S/O: Differences in age for dating/marriage????

[DawnM]

As a mother of a 20 something son, who is about the age of the woman, that would be awkward & disappointing. DH is 6 1/2 years older than me. Obviously, I think that's a good age gap, because women are normally more mature than men at the same age. My 1st DH was a year younger than I & much less mature. That was the main reason we divorced.

I think one thing that I would worry about missing out on is grandchildren. I dont' think the 47 year old woman with children who are either grown or almost grown will have more. That would be sad to me.

 

[tvguy]

I think one thing that I would worry about missing out on is grandchildren. I dont' think the 47 year old woman with children who are either grown or almost grown will have more. That would be sad to me.

And Grandkids missing out on Grandparents. On my dad's side my Grandparents passed away 36 years before I was born (they died when my dad was 10, and I wasn't born until dad was 46). And on my mom's side, my Grandmother passed 4 years before I was born, and my Grandfather passed when I was 8, 4 weeks before we were going on vacation so I could meet him for the first time.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

The few friends that I've had that married older men, it hasn't ended well. Or they are still married and not happy.

It's around 11-15 years older. When we were in our late teens/very early 20s it’s all fun and games. He’s older, he has money, he can afford to take you out, he knows the nice places to go, etc. Then they get married, have a few babies and she’s now 30 and he’s 43ish. Well she’s ready to “live life.” Go out with him, hang with the girls, have a few drinks and he just wants to sit on the sofa because he’s done all that. Then it all goes downhill from there.

That’s what I’ve experienced.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

As a rule of thumb, I think the "half your age plus 7" is pretty good. It widens the gap as you get older. At 16, you can date 15 and older. At 30, its 22 and older. At 50, its 32 and older.

 

[Turn the Page]

For me, its more about maturity difference than age difference. I don't think a 21 year old has the maturity of a 46 year old but I'm sure there are exceptions. That span would be too much for me, but I don't care what others do for themselves.

Maybe not but I have known quite a few 40 somethings with the maturity level of a 20 something.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I am 7 months older than DH, and we started dating when we were 18/17, so too much of an age gap at that time would have seemed yucky to me. For the longest time, I thought even 5-7 years was too much, as I looked at people either that much older, or that much younger than me, and thought- ew gross. But as I approach 40, and see so many people unhappy in their marriages, or even unhappily single, I think that age really isn't a factor. Whatever works. Although I have to admit, I don't think a 63 year old man and a 21 year old woman "works." I really have to question the motives there!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I've been married for 24 years and have no intention of not staying married, so it's hard for me to think in terms of myself. And I don't like to try and determine what is right for others. I was last single at age 24 and at 23 dated someone who was 38. There was no problem (though to be fair, we only dated for a few months - he had issues). The youngest guy I dated was 2 years younger than me. Since I've been over 25, I've never really been attracted to men younger than 30ish.

Some of my friends lust after men who are 19 - 25ish and I just don't get it at all.

ETA: Those friends are in their late 40's. Also adding, my husband is 1 year and 3 weeks older than I.

 

[Colleen27]

I think even 10 years is pushing it. That's the gap between DH & I and while it didn't seem like a big deal when we were dating and first married, it did come into play when making decisions about children (he was feeling "too old" when trying for our youngest took longer than expected) and even though it is still decades off I can see the problems it will cause at retirement looming on the horizon. Assuming I retire at a normal age, mid-late 60s, he'll be at an age where health issues are increasingly likely to get in the way of us enjoying our golden years together.

We've been married 15 years and the age difference doesn't come up much in the day-to-day except on a few stick-in-the-mud issues (like when he says he's "too old" for concerts; my MIL and I went together to one of the shows he said he was too old for, so I know that isn't an age issue!). But it is enough of a gap to impact a handful of big life decisions and I would encourage my kids to think twice before writing off a similar age difference as insignificant.

 

[Nancyg56]

I usually don't worry too much about what others do, so I might raise my eyebrows if there was a 20 year age gap, but then I would forget it.

I think that as long as the couple thinks about the reality that aging is, with all of the ramifications that go along with it, then its all good.

I think that it is always possible for illness to impact a couple, and how they handle it has nothing to do with age. Differences in lifestyle occur no matter the age difference.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I only ever had one serious relationship, which has lasted almost 22 years at this point. We are 17 days apart. I have no idea what too big of an age gap for me would be, but I would imagine 10 years or so.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Good luck to him with that, unless he's a multi-millionaire.

They get em even when they're not millionaires.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Any age gap over 10 years causes me to raise an eyebrow.

I've never been one of those "age is just a number" type believers. I would always recommend to someone to marry a person with similar religious beliefs (if you are actually a religious person yourself), similar political beliefs (assuming you care about politics) and someone of a similar age. Are there marriages that are exceptions to these rules that work out well? Of course.

I think if you are just out dating for fun, age doesn't matter. But if you view marriage as a lifelong commitment, in sickness and in health, I would be very concerned marrying someone more than 10 years older due to health issues in old age, amongst other reasons.

When I was 21 I casually dated someone who was 30--that was fun! Fancy dinners out, I felt like a "sophisticated lady" (ha!) etc. I'm glad it didn't go further than just some dates. My husband is 2 years older than me.

 

[nkereina]

DH is 5 years older than me, and I think that would be my limit. I'm 30 and he's 35 and we're at that weird time in life where I'm not ready for kids yet, but he doesn't want to be pushing 40 and having his first kid. So even though I have some time left on my biological clock, he's worried about his age. For someone with a greater age difference, I would think retirement time would be a challenge as well. My uncle is 76 and my aunt is 63. She's not ready to retire, yet my uncle has been retired for nearly 10 years. That's 10 years he's spent alone in retirement without her around. And by the time she is ready to retire, he'll be even older and who knows in what state of health. So considering all stages of life and where you are/want to be at different ages in life is a really important factor IMO.

 

[Hikergirl]

Maybe not but I have known quite a few 40 somethings with the maturity level of a 20 something.

Like I said its a maturity level so yeah it can go both ways.

 

[Fintastic]

It's a personal decision. My only concern with a big age difference would be the younger spouse would be caring for an older spouse later on.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I'm 3 months older than my husband and that's good enough for me! LOL! I like having things in common (high school and college experiences, graduations) and I like knowing that we are experiencing things together as we get older.

 

[manning]

My best friend got married two years ago when she was 26 (though she was a few months away from being 27) and he was 39 (though he had just turned 39 a few months before)=13 year difference (really around 12 1/2).
.[/QUOTE

I didn't know Jack Benny is still around.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

The few friends that I've had that married older men, it hasn't ended well. Or they are still married and not happy.

It's around 11-15 years older. When we were in our late teens/very early 20s it’s all fun and games. He’s older, he has money, he can afford to take you out, he knows the nice places to go, etc. Then they get married, have a few babies and she’s now 30 and he’s 43ish. Well she’s ready to “live life.” Go out with him, hang with the girls, have a few drinks and he just wants to sit on the sofa because he’s done all that. Then it all goes downhill from there.

That’s what I’ve experienced.

Wow, these guys are duds. At 49, I love to go out. I could see your scenario being a real problem one day, but WOW that's awful young for that

 

[mummabear]

I was 17 when I started dating DH, he was 20 almost 21, we have been together 15 years, married for 11

 

[jevs]

Wow, these guys are duds. At 49, I love to go out. I could see your scenario being a real problem one day, but WOW that's awful young for that

Over the hill at 43. I must have missed that memo

Agree those guys are duds, I would suspect it has more to do with their personalities rather than their age.