Question for the Single Ladies (or attached if you'd like)

[Waiting2goback]

MannyB: First, CONGRATS on the future proposal. Hopefully everything works out well for you. Even in my current situation, I am a huge fan of marriage. I wish I did some things differently with my own situation but if you are lucky enough to find the right person, spending your life with that person could be awesome, at least I am guessing as much.


Minnie: Not very often I come across someone from MA on here, its nice to see. I see where you are coming from, but I didn't put in my profile that we still lived together so they wouldn't know that. And, I even contacted a couple people that were, themselves, separated so they shouldn't have been against it either. But, I see what everyone is saying. When I saw someone was separated I questioned it myself.

If I am being completely honest though. I'm not even sure I want to get married again now. I actually do not know anybody that is happily married. My grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, all weren't. Most of them divorced and the ones that didn't were MISERABLE. None of my friends are happy in their marriages. A mother at my kid's school that I used to be friends with, actually told me when her husband got a scare with cancer that she hoped it was terminal because she didn't believe in divorce and this would be her way out.

Throw all that on top of not having much time, once I get back to work, and taking care of the kids. Money to support them, and then date. Thanks for that reminder Manny.

And, if I can get through all that I need to find someone who thinks I am attractive, and vice versa.

Seems like an uphill battle at this point.

 

[Disneyandphilliesfan]

Ok I decided to give my 2cents here.The bottom line is you have a family and honestly I wish I had kids myself being a 37yo guy.If you want women the secret is have a job and make friends first.I learned the hard way to not try and meet someone new when I am with my wife.I took many beatings for trying to pickup single ladies while still married.I currently live with my wife and have a job.Not trying to meet anyone for more then just a new friend.Good luck and remember friendship first.

 

[nisiemouse]

I tried the online dating thing for a while. I just didn't care for it. I had a couple of dates but I just didn't feel the connection and it was stressful. I too would like someone to share my life with. I wish I was a few years younger. I am 48 and it sounds like you have so much to offer. I have been divorced for 2 and a half years. The only guy I really cared about went back to his ex wife and I did not meet him online. He didn't want to be married to her because of her history and some things he found out but decided he wanted to be with her. I think it was appealing to him that she did not have kids. I was heartbroken. I think our relationship would have had more of a chance if we had waited to date until both of our divorces were final. So from experience, I do think it is best for you to wait until the divorce is final. 4 kids would not be a deal breaker for me but it is for a lot of women (as well as men). Even 2 kids is a deal breaker for some. I do think it is best to have everything finalized before you start dating. You wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't have the same family values as you do. I know that 4 kids is a full time job. I have 2 and the youngest is 16. I am back to work full-time and the days are full. Things are still difficult for me but everyone is different. I am a family oriented person and my ex makes things as difficult as he can for me although the divorce was his choice. I hope your situation is different. Most women will feel better once you are employed but I think it is certainly valid why you have worked at home and I admire you for it. I may send you a pm. This board does have a lot of really wonderful people.

 

[Waiting2goback]

I tried the online dating thing for a while. I just didn't care for it. I had a couple of dates but I just didn't feel the connection and it was stressful. I too would like someone to share my life with. I wish I was a few years younger. I am 48 and it sounds like you have so much to offer. I have been divorced for 2 and a half years. The only guy I really cared about went back to his ex wife and I did not meet him online. He didn't want to be married to her because of her history and some things he found out but decided he wanted to be with her. I think it was appealing to him that she did not have kids. I was heartbroken. I think our relationship would have had more of a chance if we had waited to date until both of our divorces were final. So from experience, I do think it is best for you to wait until the divorce is final. 4 kids would not be a deal breaker for me but it is for a lot of women (as well as men). Even 2 kids is a deal breaker for some. I do think it is best to have everything finalized before you start dating. You wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't have the same family values as you do. I know that 4 kids is a full time job. I have 2 and the youngest is 16. I am back to work full-time and the days are full. Things are still difficult for me but everyone is different. I am a family oriented person and my ex makes things as difficult as he can for me although the divorce was his choice. I hope your situation is different. Most women will feel better once you are employed but I think it is certainly valid why you have worked at home and I admire you for it. I may send you a pm. This board does have a lot of really wonderful people.

I am definately waiting now until it is all final. While it is lonely having nobody to talk to (I mean a meaningful talk) when I'm having a bad day, or to get a hug from etc... I know I will be fine. I have spent so much of the last several years taking care of everyone else that this time will be good for me. It will force me to learn how to do things for myself. I just signed up for a 10K race in June (to hopefully help me move up my starting spot in the ToT race) and it would be nice to have someone to be proud of me when I am done. It would be nice to have someone to call when I cross the finish line in October. But, I don't have that and I will still survive.

I have a job interview Friday so hopefully that will work out and I can begin making some money and saving some of it to move on with my life. Keeping my fingers crossed.

By the way, if you do PM me do I get an email or something letting me know, I haven't gotten one yet?

2 more things: 1) 48 is still not that old. You are only as old as you feel. Now that I have started working out again I feel younger now than I did when I was 35.
2) Yes, this board has tons of nice people. I have been on other forums and many of them have some really nasty people. This one, along with Beachbody.com, seems to have nothing but caring and supportive people. It's awesome!!

