SAHM Vent

[Acklander]

Not sure if you just worded this weird or if you're recommending it for everyone. For me, this would have been the absolute WORST of both worlds. An income small enough not to be of significant benefit to me or my family AND a time commitment that curtailed my flexibility in other areas. No thanks.



I'm uneasy with women being defined by the fact that they are mothers - whether SAHM or WM. Raising our kids is perhaps the most important thing we'll ever do, but it's still something we DO, it's not an identity. I think the fact that it has become one is what makes these discussions so intensely personal and contentious.

I see what you're saying. Yes, raising kids is the most important thing that I do, but it's not the only thing that I do. And I hate that it always comes up about women, and nothing about men. My husband is a very involved parent. He's the one who brought our son to his games (because he enjoyed watching games) the things like dr appts and being home with a sick kid usually fell on him, because he had more flexibility with his work schedule. When the kids were babies you could usually find him wearing the baby in the snugli because he enjoyed wearing the baby and having his hands free. He's a natural caretaker and a phenomenal dad. But he is never defined by the fact that he's a dad. There isn't anyone judging him by his decision to hold a job while also being a dad. No one asks him to account for his time or demand answers on when he does his share of the housework or ask how much quality time he spent with the kids each day. He's allowed to be a great dad all by itself, without it becoming his identity.

 

[Mkrop]

I think SAHM for a few years is great-but find something , even part time when They are in school.I was lucky-I was able to work at home 7 hours a day (I actually stepped down from manager of my Dept , back to my former position to do this )-so I took off when I picked them up from school.
It was the best of both worlds.

Is this for you or for all? To some degree I would love to do this, just need to find an employer that would agree to the p/t hours that I need for my family, but the magical 8-2 jobs are not out there all the time, trust me I look. I then have the difficulty of DH's job, he is out of town a lot, so all the snow, sick and specialists appts that only happen during the day, still fall to me. It doesnt help me if DH is in Kentucky, and I am here in PA when it come to snow days. When I do a job I give a 100% and I would feel crappy if I had to call out all the time. That is not the type of employer I want to be. If DH had a consistent schedule, worked nearby, and my kids didnt need to be driven places than I could work outside the home. DS16 just got his license so that is weird that he is not included in my time anymore but that just happened and I still need to get DS11 places and be there for him and homework given his issues.

When my kids were younger, I brought them to my mom's. It was great. I worked, she watched them, but it was a long commute. And once again those sick days and appts fell to me, and my boss was not a happy camper when I had to call in sick. My mom still helps me from time to time but she is older now and she doesnt like to drive (never did, she learned to drive when my dad died, she was 46). She wont drive in bad weather and she wont drive when it is dark, so that makes it hard to actually utilize her, and she lives 20-30 minutes away depending on traffic. She actually got very upset one day, feeling useless, because she couldnt help, and I had to let her know that I do need her help, but what we need now for the kids is a driver and she is not comfortable doing that. Our needs as a family have changed which is why in OUR house it was actually easier for me to work when they were little than when they got to school age.

 

[North of Mouse]

My youngest started Kindergarten last week and I also have a 4th grader, so both my kids are in school "full time". Already, I am so tried of the "what are you going to do with ALL your time" questions and the "I would be so boooored" comments from other people. Really?!

Anyway, just venting...thanks for listening

First, it is nobody's business but you and your husband, period!!!

I have 'always' been a SAHM because dh & I wanted our children to be exclusively raised by us, plus I didn't want to miss anything about their growing up - it's so fast. I know some of the things you are having thrown at you, but I think a lot of it is plain jealously.

We sacrificed a lot of 'extras' that our friends thought you 'had' to have, but actually did as well, or better, than most of them, because the extra (after babysitting) went to, well extras, which didn't matter at all to us.

Hang in there, and tell the busy bodies that you enjoy your days quite well and there's lots to do. I loved to garden, and that meant a lot also. But dh loved the fact that he came home from work to a clean house, prepared meal and a happy wife!

 

[Hrhpd]

I see what you're saying. Yes, raising kids is the most important thing that I do, but it's not the only thing that I do. And I hate that it always comes up about women, and nothing about men. My husband is a very involved parent. He's the one who brought our son to his games (because he enjoyed watching games) the things like dr appts and being home with a sick kid usually fell on him, because he had more flexibility with his work schedule. When the kids were babies you could usually find him wearing the baby in the snugli because he enjoyed wearing the baby and having his hands free. He's a natural caretaker and a phenomenal dad. But he is never defined by the fact that he's a dad. There isn't anyone judging him by his decision to hold a job while also being a dad. No one asks him to account for his time or demand answers on when he does his share of the housework or ask how much quality time he spent with the kids each day. He's allowed to be a great dad all by itself, without it becoming his identity.

