Purity Balls? Yuck

[topolino]

I never understood the concept of wearing a ring to signify your purity, nor the need to let anyone know about it at all.

You want to remain a virgin, that's your choice. You want to have orgies, that's your choice as well. Neither needs to be broadcast, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[luvsJack]

It's gross because if you're not pure, you're impure and that is a disgusting characterization of a person. Especially based on just one thing.

And unless a vow is taken in completely privacy, without no one else around, I would consider that to be public.

Well, I think you have to think of the term and the context in which it is being used. And I think the girl needs to be old enough to understand that context--not sure the girls in the article are that old.

And you have to understand that not having sex without marriage is part of a belief system.

A vow, is normally made to God. For that reason, it is usually made in prayer and yes in private.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I never understood the concept of wearing a ring to signify your purity, nor the need to let anyone know about it at all.

You want to remain a virgin, that's your choice. You want to have orgies, that's your choice as well. Neither needs to be broadcast, as far as I'm concerned.

If you don't broadcast the orgy, don't you run a pretty big risk of having low participation?

 

[lauradis]

I am NOT my daughter's "boyfriend".

I am, however the man with a shotgun, a shovel, and 5 acres out back

Take about a come to Jesus moment

 

[jrmasm]

Well, I think you have to think of the term and the context in which it is being used. And I think the girl needs to be old enough to understand that context--not sure the girls in the article are that old. And you have to understand that not having sex without marriage is part of a belief system. A vow, is normally made to God. For that reason, it is usually made in prayer and yes in private.

Nope, impure is gross no matter how or when you say it.

And aren't there vow ceremonies? Vows taken as a group at church?

 

[luvsJack]

The concept is disgusting, in my opinion, and deeply, deeply creepy. I agree with the confusion over the obsession that some seem to have with the sex lives of their daughters. If it's about avoiding sin, I am curious about how many also have sloth, greed, wrath, pride, gluttony, and envy vows, rings and balls for their daughters and sons (as well as for themselves, as those are always sins, even once married).

Its really more than just about sin. There is a lot more to it and there are many reasons why this one is sometimes focused on for teens (its really not usually just a girl thing). Just as "honor your mother and father" are focused on at certain ages.

Avoiding sin is pretty much a given as a Christian. Are we all successful? No, but most try.

I think a ball is taking it too far and the wording used in the article is a bit strange. But the idea behind the vow is not so "out there" as some seem to think.

 

[ashley0139]

It's gross because it ties a woman's worth to her sexual history (or lack thereof).

 

[luvsJack]

Nope, impure is gross no matter how or when you say it.

And aren't there vow ceremonies? Vows taken as a group at church?

Sometimes, not in all churches. And at some of those, its still a personal thing. no one knows which of the teens present make the vow and which ones don't and no one asks.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Its really more than just about sin. There is a lot more to it and there are many reasons why this one is sometimes focused on for teens (its really not usually just a girl thing). Just as "honor your mother and father" are focused on at certain ages. Avoiding sin is pretty much a given as a Christian. Are we all successful? No, but most try. I think a ball is taking it too far and the wording used in the article is a bit strange. But the idea behind the vow is not so "out there" as some seem to think.

Oh, I "get" that there's "a lot more to it" and THAT is what I find exceptionally inappropriate with the concept. It's the absolute obsession with preventing sex above all other "sins" that is bizarre to me, especially given the "outcomes" that many of us have witnessed from adherents to, and proponents of, this philosophy.

And I still don't get why there aren't vows for other sins if avoiding sin is our goal.

 

[lauradis]

Sometimes, not in all churches. And at some of those, its still a personal thing. no one knows which of the teens present make the vow and which ones don't and no one asks.

I find the no one ask hard to believe, because most of the purity programs are run by the youth group ministers.

 

[LSmith]

Oh, I "get" that there's "a lot more to it" and THAT is what I find exceptionally inappropriate with the concept. It's the absolute obsession with preventing sex above all other "sins" that is bizarre to me, especially given the "outcomes" that many of us have witnessed from adherents to, and proponents of, this philosophy.

And I still don't get why there aren't vows for other sins if avoiding sin is our goal.

