Should we tell the kids?

[bakerudall]

...or should what happens in Anaheim stay in Anaheim?

As you can see by the ticker, DW and I are leaving the kids with relatives in Oct. and spending four days at DLR. The longest we've ever left our kids is two nights, so we're totally pumped! The kids will be going with us and some relatives to WDW next year, so they won't be totally neglected.

So here's the question. Do we tell the kids where we are going? I don't want to hear the whining and begging that will follow if we break the news that they are staying home. At the same time, I know the oldest may overhear our conversations and figure it out. I'm also sure we will get the urge to buy them all gifts on the trip. I have thought of telling them we went to California on vacation and "spent some time" in DL to buy some gifts or even waiting to tell them until after WDW by "stumbling" across all of our photos. Or do we just make it our own memory and tell them when we're old and gray (like when my parents recently told me what really happened when my dog "ran away")?

 

[calambert]

I would never tell them....ever! Unless you want to be reminded for the rest of your life about "the time you and mom went to DL without us".......

 

[Mugglemama]

I wouldn't tell them, either. I don't begrudge any parents for wanting to experience the parks without kids, but it seems really mean (to me) to tell them about it. It's healthy for kids to know their parents do stuff without them and nurture their own marriage and all...but Disneyland is like Mecca to children. It would be different if you were going to, say, San Diego or on a cruise to the Bahamas or something. Disneyland is the be all, end all to kids.
I would never do that to mine. It seems almost like bragging?

Tell them afterwards if you must....but it seems unneccesarily cruel to taunt them with it beforehand (not saying you would intentionally be taunting them...but simply telling them has a lot of potential to feel like taunting to them). Just my humble opinion (but I *have* been at this parenting thing for a while - my oldest graduates from college next year).

Hope you have a great time! (On our next trip in May, our oldest and her boyfriend are going to take our younger kids (14, 11, and 7) off our hands for a couple of hours while we're all in the parks, so hubby and I will get to explore for a bit on our own. I'm looking forward to it, but I have a feeling we're going to find that we have a lot more fun all together. Still, it should be fun to not be responsible for EVERYONE for a just a little while!)

P.S. If your oldest seems to figure it out, or overhears you talking (but you could probably prevent that from happening...), you can nonchalantly explain that you'll be running into Downtown Disney to shop and/or eat. That's not untrue, since you likely *will* be hitting a shop or restaurant in DD during your visit.

 

[coaches24]

I wouldnt tell them before hand for sure. If they found out before we went then I would sit them down and explain it to them as best I could but they still wouldnt understand until they are parents themselves.

Its not the end of the world if they find out about it (they will act like it is most likely). As upset as they would be they will get over it over time.

I would probably tell my kids (well I only have one right now) after the trip was over and give them some nice prize from DL to help curb the anger. I think thats easier than trying to hide or lie about what you did while you were gone.

 

[lisachrystine]

I would probably tell my kids (well I only have one right now) after the trip was over and give them some nice prize from DL to help curb the anger. I think thats easier than trying to hide or lie about what you did while you were gone.

I agree

I was in this position last year. I'm not a big fan of trying to hide things from my kids, especially since there were bound to be pictures that they would see and I thought they'd be more angry if they felt like we had intentionally kept it from them. We didn't tell them ahead of time - just that we were going to CA to visit my friend (totally true) and see a concert (also true). When we were there, we took a self portrait in front of the castle on my phone and messaged it to my mom and asked them if they could guess where we were (this wasn't the first time we'd sent them a pic along the way). To some kids, I suppose that could be mean, but mine were all excited for us. Full disclosue: they were young (oldest was 5 at the time) and had very little memory of having been there before. Other than that, we pretty much left it at that. We showed them the pictures of the whole trip (only one day was DL) and talked about it with them when we got back - and they were really excited for their DL souvenirs.

Anyway, that's my experience. If it were me, I think I'd tell them after the fact. If they are unhappy about it, you can remind them of the great trip to WDW you have planned together.