 

[Waiting2goback]

nisiemouse: I just checked my PM's. I responded to yours, thank you.

 

[pamjb]

I am only recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. No need to feel sympathy for me, his girlfriend did me the biggest favor ever! We were separated for over 3 years before the divorce was final. I couldn't do Match.com, because I wasn't officially divorced. I went on plentyoffish.com. It is a free site, and well....had to throw back quite a few before I found a keeper. We have been living together since January....
Two friends and I got involved in the online dating thing together....safety in numbers perhaps. My one friend is a widow and she has given up.....she got scammed a few times. My other friend is also a divorcee, but we both started when we were just separated. She said she wouldn't date someone who was only separated, even though she was only separated.
Another friend of mine is in the same situation as you, separated, living under the same roof with her husband (or ex?), she was essentially a stay at home mom, and has six kids! I told her she might want to leave that out of the profile for a little bit. Hmmmm you two might be made for each other.

Anywhoo.. what I am saying is that there are some positive stories in the online dating world. Personally, I would be scared of four kids, but my youngest is almost 20, and I really don't want to go back in time. But if you are looking for someone to call after that race, I am sure any of us Dis'ers would be more than happy to hear from you!

 

[RobynPrincess]

I have to say, a guy having 4 children would put me off. especially on a dating website, maybe not if I met in person and felt a spark before knowing if you see what I mean? That being said, I have no children myself so what do I know LOL

 

[DWGal210]

I haven't had much luck with online dating, either. I've sent messages to a few guys, and not received a response from any of them, and the messages that guys sent to me were all "UR hot" or "hey". Really, if I'm going to take the time to fill out a profile, you can take the time to read it and give me a comment on something on it. Anything.

I guess they figure if I'm 35 and haven't been married yet, something must be wrong with me. Maybe there is. I dunno.

Online dating is a crap shoot. I've had people say that it works, but in 5 years of trying I haven't had any luck. Hopefully your luck will be better than mine

(bolding is mine) Yes, I am in the same boat. I briefly corresponded with a few people from eHarmony, but I've not had any real activity on my profile.

OP, your having children wouldn't personally bother me but I came from a large family (I'm the oldest of 6). Some people though may only want a few kids, OR they want to have some bio children as well and don't want a large family, who knows.

 

[Waiting2goback]

Personally, I would be scared of four kids, but my youngest is almost 20, and I really don't want to go back in time. But if you are looking for someone to call after that race, I am sure any of us Dis'ers would be more than happy to hear from you!

I wish you luck in your relationship. And, I get your point. When my kids are older I don't think I'd want to get back into a relationship with someone with young kids.

 

[plutolady]

I haven't had any luck with the online dating either. It is such a crapshoot.

 

[jagfanjosh3252]

27 year old male here, just wanna chime in on the online dating.

It's a waste lol. Some people have success, I know. But if I read the profile and send an email discussing something in it, I'm a creep. I just send a simple "Hi, how are you?" I need to be more original. I've given up on it lol

 

[sexyravenfan]

27 year old female from PA here. Haven't had much luck with online dating either. Would love to find my Disney prince!

 

[jagfanjosh3252]

27 year old female from PA here. Haven't had much luck with online dating either. Would love to find my Disney prince!

Prolly having trouble because your a Ravens fan!

Kidding

 

[pookie10]

27 year old male here, just wanna chime in on the online dating. It's a waste lol. Some people have success, I know. But if I read the profile and send an email discussing something in it, I'm a creep. I just send a simple "Hi, how are you?" I need to be more original. I've given up on it lol

Josh, you are a creep!!

Just kidding

I've had luck with online dating, but that's just because I'm a catch

I have kids, but wouldn't date someone with kids. I'm separated, not divorced, so I'd be ok with that portion of it, but unemployed .... Nope. I've just gotten to a point where I KNOW what I'm looking for, and I'm done settling , love isn't everything ..... Attraction and financial stability are huge for me because finances cause numerous fights... Fights I'm not willing to have anymore.

 

[kugelette]

Okay, I didn't read the responses first, but here are my thoughts. Four kids can seem like a lot, but at your age (40), presuming you're looking for a woman in her 30's, it's not necessarily a dealbreaker. Now, I come from a community where most people have (way) more than 4 kids, so maybe it's just me, but it's not a dealbreaker. What WOULD concern me (as a 30 year old single mom of one, to give you perspective) is dating someone who is not legally divorced. Plenty of people separate and reconcile. I just would not want to get into a relationship that I view as complicated and potentially volatile. There is also no guarantee on a timeline for divorce; people can and do drag it out for years for legitimate or purely spiteful reasons.

Also, many women will pause at a man who has been a "stay at home dad". They will wonder, does he want me to support him? How is he going to support our hypothetical household? Does he lack ambition, education, ability to work? Dating is kind of like a job interview, and like applying for a position, there is some concern when you don't have a work history commiserate with age and life circumstances.

I think those two issues, more than having many kids, is putting women off.