we can do this, this baby can get past this, and we will help you make the best of a tough situation" just because peoe put on a happy face doesn't mean they don't realize any of the rest of it.

You'd probably go to the cancer patients bed and tell then they are going to die anyway they might as well not wear a wig, not smile, not post a happy picture on fb or Instagram because people would just glamorize whatever gave th cancer in the first place...

 

[Colleen27]

Really you don't think telling all these 15 yr olds that it is wonderful and great that they are bringing a child into this world that they are not equipped to raise on their own isn't contributing to the massive increase in single mother statistics? Telling them it is so great that there is no reason they can't do this, we are so happy for you, lets celebrate this.

No, it isn't. Because by the time that support comes into play the decision to keep the baby has long since been made - abortion, not adoption, is the more common choice of teens who don't wish to parent for many reasons. And there isn't a teen growing up in this country that doesn't know the statistics that predict failure for teen mothers.

Besides, as others have pointed out teen pregnancy and birth rates are way down. The massive increase in single mother statistics you're talking about is due to the choices of adult women, not teens.

 

[EMode]

Actually it is more of a "we can do this, this baby can get past this, and we will help you make the best of a tough situation" just because peoe put on a happy face doesn't mean they don't realize any of the rest of it.

You'd probably go to the cancer patients bed and tell then they are going to die anyway they might as well not wear a wig, not smile, not post a happy picture on fb or Instagram because people would just glamorize whatever gave th cancer in the first place...

A pregnant teen has options so that they don't become a mother just as a cancer patient has options to fight/cure their cancer. Would you tell a cancer patient not to bother with those treatments because "We can get past this, we can do this, we'll do our best to make the best of the tough situation"?

See how silly these comparisons are.

 

[Colleen27]

You obviously didn't read the report that teen pregnancies are down tremendously is the past 3 decades. Single mother statistics are up because of the rise in divorce rates (if they are up at all...I haven't read a study on that).

Divorce and an increase in unmarried women having children... but that increase hasn't been among teens. It has been among adult women.

 

[Burnedout]

A pregnant teen has options so that they don't become a mother just as a cancer patient has options to fight/cure their cancer. Would you tell a cancer patient not to bother with those treatments because "We can get past this, we can do this, we'll do our best to make the best of the tough situation"?

See how silly these comparisons are.

Eh they both deal with situations where we can choose to help and support or to chastise. If it makes you feel better pretend the cancer person got it from smoking...

In what world is it reasonable that the teen will change their mind about keeping a baby because some self righteous person thinks they shouldn't. Or that at least they should be miserable in the process?

We either choose to support the apoplectic in our lives it we choose to throw them under a closest bus when we aren't happy about their choices. I choose he first. You the second. It is better to feel right than to do right I guess

 

[luvsJack]

If so many people weren't giving showers and telling her it will be fine then maybe a lot more of these children that get pregnant would do the best thing for themselves and the baby and realize they are ill equipped to raise a child at 15 and put the child up for adoption.

That is a personal choice that has nothing to do with having a shower. If a the teen mother makes the personal decision to keep her child, while telling her "it will be fine" isn't being completely truthful; telling her that her life is over isn't either.

Besides, I really don't think you are giving teens enough credit. A shower is not going to make them think its all sunshine and roses.

 

[wilderness01]

I think it is a fine line honestly. Any baby should be celebrated, but I understand what you are saying.

My Godchild has had two babies young. At her baby shower and at the first birthday party it was glamorized in my opinion. Her girlfriends, who weren't married, kept saying how cute she was, how excited they were, and how they too wanted to get pregnant as soon as they could to experience what she was experiencing. My young daughter was standing there listening to this and you can be sure that we had a very long conversation in the car on the way home and then again once we were home where my husband was also included.

The end result is my girlfriend, the grandmother, has been supporting this young mother and her children. It's like my girlfriend has two more kids at an advanced maternal age. All the while my godchild is boosting how she "does this all on her own and how she is a wonderful mother" all over social media and every time you see her in person. She is immature and has a lot of growing up to do. In the meantime there are two innocent children that are caught up in the mix.

The saddest part is my godchild truly believes herself and that she is doing this all on her own. She is not. She is selfish and makes rash decisions. Is she a terrible mother? No. Is she a wonderful mother? No. She is the best parent she knows how to be but is much too young to take on the role. She doesn't want to sacrifice her hair or nails to provide, and expects others to support her financially. She is entitled and my girlfriend now struggles financially. Yes it is easy for anyone to tell her to cut her daughter off monetarily, but who would really be able to do that?

Now my girlfriend, who has a full time job, now has a part time job of watching her grandkids on the weekends while her daughter works. My girlfriend, in her 50's, has no break. I feel terrible for her and angry at her daughter. I keep my mouth shut most of the time, but I think it is an awful situation. I see her first hand and trust me, it isn't ideal and is a daily struggle for all involved.

 

[EMode]

Eh they both deal with situations where we can choose to help and support or to chastise. If it makes you feel better pretend the cancer person got it from smoking...

In what world is it reasonable that the teen will change their mind about keeping a baby because some self righteous person thinks they shouldn't. Or that at least they should be miserable in the process?

