Personality change before college? or - who is this person in my DD's body?

[bsc22]

Oh, yeah, btdt. Senior year, my step-daughter became convinced that she had a brain tumor, totally freaked out one night while out with her boyfriend, he took her to the ER, she got lockjaw and became limp-legged. A $1200 cat scan later, the dr told her it was all in her head--that she was not dieing, and that she needed to grow up. Of course, that's what I'd been saying all along, but what did I know? She was just terrified of going off to college (and I'm sure leaving the boyfriend had something to do with it, too).


Now she's a sophomore in college and seems to be fine. No more cat scans, at least!

This may seem mean, but

 

[Cool-Beans]

My first went off to college like he'd been doing it every day for years.

My second didn't talk about it at all through the year, but started this, "You're going to leave me. You're going to abandon me" crap during the summer. He was teasing us, but I know it was really on his mind.

They're both doing fine now...very happy, decent grades.

 

[powellrj]

Maybe this something among daughters then......:

This is my 2nd son, so its not only daughters.

 

[bsc22]

Well....It seems so odd, seeing how kids always seem to talk about wanting to be their own adults, and many here have kids that don't want to grow up? Question: the people who are having kids that're having a tough time adjusting, did they ever hint that they wanted their own life, or not adhere to their parent's rules when they grow up?

 

[froglady]

IMO, aside from all the stress, fear, etc it's a way to make the separation less painful when it finally comes. After all, if everything at home is perfect for both parent and child, it makes it that much more difficult to leave...especially when it's your choice to go. (regardless of how much your parents have said they want you to make it)

It's much easier to walk away, and see your child walk away, when you've been irritated with each other for months.

I think it's all done subconsciously, and is an innate defense mechanism.

 

[mamamia2]

My DD just finished her first semester of college.

She is a wonderful girl. Very easy going. During her senior year she maintained her 96 average while working part time 20 hours a week. We were really proud of her. The senior year is tough, because they have to make so many decisions regarding college. For my DD it was deciding if she wanted to go away for college or stay home and commute. She got accepted to all 6 colleges that she applied to (and 5 of them offered her small scholarships). In the end she did decide to stay home and commute to college.

I thought all was going well. All summer long she was hanging out with her friends, attended freshman orientation, etc. Her breakdown moment came when were in Disney World. It was the end of August and we were having dinner at Cinderella's castle on the last night of our trip and the Fairy Godmother and the mice came out and they were doing their show. a couple got engaged. All of the sudden I look at my daughter and she is crying. At first I thought she was just touched by the moment. Then i realized it was the "wrong" kind of crying (KWIM!!). I asked her what was wrong and she responded that she was afraid. She was afraid of going to college because she thought that when she goes to college, that means she will graduate from college and then she will have to move out of our house. I was so not expecting this. So, I told her that everybody is afraid of change and just because she graduates from college does not mean I will be kicking her out. Basically, she didn't want to grow up. I jokingly told her that she had the "peter pan syndrom". She laughed. We talked for a few minutes. Now, I should also add that while all of this was going on, my DH and my 2 DS's (15 and 13) were oblivious to our conversation and the emotions of my daughter. So, when we realized that, we just started laughing.

Looking back, I realized that during that trip my daughter was very clingy to my DH and me. We had told the kids that if they wanted to separate from us for a little while during the day, they could (my DH was in a wheelchair due to a broken foot and we didn't want to hold them back). My 2 DS's did go on a few things without us and we met up afterwards. Even at the hotel, she wouldn't even go to the gameroom without us. After our conversation, it made so much more sense.

Good luck to you and your DD

 

[goofy!]

I went out to coffee last week with a group of mothers with college freshman, both sons and daughters.

This was actually a topic of conversation. We were all so glad that our children had reinhabited their bodies when they returned for Christmas break, rather than the aliens we had sent off in the fall.

All of us had the same experience that senior year was a very, very tough year indeed.