A little bit different but, I live in a neighborhood where it is traditional to have one stay at home parent. But times are changing. At least in our little slice of the world.

On my street of 12 houses alone, there are 4 stay at home dads. 3 moms are high powered lawyers and one is a doc. Dads were all executives that chose to stay at home with the children.

When I was a SAHM, picking up children at the local elementary school was the "Mommies Club." Now you see an increasing amount of SAHD walking their children to school.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm uneasy with women being defined by the fact that they are mothers - whether SAHM or WM. Raising our kids is perhaps the most important thing we'll ever do, but it's still something we DO, it's not an identity. I think the fact that it has become one is what makes these discussions so intensely personal and contentious.

Fair enough. Staying home and raising my family is a huge part of my identity but it is only one facet of it. I am also a wife, a friend, an educator and on and on. I don't think you have to work to have an identity. I'm not saying you implied that, just emphasizing the point. What I think is too bad is it is often assumed that women who choose to be home relinquish all aspects of themselves other than that of mother. It's simply untrue and speaks to the motherism that has engulfed our culture.

Yes, I was absolutely not saying a woman has to work (or not work for that matter). We are individuals of worth regardless. Some of my most beloved role models and mentors never worked outside their homes a day in their lives. Some of them never had children. Those circumstances made them "what" they were perhaps but not "who" they were and I see it the same for you and me.

I see what you're saying. Yes, raising kids is the most important thing that I do, but it's not the only thing that I do. And I hate that it always comes up about women, and nothing about men. My husband is a very involved parent. He's the one who brought our son to his games (because he enjoyed watching games) the things like dr appts and being home with a sick kid usually fell on him, because he had more flexibility with his work schedule. When the kids were babies you could usually find him wearing the baby in the snugli because he enjoyed wearing the baby and having his hands free. He's a natural caretaker and a phenomenal dad. But he is never defined by the fact that he's a dad. There isn't anyone judging him by his decision to hold a job while also being a dad. No one asks him to account for his time or demand answers on when he does his share of the housework or ask how much quality time he spent with the kids each day. He's allowed to be a great dad all by itself, without it becoming his identity.

Good post - it expands on my thoughts very well. But it also occurs to me that men have their own issues as they are even more constrained by being identified by their professional roles. I guess most of them don't suffer the same kind of angst over it as women seem to though.

(And FWIW, I personally have very traditional views on gender roles, I just don't believe that whether or not an individual fulfills my ideal defines their worth as people.)

 

[kaytieeldr]

I'm already out of bonbons and they've only been back at school for one day

Now that you have so much free time you can make your own! http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Bonbons/

 

[teambeaman]

There is a HUGE difference between your boss asking what you do all day in an evaluation process and some stranger/friend asking you. And I will repeat it, it is RUDE to ask anyone (besides a boss) what you do all day. I dont ask my doctor what he does all day, nor do I assume he is on the golf course all day. And sacrificing time is not a choice for you, it is your job. Any parent who is working may be sacrificing time with their child, it doesnt matter what they do. And as a SAHM we are sacrificing as well, ours might be financial vs time. It is all about choice, if there are 2 parents in the picture. If it is a single parent household than obviously things would be quite different.

It's not my boss questioning what I do all day, it's the general public. It's all over the news. I have no problem with anyone questioning what I do all day because I'm proud of what I do all day...why aren't you?

 

[mefordis]

I was going to post something along these lines! Being faced with the question of whether or not to go back to work, I know I could not go back into my former job. It is very demanding, requires some travel at times and evenings and weekends when there is a project that requires it. There would be times when no one would be there for our kids.

If I got a different type of job, let's say I'd be home by 6pm (leaving at 5:00, traffic and all). Who would pick up my elementary school kids at 2:30, take them to their dance classes and other activities, prep dinner to be ready around 6:30pm, etc. Also, as stated, my husband would be on the line to stay home if they are sick, pick them up if they need early pick up, we'd have to trade off on vacations, alternate drop offs. Also share in the laundry and meals, because I wouldn't be expected to do it all.

I'm interested in hearing how other people who work handle school pick ups, driving to activities, school vacation time, etc. I'm wondering if they have family to help. We have no family around.

