Please pray for our home to be built quickly - my inlaws are poison!!

[Principessa1284]

Ugh. My advice for anyone single, is to marry an orphan. I've written on all the awful inlaws threads (also, see my tag..) but their visit this week REALLY takes the cake. This is going to be long, but I just NEED to get it out of my system before I explode.

We got a tip from DH's brother (the only one of the siblings that has regular conversations with his mother) at the beginning of the month that his parents were planning on coming down "to check on the house." (We live in a house that they own; the house that DH grew up in, actually. It's on 11 acres and we take care of the house, the land, and their goats. They used to have a full blown farm, but scaled it down to just the goats before they moved up to Alabama a few years ago.) So anyway, we tried to clean the house to the best of our abilities - we've both been working insane amounts of overtime lately, and, admittedly, the house kind of looked like a disaster area. Nothing that was "dirty" besides the dishes, or that would cause any damage, mind you - just messy, not tidy. So after a few days of no-shows, DH called his mom and point-blank asked her when they were coming. She avoided the actual question and said she wouldn't be going anywhere for a while, as her back was bothering her and she was stuck on the couch.

So, a few weeks go by and we don't hear anything, until I get a frantic call from my SIL that her parents have shown up on the doorstep of her house in FL. No warning, no call, nothing. (She is not what I'd call "friendly" with her parents - she's a lesbian and her parents are very strict, conservative baptists and make sure that she knows that they do not look kindly on her "lifestyle.") Funny thing is, she was not at her house in FL - she travels back and forth and is in DC during the week for work and only her partner and their kids were there. Super awkward for her poor partner - the sweetest woman, like, EVER. So SIL texted me after they had left and warned that the visit had been fairly civil, but they were probably on the way to our house. MIL also called DH shortly after that while on his lunch break, to tell him they would be their soon and not to worry about cleaning a they wouldn't mind the mess for this short visit. I was at work, but DH works from home. He does tech support for a phone & internet company from home, but it has to be silent when he's working. They record and can listen to all his calls, and if there's a barking dog, crying baby, or obvious non-call center chatter, he can get in HUGE trouble.

So an hour or so later, while they knew he was working, they burst in the front door and FIL screams, "Oh my lord... just oh my lord... look at this place," 3 or 4 times before DH has to but his call on hold and tell him to shut his mouth while he's on the phone. So the rest of his working day, he said they chattered on and on about the messy state of the house. I did have clothes everywhere - I had been trying to get the laundry all washed and folded and out of the way, but I had fallen asleep on the couch midway through. But not only did they tell us NOT to clean, we had been cleaning little by little, which clearly was not enough. After DH got off work, he tried to make himself some dinner, and his father came at him, shouting about something else that we hadn't done right, and my calm, mild-mannered, laid back DH absolutely LOST IT. He usually just ignores them, but he said he got so fed up that he really lost it and screamed at the both of them about how all they do is criticize and come into peoples lives and houses and tear things about, etc. He rarely swears, but he said he used as much profanity as possible and apparently it got the message through, because they didn't say a single negative word the rest of the night.

Then yesterday, we had plans to go to the parks with some friends that were in town, and his mother huffed and puffed that we weren't spending any time with them, and that we don't ignore MY parents when they're in town. I held my tongue but really wanted to point out how my parents our courteous enough to give us a few weeks of a heads-up before they come down, and schedule their time with us so we're not already busy. So we go and have a fabulous time, come home, and his parents seem to be in bed. His mom comes out 20 minutes or so later so say that they're leaving early in the morning to go home, and says she put a card "with a little something in it" on the kitchen table. (DH's birthday is today).

