So tired of the drama - vent (long)

[Tuffcookie]

Paternity test should have been done a long time ago.

Who needs a BF that you can't trust?

DD should be working and/or going to school, to better support herself and her DD. She should not picking up with someone else at this stage of DGD's life!

TC

 

[RitaE]

Well I suppose a Mother could put "Unknown" - if the Father was actually unknown. Putting down "Unknown" when it isn't true, and then signing the form would actually otherwise be known as Giving False Statements and Defrauding The Government.

I think we are simply going to have to agree to disagree here. You seem to be of the opinion that I (and some others) are advocates of forcing undesirable parents into the equation all in the sake of saving tax dollars.

I on the other hand firmly believe that the taxpayers aren't forcing the issue at all. The taxpayers have nothing to do with choosing the parents of a child. That choice is made by the people who create the child and the consequences of those choices should then be born by the people create the children.

There are of course cases where parental rights should be removed. However I can't ever imagine such a scenario where one parent should have the right to unilaterally deny another parent his rights and obligations and then turn around and request the public to pay in his place. If somebody is an unfit parent, then follow the court process and prove he is an unfit parent and that your child will be damaged by having contact. Simply saying "Well I think it'd be better if I didn't have to fill out that paperwork and follow the law --- all for the sake of my child. So just give me the money." just doesn't cut it for me.

 

[Maridw]

If OP is tired of drama, posting here was probably counterproductive.

I see what a mistake I made . I just needed somewhere to vent my frustrations at my "friends" and how they were treating me and my DD and instead opened up a huge can of worms here.

I will no longer made any more contributions to this thread and have asked that the moderators close it. This has gone from a simple vent to where I have to defend my DD and her living situation.

Yes, my DD made a mistake, but she is doing the best that she can without a job and going to school. She gets enough on food stamps to get baby food and additional staples (diapers etc). She gets WIC for her formula, milk & cheese. She gets enough money from her father to cover her car payment & insurance with enough left over to get any additional items she needs. Her current boyfriend provides the rest.

Now that I have said that, I will no longer add to this thread. You all can debate this topic as much as you want. As far as I am concerned this caused more of a headache than anything.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm sure there are two sides to this story.

He is the child's father. He has just as much right to parent the child does as the mother.

Maybe. He didn't want that right, remember? And there may be a very good reason why she didn't want him in her child's life.



OP, it sounds like your dd is doing a good job. The "good old" Dis chooses to judge everyone that gets $3 of money from the state without ever thinking that its needed. More of those high horses.

She is trying to improve herself and her circumstances, good for her.

Hope everything works out for your dd and your dgd.

 

[Art 1]

No but it certainly increases the odds!! that she won't need any or as much aid.

The child has a father and there is a man out there that has a child and they both deserve to know this. It isn't the Mothers place to play God and decide who or who doesn't get to know about the other. She already chose to get pregnant with this man, choice done.

And the child shouldn't grow up not knowing who their Father is. And he should not get away free and clear.

Maybe it was a State regulation but I thought I had seen somewhere that you could not get aid fro a child unless the Mother named someone on the BC.

If he signs a major league baseball contract his name will get put on real quick, seen that before.

 

[luvsJack]

Then that is $20 a month that doesn't come from tax payers.

I don't care how many mistakes a person makes ( I've made my fair share) until they expect me to pick up the pieces and then it is our business and if they can rectify it they should. Why should I pay for that guys good time and her carelessness?

No, it doesn't work that way. Getting $20 of child support is not going to reduce anything by $20, she would still continue to get the same thing.

Well I suppose a Mother could put "Unknown" - if the Father was actually unknown. Putting down "Unknown" when it isn't true, and then signing the form would actually otherwise be known as Giving False Statements and Defrauding The Government.

I think we are simply going to have to agree to disagree here. You seem to be of the opinion that I (and some others) are advocates of forcing undesirable parents into the equation all in the sake of saving tax dollars.