OP. Each family makes their own decisions on how their family dynamics are going to work, and you don't have to justify those decisions to anyone. Will people make comments? Absolutely. But they will make comments if you stay at home, if you work part time, if you work full time. No matter what choice you make- people will make comments, that's what people will do.
The comments coming from your husband is different though, that means you're not on the same page on the family dynamics. That can lead to resentment on both parts and cause issues down the road, so you really need to address those issues now.
Personally, I've always worked full time. I enjoy what I do, and I've never had any desire to stay at home. DH was aware of that when we married, and we went into this relationship with both of us responsible for running the household. Before having kids, we figured out the division of child care duties, who would be responsible for getting kids to the extras, who would stay home with sick child etc.. When you have 2 working parents, you can't expect just one of the parent to be responsible for all the curveballs life will through at the family. Is your husband aware that if you go back to work he will have to take over a portion of the running the household, and also be available for child emergencies, child sick days, dr appointments, etc??? If he's aware of this and is still willing to step up to the plate, then that's his way of telling you that he doesn't want to be 100% responsible for the financial health of the family unit and/or he wants more involvement in running the home front but is unable because of his work commitments. you need to work together to come up with a redivision of the family unit duties. If he's not willing to step up to the plate then he needs to get on board with you being at home dealing with all the extras even with the kids back at school. He needs to be supportive of you running the household and child care and pulling his share of the home and child duties. You both need to get on the same page with him having your back, and not undermining your contributions.

 

[North of Mouse]

Okay...I don't get your vent. Really...washing your hair?

I am a teacher, I work 12 hour days. I wash my hair every day, even take a shower, cook dinner, shop, workout, and work full-time.

I know if I stayed home and didn't have kids at home all day, I would have free time.

I don't feel sorry for you...So, what are you going to do with your day, besides posting on the DIS?

I'm clearly in the minority in this thread because I'm a working mom. However I am going to express my opinion.

OP, you probably feel defensive because you know some of what they are questioning is true. Somehow working moms manage to work all day and still get things done like cleaning, cooking, running kids to activities, etc. I will own up to the fact that I'm definitely one of those people who question SAHMs with school age children.

Oooohhhhh, one of those "I'm better than you" working moms who manages to get it all done.

I just love snarky people that love to mind other people's business, all the while saying how great they are!

What's it matter to you if I just twiddle my thumbs all day??

Some of us may actually enjoy being with our kids and being a homemaker full time. (Not a 'snip' toward those that are working moms that mind their own business)

By the way, (pp) who asked for you to feel sorry, we're happy, didn't ask for, don't need yours or anyone's sympathy. It's a 'personal' choice.

 

[Ceila]

It's not my boss questioning what I do all day, it's the general public. It's all over the news. I have no problem with anyone questioning what I do all day because I'm proud of what I do all day...why aren't you?

We all know that it's not the question itself, but how it's asked that's the problem. It's, "What DO you do all day?" - implying that you can't possibly be doing much - that's rude. And as an educator, I can tell you that the question is asked in that manner more often that you would think.

 

[teambeaman]

We all know that it's not the question itself, but how it's asked that's the problem. It's, "What DO you do all day?" - implying that you can't possibly be doing much - that's rude. And as an educator, I can tell you that the question is asked in that manner more often that you would think.

I am quite aware of how that question is asked, but if you are proud of what you do then what does it matter?

 

[bjscheel]

I'm interested in hearing how other people who work handle school pick ups, driving to activities, school vacation time, etc. I'm wondering if they have family to help. We have no family around.

It's a trick, and I was lucky enough to have some flexibility and family. I worked 3 days a week when the kids were little, and I could move those days around if I had to for sick kids or days off school. The bus took older DD to the daycare every day after school, and if it was a day I was off, I was there to meet it. If not, she went to daycare for an hour. Summers and breaks they went to daycare as needed, or I'd have a teen come to the house. The kids didn't do many extra activities on a regular basis- not a lot offered in the small town other than dance anyway. I work full time now but can leave as needed to run somebody somewhere.

When younger DD started kindergarten, it so happened my parents moved from the country to a house 1/2 block from the schools. That was helpful!

It was my SIL who started asking the questions about working full time when the youngest started K. I had planned to ramp up my eBay sales, but a month later our office manager retired and I took that on, gradually working up to full time over several years. Now I have kids who can stay home alone, and one who can drive to school events, so we're over the hard part!

