people who are always late

[surfergirl602]

she claims it runs in her family.

Huh?? It's not like tardiness is a genetic defect.

 

[HelenePA]

Huh?? It's not like tardiness is a genetic defect.

Her grandmother was 4 HOURS late for her own wedding.. Her (gf's) mom is the same way.. on the 4th of july they had a huge party. my bro's gf's mom made most of the food for them... it started at five (my number buttons aren't working?!?! on top and on side.. ugh!) she made it there around seven.. last year was even worse! The party started at one she made it there around eight. She is always telling me about her mom coming over.. she says she'll tell her to be there at two and she'll get there at nine or even midnight sometimes! This isn't really a problem for the gf since they work third shift they are use to being up all night.. Sometimes I think its funny.. other times I just think its sad. We are planning another outing with them on the thirty first.. we HAVE to be at the place for noon. its a 40min drive.. I am telling her we are leaving at ten. If she isn't here by eleven we are going with out her what else can I do? they are in their mid twenties. They aren't teens or anything.. I have no idea how they even make it to work.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I read an article once that called some people "time optimists" - they under-estimate how long it takes to get things done, and so they end up running late. My grandmother was one (and it's hard to be mad at a sweet old lady) so we always just told her an earlier time, so she would actually arrive when we wanted her to.

I know your friend is the one being rude, but being angry about it affects you way more than it does her, so the simple solution (even if not technically "fair") is to just fudge the schedule. If you really need her there by 9:00, tell her you want to leave around 8:00. - It certainly won't hurt the dogs to be early if she magically makes it "on time".

 

[barneynshorty]

I had one (former) girlfriend who was always, always late. So I decided to try a different route. I told her I would come pick her up. We were taking the kids to the zoo and we were to leave from her house at 7:30am. Now, I built in a cushion of about 30 minutes, figuring it may take a while to turn off lights, grab bags and such. But we didn't end up leaving her house until 9:30am. I was pretty ticked off at that point. She was ironing t-shirts and had to finish the pile before we could leave.

Never again.

 

[indimom]

I have a sister and DH has a brother who are notorious for this. They just are not worried about it. We started telling DH brother years ago that family parties start 30 minutes earlier so he will arrive on time. Within the last couple years we just started the party without them and when they get there, they get there. If the food is cold, so be it.
My sister annoys me more because she is late picking up her kids, etc. and will call me to tell me she is 30 minutes away when she is already past due to arrive. Why bother now? I've already cancelled whatever appointment you just made me miss... I started reminding her and calling her with more reminders whenever I have something I cannot miss, trying to guilt her into arriving on time. If she keeps my kids overnight, I pick them up, rather than spend half my day waiting for them to arrive.
I'm pretty worried about this coming weekend. I planned to take my DD and her DD shopping for their birthdays and to a movie. She is now planning to come along. If she so much as considers taking over the outing I planned to run her own errands, I'm going to let her have it. She almost ruined a similar outing for my daughter's birthday last year (and yes, I haven't forgotten).

 

[luvmy3]

Huh?? It's not like tardiness is a genetic defect.

I beg to differ (half jokingly of course). My dh is always late, his dad is always late. They both suffer from, getting side tracked and losing track of time itis.

I have figured out that I can never change someone else, only myself so for the people I know who always run late, I either expect it and deal with it, or I tell them to be there earlier than I want them there. To their defense, I have never known any of them to be late to a formal event that was a specific start time, I'm talking about birthday parties, get togethers, meeting out, etc.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Its selfish, rude and self centered. I had a friend that was late all the time, to me it was reason enough to end the friendship, I couldn't put up with that rude selfish behavior, no one likethat is worth being friends with IMO. If they care only about themselves then its not someone I care to be around.

Ditto. I've done this a time or two myself.

You can be late all you want as long as you don't expect others to be inconvenienced. I will leave someone who doesn't show up on time. Their problem, not mine.

This is my way of handling it, too. If someone gets mad at me, I tell them that I'm not going to be penalized because they can't budget their time correctly. The event starts at XX:XX and it takes X many minutes to get there. Their lack of planning does not constitute my emergency and I'm not going to miss an event that I've prepared for and they have not.

We each have 24 hours to spend. People who are habitually late are more interested in spending their 24 hours on themselves rather than others, which is why they are typically even more angry when others are late and they get held up. All this is fine, however, as long as they don't expect the venue they show up late at to wait for them. If the event starts at 6:30 and they're not there by 6:40, sorry but they are going to miss it.

To the habitually late, this seems like a hard line of action. But to everyone else who spent their hours wisely, made the effort to get there on time and now they have to wait because of the habitually inconsiderate, it's the only solution.

Late people need to understand that life goes on without them. If they truly wanted to be a part of the event they'd have shown up on time.

