SO torn

[aschwarz]

Hi all! Longtime disboards lurker, first time writing anything! I am happy to say that I am now engaged to my boyfriend of seven years, and literally one of the first things he said that night was "we have to get married in Disney!" Disney is our favorite place in the world, we've been there on two big trips and four day trips over the years and it just seems like the most magical place on earth to exchange our vows.

Background on us though, we are 23 and 25 so still fairly young, just moved in together three months ago, and are in no rush to get married right away. I've always wanted a wedding in the fall/winter, which would be perfect in WDW since I'm not a fan of heat/summer weddings. We're from NY, so if we got married in FL we could stretch it out through the winter months easily. Our target date is from fall 2014 through March 2015-ish, so we have a while.

However.. when I told my family this was something we were considering (our families are both all in NY) my sister and mom acted completely disgusted. My sister told me flat out her school schedule "may not allow her to come" (she is in school until May of 2015) and couldn't believe I wouldn't wait for her to graduate before having my wedding. My mom said she thought Disney was a bad idea. My sister also said my cousins wouldn't come as it would be rude for me to expect people to pay money to fly to my wedding. Needless to say, I was hurt and upset. I never said I was 100% getting married in WDW, I just said it would be a nice idea, and they totally shut me down during what should be the most exciting moment of my life.

Have any of you dealt with situations like this when you mentioned getting married in WDW? I now dread the thought of even planning a wedding because of how badly they reacted.

 

[Chilly]

You'll find a lot of brides on here have been though similar situations.

I think something really important to remember is whether you have a wedding at home or a destination wedding you can not please everyone and everyone will not be able to come even if it is at home so plan the wedding you want.

Unless everyone you know is in NY some people would need to travel anyway is another important factor.

Good luck with everything and congratulations.

 

[ChickyRootie]

Whether you get married in WDW or at home you are going to deal with this sort of thing. I got married young and I tried so hard to please everyone that my wedding was nothing what I wanted (down to the bridesmaids dresses and everything!) and people complained anyway, harshly! (I got married in a Cathedral (Basilica) to please my parents and they were still mad because it wasn't OUR Catholic church! )

Only snag in this whole 'it's YOUR wedding thing' is...who's paying ??

Unfortunately if you are either having someone 'help' you pay, or pay entirely they will want their 'say' and have their say they WILL...believe me.


If you are paying for the wedding, then fine, it is your day; but don't get hurt if people immediately say no or make jokes. Another thing to keep in mind. Weddings bring out the 'best' in people if you know what I mean. People who I thought would be happy for me and helpful, weren't. And the people who I thought wouldn't care at all ended up doing the most to make the day special.

 

[aschwarz]

Thanks girls. We are so newly engaged we haven't even discussed payment or budget or ANYTHING, just that Disney would be a cool idea, but I'd imagine both sets of parents will help financially. His parents are completely on board and thrilled about a Disney wedding, by the way. It's shocking my parents aren't since they instilled the love of Disney in me to begin with.

I already see what you mean about people being nasty when it comes to weddings. I've already had people make jokes and say nasty things, and these are family members! It's hurtful because I would never treat any of my friends or family that way during their engagement.

 

[KPetty725]

You're planning this far enough in advance that people can easily save and plan for the trip. As for your sister, it sounds like she's in college so if you plan a wedding around the 2nd or 3rd week of December or the 1st week of January, she won't have to miss classes.

We lived in Orlando when we got married but all of our family had to travel in from other states. We had a great turnout because we had planned over a year in advance. When we sent the save-the-date cards, we sent pricing info for hotels, theme park tickets, etc to show them that they could make it into a family vacation and to help ease some of the burden of planning.

Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with the planning!!

 

[Lisaren]

If I wanted more than just my immediate family to attend my wedding, I would not consider a destination wedding of any kind. Disney could be included in the decorations with a great honeymoon to Disney. Many people would not be willing to spend the cost to attend a destination wedding (at least in my circles). No, I am not judging your decision for a Disney wedding, just remember it is your day. You do what will make you happy in the long run, and sometimes that means bending to other members of your family.
I wanted a wedding that included only immediate family members - meaning parents and brothers and sisters. My husbands family was appalled and I changed to accommodate something that was important to them. I do not regret that decision at all.
You and your fiancé will have to discuss expenses, who is paying, and make the final decision that fits in with your picture of your future.

 

[ChickyRootie]

Thanks girls. We are so newly engaged we haven't even discussed payment or budget or ANYTHING, just that Disney would be a cool idea, but I'd imagine both sets of parents will help financially. His parents are completely on board and thrilled about a Disney wedding, by the way. It's shocking my parents aren't since they instilled the love of Disney in me to begin with.

