So why did you get divorced?

[ols386]

Once again, I stand by my opinion, you are playing the martyr card and not giving full details. Yes, your DH was a low down scum for not standing by your vows, but you aren't taking responsbilitly for the dissolution of your marriage. You are blaming your DH for not standing up to his vows and hence it was all you could do and hence HAD to file.

Your DH is a scum for not being by your side during your cancer treatment. I have a feeling there is more to the story. I don't know of a single devoted hubby that would move his lover into the house while his living wife who wasn't in a coma was still living. I think there is WAY more to this story than you are admitting.

Why are you so freakin' worried about it? The title of the thread is "why did you get divorced".

 

[Jennasis]

Guys, do not engage. Really. You don't owe anybody anymore explanation than you have given. Do not engage.

 

[snapppyd]

First off, I'm not "telling" anyone anything. Just expressing a point of view. You can take it or leave it. Second, I realize I espouse the "man's" point of view 90% of the time on here, but that is just natural since, I think the female perspective is normally comprehensively and 100% covered.

Third, I don't want you or anyone else to take this personally. I have no idea why you said you were getting upset. I wasn't even remotely talking about you specifically, just throwing out things as I see them in general.

Fourth, I'm not saying that it always has to be about the man, the man can do no wrong, the woman must be a slave to the man, no, that's not what I"m saying. I'm saying that both people have to work at their relationship. If one is not doing their job, things are going to get messed up. This applies equally to both partners. But both must equally put forth effort, or otherwise its not going to happen. After all, if you don't feed your dog, he'll die, and if your dog doesn't bark at burglers when he's supposed to, you'll get a new dog. It works both ways.

I never said I was getting upset But I want to tell you something, when you thought I was younger than you, a young girl who liked Green Day, you had no problem following me from thread to thread. Now that I'm an "older" woman who calls shenanigans on you, not so much.

Does anyone else find it amusing not a single person on this thread has taken any responsibility for their divorce? It was all the spouse's fault. Everyone here was the perfect spouse and the other spouse was a snake, *****, etc.

You're a man, right?

I think you are taking this all too personally. If you are telling the truth and you were Donna Reed who provided a beautiful house and home and you got beaten because of it then you ARE completely blameless and you are in the right. But I find it hard to believe that everyone here was Donna Reed .

Physical abuse is never acceptable in any circumstance, but those who say the spouse was a snake and a jerk probably contributed in some way to the problem when there was no abuse.

OK buddy, I'm Donna Reed and I'm proud of it - know why? Because I didn't name myself that, my DH did! Know why? Because he thinks I'm an awesome wife Maybe there is a reason why you are single in the city? I love how people who are not married are such experts on how everyone got it wrong

 

[snapppyd]

Guys, do not engage. Really. You don't owe anybody anymore explanation than you have given. Do not engage.

You are right, I'm done now

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The reason we're not married yet is because she doesn't want to yet. Tax purposes. But trust me, the only difference between my relationship and any other married couple is the fact that we don't have one of those official pieces of paper from the court house yet, and that's about it.

This does not compute, Will Robinson.

 

[NMAmy]

I love how people who are not married are such experts on how everyone got it wrong

Just like some people without kids have raised perfect imaginary children, some single people have perfect imaginary marriages.

 

[rkrivas]

My reason for filing for divorce was infidelity.

I take responsibility for letting the day-to-day craziness of raising 2 kids and working full-time distract me from paying more attention to our marriage. I thought we were happy but very busy like a lot of other families; he was unhappy and felt like it was too much work and not enough fun.

I place responsibility on him for not sharing his unhappiness with me and his decision to cheat.

 

[luvsJack]

I married him just before I turned 18, he was 24. We led quite the "partying" life of bar rooms and clubs. By 21, I had my two wonderful sons. I grew up and wanted something different than partying, he didn't. He continued to drink constantly (continued until just a few months ago, actually) and some of those drunken nights turned violent. One night, I got him home and he pushed me down the steps going in the house. I left that night and never went back.

Was I at fault too? Probably, but you would have to ask him how he sees it. This is the side I saw. I was very young and inmmature and just like I told my sons when they reached 18 years old--people change a whole lot between the ages of 18 and 21. Everything they want in their world can change in that time. I changed, he didn't.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

I think you are taking this all too personally. If you are telling the truth and you were Donna Reed who provided a beautiful house and home and you got beaten because of it then you ARE completely blameless and you are in the right. But I find it hard to believe that everyone here was Donna Reed .

Physical abuse is never acceptable in any circumstance, but those who say the spouse was a snake and a jerk probably contributed in some way to the problem when there was no abuse.

I like how you contradicted yourself here. If you are Donna Reed you are blameless in the abuse you experience but ONLY if you are Donna Reed... bur then you go on to say that physical abuse is never acceptable.

So which is it? Because I am far from Donna Reed but I did not deserve full containers of flour thrown at my head because I asked him where he was. I'm not Donna Reed but I didn't deserve being thrown down the stairs for buying a pair of jeans at the mall. I'm not Donna Reed but I didn't deserve having my head repeatedly bashed into a concrete floor for developing a friendship with a man on an internet role playing game.

Walking away now before I get my feathers even further ruffled.

 

[luvsJack]

I think all of you who are jumping down my case are missing my point. Those who are admitting a small amount of blame are blaming it on such sweet and innocent things like: being young, immature, etc. But yet none of those who blame it on being "young" or "immature" neglect to admit, (and I am not saying this applies to all of you) "I was young and was still out at bars flirting with other younger, hotter, more successful person of the opposite sex" or I decided to dedicate my life and money to the church which wasn't a part of my life prior to marriage.