Can you tell this is one of my pet peeves?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Being more than 10 minutes late for anything is just plain rude. I can tolerate 10 minutes or less as things happen. But more than 10 minutes is a slap in the face.

However, what I find even ruder is showing up early for something, at least at a function at somebody's residence. If I am hosting a party and it says 7pm, that means 7pm. Do NOT ring my doorbell at 6:50. If you arrive early, circle the block a few times.

I had a dinner party the other night that started at 6pm. We had a couple that got there at 5:30. I was just finishing getting the table set and I had planned on using that final half hour to freshen my makeup and change into my good clothes and DH was showering. Now I needed to entertain a full half hour before planned. I did leave them on the couch while I finished preparing, but I felt like a horrible hostess just leaving my guests.

And no, I do not need your help. I have heard people say they "always get there early and see if the hostess needs help." If I needed help, I would have asked you to come early.

If an invitation says 7pm, it means 7pm. Do not arrive before 7pm nor more than 10 minutes later.

Early or late is just plain rude.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I had a dinner party the other night that started at 6pm. We had a couple that got there at 5:30. I was just finishing getting the table set and I had planned on using that final half hour to freshen my makeup and change into my good clothes and DH was showering. Now I needed to entertain a full half hour before planned.

That sounds like bad planning on your part. It's wise to be ready for the starting time of an event you're hosting at least a 1/2 hour before-hand, if not more. If you're worried about your clothing being stained by food, consider investing in a full-length chef's apron. I have several and they're not that expensive.

To be showering and dressing 30 minutes or less before the event is to start? Bad time management IMO. There will ALWAYS be a few people who live by the mantra of 10 minutes early means on time, on time means you're late.

 

[PatsGirl]

Definately on my list of pet peeves My sister is chronically late and because I get angry at her suggested that I tell her to be wherever 1/2 hour earlier than I need her there Why should I do this. You are a grown woman, meet me when you say you will. She also tells her kids "I'll be there in five minutes" to pick them up when we both know she's a twenty minute ride away They also know how far away things are and just laugh it off.

A good friend was always leaving me hanging at our meeting place for 20 minutes or more. I finally confronted her and told her that I couldn't stay in a friendship like that. Almost always her excuse would be that the phone rang as she was walking out the door or she was on FB and lost track of time. Hellllo, you made arrangements to spend time with me, if its not urgent, don't pick up the phone We've come to an agreement and she is rarely late now but it happened again last week, she showed up 30 minutes late to pick me up for a social outing and then had to stop at two different places on the way

 

[Kimberly]

I was actually in the car and on my way when I saw them pass me going to my house.. I just kept thinking oh they'll be here as soon as I leave. I was right I should have left an hour earlier

I would have kept driving!

I know I'm not on time all the time, but with a casual meetup, a basic understanding is about 10-15 minutes within the expected arrival time. Most of the times I'm there on the dot.

My father used to be late picking me up from elementary school all the way up until I could drive. School would let out at 2:45, and I don't recall being picked up before 3:30.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

That sounds like bad planning on your part. It's wise to be ready for the starting time of an event you're hosting at least a 1/2 hour before-hand, if not more. If you're worried about your clothing being stained by food, consider investing in a full-length chef's apron. I have several and they're not that expensive.

To be showering and dressing 30 minutes or less before the event is to start? Bad time management IMO. There will ALWAYS be a few people who live by the mantra of 10 minutes early means on time, on time means you're late.

Sorry, we will have to disagree. Not a time management problem at all on my part. It is plain rude to show up at somebody's house before you are invited.

If an invitation says 7, it means 7 - not 6:45 or even worse, 6:30.
People who think 10 minutes early is on time is just as rude, and in my opinion, ruder as you are getting somewhere before being invited, as people who think 10 minutes late is on time.

Telling a hostess that she should be ready a full half hour before the invite is absolutely no different than telling a hostess that they should hold everything for a full half hour after the invite.

Basically what you are saying is that if it is perfectly acceptable for a guest to be early to an invite, it should be perfectly acceptable for a guest to be the same amount of time late to an event. No difference in my mind - both are rude. Except I feel being early is ruder.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Sorry, we will have to disagree. Not a time management problem at all on my part. It is plain rude to show up at somebody's house before you are invited.

If an invitation says 7, it means 7 - not 6:45 or even worse, 6:30.
People who think 10 minutes early is on time is just as rude, and in my opinion, ruder as you are getting somewhere before being invited, as people who think 10 minutes late is on time.

Telling a hostess that she should be ready a full half hour before the invite is absolutely no different than telling a hostess that they should hold everything for a full half hour after the invite.

Basically what you are saying is that if it is perfectly acceptable for a guest to be early to an invite, it should be perfectly acceptable for a guest to be the same amount of time late to an event. No difference in my mind - both are rude. Except I feel being early is ruder.

We will have to agree to disagree then.

Have a beautiful Sunday!