I really hope my girls have the opportunity to stay home or have a lot of flexibility when they have kids.

 

[mefordis]

See, after having my first daughter I went back to work when she was 4 months old. Even though I had a pretty high level position within my company, managing half million dollar projects, I was amazed at how meaningless it all of a sudden seemed to me.

Nothing seemed more important than being with my daughter. I left her with strangers and that suddenly seemed so wrong to me (didn't imagine I'd feel this way before she was born). I always thought I'd work and maintain my career, all the way up to the birth of my daughter I was firm in this. Once she was born, all of that changed. My priorities shifted and being in an office all day just wasn't what it once was for me. Being with my daughter became the most important thing to me. I did not expect to feel this way. When my daughter turned 8 months I quit work and never looked back.

I have respect for any women who are good mothers, regardless of whether they work or not. Everyone has to do what is in their heart, we cannot judge. If their financial situation allows them to stay home, why then make it more difficult for the family by going off to work, unless it is their passion to do whatever it is they are doing. Not too many people are following their passion, though. They are working to make ends meet.

Bingo! Well said.

There is a new term called motherism coined by Dr Aric Sigman and our society is rife with it. Women who choose to stay home and put child rearing and home making first are looked down upon and often seen as lazy, not contributing to society and wasting our lives. It's a sad state of affairs when raising our children is basically seen as the least valuable work one can do. It's something one can delegate to a nanny, day care centre or the school. Stay at home moms decide that child care is not a task to be delegated. They believe that it is of utmost importance that they be the single strongest guiding force in their child's life. They are looked down on for this? How crazy is that? We are the only mammals that encourage separation of mother and child before the child is self sufficient. Ever consider that perhaps the animal world has it figured out? We obviously don't as evidenced by this discussion.

Both sides of the debate make tough choices with consequences. Shams give up financial gain, independence and lose ground in the workforce. They often do without material possessions. Wms miss out on time with their kids, miss milestones and often have to juggle when life throws them a curveball. We need to own our choices and acknowledge the shortcomings of those choices.

 

[momto3gr8boys]

Yeah, what DO we do with our time? I think it's more a what don't we do? And why is it at the end of the day, there always seems to be more left to do?

I am fortunate that we have a preschooler again, but as soon as the older kids hit school age, I was bombarded with volunteer opportunities. I did those and when they added up my hours at the end of one year..1200 hours! I could have had a full time job for all that "keeping busy work." Plus the

This year I have given up ALL my volunteer work, including the church side. I've been painting the house with DS3. But the one who needs my "free" time the most are the college kids and DD16. Some days she comes home and needs more hugs than when she was small.

I answered one person when the question was phrased to me, "Oh, you know, I've decided to hop from cloud to cloud...just see what's out there."

This is so true! I stayed home after DS1 was born, and didn't go back for 7 years, when my third was 3 and starting pre-school. I worked for 7 years and then (I was teaching in a private school) lost my job because of a drop in enrollment. I figured I would take a year off and see what happened. At this point the kids were 14, 12 and 10. What I found in that year was that it was more important to be around in the teen years than it was in the pre-school years. An added bonus was that the household ran smoothly, and my wife, who has a stressful job and works way too much, loved it. So here I am, four years later, still home, and just sent DS1 off to college. I am so happy I was really here full time for him during his high school years, and while I know he would have been fine either way, I think our house has been a much calmer, peaceful, safe haven because I have been able to devote 100% to it.

I have done it both ways, and have friends who have done it both ways. What works best for each family is the way to go. But I don't feel guilty or like I'm "doing nothing". OP, embrace your job as CEO of your home and family, and don't let people make you feel bad about your choices.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There is a new term called motherism coined by Dr Aric Sigman and our society is rife with it. Women who choose to stay home and put child rearing and home making first are looked down upon and often seen as lazy, not contributing to society and wasting our lives.

The flip side of this is when women who work are looked down upon and often seen as selfish, uncaring and irresponsible, etc. It works both ways.

It's a sad state of affairs when raising our children is basically seen as the least valuable work one can do. It's something one can delegate to a nanny, day care centre or the school. Stay at home moms decide that child care is not a task to be delegated. They believe that it is of utmost importance that they be the single strongest guiding force in their child's life. They are looked down on for this? How crazy is that?

I understand what you are saying, but can you see that this, in itself, can feel offensive, because it implies that women who work are not the "single, strongest guiding force in their child's life" because they have "delegated [care of their child] to a nanny, day care center, or school" - which is preposterous?

