PSA- "Safety Schools"

[leebee]

(I've been actively following several college-related threads here so this, in a way, is timely.)

Everyone who is applying to college knows to apply to "safety schools"- the schools that your grades, test scores, etc., will definitely guarantee your acceptance, so you get to college even if all your top level, top choice schools say no. It's just the smart approach. However, I will put out the request that you also have a FINANCIAL Safety School. Be smart, and cover all the bases.

I've just received the saddest info imaginable. My niece is at the top of her class, great grades, great SAT scores, active in church service, theater, forensics. Her parents opened college accounts for her, but life intervened. They lived beyond their means, mom's shops faltered in the recession, money was taken from the accounts for daily living. THEN... the parents got divorced. They've been divorced for about 4 years now and my 2 nieces live with their mom, who owns her own shop. Mom gets child and spousal support from her ex- and he pays it regularly. They are mostly financially stable, not at the level they were during the marriage, but they are OK, safe enough for daily living. Because of her financial situation, my sister has assumed for several years that my niece will get a "full boat" (if I hear her say that again, I'll scream) for college. She anticipated that, based on her daughter's "desirability" to colleges and her own financial/income level, college would be basically free. I tried to tell her that there are literally thousands of students with her daughter's qualifications, and that many private schools are going to require both her and her ex's financial information, as well as business information, but she didn't want to hear it. My niece applied to 7 private schools- her dream schools- and one state school... OUT of state, although within driving distance of their home. Well... as I was afraid... although acceptances are there, the money is not rolling in as anticipated. Private schools, with annual price tags around $60K (tuition, room and board, fees, books, etc), are offering her $15-$20K in scholarship money. While she may qualify for a fair amount of Pell money, that's less than $6K a year, and I am not sure that she'll qualify for any SEOG money (but even if she does, that maxes out at $9K a year). The nearby state school will be $32K annually without room and board, and they've offered her $10K renewable merit money.

However you look at it, my niece, after all her hard work in high school, will end up in rough financial shape. She is looking at living at home, commuting to the nearby state school, and borrowing about $30K to get through 4 years, OR all of them (mom, dad, daughter) taking on HUGE debt, OR going to the nearby community college. I think it's just a shame that because her mom and dad wanted her to go to a private school, my niece is going to have her college options limited or face crushing debt (if they even qualify to borrow that much). There were other options, they could have applied to several of the universities in their home state, but that's not good enough for mom and dad. They actually would rather my niece take on the huge debt of going to a private school than commute to the next-state-over school. Their snobbiness will change their daughter's life forever... and it's sad, and so unnecessary.

Please, PLEASE be realistic when considering colleges for your children. I am not saying to plan on getting through college with no debt, but PLEASE leave them some reasonable options for getting a good education without being saddled with debt. Just as you'd choose an academically-safe school, please find a financially-manageable school option. Don't listen to guidance counselors or college planners when they tell you your student will get oh, so much scholarship money... OK, listen, apply, but cover ALL the bases. My niece is heartbroken about having to consider community college as the only reasonable decision; it's not what she worked towards all these years, and it wouldn't have become necessary if her parents had been responsible PARENTS instead of just their kids' best friend. I know it's not the end of the world, and community college has been a great start for many... but it's not what my niece so successfully worked for and planned for all these years. I feel so badly for her.

 

[cabanafrau]

Surprising the private schools didn't come up with the $ to make it at least on par with the cost of state schools (in state). That's been the case of every kid I know who's attending the pricey private option on their list. One offer came in just a notch under the cost of University of Michigan, which from what I understand is a common practice among the private schools. They make up the difference out of their endowment funds.

Perhaps her parents need to contact the financial aid folks at some of these schools and see if they will sweeten their offers.

 

[Christine]

That is a sad story and I've never understood the "head in the sand" approach I see from many people about scholarships, aid, and loans. It's very hard to get "free" money. Why anyone believes differently always escapes me.

I know it's crushing for your niece though. If I were here, I'd actually try to do some last minute apps with state schools. With her grades and standing, they might have an opening for her at a much more affordable cost. After that, I'd definitely do community college for a year and try again.

Since there is no money, she definitely needs to reset her idea of where to go. In the end, and depending on her major, not sure what the private colleges are going give her as a "leg up" in the job market. Probably nothing so if I was going to go there, I'd be looking for a serious discount on tuition, especially if I was a star student.

