Seeing how this board is sensitive to weight issues, let me ask...

[ilovepcot]

How would all you politically correct people handle this delicate situation? A man is returning for a visit to your home in the near future. He visited 2 weeks prior and you discovered after he left that the cushion on the end of your sofa (where he sat 3 hours) is now sagging...really sagging! He weights 467 pounds if that's a factor. How do you "politely" steer him to a straight back chair that is uncomfortable but very sturdy without coming off insensitive? His wife (my relative) is rabid concerning how people view his weight issues and comes unraveled with people who point it out in any way. So, do we say absolutely nothing and allow him to return and wipe out our new sofa? DH is all for letting him destroy the sofa to keep peace.

 

[RitaE]

I'm not quite sure what you mean by sagging? Did he damage the springs down in the couch or just smooth the cushion?

Is this something that could be helped by placing a piece of plywood or something down under the cushion to help distribute the weight across the whole couch?

 

[marlynnp]

quickly redecorate and just use pillows on the floor for seating?

I'd probably go with the husband on this one just because of the damage that's already been done to the sofa...

 

[skatalite]

Quit buying Chinese-made furniture and you won't have sagging issues!

OK, I'm kidding.

BUT!

Have people already sitting on the couch when it's time to sit/chat/whatever. That way he's forced to sit on the chair you want him to sit on.

Or, you know, ask him to sit in the chair because of the alleged damage he did to your couch.

 

[Imzadi]

quickly redecorate and just use pillows on the floor for seating?

I'd probably go with the husband on this one just because of the damage that's already been done to the sofa...

Yeah, the sofa sounds like it is half gone already. If he sits on the other side, maybe you could put a piece of plywood underneath, as someone else suggested. Maybe you could do that now to save what's left of it.

 

[bedogged]

How would all you politically correct people handle this delicate situation? A man is returning for a visit to your home in the near future. He visited 2 weeks prior and you discovered after he left that the cushion on the end of your sofa (where he sat 3 hours) is now sagging...really sagging! He weights 467 pounds if that's a factor. How do you "politely" steer him to a straight back chair that is uncomfortable but very sturdy without coming off insensitive? His wife (my relative) is rabid concerning how people view his weight issues and comes unraveled with people who point it out in any way. So, do we say absolutely nothing and allow him to return and wipe out our new sofa? DH is all for letting him destroy the sofa to keep peace.

"Without coming off insensitive?" Please do yourself a favor and reread the Golden Rule.

 

[Janepod]

"Without coming off insensitive?" Please do yourself a favor and reread the Golden Rule.

This. There's no way to no seem insensitive. Either don't have him over, or reassure yourself that good friendships and others' feelings are more important than "stuff."

 

[anniemae]

I really don't think there is much you can do except have the couch full of people when he enters the room and have the sturdy chair the only seat available. I don't know any way to keep him off the couch other than maybe move it out of the room and tell them you are redecorating? Not sure if the plywood would help I would be terrified it would crack and embarrass him.

 

[anniemae]

also wanted to add that I think your dh is right, just let it go and save the peace.

 

[SLP958]

Move the sofa out before he comes. Rearrange the chairs and say you bought a new one and it is late being delivered.

Don't invite him back or suggest meeting at a restaurant.

I would not have guests over more than once if the broke my furniture.

 

[bdcp]

How do you know exactly how much he weighs?

We have a large friend who we love like family and when he sits on my bar stool, I cringe inside, but I would NEVER say anything. People are more important than things and it's not like he's doing it on purpose.

 

[Angelhalo]

I was going to suggest putting plywood or some sort of slats under the cushions. I definitely would not say anything or steer anyone.

It sounds like damage is done to that couch at this point. I would put it in the garage/attic/shed etc after he leaves, buy a new one, put it in your living room, then switch out the two couches any time he comes for an extended visit. This small task would be worth it to me to have my friends/family visit my home and feel comfortable.

For non overnight visits, I would just suggest meeting them somewhere for dinner or whatever.

 

[Handbag Lady]

How would all you politically correct people handle this delicate situation? A man is returning for a visit to your home in the near future. He visited 2 weeks prior and you discovered after he left that the cushion on the end of your sofa (where he sat 3 hours) is now sagging...really sagging! He weights 467 pounds if that's a factor. How do you "politely" steer him to a straight back chair that is uncomfortable but very sturdy without coming off insensitive? His wife (my relative) is rabid concerning how people view his weight issues and comes unraveled with people who point it out in any way. So, do we say absolutely nothing and allow him to return and wipe out our new sofa? DH is all for letting him destroy the sofa to keep peace.