These are the types of things that either "side" can easily take offense to in this type of "debate". And naturally, us moms are going to be defensive when it comes to this subject, i.e. our children.

FTR, I've always worked, but fortunately, have (mostly) been able to enjoy a child friendly schedule, so I have the best of both worlds (although my children did spend some time in child care and had babysitters at home, including my mother, in order to make my schedule work when they were little). My DH and I have always worked as a "team", and now that we have teens we are all a "team", and never even once, despite the many caregivers that worked with my children, was anyone more of a guiding force than either my DH or I was. Even my mother, who was very involved in their lives, and even lives with us. It was always crystal clear who their parents were, and I'd venture to say that's true of most working parents. If it's not, then something else is at play, not just the fact that they work.

I always find these discussions fascinating.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

OP. Each family makes their own decisions on how their family dynamics are going to work, and you don't have to justify those decisions to anyone. Will people make comments? Absolutely. But they will make comments if you stay at home, if you work part time, if you work full time. No matter what choice you make- people will make comments, that's what people will do.
The comments coming from your husband is different though, that means you're not on the same page on the family dynamics. That can lead to resentment on both parts and cause issues down the road, so you really need to address those issues now.
Personally, I've always worked full time. I enjoy what I do, and I've never had any desire to stay at home. DH was aware of that when we married, and we went into this relationship with both of us responsible for running the household. Before having kids, we figured out the division of child care duties, who would be responsible for getting kids to the extras, who would stay home with sick child etc.. When you have 2 working parents, you can't expect just one of the parent to be responsible for all the curveballs life will through at the family. Is your husband aware that if you go back to work he will have to take over a portion of the running the household, and also be available for child emergencies, child sick days, dr appointments, etc??? If he's aware of this and is still willing to step up to the plate, then that's his way of telling you that he doesn't want to be 100% responsible for the financial health of the family unit and/or he wants more involvement in running the home front but is unable because of his work commitments. you need to work together to come up with a redivision of the family unit duties. If he's not willing to step up to the plate then he needs to get on board with you being at home dealing with all the extras even with the kids back at school. He needs to be supportive of you running the household and child care and pulling his share of the home and child duties. You both need to get on the same page with him having your back, and not undermining your contributions.

Agree with this.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I just love snarky people that love to mind other people's business, all the while saying how great they are!

What's it matter to you if I just twiddle my thumbs all day??

Some of us may actually enjoy being with our kids and being a homemaker full time. (Not a 'snip' toward those that are working moms that mind their own business)

By the way, (pp) who asked for you to feel sorry, we're happy, didn't ask for, don't need yours or anyone's sympathy. It's a 'personal' choice.

Snark? Really? Where? Because having an opposing point of view or a differing opinion isn't snarky. It's human. Those two posters you criticize have different experiences/opinions from the OP.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I'm interested in hearing how other people who work handle school pick ups, driving to activities, school vacation time, etc. I'm wondering if they have family to help. We have no family around.

I am very lucky to have a lot of support systems. My kids honestly would not be better off with me as a working mom if I didn't have these in place.

When they were born I lived next door to my parents, who are wonderful people that I am very close to. My line of work pays enough that we could afford to have a daytime nanny come in while I was at work. I hired her a few weeks before I was due to go back to work so we could work together, and then after I went to work my mom would drop by for random visits and observe things so I could be sure that we had made the right choice of person. Having her until the last child went to school was honestly a Godsend - no packing up to go to daycare, the kids were home in their own beds with a lovely lady to play with them. Our nanny, Sonia, was a much more playful character than I will ever be and the kids really adored her.

When all of my kids were at school and we let Sonia go it became a lot harder in holidays and when the kids were sick. My parents still live next door, and a sick kid could always go next door to her house if needed, but I hated to impose too much. In the holidays we started sending the kids to camp - that was nice for them, they got to do a variety of things with other kids. DH and I would take some vacation together and some apart to deal with the rest of the holiday time. One summer we hired a college student to take the kids places - they enjoyed that.

School pick-ups were always an issue (no school bus), but we managed to find good people to carpool with. My job is also flexible enough that if I need to collect kids and bring them back to the office in a pinch to do their homework until I can leave for the day, I am able to do that. They don't mind that sometimes - they love the coffee shop across from my office! I have also had arrangements in the past where I'd meet my mother halfway home (to save her the school pick-up traffic) and she'd take the kids home to spend the rest of the afternoon with her. She'd feed them and make sure they did their homework. My son is old enough that he can take public buses if he really needs to go somewhere. He can catch them just down the road from the school, and in fact there's a bus he can take from there all the way down to my office. Eventually I may have all of them bus it to my office when they don't have an activity they need to get to.