I already see what you mean about people being nasty when it comes to weddings. I've already had people make jokes and say nasty things, and these are family members! It's hurtful because I would never treat any of my friends or family that way during their engagement.

I know what you mean. Don't let a first reaction get you down though. Definitely listen to your family and friends and try to see it from their point of view. It's very important to want to **try to** make everyone happy because it is two families blending, truly. Nobody should feel left out, but try to determine if people are making genuine comments for YOUR best interest, or if they are just trying to control something. That's the main thing. Everyone should feel a part of your special day but don't lose yourself trying to please everyone. I mean, don't turn total bridezilla ...but if you have people trying to sneakily call the caterer to change your cake flavors or the florist to change your flowers...you have a real problem then! (and yes that actually happened to me...)

 

[Summer Daydream]

It happened to me!! Most of my aunts and uncles were just so nasty about a Disney wedding that I figured to forget them and just do the escape package with immediate family. We are so happy with that decision! Just do what makes you happy!

 

[gelandnick]

First of all, congratulations on your engagement! I think that the most weddings come with a basket full of drama due to the demands of family members. Although it may be difficult, you need to remember that this is a once in a lifetime thing and it is YOUR wedding. Doing what others want will only make you unhappy. Believe me...I've been dealing with the drama since last September. It's heart breaking, but it will be even worse if you concede to the wishes of others. Hang in there!

 

[aschwarz]

Thank you all so much! I feel terrible to hear others have gone through this. Me and my fiance have a lot to think about in the coming months but it makes me feel better to hear other peoples' experiences, it really does.

 

[sambycat]

also, a lot of people (even disney fanatics) think “disney wedding” means theme park and mickey preforming the ceremony!* there is much to consider when planning a wedding and i am sure you will be reading over websites and books and they all touch on the family drama. you have lots of time to plan the whole shebang and you will end up with something great! but with most families, if it’s not one thing, it’s another!


*no comment to the fact that at least half the people here would like that....

 

[Kaylars]

We went through this with my grandparents, they are very religious and wanted us to get married at a church and why are you picking a park blah blah. I basically told them its what both my fiancé and I want for our wedding and its our day. They eventually said do what makes you happy.

Get cheesy on them, make a PowerPoint have slides of the wedding locations, disney weddings that inspire you, food, hotel rooms, all the good stuff.

 

[wiigirl]

I just wanted to say congratulations on your engagement.

 

[anniemck]

First let me say... CONGRATULATIONS...
Next... plan and have the wedding YOU and your fiance' want to have, do not let others ruin the moment for you. If they want to be there they will make a way to be there. You are giving enough notice that it can be done.
The less you tell people about your plans, other than the ones in the wedding party itself, the less you have to hear complaining about.
My daughter just got married in February, she and her now husband live in TN, everyone else is in FL, the wedding was in TN... those that wanted to/could be there made the trip, those that did not... well they didn't. There were 80 people in attendance, and 70 of them were from out of town.

 

[Kippy52]

To be honest, my Fiancé and I are big Disney fans. We will be married in Disney in November. we are from NJ too. We told our family's our plans and have them the option to come or not. We kept our list small as well. Everyone coming is taking a Disney Vacation for our wedding. If you decide on Disney they will be there. It's not rude at all of you to want to be married there. Do what you want, not what others tell you to do.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Congrats to you and your fiance.

I'm mom of the bride....and while my husband and I are paying for a good portion of the Disney wedding, we are standing back and letting dd and her fiance make the major decisions. They chose not to get married in a Catholic church (and are going with the Wedding Chapel). They also almost chose the FL Aquarium in Tampa. It was something they went back and forth with. Fortunately, my daughter wants my input in many things and I feel blessed by that. While the aquarium was a very nice venue, we are ultimately happy the happy couple chose WDW. So many of our family memories over the span of 18 years go back to Disney. So WDW just felt right.

We are again very fortunate that news of a DFTW is getting most of our guests very excited. It's different for us as compared to you, in that we have family scattered in PA, NY, IL, AZ, CA and FL. So it was going to be a destination for many people no matter where the wedding was going to end up.

I think your family may come around once you show them just how beautifully Disney can make this special occasion. All the best to you !!!!

 

[aschwarz]

Thank you all! You're all so very sweet. I appreciate every word of encouragement and will try and remember that ultimately this is my day and what works best for me and my husband-to-be and will make us happy is what is most important.