So I grab my laptop to pay some bills, turn on the lamp next to the couch, and see it - my little trinket box. We went to an art show last month, and I bought a hand-made trinket box from a local artist. She made them out of old match boxes, spray painted them, and put a tiny print of an artwork on the top, and then lacquered over everything. The one I picked out happened to have a scantily clad woman from the 20's on the front, in a boudoir-style pose. It was so pretty - I really loved it. Well, MIL, good puritan that she is, decided it was not to her liking, and colored over the picture, except the woman's head, with a black sharpie. I was just livid - SO upset. It was one-of-a-kind. I tried to gently remove the marker with some rubbing alcohol, but it also started moving the lacquer and took some of the actual print with it. I'm still upset. If she didn't care to look at it, she could have put something on top of it or turned it over - that's what she usually does with my outrageous cosmo magazines. *sigh* So DH decides now in a good time to open his card, to maybe make us feel a little better. So we open it an "a little something" drops out. No, not cash or a check, but a note. It says that she is giving him $200.. the money that she loaned him for something a few years ago. Um.. what? He doesn't owe her any money - he paid that back to her almost immediately. (He was trying to buy me some concert tickets right before we got married, and ticketmaster blocked his card because he entered the wrong billing address by mistake.. so he had about 4 minutes before they gave the tickets to someone else, and his mom OFFERED to let him use her card. I made sure he paid her back a few days later.)

So DH was absolutely livid over all of this- he was going to wake up early to give her a piece of his mind, and tell her where she could shove that card, but he ended up having to stay up almost all night with a sick cat and didn't wake up. His kitten that we adopted a few months ago kept throwing up and pitifully crying. He said she hadn't been herself since a few hours after his parents got here the day before - she wouldn't really eat and wasn't really feeling playful. he's convinced his mother tried to poison her. She has threatened the cat's life on more than one occasion - I have no idea what vendetta she's got against this cat. We've got 2 others that she simply adores. The last time they were here, she threatened to make this little kitten "disappear" and how tempted she was to take it out back and shoot it . Mind you, she's like 9 months old and has never ruined anything with her claws or anything like that. I'm happy to report she got whatever it was out of her system and is eating, drinking, and terrorizing her older brothers as-normal this morning.

I really, really, REALLY give up. We've signed all the papers on a new house (woo hoo!! ) and are just waiting on the mortgage company to give the builders the go-ahead to start construction. (I swear, they're going to ask me next why I went to mcdonalds for lunch the other day, instead of burger king. Sheesh!) Our realtor found the cutest little development. They're building new houses on some land that was cleared just before the market crashed, and those developers had abandoned it and gone out of business. We're getting a BRAND NEW house with our colors and specifications for barely more than we were going to pay for a lived-in house - AND the builder is paying all of the closing costs.

Please pray that they build it fast!!!

 

[smitch425]

Ugh. My advice for anyone single, is to marry an orphan. I've written on all the awful inlaws threads (also, see my tag..) but their visit this week REALLY takes the cake. This is going to be long, but I just NEED to get it out of my system before I explode.

We got a tip from DH's brother (the only one of the siblings that has regular conversations with his mother) at the beginning of the month that his parents were planning on coming down "to check on the house." (We live in a house that they own; the house that DH grew up in, actually. It's on 11 acres and we take care of the house, the land, and their goats. They used to have a full blown farm, but scaled it down to just the goats before they moved up to Alabama a few years ago.) So anyway, we tried to clean the house to the best of our abilities - we've both been working insane amounts of overtime lately, and, admittedly, the house kind of looked like a disaster area. Nothing that was "dirty" besides the dishes, or that would cause any damage, mind you - just messy, not tidy. So after a few days of no-shows, DH called his mom and point-blank asked her when they were coming. She avoided the actual question and said she wouldn't be going anywhere for a while, as her back was bothering her and she was stuck on the couch.

So, a few weeks go by and we don't hear anything, until I get a frantic call from my SIL that her parents have shown up on the doorstep of her house in FL. No warning, no call, nothing. (She is not what I'd call "friendly" with her parents - she's a lesbian and her parents are very strict, conservative baptists and make sure that she knows that they do not look kindly on her "lifestyle.") Funny thing is, she was not at her house in FL - she travels back and forth and is in DC during the week for work and only her partner and their kids were there. Super awkward for her poor partner - the sweetest woman, like, EVER. So SIL texted me after they had left and warned that the visit had been fairly civil, but they were probably on the way to our house. MIL also called DH shortly after that while on his lunch break, to tell him they would be their soon and not to worry about cleaning a they wouldn't mind the mess for this short visit. I was at work, but DH works from home. He does tech support for a phone & internet company from home, but it has to be silent when he's working. They record and can listen to all his calls, and if there's a barking dog, crying baby, or obvious non-call center chatter, he can get in HUGE trouble.