 

[Hannahinwonderland]

I'm scared this will happen to my brother. He is a talented musician and applied to a variety of conservatories. He also applied to three state schools which have music programs not nearly as prestigious/up to his standards. I'm in grad school & my sister is in college and there just isn't enough money for him to go to the conservatories. We are all hoping and praying that he gets a lot of financial aid!!

He did apply to "safe schools" both musically and financially. But the problem is that his "safe schools" are so much lower than the ones he wants to go to.

 

[sonnyjane]

(I've been actively following several college-related threads here so this, in a way, is timely.)

Everyone who is applying to college knows to apply to "safety schools"- the schools that your grades, test scores, etc., will definitely guarantee your acceptance, so you get to college even if all your top level, top choice schools say no. It's just the smart approach. However, I will put out the request that you also have a FINANCIAL Safety School. Be smart, and cover all the bases.

I've just received the saddest info imaginable. My niece is at the top of her class, great grades, great SAT scores, active in church service, theater, forensics. Her parents opened college accounts for her, but life intervened. They lived beyond their means, mom's shops faltered in the recession, money was taken from the accounts for daily living. THEN... the parents got divorced. They've been divorced for about 4 years now and my 2 nieces live with their mom, who owns her own shop. Mom gets child and spousal support from her ex- and he pays it regularly. They are mostly financially stable, not at the level they were during the marriage, but they are OK, safe enough for daily living. Because of her financial situation, my sister has assumed for several years that my niece will get a "full boat" (if I hear her say that again, I'll scream) for college. She anticipated that, based on her daughter's "desirability" to colleges and her own financial/income level, college would be basically free. I tried to tell her that there are literally thousands of students with her daughter's qualifications, and that many private schools are going to require both her and her ex's financial information, as well as business information, but she didn't want to hear it. My niece applied to 7 private schools- her dream schools- and one state school... OUT of state, although within driving distance of their home. Well... as I was afraid... although acceptances are there, the money is not rolling in as anticipated. Private schools, with annual price tags around $60K (tuition, room and board, fees, books, etc), are offering her $15-$20K in scholarship money. While she may qualify for a fair amount of Pell money, that's less than $6K a year, and I am not sure that she'll qualify for any SEOG money (but even if she does, that maxes out at $9K a year). The nearby state school will be $32K annually without room and board, and they've offered her $10K renewable merit money.

However you look at it, my niece, after all her hard work in high school, will end up in rough financial shape. She is looking at living at home, commuting to the nearby state school, and borrowing about $30K to get through 4 years, OR all of them (mom, dad, daughter) taking on HUGE debt, OR going to the nearby community college. I think it's just a shame that because her mom and dad wanted her to go to a private school, my niece is going to have her college options limited or face crushing debt (if they even qualify to borrow that much). There were other options, they could have applied to several of the universities in their home state, but that's not good enough for mom and dad. They actually would rather my niece take on the huge debt of going to a private school than commute to the next-state-over school. Their snobbiness will change their daughter's life forever... and it's sad, and so unnecessary.

Please, PLEASE be realistic when considering colleges for your children. I am not saying to plan on getting through college with no debt, but PLEASE leave them some reasonable options for getting a good education without being saddled with debt. Just as you'd choose an academically-safe school, please find a financially-manageable school option. Don't listen to guidance counselors or college planners when they tell you your student will get oh, so much scholarship money... OK, listen, apply, but cover ALL the bases. My niece is heartbroken about having to consider community college as the only reasonable decision; it's not what she worked towards all these years, and it wouldn't have become necessary if her parents had been responsible PARENTS instead of just their kids' best friend. I know it's not the end of the world, and community college has been a great start for many... but it's not what my niece so successfully worked for and planned for all these years. I feel so badly for her.

There are some other options aside from community college and living at home.

1) Your niece is, I'm assuming, going to be 18 or close by the time she starts college. As an adult, she CAN choose to still apply/attend in-state schools against her parents wishes. She may have to skip a semester (I'm not sure what the deadlines are) but that will give her time to save up some money working.

2) If your niece's parents are so hellbent on her going to a private our out-of-state school, they can take out their own loans and that's their issue, not your niece's.