Because we have a second income we could afford to pay for various after school activities that wouldn't be possible on DH's income alone. My youngest does competitive gymnastics and she has had to travel out of the country to compete many times (she is on our National Team) - we could never have afforded her training or travel if I didn't work, and representing her country in a sport has been a fantastic experience for her that I would never trade. My older DD loves dance, and we pay for her to do several classes a week. Our son plays soccer. We could not afford to pay for all of these things for 3 kids if I wasn't working. If I were a SAHM I'd just pick the kids up every day and bring them home. We'd have to find free activities and cheap sports, which I guess would not be the end of the world. But with the second income the kids have been able to pursue what they really had a passion for.

There are ways to make almost any lifestyle work so that the kids are happy, healthy and fulfilled.

 

[Mkrop]

It's not my boss questioning what I do all day, it's the general public. It's all over the news. I have no problem with anyone questioning what I do all day because I'm proud of what I do all day...why aren't you?

I am extremely proud, where did I say I wasnt. I still dont think it is anyone's business what I or the working mom does all day with her time.

I was going to post something along these lines! Being faced with the question of whether or not to go back to work, I know I could not go back into my former job. It is very demanding, requires some travel at times and evenings and weekends when there is a project that requires it. There would be times when no one would be there for our kids.

If I got a different type of job, let's say I'd be home by 6pm (leaving at 5:00, traffic and all). Who would pick up my elementary school kids at 2:30, take them to their dance classes and other activities, prep dinner to be ready around 6:30pm, etc. Also, as stated, my husband would be on the line to stay home if they are sick, pick them up if they need early pick up, we'd have to trade off on vacations, alternate drop offs. Also share in the laundry and meals, because I wouldn't be expected to do it all.

I'm interested in hearing how other people who work handle school pick ups, driving to activities, school vacation time, etc. I'm wondering if they have family to help. We have no family around.

Based on the people I see in carline, many people around here have grandparents that help out. This also occurs for dropoff at sports. Most sports around here start at 5:30ish. So you see GPs and babysitters dropping off and parents picking up. A good friend of mine works full time at a university. She hired someone specifically to drive her kids to their activities afterschool and kept the one in daycare.

The flip side of this is when women who work are looked down upon and often seen as selfish, uncaring and irresponsible, etc. It works both ways.


I understand what you are saying, but can you see that this, in itself, can feel offensive, because it implies that women who work are not the "single, strongest guiding force in their child's life" because they have "delegated [care of their child] to a nanny, day care center, or school" - which is preposterous?

These are the types of things that either "side" can easily take offense to in this type of "debate". And naturally, us moms are going to be defensive when it comes to this subject, i.e. our children.

FTR, I've always worked, but fortunately, have (mostly) been able to enjoy a child friendly schedule, so I have the best of both worlds (although my children did spend some time in child care and had babysitters at home, including my mother, in order to make my schedule work when they were little). My DH and I have always worked as a "team", and now that we have teens we are all a "team", and never even once, despite the many caregivers that worked with my children, was anyone more of a guiding force than either my DH or I was. Even my mother, who was very involved in their lives, and even lives with us. It was always crystal clear who their parents were, and I'd venture to say that's true of most working parents. If it's not, then something else is at play, not just the fact that they work.

I always find these discussions fascinating.

I guess I dont see why this if offensive. You are either getting help or hiring help to do stuff for your family/children. Some of us chose not to do that and do it ourselves. Our school has aftercare, homework is done there and help is offered. So those parents are not helping with the math problem, the aftercare worker is. In my house I am the one helping with the math problem after school. ( except with some of this Common Core stuff, but that is another thread) ) Or like my friend who hired the driver, she delegated that resposibility for her children to someone else, in my house that all falls on me. You are the parent, you are the decision maker, but in many instances you ARE delegating childcare things to others whether it is family or hired services.

 

[disykat]

If it's okay to question what I do all day, why is it not okay to question what you do all day? .

Because you get a paycheck. You are accountable to your employer. You happen to work in the public sector (as do I) so people do have a vested interest in what you do.

Not sure why you think people are "accountable" to others for what they do in their "free" time.