So an hour or so later, while they knew he was working, they burst in the front door and FIL screams, "Oh my lord... just oh my lord... look at this place," 3 or 4 times before DH has to but his call on hold and tell him to shut his mouth while he's on the phone. So the rest of his working day, he said they chattered on and on about the messy state of the house. I did have clothes everywhere - I had been trying to get the laundry all washed and folded and out of the way, but I had fallen asleep on the couch midway through. But not only did they tell us NOT to clean, we had been cleaning little by little, which clearly was not enough. After DH got off work, he tried to make himself some dinner, and his father came at him, shouting about something else that we hadn't done right, and my calm, mild-mannered, laid back DH absolutely LOST IT. He usually just ignores them, but he said he got so fed up that he really lost it and screamed at the both of them about how all they do is criticize and come into peoples lives and houses and tear things about, etc. He rarely swears, but he said he used as much profanity as possible and apparently it got the message through, because they didn't say a single negative word the rest of the night.

Then yesterday, we had plans to go to the parks with some friends that were in town, and his mother huffed and puffed that we weren't spending any time with them, and that we don't ignore MY parents when they're in town. I held my tongue but really wanted to point out how my parents our courteous enough to give us a few weeks of a heads-up before they come down, and schedule their time with us so we're not already busy. So we go and have a fabulous time, come home, and his parents seem to be in bed. His mom comes out 20 minutes or so later so say that they're leaving early in the morning to go home, and says she put a card "with a little something in it" on the kitchen table. (DH's birthday is today).

So I grab my laptop to pay some bills, turn on the lamp next to the couch, and see it - my little trinket box. We went to an art show last month, and I bought a hand-made trinket box from a local artist. She made them out of old match boxes, spray painted them, and put a tiny print of an artwork on the top, and then lacquered over everything. The one I picked out happened to have a scantily clad woman from the 20's on the front, in a boudoir-style pose. It was so pretty - I really loved it. Well, MIL, good puritan that she is, decided it was not to her liking, and colored over the picture, except the woman's head, with a black sharpie. I was just livid - SO upset. It was one-of-a-kind. I tried to gently remove the marker with some rubbing alcohol, but it also started moving the lacquer and took some of the actual print with it. I'm still upset. If she didn't care to look at it, she could have put something on top of it or turned it over - that's what she usually does with my outrageous cosmo magazines. *sigh* So DH decides now in a good time to open his card, to maybe make us feel a little better. So we open it an "a little something" drops out. No, not cash or a check, but a note. It says that she is giving him $200.. the money that she loaned him for something a few years ago. Um.. what? He doesn't owe her any money - he paid that back to her almost immediately. (He was trying to buy me some concert tickets right before we got married, and ticketmaster blocked his card because he entered the wrong billing address by mistake.. so he had about 4 minutes before they gave the tickets to someone else, and his mom OFFERED to let him use her card. I made sure he paid her back a few days later.)

So DH was absolutely livid over all of this- he was going to wake up early to give her a piece of his mind, and tell her where she could shove that card, but he ended up having to stay up almost all night with a sick cat and didn't wake up. His kitten that we adopted a few months ago kept throwing up and pitifully crying. He said she hadn't been herself since a few hours after his parents got here the day before - she wouldn't really eat and wasn't really feeling playful. he's convinced his mother tried to poison her. She has threatened the cat's life on more than one occasion - I have no idea what vendetta she's got against this cat. We've got 2 others that she simply adores. The last time they were here, she threatened to make this little kitten "disappear" and how tempted she was to take it out back and shoot it . Mind you, she's like 9 months old and has never ruined anything with her claws or anything like that. I'm happy to report she got whatever it was out of her system and is eating, drinking, and terrorizing her older brothers as-normal this morning.