3) Your niece goes to the school she wants and takes out loans herself. That's what I did. My parents did not contribute to my school and while in situations where it's possible, I'm sure that's very helpful, I'm always surprised at both how many children expect their parents to pay and how many parents themselves expect that they should be paying. That's a luxury but not a necessity. There are far more ways for students to get scholarships and loans for school than there are for parents to get help when they need it in retirement (or even before that if they are having trouble). It's like on the airplane with the oxygen mask... take care of yourself first, then assist your children.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I have a junior who I do think would be best at a smaller school; however, he knows he has to apply to IU or Purdue. Maybe I am lucky because both of those schools have good reputations, but I don't know anyone who doesn't apply to at least one of them.

 

[Gracie09]

What's horrible about community college or commuting? Dh started at CC and ended up with a scholarship to a five year engineering program (so 3 more years). He planned a head and all his credits transferred. With the co-op program he was able to earn enough to pay all his tuition and living expenses and graduated with no debt and a job. It may not be her dream way of getting an education (it wasn't his) but the end result was a good job, a great career and an education

 

[justgrace]

(I've been actively following several college-related threads here so this, in a way, is timely.)

Everyone who is applying to college knows to apply to "safety schools"- the schools that your grades, test scores, etc., will definitely guarantee your acceptance, so you get to college even if all your top level, top choice schools say no. It's just the smart approach. However, I will put out the request that you also have a FINANCIAL Safety School. Be smart, and cover all the bases.

I've just received the saddest info imaginable. My niece is at the top of her class, great grades, great SAT scores, active in church service, theater, forensics. Her parents opened college accounts for her, but life intervened. They lived beyond their means, mom's shops faltered in the recession, money was taken from the accounts for daily living. THEN... the parents got divorced. They've been divorced for about 4 years now and my 2 nieces live with their mom, who owns her own shop. Mom gets child and spousal support from her ex- and he pays it regularly. They are mostly financially stable, not at the level they were during the marriage, but they are OK, safe enough for daily living. Because of her financial situation, my sister has assumed for several years that my niece will get a "full boat" (if I hear her say that again, I'll scream) for college. She anticipated that, based on her daughter's "desirability" to colleges and her own financial/income level, college would be basically free. I tried to tell her that there are literally thousands of students with her daughter's qualifications, and that many private schools are going to require both her and her ex's financial information, as well as business information, but she didn't want to hear it. My niece applied to 7 private schools- her dream schools- and one state school... OUT of state, although within driving distance of their home. Well... as I was afraid... although acceptances are there, the money is not rolling in as anticipated. Private schools, with annual price tags around $60K (tuition, room and board, fees, books, etc), are offering her $15-$20K in scholarship money. While she may qualify for a fair amount of Pell money, that's less than $6K a year, and I am not sure that she'll qualify for any SEOG money (but even if she does, that maxes out at $9K a year). The nearby state school will be $32K annually without room and board, and they've offered her $10K renewable merit money.

However you look at it, my niece, after all her hard work in high school, will end up in rough financial shape. She is looking at living at home, commuting to the nearby state school, and borrowing about $30K to get through 4 years, OR all of them (mom, dad, daughter) taking on HUGE debt, OR going to the nearby community college. I think it's just a shame that because her mom and dad wanted her to go to a private school, my niece is going to have her college options limited or face crushing debt (if they even qualify to borrow that much). There were other options, they could have applied to several of the universities in their home state, but that's not good enough for mom and dad. They actually would rather my niece take on the huge debt of going to a private school than commute to the next-state-over school. Their snobbiness will change their daughter's life forever... and it's sad, and so unnecessary.

Please, PLEASE be realistic when considering colleges for your children. I am not saying to plan on getting through college with no debt, but PLEASE leave them some reasonable options for getting a good education without being saddled with debt. Just as you'd choose an academically-safe school, please find a financially-manageable school option. Don't listen to guidance counselors or college planners when they tell you your student will get oh, so much scholarship money... OK, listen, apply, but cover ALL the bases. My niece is heartbroken about having to consider community college as the only reasonable decision; it's not what she worked towards all these years, and it wouldn't have become necessary if her parents had been responsible PARENTS instead of just their kids' best friend. I know it's not the end of the world, and community college has been a great start for many... but it's not what my niece so successfully worked for and planned for all these years. I feel so badly for her.