I also find the whole "purity vow" thing deeply disturbing and I feel it's beyond creepy that some parents could find this in any way appropriate. It's an absolute obsession with sex and the prevention thereof.

 

[blingbowsparkles]

We are a family that believes in abstinence and is definitely something we focus on with our children when it comes to the whole sex issue but this is just weird to me. For us it's not just because it is a sin but also because of all the negative things that can come with having sex before marriage or having to many sexual partners both physically and emotionally.

 

[peimikes]

If you don't broadcast the orgy, don't you run a pretty big risk of having low participation?

I am NOT my daughter's "boyfriend".

I am, however the man with a shotgun, a shovel, and 5 acres out back

You are cracking me up!

By the way I'm sure my DH agrees with you. Only in our case it's 78 acres. 60 some of them heavily wooded.

 

[Chim Chiminy]

There is a documentary my husband and I watched on Netflix, that followed a number of families whose daughters were undergoing this purity pledge.
It was creepy, disturbing, and at times sad.
I think it was called Virgin Tales. I could be wrong, because we watch a lot of documentaries.
The one I am thinking of, a family of daughters is talking and the older daughter reveals that she did not, in fact, save herself for marriage. And goes on to talk about how she felt she let down her family. It was quite sad that her self worth was tied up in remaining pure.

 

[ebtbmom]

There's nothing else in life that we expect people to sign onto a lifetime of commitment for without first trying it out. Doesn't even seem like a good idea imo.

 

[LSmith]

There is a documentary my husband and I watched on Netflix, that followed a number of families whose daughters were undergoing this purity pledge.
It was creepy, disturbing, and at times sad.
I think it was called Virgin Tales. I could be wrong, because we watch a lot of documentaries.
The one I am thinking of, a family of daughters is talking and the older daughter reveals that she did not, in fact, save herself for marriage. And goes on to talk about how she felt she let down her family. It was quite sad that her self worth was tied up in remaining pure.

The documentary sounds interesting. It's quite obvious that the girls are making this "vow" because they are pressured into it by their parents and church. They know their parents will be pleased if they do it. Just look on this thread where a parent is telling us that her daughter took a purity vow. There appears to be a lot of parental pride in these vows.

 

[fairestoneofall]

Oh, I "get" that there's "a lot more to it" and THAT is what I find exceptionally inappropriate with the concept. It's the absolute obsession with preventing sex above all other "sins" that is bizarre to me, especially given the "outcomes" that many of us have witnessed from adherents to, and proponents of, this philosophy.

And I still don't get why there aren't vows for other sins if avoiding sin is our goal.

But most Christians I know are not obsessed with this one sin above all others. My church (nor my past churches) does not do purity rings, balls, or vows. But all of those churches do teach abstinence. But trust me, it is most definitely not the only thing taught.

I can understand your having issues with the ball, rings, and vows. But to dismiss others values as "inappropriate" because you don't believe them is pretty short-sighted. I try to be accepting of others' viewpoints regardless of if I personally agree with them. All I ask is that others be accepting of mine.

 

[Sacha_L]

All I know is that when I was in high school and college (I'm 39) the kids with the most abstinence/strict moral preacher parents were the wildest and the most likely to get pregnant. They got that first taste of freedom and oh my. The parents were oblivious or the kids were experts at hiding it. I don't tie anyone's worth to their sexual history or lack of it. I personally think it demeans girls and damages their self esteem for life. We have two boys and have had age appropriate talks with them. There will be a drawer of condoms in my house when they are teenagers and any of their friends are also welcome to them. Our home is also a "safe place" for any child that ever needs it. I've seen the difference in my life vs those who had kids too early. I don't think abstinence actually works for 95% of the population

 

[LBIJim]

Interesting - for girls only. What about the boys?

I suppose to these fathers boys don't need a purity vow because they're not "property" whose value would plummet if they had sex before marriage. It wouldn't bring shame to the family.

Now if a girl breaks her coerced vow, I wonder if honor killing is the appropriate punishment.

Jim

 

[TipsyTraveler]

These things always skeeve me out. I find the whole concept of purity to be highly offensive in the first place, but when they start adding "Daddy is my boyfriend" to the mix.... Ugh. So gross.