I really, really, REALLY give up. We've signed all the papers on a new house (woo hoo!! ) and are just waiting on the mortgage company to give the builders the go-ahead to start construction. (I swear, they're going to ask me next why I went to mcdonalds for lunch the other day, instead of burger king. Sheesh!) Our realtor found the cutest little development. They're building new houses on some land that was cleared just before the market crashed, and those developers had abandoned it and gone out of business. We're getting a BRAND NEW house with our colors and specifications for barely more than we were going to pay for a lived-in house - AND the builder is paying all of the closing costs.

Please pray that they build it fast!!!

First of all, and! I would be livid over several of these things. I also would tell her she owes you for the box that she ruined. Honestly, I would move out of that house now and never look back. Even if you have to live in a tiny apartment until your house is done. Family or not, I would NOT put up with people like that. As for the birthday card, I would tell your DH to tell his mom this...

"Thank you for the card, and even though I already paid you that money months ago, I don't need or want your money. Well...except for the money that my wife spent on the one-of-a-kind, hand made, impossible to replace box that you so selfishly took it upon yourself to deface. I would like to see THAT money by the end of the week."

 

[faith]

Do you pay rent to them?
How many cats/kittens do you have?
Since it's their house maybe that is part of the problem if there is a smell.
( I like cats, and we have a puppy, so I do love animals). Just wondering if odor is bad.
You are right. Seems like any normal person would call you and ask in advance to visit. That's just common courtesy.
Hope your house gets finished soon. Could you rent somewhere else to keep the peace? You're probably looking at minimum 3 months to build.

 

[sam_gordon]

I feel for you. Sounds like your house looks like our house. We call it "well lived in". lol

I hate to say this though, I don't see how the new house helps. Or do you think once you move your IL won't come to visit?

Hang in there.

 

[indimom]

I was willing to let it all go as misunderstanding, (my mom is a clean freak and always has something to say when she stops by) until I got to this...

Well, MIL, good puritan that she is, decided it was not to her liking, and colored over the picture, except the woman's head, with a black sharpie.

Wow!

I pray your home is finished quickly and that your husband has the guts to stand up to them and tell them they are not welcome in your new home until they apologize in person to his wife, replace the cost of the trinket box, and promise to refrain from enforcing their moral values on you and your belongings in the future.

Wow. I still can't get over it!

 

[Handbag Lady]

Once the new house is built, do NOT give these people keys and keep the door locked even if they are in another state.

I would most certainly ask for the money for the ruined box. How incredibly rude of your monster-in-law. I'd be furious.

And I would take up advice given by another poster here, move out now. Even living in a car with three cats is better than this.

 

[snapppyd]

Don't give them your new address!!

 

[Bob NC]

(We live in a house that they own;

Granted, I did not read all this drama, but, with the apparent history you have with these folks, why in the WORLD would you be living in a house they own?

Pardon me, I'm heading off to the In Law boards to see what their side of the whole deal is, (I bet it's different.)

 

[mom2travel]

First of all, and! I would be livid over several of these things. I also would tell her she owes you for the box that she ruined. Honestly, I would move out of that house now and never look back. Even if you have to live in a tiny apartment until your house is done. Family or not, I would NOT put up with people like that. As for the birthday card, I would tell your DH to tell his mom this...

"Thank you for the card, and even though I already paid you that money months ago, I don't need or want your money. Well...except for the money that my wife spent on the one-of-a-kind, hand made, impossible to replace box that you so selfishly took it upon yourself to deface. I would like to see THAT money by the end of the week."

Eeek!
Best wishes for a quick building of your new home!

 

[bethy]

If I were you the very last thing I would do would be to live in these peoples' home or borrow money from them.

It's hard to maintain healthy boundaries when you are making those choices.

 

[usnuzuloose]

First off . Why are you living there? I would be moving and not looking back. The IL are very controlling and abusive. And that is not something you have to put up with. There needs to be boundaries in place and they need to know those boundaries no matter where you live. But it sounds like you two have been living in fear of them. I am sorry to say that. If you intend on staying maybe you need to find out legaly if you can change the locks.

Please dont wait any longer. You dont need this going on in your marriage.

 

[kelleigh1]

OMG!! If my MIL ever did that to my stuff, she would never be allowed into my home ever again. I hope you get your new place soon and can get out of their house. Then you can keep them away from the house.