That's really tough. I wouldn't say it's the saddest info imaginable, though. IMO, maybe a life-threatening disease or death of immediate family could qualify as the saddest info imaginable to receive, but your niece not getting into her "dream school" is probably not one.

I was a very smart student, just as your niece. I had above a 4.0 GPA, several AP classes, top 10% of my class, active in clubs, tons of community service, and many fantastic letters of recommendation. My friends were the same as me, except most had not as much community service and a couple had a slightly higher GPA than me. The difference between myself and my friends is that I chose to go to a school where the amount of money I received in scholarships would cover my cost of attendance. My friends were like your niece, and they had to go out of state to go to college, because the in-state colleges weren't good enough for them. Currently, they're taking on a ton of debt (because they chose not to apply for scholarships, of course Mom and Dad would pay for it - wrong!) while I'm able to save for my future. I'm still getting a great education at an in-state selective school, even without having to go to a private or HIGHLY selective school.

Tell your niece that it is up to her to make these decisions about her future and not to base her choice on her parents opinions.

I absolutely agree that it is extremely important to go to a school that is academically and financially acceptable. So many people my age think that the only way to go to college is to go out-of-state and to one of the most expensive of their choices. That thinking is sad and can become a very costly mistake later in life when large amounts of debt could force many important life decisions (graduate school, marriage, home buying, job changing, children) to be postponed because of the debt that a person chose to take on for a "4 year experience".

I hope things work out for your niece and she is able to attend somewhere that she will feel good at without having to accumulate so much debt.

 

[cabanafrau]

What's horrible about community college or commuting? Dh started at CC and ended up with a scholarship to a five year engineering program (so 3 more years). He planned a head and all his credits transferred. With the co-op program he was able to earn enough to pay all his tuition and living expenses and graduated with no debt and a job. It may not be her dream way of getting an education (it wasn't his) but the end result was a good job, a great career and an education

The stakes and the pressure put on kids today is a completely different animal than even a few years ago. It's expected that they all should be destined to be brainsurgeon marine biologists who will eventually assume a seat on the Supreme Court, attend very status schools and study abroad, preferably more than once. If your DH is an engineer, consider that the post above yours is mentioning Purdue as a safety school. University of Michigan is a safety school for many today as well.

The balloon is overinflated and I suspect will at some point deflate as the housing bubble did.

 

[leebee]

That's really tough. I wouldn't say it's the saddest info imaginable, though. IMO, maybe a life-threatening disease or death of immediate family could qualify as the saddest info imaginable to receive, but your niece not getting into her "dream school" is probably not one.

I was a very smart student, just as your niece. I had above a 4.0 GPA, several AP classes, top 10% of my class, active in clubs, tons of community service, and many fantastic letters of recommendation. My friends were the same as me, except most had not as much community service and a couple had a slightly higher GPA than me. The difference between myself and your niece is that I chose to go to a school where the amount of money I received in scholarships would cover my cost of attendance. A couple of my friends were like your niece, and they had to go out of state to go to college, because the in-state colleges weren't good enough for them. Currently, they're taking on a ton of debt (because they chose not to apply for scholarships, of course Mom and Dad would pay for it - wrong!) while I'm able to save for my future. I'm still getting a great education at an in-state selective school, even without having to go to a private or HIGHLY selective school.

Tell your niece that it is up to her to make these decisions about her future and not to base her choice on her parents opinions.

I absolutely agree that it is extremely important to go to a school that is academically and financially acceptable. So many people my age think that the only way to go to college is to go out-of-state and to one of the most expensive of their choices. That thinking is sad and can become a very costly mistake later in life when large amounts of debt could force many important life decisions (graduate school, marriage, home buying, job changing, children) to be postponed because of the debt that a person chose to take on for a "4 year experience".

I hope things work out for your niece and she is able to attend somewhere that she will feel good at without having to accumulate so much debt.

You're right, it's not the saddest thing imaginable. We learned a month ago that my BIL has metastatic lung cancer, didn't catch it until it was in his bones and liver, and he has 3-6 months to live. You are right, that was the saddest thing I've heard in a long time- beyond sad, actually devastating.