 

[dawson5]

My mother is one of those chronically late people. It drives me nuts. I might not be on time, all the time but she is consistently 30+ minutes late to anything and everything.

I used to be late quite frequently, especially when my boys were younger. It seemed like I didn't have help getting them ready. Dad would get himself ready and sit and wait, all the time wondering how we could not be ready.

Now they are older, I wake them in intervals and get them to the shower. For the most part now we are on time for everything. If we are late, it is usually because of a schedule juggling and I've forewarned parents or coaches what is going on.


*I was responsible for getting my mother in law to the funeral of my father in law. She ended up being late. Totally out of my control, real embarrassing though. My husband went to the funeral home early with his brother, I had the kids to get ready (three boys, one was only one at the time, oldest was six.). He used my car the night before, I could not find the keys. We had no other car, called him repeatedly to ask where they were, only he didn't answer his phone--all the while tearing apart the house looking for the keys. Finally find the keys (under the bed?) and get everyone loaded only to be stopped by a train, a very slow train. Yep, thirty minutes later and he is griping at me, it wasn't a pretty day in our household. My mother in law totally understood it was beyond my control and we often joke about it.

 

[HelenePA]

I would have kept driving!

I know I'm not on time all the time, but with a casual meetup, a basic understanding is about 10-15 minutes within the expected arrival time. Most of the times I'm there on the dot.

My father used to be late picking me up from elementary school all the way up until I could drive. School would let out at 2:45, and I don't recall being picked up before 3:30.

I would have.. BUT since my parents died he's become their "grandparent" for lack of better words.. he has no kids and spoils mine rotten.. If I would have showed up with out him there would have been alot of yelling at me from them. It was just easier to sit and wait and have me be pissed off than 4 kids My brother doesn't drive... he has to rely on his gf the Late late late gal! I told him I'd buy him a car if he learned.. he has no interest though.. I can't make him.. what else can I do?

 

[pioneer89]

Haha, you guys hit on my worst pet peeve.

Unless there is a genuine emergency, (car breaking down, illness, closed road) I am always 5-10 minutes early for meet-ups, or 5-10 minutes "late" if it's an event a a persons house. (And that is only due to social pressures, it kills me to be 'late' but politeness dictated it.)

(Hint, if you are having a party which involves dinner or some event, give people two times: "Show up around 6:00, dinner is served at 6:30" or "Arrive at 2:00, we'll be singing 'Happy Birthday' at 3:00". That way OCD people like me can still be 'on time' for the event, yet not be knocking on your door at 7:00:00.0001) for a 7:00 event.)

Other people being late don't bother me so much, unless their lateness makes me late or wastes my time. Everyone also manages time differently. I say "I want to leave at 3:00, and to me, that means I'm actually driving down the road at that time. To my wife it means we start getting ready at 3:00. Through good communication, we've worked out that personality difference.

With my personality, I'm blessed to be involved with a Cub Scout Pack that stresses punctuality. You're not there right on time, sorry, you're on your own to catch up. I've also got a great boss who will accept no excuse that isn't a genuine emergency for starting (and ending) meetings on time. I had 110 clocks installed at my work which are all synchronized, and get the time from the 'official' government time.

 

[Pooh Crew]

I am an on-time person. I am married to an on-time person. We are rearing on-time children. I had triplets and another child 16 months later and i can honestly say we have never been late for an appointment. I respect others' time and expect the same in return. I have left people who were not ready at the appointed time...they have never been late with me again. I honestly do not think I could be really good friends with someone who was always late. I just don't have that level of patience. I do have friends in my extended circle who are often late, but I never plan any timed events with them.

I know the op did not ask for advice, but I say leave them if they are not there on time. I'd have given the woman the additional six minutes then left. Sorry, but I bet she'd have been on time next time. Why should the op be inconvenienced and stressed because of another's poor planning?

 

[DVC-Don]

I'll give 20 min max (sometimes not even that) for a late person, then I'm off on my way.

 

[arminnie]

I am not going to quibble about someone showing up 10 min. early to my home or 10 min. late. If you live in city of any size it is virtually impossible to arrive precisely at the exact minute of an invitation. Especially in a city with limited parking - it can take 5 minutes or 45 minutes (or more) to find a parking place.

If someone shows up early just open the door, and then go do what you were going to do anyway. I think the biggest problem people have with the early or late is that they let the other person's decision affect them more than it has too.

So I let someone in early and then go have to finish what I was doing. Big deal. You don't have to "entertain" them early. I wouldn't even offer them a drink just yet.

 

[Pumbaa_]

The real question is why do you wait? Hold dinner? Nope, not happening

Wait for someone, not happening. If i have things to do and you are late, and it is chronic, I will move along

My older DB has now been trained to arrive on time or he will arrive to us eating or dinner done and put away (help yourselves to leftovers)

We shouldn't have to eat cold or overdone food because someone is late