We either choose to support the apoplectic in our lives it we choose to throw them under a closest bus when we aren't happy about their choices. I choose he first. You the second. It is better to feel right than to do right I guess

Why because I wouldn't attend a shower of a 15 year old, um okay. That is a pretty big assumption on your part, I never said these girls shouldn't be supported by their loved ones.
I don't believe in celebrating the impending motherhood of a 15 year old, but that doesn't mean that the expectant mother should be thrown out in the cold to fend for herself.

 

[jodifla]

Unless the teen's mom was a real close friend, I'd just send a gift.

 

[Mama Mouse]

Really you don't think telling all these 15 yr olds that it is wonderful and great that they are bringing a child into this world that they are not equipped to raise on their own isn't contributing to the massive increase in single mother statistics? Telling them it is so great that there is no reason they can't do this, we are so happy for you, lets celebrate this.

Do you even know any teen Moms? If you do, you must not know them well or you'd know NO ONE is praising them for becoming pregnant as a teen. Baby showers are NOT going to change pregnancy rates one way or another. And deciding to have and keep the baby means the Mom is signing up for YEARS of hateful comments and criticism. The odds are stacked against her at every possible turn. No one praises her. NO ONE. Not her family, not her friends and certainly not anyone who attends her baby shower. What a few do, hopefully, is offer emotional support. Saying things like This will be incredibly difficult. Life will never be the same. But let me help you make a plan. Let me help you by offering up a few essentials that will be used up in no time. (Diapers) Let me help you by directing you to some resources. Let me help you by discussing your education and how you can continue that. You'll note that none of those celebrate the Mom and her pregnancy.

I had a baby at 16 and the treatment I got was appalling, at best. Despite the fact that I'd been a very good student, very good kid, never in any trouble at all and just had the misfortune to have been pressured by a boy who didn't care about me but, of course, I thought he did. I got raked over the coals and back again.

Then when he passed away as an infant, after many surgeries to try to treat a heart defect, I got raked over the coals again and again and again. That's what I got, they said. For being a teen Mom. It's for the best. Really?

Our society is so backwards. Nothing but SHAME to young girls regarding sex. Absolutely no birth control! Nope! That's not ok! That's SHAMEFUL. But then they get pregnant and everyone's up in arms. And then, God forbid, they keep and try to raise the child. (Because their feelings regarding that choice actually, you know, matter.) More shame and no one wants to help the girl. Just give her her scarlett letter and cast her and her child off as worthless human beings not deserving of any kind of help or support.

Trust me. TRUST ME. No one is praising teen Moms for getting pregnant. And most of them never meant to be pregnant in the first place. But life happens and sometimes it's nice to have a little help dealing with the hard stuff.

 

[Andtototoo]

Do you even know any teen Moms? If you do, you must not know them well or you'd know NO ONE is praising them for becoming pregnant as a teen. Baby showers are NOT going to change pregnancy rates one way or another. And deciding to have and keep the baby means the Mom is signing up for YEARS of hateful comments and criticism. The odds are stacked against her at every possible turn. No one praises her. NO ONE. Not her family, not her friends and certainly not anyone who attends her baby shower. What a few do, hopefully, is offer emotional support. Saying things like This will be incredibly difficult. Life will never be the same. But let me help you make a plan. Let me help you by offering up a few essentials that will be used up in no time. (Diapers) Let me help you by directing you to some resources. Let me help you by discussing your education and how you can continue that. You'll note that none of those celebrate the Mom and her pregnancy.

I had a baby at 16 and the treatment I got was appalling, at best. Despite the fact that I'd been a very good student, very good kid, never in any trouble at all and just had the misfortune to have been pressured by a boy who didn't care about me but, of course, I thought he did. I got raked over the coals and back again.

Then when he passed away as an infant, after many surgeries to try to treat a heart defect, I got raked over the coals again and again and again. That's what I got, they said. For being a teen Mom. It's for the best. Really?

Our society is so backwards. Nothing but SHAME to young girls regarding sex. Absolutely no birth control! Nope! That's not ok! That's SHAMEFUL. But then they get pregnant and everyone's up in arms. And then, God forbid, they keep and try to raise the child. (Because their feelings regarding that choice actually, you know, matter.) More shame and no one wants to help the girl. Just give her her scarlett letter and cast her and her child off as worthless human beings not deserving of any kind of help or support.

Trust me. TRUST ME. No one is praising teen Moms for getting pregnant. And most of them never meant to be pregnant in the first place. But life happens and sometimes it's nice to have a little help dealing with the hard stuff.

Actually, I DO know quite a few teen moms. And trust me, you are wrong. There ARE teen moms who get praise. In fact, the vast majority of the teen moms I know DID get a lot of praise for getting pregnant. Yes, you read that right. They DID get praise. Some of it came from their peers who thought it was "cute" and "sweet" to have a baby with their one true love. And the fun of baby showers and buying cute baby clothes was considered a huge benefit to getting pregnant. Some of the girls actually got praise from their mothers -- who were themselves teen moms. And of course, the boys got lots of pats on the back for proving they were a man -- and the more girls you got pregnant, the more praise you got.

If you don't want to believe me, fine. But I know what I've seen for years now. The ONLY thing that's made a difference in the view of teen motherhood is not the actual experience of people in their lives, but watching Teen Mom on tv. For some reason, the hardships those girls suffer has made more of an impact than what they see in real life -- in part, I believe, because the girls in real life are constantly saying how they are doing it all and how wonderful it is, whereas the tv show gives you reality.