I on the other hand firmly believe that the taxpayers aren't forcing the issue at all. The taxpayers have nothing to do with choosing the parents of a child. That choice is made by the people who create the child and the consequences of those choices should then be born by the people create the children.

There are of course cases where parental rights should be removed. However I can't ever imagine such a scenario where one parent should have the right to unilaterally deny another parent his rights and obligations and then turn around and request the public to pay in his place. If somebody is an unfit parent, then follow the court process and prove he is an unfit parent and that your child will be damaged by having contact. Simply saying "Well I think it'd be better if I didn't have to fill out that paperwork and follow the law --- all for the sake of my child. So just give me the money." just doesn't cut it for me.

Do you really think that they can prove that she did know who the father was? We will certainly have to agree to disagree, because for me the welfare of any child trumps all else, even your precious tax dollars. I would certainly rather see my tax dollars feeding a child than the pockets of some politician.

The court process doesn't always work. Sometimes the laws are written in a way that make it near impossible to take someone's parental rights from them. If you have never been through the process, you would have no idea what it takes. It would be very hard for some mothers to take that chance. The young mother I mentioned in a pp was not willing to take that chance and I repect her for that. She just couldn't take a chance of him ever having even one visitation with her child.

 

[disneyjunkie]

WOW I'm surprised the OP's daughter was approved for foodstamps. The boyfriend's income(since they live together) and the money from her dad would have had to be included in her budget when she applied.

 

[Maridw]

OP, it sounds like your dd is doing a good job. The "good old" Dis chooses to judge everyone that gets $3 of money from the state without ever thinking that its needed. More of those high horses.

She is trying to improve herself and her circumstances, good for her.

Hope everything works out for your dd and your dgd.

Thank you.

 

[Inigo]

Then she needs to pay for and support the child 100% and not expect the rest of us to do it.

Because it is his responsibility not mine.
And it isn't ethically the right thing to do.

I have always said I don't want to support any children that I didn't get the pleasure of making.

 

[pls5286]

I have been following this post. I want to input something. My son is now 14. I know who his father is. He knows who his father is. It has been proven by DNA testing and Child Support Enforcement takes it out of his paycheck every two weeks. He is not on my son's birth certificate. I know this because I had to get another copy two years ago and his name was not on it. Paternity was est in 1998. He has no legal rights to my son. NONE.

When my son turned 11, bio dad called and wanted to get to know his son. I said let me talk it over with him as you have not had any contact with him for 11 yrs, and its now his decision. DS said he wanted to. Regular visits lasted for around 9 months. DS got a great relationship with his brothers. Dad began fading off. Irregular phone calls began coming. No visits. Then lies started to DS. Horrible lies about his grandparents and me. Phone calls tapered off. Then became a text. Step-mom began doing things to try and get me kicked out as a leader of Boy Scouts.

When bio dad got mad at me over him going into child support enforcement, enforcement status and called my son and told him my parents told him (dad) that he refused to pay child support and they were low down and refused to let him see them any more. My son came to me in tears at 12. I put a block on his phone and told bio-dad that he was welcome to call DS anytime he wanted, but he needed to do it from my phone. Unsupervised calls were not allowed. All contact between the two were not court ordered and were out of the goodness of my heart. I told my son (after talking to my parents) that none of this was true and he was upset because he was behind in child support.

In 14 years my son has never heard any of us bad mouth his bio dad, but decided a little over a year ago that he wants no contact what so ever with his dad. He doesn't like the once every six month phone call. I get a phone call if he doesn't like something going on. The last phone call I got was a practical joke, and he called me to tell me my DF had been killed in a car wreck. I knew he was safe and was at work.

The purpose of this is is he trying to stir something up. The only time we hear from DS bio dad is when he trys to stir up crap. We know it is. My son is very happy with my dad and my DF being father figures in his life. He is unhappy that he wants to have a relationsip with his three little brothers, but understands that that can't happen. They do see each other at church. Dad is not there, so all is well.