 

[jacs1234]

We went without our kids and we were there for 10 days. Our kids were 9, 7, 5 and 4 at the time. We told them before hand. They were happy and excited for us. My 9 year old even said, when we asked if he'd mind, "you two deserve a break". lol They were excited to be staying with Grandma and not once did they whine and complain about where we were going. It was for our 15th anniversary and dh's 40th birthday. Maybe if you told them before hand, you could ask them for ideas about 1 special thing they'd like you to bring back.

Telling our children before our trip worked well for us.

 

[bakerudall]

Thank you for all of your thoughts! I'm glad we have a lot of time to think this over.

Hope you have a great time! (On our next trip in May, our oldest and her boyfriend are going to take our younger kids (14, 11, and 7) off our hands for a couple of hours while we're all in the parks, so hubby and I will get to explore for a bit on our own. I'm looking forward to it, but I have a feeling we're going to find that we have a lot more fun all together. Still, it should be fun to not be responsible for EVERYONE for a just a little while!)

You will have a blast! Our last time at DL (with about 20 in-laws), the grandparents wore out and took all the kids back to the hotel for one evening. We had about 4 hours to ourselves and got to relax and watch the jazz band at the firehouse. What rides did we end up going as adults? The FL dark rides.

I would probably tell my kids (well I only have one right now) after the trip was over and give them some nice prize from DL to help curb the anger. I think thats easier than trying to hide or lie about what you did while you were gone.

I like the prize idea. I know my DD3 will want something from "Dinnywand."

Maybe if you told them before hand, you could ask them for ideas about 1 special thing they'd like you to bring back.

Interesting. If they picked their own gift, they might feel more involved and appreciate it more.

Oh, and one more correction on my OP--The longest we've been without the kids is one night. I remembered that we had to bring a nursing baby along on our two night stay in a Scottsdale resort.

 

[awdsmama]

Tell them afterwards. Make it sound like a last minute decision possibly? Or even "research" for your upcoming WDW trip LOL

And for sure bring back goodies for them!!

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

I'd tell my kids. I think it's healthy for kids to know they don't get to do everything they wanna do...especially where you're taking them to WDW later..they'll get to go. Patience is a virtue

JMHO

 

[pixiewings71]

We've been without the kids plenty of times, we've been with the kids plenty of times too. But, even if we hadn't been with them plenty of times there is no way I would lie to my children (even by omission) about where I was going. Tell them, they might get upset, they might not, but either way it's better to tell them now.

 

[EKW]

Do not tell them. Do not bring them gifts from Disney.

They are children. Just tell them you're going away on an adult-only vacation...plan fun stuff for them to do with their grandparents...and leave it at that.

It is healthy for them to have an understanding that you are adults and they are children. They do not need to know everything you do. In fact, I think it is very unhealthy for parents to feel that their children should know "everything". It seems especially mean-spirited to flaunt your trip in a misguided attempt to teach virtues. There are many teachable moments...this is not one of them.

Let your kids be kids...enjoy their time away from you...and don't muddy the waters with unneeded info!

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't think DH and I would go away like that together (philosophy and the fact that we have no one sane to watch DS), BUT I've been on solo trips. Those started when DS was 3, and he and DH saw how bummed I was after our second Disneyland trip because my touring style is SO different from theirs, and I felt like I hadn't gotten a vacation at all (while they did feel they did).

So they nearly packed me up and sent me off. Iv'e done a few more solo trips since then, and DS has always known about it and has been happy for me. Of course, the fact that he gets manly bonding time with DH (who takes time off or works from home) and one time got to go into work with DH (I think that was the first solo trip, when he was 3ish, and he still remembers that day!), helps his excitement for when I go away.


I'd tell them. Ever since I stopped telling DS that the cable company turned off our cable for most of the day, only turning it on for a few select shows (so I didn't have to deal with the constant talking about it (which he got from me...when I was 2 or 3 my mom figured I'd be a lawyer from the way I could use extreme logic to show her that her decisions weren't the best decisions)), I've seen very few times when a lie is necessary.

And since, I hope, they have sane people to stay with, that's sort of like the manly bonding time DS gets with DH, and I'm sure they'll have fun on their own!

 

[azdisneylover]

I would not tell the kids right away. I would even tell them a white lie and say the friends invited us to go to Disneyland and so we went. This way, they wouldn't feel so bad. Only you know how your kids would take it. I know my kids would beg to go every waking second of the day until we left.