For the record, my MIL would never do something like that.

"Thank you for the card, and even though I already paid you that money months ago, I don't need or want your money. Well...except for the money that my wife spent on the one-of-a-kind, hand made, impossible to replace box that you so selfishly took it upon yourself to deface. I would like to see THAT money by the end of the week."

 

[minkydog]

Why are you still living in their house? are there no apartments or condos or anything else for rent anywhere in a 30 mile radius of this home? Cuz i wouldn't be spending one more day there. Seriously, we have lived in some tiny little apartments during transition times==I'd rather live in a 2BR, 1BA apt than live in your circumstances.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

Well, well, well...I think you win the wacko in-law competition today! She obviously feels that since you live in her house, everything you own is forfeit to her whim. Sorry, sweetie! Hope the new house goes up quickly.

 

[Disney Doll]

Unfortunately you are living in a home they own and I can't imagine this type of behavior just started when you moved into their house. There had to be some indication that they'd behave like this. You guys just weren't paying attention.

I, like other posters, would be moving out of this house immediately and into whatever temporary rental I could find. That would essentially solve the majority of your problems. They would no longer need access to where you live because they wouldn't own it, you could choose to allow them to visit you or not and they would not have the ability to say "it's our house and we have the right to check up on it". Heck, you wouldn't need to tell them where you live if you didn't want to.

Unfortunately while you live in their property you are subject to their whims, right or wrong.

 

[shortbun]

Why are you still living in their house? are there no apartments or condos or anything else for rent anywhere in a 30 mile radius of this home? Cuz i wouldn't be spending one more day there. Seriously, we have lived in some tiny little apartments during transition times==I'd rather live in a 2BR, 1BA apt than live in your circumstances.

ITA, I'd have asked her to replace my art box immediately and I'd be looking for someplace else to live, now. I would NEVER allow someone to walk all over me like that and my husband wouldn't either. My parentss were never warm with me and when they crossed the line, I left their house abruptly or they were invited to leave mine. I;d just stand up and say ' well, thanks for coming, we'll see you next time. I hope you feel better." and leave the room. We mended those issues prior to their deaths but I made it clear as a grownup that my home was my home and I took nothing from them. I've watched DH's parents give and give to his brother BUT they attach conditions as nice as they are. We've never taken anything from them either. As painfull as it might be...stand on your own feet with pride.

 

[punkin]

Unfortunately you are living in a home they own and I can't imagine this type of behavior just started when you moved into their house. There had to be some indication that they'd behave like this. You guys just weren't paying attention.

I, like other posters, would be moving out of this house immediately and into whatever temporary rental I could find. That would essentially solve the majority of your problems. They would no longer need access to where you live because they wouldn't own it, you could choose to allow them to visit you or not and they would not have the ability to say "it's our house and we have the right to check up on it". Heck, you wouldn't need to tell them where you live if you didn't want to.

Unfortunately while you live in their property you are subject to their whims, right or wrong.

MOVE!!!! You do not have to put up with any of this...just get a small temporary apt. and enjoy!

 

[violetrose]

I can't believe she colored the woman with a sharpie! That is so awful it's actually funny. I'm sure it isn't funny for you though. What a mess. I'd be getting out of their house asap.

 

[RitaE]

You live in Orlando. Just go find a house or apartment to move into - there are thousands of them available in all price ranges.

 

[sam_gordon]

I, like other posters, would be moving out of this house immediately and into whatever temporary rental I could find. That would essentially solve the majority of your problems. They would no longer need access to where you live because they wouldn't own it, you could choose to allow them to visit you or not and they would not have the ability to say "it's our house and we have the right to check up on it". Heck, you wouldn't need to tell them where you live if you didn't want to.

Unfortunately while you live in their property you are subject to their whims, right or wrong.

OK, I'm just missing it. I don't see ANYWHERE in the OP where the IL have used "it's our house" as an excuse to barge in. My feeling is it doesn't matter WHERE the OP lives, the IL will act the same way.

It also sounds like the IL live quite a bit away so it's not like they're coming over every weekend.