Also, there's nothing wrong with community college. It just wasn't what my niece had planned and worked for. I went to technical school and community college, and ended up with degrees from an Ivy League school. It saved me a ton of money and gave me the opportunity to prove that I was fully capable of accomplishing higher education, something that was not at all evident from my less-than-stellar high school records! Yes, she can start at CC, and she won't disappear off the face of the earth or anything.

I guess I didn't express myself fully. It's SAD because it didn't have to happen this way. My niece worked hard for years to be competitive in the college application game, and she was. She was accepted at ALL of the schools to which she applied (think Georgetown, Brandeis, American University)- but the funding just isn't there. It wasn't my niece- it was her parents who were driving this bus- but the pressure to be successful is HUGE on kids these days, and she pretty much listens to what her parents advise. They live in an area where name-dropping and social climbing are a way of life, and have bought into it. Like many (helicopter?) parents, they were SO SURE that she is SO UNIQUE that there'd be colleges begging for her acceptance, offering full tuition, fees, R&B, etc. My sister was positive that they are "poor" enough that federal grant money would come rolling in. People tried to talk to her- a friend who is a college search/enrollment counselor in a private high school, those of us who have kids who have just finished college, friends who are college faculty, work in college admissions offices, etc., to try and make her see that there are NO GUARANTEES. They've looked into loans and such, for both niece and parents, and it's just not enough money- there really IS a limit to what they'll let you borrow. They've talked to admissions offices, and have learned that while my niece is really smart and involved, so are tons of applicants who can afford the cost... and she's not truly unique enough for the big bucks. SO I guess really that while I am incredibly sad for my niece, I am REALLY mad at my sister for backing her into this corner, for not considering reality and the true cost of a college education in addition to the school itself.

 

[gemini2727]

My daughter knew from the get-go that our goal was to get her through college with as little debt as possible. She has had excellent stats in high school, and could have applied to some great (expensive) colleges, but I kept reminding her of the big picture. She wants to be an OT, which necessitates her getting her Master's as well, so she had to be smart about costs. She decided to go to a very good state school which offered her a scholarship, and she'll be able to use her college savings account for Grad school. We don't have the bragging rights that some of her friend's parents do right now as their kids get into some prestigious schools, but at least I know her future won't be mortgaged with heavy student debt.

 

[justgrace]

You're right, it's not the saddest thing imaginable. We learned a month ago that my BIL has metastatic lung cancer, didn't catch it until it was in his bones and liver, and he has 3-6 months to live. You are right, that was the saddest thing I've heard in a long time- beyond sad, actually devastating.

Also, there's nothing wrong with community college. It just wasn't what my niece had planned and worked for. I went to technical school and community college, and ended up with degrees from an Ivy League school. It saved me a ton of money and gave me the opportunity to prove that I was fully capable of accomplishing higher education, something that was not at all evident from my less-than-stellar high school records! Yes, she can start at CC, and she won't disappear off the face of the earth or anything.

I guess I didn't express myself fully. It's SAD because it didn't have to happen this way. My niece worked hard for years to be competitive in the college application game, and she was. She was accepted at ALL of the schools to which she applied (think Georgetown, Brandeis, American University)- but the funding just isn't there. It wasn't my niece- it was her parents who were driving this bus- but the pressure to be successful is HUGE on kids these days, and she pretty much listens to what her parents advise. They live in an area where name-dropping and social climbing are a way of life, and have bought into it. Like many (helicopter?) parents, they were SO SURE that she is SO UNIQUE that there'd be colleges begging for her acceptance, offering full tuition, fees, R&B, etc. My sister was so sure that they are so broke that federal grant money would come rolling in. People tried to talk to her- a friend who is a college search/enrollment counselor in a private high school, those of us who have kids who have just finished college, friends who are college faculty, work in college admissions offices, etc. They've looked into loans and such, for both niece and parents, and it's just not enough money- there really IS a limit to what they'll let you borrow. SO I guess really that while I am incredibly sad for my niece, I am REALLY mad at my sister for backing her into this corner, for not considering reality and the true cost of a college education in addition to the school itself.

I'm sorry about your BIL, that's a very difficult situation to be in.

Like I said, I hope that your niece finds something that works for her and she is able to pursue something that won't get her into so much debt.