 

[staley7580]

My husband and I are going to DL just the two of us in June.. My older two kids know. We have never been away from them, and its a BIG deal for us. We are way excited. My kids arent even phased by the fact they dont get to go. We went last spring break.. we are going in October.. they have been to WDW, and DL. They know they arent missing anything but mommy and daddy getting all oogly googly and kissy-kissy with each other!

Its not like we sat them down to tell them we are going. But they know from us talking about it. It we dont make it a big deal to them, it wont be.

 

[deejdigsdis]

I'm in the "Tell Them" camp. To me, it's not about feeling that I need to tell my children "everything." I also didn't see it as being the least bit "mean" to tell them about our trip without them either. And frankly, neither did they. This was my experience. My husband and I decided to go to DL by ourselves a couple of years ago, just 5 months after taking our kids. I dreaded telling them because I figured they'd have a not-so-pleasant reaction. I was wrong. DS10: "Oh...Did I tell you what happened at recess today?" DS7: Silence. Eyes filled up with tears because I wouldn't be there to walk him to his class. Tears completely unrelated to the idea of staying home from Disneyland. DS4: "Will you bring me a Tigger Tail?" ... and then carries on with what he was doing as if Disneyland wasn't mentioned. He actually reached the point of counting down the days until we left -- which was really counting down the days until he would get to eat a Lunchable right after school! My husband and I went again without the kids in Nov. 2011. The plan was to fly out early one morning, enjoy Disneyland dressed for Christmas for the rest of that day and most of the next day, and return on a late flight that second day. When we told the kids, our oldest son said, "If you're going to go all that way, you might as well stay for more than one night!" Not in a snotty way by any means...it was his practical side offering some practical advice. So we took his advice and added a second night. The kids were fine. We brought back treats/small souvenirs each time -- didn't go overboard in that department at all. It was all good. In 18 years of marriage, these have been our only 2 kid-less getaways. I guess we did go away overnight once for our 10th Anniversary. But no regrets as far as going without the kids/telling the kids beforehand. I guess the bottom line is that you know your kids best and will figure out what is best. (Although I thought my kids would be really disappointed...and they weren't. So what do I know...)

 

[kangaand2roos]

I'd tell my kids. I think it's healthy for kids to know they don't get to do everything they wanna do...especially where you're taking them to WDW later..they'll get to go. Patience is a virtue

JMHO

Agreed. I've done a couple of solo trips and told the kids. They were very good about it.

 

[oboedm]

FWIW, dear BIL, I think your oldest would understand if she overheard conversations about it. Just tell her that you are going to do a quick trip, just the two of you, and that they will have an awesome time at my house for four days and nights, LOL! I would enlist her help in planning what you should bring back for the others. For example, "Emma (DD11), what character gift do you think Sara (DD5) would like?" I think Bryant (DS8) could handle this method as well.

As for your DD who is three and currently obsessed with all things Disney, I wouldn't breathe a word of it! You can bring home a gift, but there is no need to actually tell her that you went into the parks or met characters.

Then again, they all have the potential to be okay with it. They can "go" to Disneyland using our Kinect and we can watch WDW videos while they are at our house. Maybe you could tell them about a week before, or a few days before. "Hey kids, on our trip we are stopping by DLR. What kind of present would you like?" That way the focus is on what they will get, not what they are missing out on. =)

 

[tinkermomma]

I'm in the "you're the only one who knows your kids camp"

That said, I personally would not. I agree that Disneyland like Mecca for kids and would not put mine through that once they are old enough to understand. Especially if one of them is obsessed. I do think it would be a bit cruel and don't see the point.

 

[sweethannah]

I would choose the option that doesn't include lying to my kids about where I went on vacation. I would either tell them or I would choose a different destination.

 

[canadian_ehngel]

I would personally not tell my kids. They would be SO unbelievably upset with us (my oldest, for example, cries, or almost cries, when we talk about Disneyland). I would probably tell them we were going elsewhere (Vegas, for example). I would bring them Disney-related souvenirs, but tell them we got them at the Disney store in Vegas.........
But to each their own. Everyone's kids would act very differently!