Also there are those that change after marriage. Plenty of guys get duped. They marry fun flirty girl A, then end up married to dowdy, whiney, sweat pants wearing girl B. Even though husband, is working 60 hours while wifey sits home shopping and not working and still can't put a meal on the table. My uncle was married to one of these "winners" a while back. She claimed he was a bad husband, but yet she stayed home, didn't work, rarely cooked a meal, barely did laundry, but yet she blamed him for being the "bad" husband because he asked for a divorce.


There are certainly instances of domestic violence and that should never be tolerated, but there are also many stories of domestic violence where the wife claims DV because on one occasion the husband throws something, but yet for months and years prior the wife is emotionally abusive telling husband he isn't a good provider and she yells and throws things at him. Her actions aren't DV, but the minute he raises a hand in self defense it is now DV and she was the "perfect" wife.

And then there are those who don't have a flipping clue!

Since you are "singleinthecity", how about you don't judge people until you have experienced what they are talking about?

In some marriages, the only thing one side did wrong was to marry the wrong person.

 

[wvjules]

Does anyone else find it amusing not a single person on this thread has taken any responsibility for their divorce? It was all the spouse's fault. Everyone here was the perfect spouse and the other spouse was a snake, *****, etc.

Actually I took responsibility for my divorce.

ETA: Who is Donna Reed?

 

[Missy1961]

Just like some people without kids have raised perfect imaginary children, some single people have perfect imaginary marriages.

OK, single woman without kids here--but you are so right. I do like to read this type of thread, but I would never have posted on it. What the heck do I know about marriage? nothing. I know a little more about kids--I am a hands on aunt--but I don't give advice there either.

 

[Missy1961]

Actually I took responsibility for my divorce.

ETA: Who is Donna Reed?

Donna Reed was an actress. She had a TV show in the 50s/60s. In the show, she was a wife & mom, and of course, in a 50/60s way--she did housework wearing pearls. In other words, the 'perfect' wife.

 

[ols386]

Donna Reed was an actress. She had a TV show in the 50s/60s. In the show, she was a wife & mom, and of course, in a 50/60s way--she did housework wearing pearls. In other words, the 'perfect' wife.

Yes, like June Clever.

 

[parrothead365]

This was a long.... long time ago, I was in the Navy and doing a MED cruise and pulled in to Naples. Called home from the USO, it was 7am state side, a guy answered my phone so I ask for my wife(at the time) I hear him say "wake up it's for you". She says "What the #$%* you doing calling me at 7 in the morning" click. When I got home she had sold my car, tools, fishing gear. And my dog was gone. Seemed like reason enough for me.

Now I have been married for almost 25 years to the most wonderful woman in the world!!!!!

 

[IdesOmarch]

That is one whacky post. It sounds like you have some sort of problem with women who do not work outside the home.

If the husband throws something and it hits his wife, then you better believe it's domestic violence.

You sound like a woman-hater.

Wow, that's pretty harsh, she was only expressing a situation that is common and I agree with her and also think leads to divorce. If one party, man or woman, is busting their behind while the other is doing nothing, that is going to be a problem IMO with any relationship. It takes 2. Each party has to pull their load. Not necessarily financially, but the 2 have to come close to contributing equally to a relationship in all ways, otherwise, you'll have a dead shark on your hands.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Once again, I stand by my opinion, you are playing the martyr card and not giving full details. Yes, your DH was a low down scum for not standing by your vows, but you aren't taking responsbilitly for the dissolution of your marriage. You are blaming your DH for not standing up to his vows and hence it was all you could do and hence HAD to file.

Your DH is a scum for not being by your side during your cancer treatment. I have a feeling there is more to the story. I don't know of a single devoted hubby that would move his lover into the house while his living wife who wasn't in a coma was still living. I think there is WAY more to this story than you are admitting.

Soooooo?!?!?!

Since I started the proceedings I take full responsibility for my divorce. Otherwise....sheesh Id still be married to the guy.

Not quite how else to make that clear to you. (Shhhh...reread my posts, I've said it several times.)

 

[ols386]

Wow, that's pretty harsh, she was only expressing a situation that is common and I agree with her and also think leads to divorce. If one party, man or woman, is busting their behind while the other is doing nothing, that is going to be a problem IMO with any relationship. It takes 2. Each party has to pull their load. Not necessarily financially, but the 2 have to come close to contributing equally to a relationship in all ways, otherwise, you'll have a dead shark on your hands.

Oh please, give me a break. She was bashing women...that's harsh.

 

[BellvilleDad]

Does anyone else find it amusing not a single person on this thread has taken any responsibility for their divorce? It was all the spouse's fault. Everyone here was the perfect spouse and the other spouse was a snake, *****, etc.

I looked back at my post to make sure I didn't imply that I was perfect. I haven't, in fact, found anyone who claimed to be a perfect spouse. I suspect that the folks who post here are the ones who've been burned. Those who did the burning normally aren't pleased with themselves enough to brag about it.

In the interest of owning-up, I was an alcoholic in my early 20's. She claimed that the drinking was part of the problem, but she didn't offer to help me, or give me a chance to correct my ways for the sake of our marriage. She simply found a boyfriend.

But you are correct...I was not perfect.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Oh please, give me a break. She was bashing women...that's harsh.

Bashing? She just said that her brother got a divorce because he did everything for the relationship and his wife wouldn't lift a finger to do anything. I don't see how that is bashing? I can see how that would be a major problem when one partner is not doing anything in the relationship and the other is the only one putting out any effort. I would have that same opinion whoever was at fault, man or the woman. So you think its OK for one partner to do everything while the other sits on the couch and does nothing?