That's a good one. I don't know what I would do. I'm overweight and very sensitive about it, but I'm not THAT overweight to the point that I ruin furniture. If I were, I would be absolutely mortified and I would want to know so that 1. I could repair it or pay for it and 2. NEVER do it again.

But how do you deal with it when the wife is in denial? Can you speak with her directly, out of earshot of the overweight person at all? Maybe in privacy you can let her know your concerns so that she doesn't need to feel fear in front of the overweight person?

Or you can take a gamble and just say, oh, you'd be much better sitting here, and offering the chair.

Or, make your family members all take of the couch so that he HAS to take the chair.

 

[lexysdad04]

Quit buying Chinese-made furniture and you won't have sagging issues! OK, I'm kidding.

That's the first thing that came to mind then IKEA

Ok ok if that's not the case most furniture comes with 5yr warranties against sagging and what not so why not just keep the peace and when he leaves call the warranty

Or visit them instead

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[niceblueeyedgirl]

Just curious...how do you know his weight?

I would thinking if your relative is so sensitive to people making fun of his weight, she wouldn't be releasing the details for public consumption. Curious...

I agree with your husband. Stuff is stuff. Hurt feelings are forever...or at least a while.

Just think of the golden rule would be my recommendation. How would you feel if someone said or did that to your sister or daughter or husband or mother or fill in the blank? Steered them to a seat out of not wanting to ruin their furniture? Probably wouldn't make them, and you by extension, feel very good, would it?

 

[bedogged]

I really don't think there is much you can do except have the couch full of people when he enters the room and have the sturdy chair the only seat available. I don't know any way to keep him off the couch other than maybe move it out of the room and tell them you are redecorating? Not sure if the plywood would help I would be terrified it would crack and embarrass him.

So he is not just obese, he is also stupid? I guarantee that if the OP sets up this scenario, he and his wife will immediately know that it is a setup and be embarrassed and hurt anyway. Why would a hostess want ANY invited guest to be uncomfortable as well as mortified? If you do not want him sitting on your furniture, then don't issue an invitation to visit.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

Well I have never been accused of being politically correct. If it were me I would tell the female relative that her husband ruined the springs in my couch so IF they planned on coming back over SHE needs to steer him into sitting in the straight back chair and not the couch.

I am also curious what you call sagging of the couch. Did he bend the springs or just smoosh the life out of the cushion? Do you have a picture to show us what the couch looks like after he ruined it?

If the couch is literally ruined then I would probably not worry about steering him towards the chair. I mean truth be told if he is almost 500 pounds he may very well break the chair too.

Also if he DID actually ruin the couch I would be telling his rabid wife they need to pony up some cash to replace it. I also would not be inviting them back over.

 

[mefordis]

I would just let him sit where he wants to. The chair sounds uncomfortable.

I'm assuming you enjoy the relationship or wouldn't have them over, so I would consider it a trade off for their company and friendship.

 

[anniemae]

So he is not just obese, he is also stupid? I guarantee that if the OP sets up this scenario, he and his wife will immediately know that it is a setup and be embarrassed and hurt anyway. Why would a hostess want ANY invited guest to be uncomfortable as well as mortified? If you do not want him sitting on your furniture, then don't issue an invitation to visit.


Nobody said he was stupid. I was simply trying to gently point out that I don't think there is anything she can do without hurting his feelings besides having the couch full, which is most likely not going to happen, unless she is having a huge party, but it did not sound like that was the case. Therefore, she should just not say anything and let him sit where he wants to avoid embarrassing anyone.

I feel for you op, furniture is expensive, but friends and family are priceless.

 

[FireDancer]

If it were my relative I'd speak with his wife and let her know I realize this is a touchy subject but I can't afford to replace a piece of furniture every time they come to visit.

There is probably no delicate way to do it in the end. You will have to choose to not invite them over again, be honest and put it out there, or suck it up and accept the broken furniture. If I were breaking something everytime I went to visit a friend or relative I'd want to know. I'd feel terrible about putting them in the awkward position of having to bring it up, not angry at them for doing so. And like a PP I think being straightforward with him is much better than insulting his intelligence as well by trying to steer him away from couch passively.

I suspect I'll be in the minority here but no, I wouldn't just suck it up and have broken furniture every time someone came to visit.