 

[justgrace]

My daughter knew from the get-go that our goal was to get her through college with as little debt as possible. She has had excellent stats in high school, and could have applied to some great (expensive) colleges, but I kept reminding her of the big picture. She wants to be an OT, which necessitates her getting her Master's as well, so she had to be smart about costs. She decided to go to a very good state school which offered her a scholarship, and she'll be able to use her college savings account for Grad school. We don't have the bragging rights that some of her friend's parents do right now as their kids get into some prestigious schools, but at least I know her future won't be mortgaged with heavy student debt.

You will get the bragging rights in a few years when your daughter is successful as an OT with little debt!

 

[clutter]

I guess I didn't express myself fully. It's SAD because it didn't have to happen this way. My niece worked hard for years to be competitive in the college application game, and she was. She was accepted at ALL of the schools to which she applied (think Georgetown, Brandeis, American University)- but the funding just isn't there. It wasn't my niece- it was her parents who were driving this bus- but the pressure to be successful is HUGE on kids these days, and she pretty much listens to what her parents advise. They live in an area where name-dropping and social climbing are a way of life, and have bought into it. Like many (helicopter?) parents, they were SO SURE that she is SO UNIQUE that there'd be colleges begging for her acceptance, offering full tuition, fees, R&B, etc. My sister was positive that they are "poor" enough that federal grant money would come rolling in. People tried to talk to her- a friend who is a college search/enrollment counselor in a private high school, those of us who have kids who have just finished college, friends who are college faculty, work in college admissions offices, etc., to try and make her see that there are NO GUARANTEES.

Your sister sounds like a friend of mine. However, in her case, she was going to one of our states 'specialty' schools for the academically advanced. Yay. And the counselors there pushed her to do all of these admissions. They are still waiting to hear acceptances and aid from a bunch of schools, from what I've heard. But I have to wonder... Another friend's daughter was accepted to a seven sister school, and received aid to make it equivalent to her in-state flagship school. It seems that that is what the name schools mostly offer - to bring you close to your in-state university.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

The stakes and the pressure put on kids today is a completely different animal than even a few years ago. It's expected that they all should be destined to be brainsurgeon marine biologists who will eventually assume a seat on the Supreme Court, attend very status schools and study abroad, preferably more than once. If your DH is an engineer, consider that the post above yours is mentioning Purdue as a safety school. University of Michigan is a safety school for many today as well.

The balloon is overinflated and I suspect will at some point deflate as the housing bubble did.

I should amend my post. My own child has no interest in engineering, so he wouldn't be applying for that. I know a couple of kids who got into Purdue but not their engineering school like they hoped. I don't think Purdue is a safety school for engineering.

 

[Hikergirl]

What's horrible about community college or commuting? Dh started at CC and ended up with a scholarship to a five year engineering program (so 3 more years). He planned a head and all his credits transferred. With the co-op program he was able to earn enough to pay all his tuition and living expenses and graduated with no debt and a job. It may not be her dream way of getting an education (it wasn't his) but the end result was a good job, a great career and an education

My dd is a HS senior this year and she is going to attend the local CC. We have enough saved for her to attend a State U for 4 years, but what she wants to do requires a Masters. She has made the decision that she wants to graduate completely debt free so she's starting at the CC and transferring to the State U and will have enough saved to pay for the additional years a Master's will take.
I hope my other 2 kids make the same choice.

 

[mom2rtk]

I should amend my post. My own child has no interest in engineering, so he wouldn't be applying for that. I know a couple of kids who got into Purdue but not their engineering school like they hoped. I don't think Purdue is a safety school for engineering.

My son got accepted into their engineering school but being out of state we just couldn't make that happen.

 

[IndyRnRfan]

I have a junior who I do think would be best at a smaller school; however, he knows he has to apply to IU or Purdue. Maybe I am lucky because both of those schools have good reputations, but I don't know anyone who doesn't apply to at least one of them.

A lot of Indiana kids don't apply to either of them. That is just an assumption in this state. Our son did apply to IU, got accepted but then also applied to one of IU's satellite campuses and also got accepted. He chose the satellite school because it is saving him and us roughly$70k over 4 years.

 

[scrapquitler]

(I've been actively following several college-related threads here so this, in a way, is timely.)

Everyone who is applying to college knows to apply to "safety schools"- the schools that your grades, test scores, etc., will definitely guarantee your acceptance, so you get to college even if all your top level, top choice schools say no. It's just the smart approach. However, I will put out the request that you also have a FINANCIAL Safety School. Be smart, and cover all the bases.

I've just received the saddest info imaginable. My niece is at the top of her class, great grades, great SAT scores, active in church service, theater, forensics. Her parents opened college accounts for her, but life intervened. They lived beyond their means, mom's shops faltered in the recession, money was taken from the accounts for daily living. THEN... the parents got divorced. They've been divorced for about 4 years now and my 2 nieces live with their mom, who owns her own shop. Mom gets child and spousal support from her ex- and he pays it regularly. They are mostly financially stable, not at the level they were during the marriage, but they are OK, safe enough for daily living. Because of her financial situation, my sister has assumed for several years that my niece will get a "full boat" (if I hear her say that again, I'll scream) for college. She anticipated that, based on her daughter's "desirability" to colleges and her own financial/income level, college would be basically free. I tried to tell her that there are literally thousands of students with her daughter's qualifications, and that many private schools are going to require both her and her ex's financial information, as well as business information, but she didn't want to hear it. My niece applied to 7 private schools- her dream schools- and one state school... OUT of state, although within driving distance of their home. Well... as I was afraid... although acceptances are there, the money is not rolling in as anticipated. Private schools, with annual price tags around $60K (tuition, room and board, fees, books, etc), are offering her $15-$20K in scholarship money. While she may qualify for a fair amount of Pell money, that's less than $6K a year, and I am not sure that she'll qualify for any SEOG money (but even if she does, that maxes out at $9K a year). The nearby state school will be $32K annually without room and board, and they've offered her $10K renewable merit money.

However you look at it, my niece, after all her hard work in high school, will end up in rough financial shape. She is looking at living at home, commuting to the nearby state school, and borrowing about $30K to get through 4 years, OR all of them (mom, dad, daughter) taking on HUGE debt, OR going to the nearby community college. I think it's just a shame that because her mom and dad wanted her to go to a private school, my niece is going to have her college options limited or face crushing debt (if they even qualify to borrow that much). There were other options, they could have applied to several of the universities in their home state, but that's not good enough for mom and dad. They actually would rather my niece take on the huge debt of going to a private school than commute to the next-state-over school. Their snobbiness will change their daughter's life forever... and it's sad, and so unnecessary.

Please, PLEASE be realistic when considering colleges for your children. I am not saying to plan on getting through college with no debt, but PLEASE leave them some reasonable options for getting a good education without being saddled with debt. Just as you'd choose an academically-safe school, please find a financially-manageable school option. Don't listen to guidance counselors or college planners when they tell you your student will get oh, so much scholarship money... OK, listen, apply, but cover ALL the bases. My niece is heartbroken about having to consider community college as the only reasonable decision; it's not what she worked towards all these years, and it wouldn't have become necessary if her parents had been responsible PARENTS instead of just their kids' best friend. I know it's not the end of the world, and community college has been a great start for many... but it's not what my niece so successfully worked for and planned for all these years. I feel so badly for her.

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It's not a crushing life altering thing. She can go to community college for one year and then transfer somewhere else, likely one of those State Universities, or even the one in commuting distance. Private college is not the be-all and end-all and is no guarantee of a better job later. And for a student in a field where they will likely need a masters degree, people will care more where that came from than where they went for undergrad.

 

[Hikergirl]

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It's not a crushing life altering thing. She can go to community college for one year and then transfer somewhere else, likely one of those State Universities, or even the one in commuting distance. Private college is not the be-all and end-all and is no guarantee of a better job later. And for a student in a field where they will likely need a masters degree, people will care more where that came from than where they went for undergrad.

In our area there is a stigma that goes along with the CC, and its such a shame. My dd's friend has had a dream to go to one of the very expensive private school in our area since I've known her. She got accepted but really has no idea what she wants to do. Not that that is a bad thing, but she has no interest in starting at the CC and figuring things out and then transferring to the private college. I know she did get some scholarship money, but its not even half of tuition, at least she can commute. In the end she is going to be paying $50K for those first 2 years just so she can sat she's going to XXXXXX instead of the CC. That boggles my mind.