People Magazine Article about Breastfeeding after 12 Months

[Bec3b1g]

Hmmm, not sure how I'd feel about that as a patient there. I wanted desperately to bf and couldn't and I think seeing a wall of fame like that would have made my feelings of guilt and sadness grow even stonger than they were. I kinda question why a pediatrician would have such a thing. Seems a little callous.

I have to agree that something like a "Wall of Fame" is in it's own way shaming those who can't BF. It was in the hallway on the way to exam rooms so everyone had to walk by it for appointments. This was 12 years ago. We no longer go there. Maybe they've changed things as to not offend.

 

[kidshop]

Yeah, I'm wondering if he finds his wife attractive in that way as she nurses a preschool/school aged child. I was talking about this with my DH, and he would feel unattracted to them if he saw them as a feeding mechanism for years on end. He would have a hard time transitioning from the food to bedroom in his mind.

And as a side note, I know that I personally didn't feel attractive during this time because I was either leaking, cracking, bleeding, treating them for mastitis, putting some kind of cream on them, etc. That was the LAST thing on my mind during this time. I'm sure it wasn't easy for my DH to understand how I was feeling about myself.

BUT, I also think some women get so absorbed into being a mom, that they forget to be a wife.

My dh didn't have a problem. I also never had leaking past the first few weeks, no cracking, bleeding, pain, mastitis etc. nothing like that ever! I felt just like I do now, just more tired.

I never forgot to be a wife just b/c I had a baby or just b/c I was breastfeeding. It was just a normal part of life. Everyone thinks extended breastfeeding (past 12 months) is weird b/c breastfeeding itself is still pretty uncommon. Sure most moms try it, but most mom's don't do it very long. After a few months, most babies are formula fed. That is what is seen as normal. People just don't have experience with how nursing and extended nursing fits into regular normal people's lives.

It does fit and it is normal! Your experience is not everyone's experience. There is a high level of misinformation in this thread. I don't expect it to change anytime soon. Perhaps if the milk was dispensed through the elbow, it would be more accepted.

 

[Magpie]

My dh didn't have a problem. I also never had leaking past the first few weeks, no cracking, bleeding, pain, mastitis etc. nothing like that ever! I felt just like I do now, just more tired.

I never forgot to be a wife just b/c I had a baby or just b/c I was breastfeeding. It was just a normal part of life. Everyone thinks extended breastfeeding (past 12 months) is weird b/c breastfeeding itself is still pretty uncommon. Sure most moms try it, but most mom's don't do it very long. After a few months, most babies are formula fed. That is what is seen as normal. People just don't have experience with how nursing and extended nursing fits into regular normal people's lives.

It does fit and it is normal! Your experience is not everyone's experience. There is a high level of misinformation in this thread. I don't expect it to change anytime soon. Perhaps if the milk was dispensed through the elbow, it would be more accepted.

Nah, if it was dispensed through the elbow, women would have to cover their elbows in public, and female elbows would be objects of fascination and titillation. And giving your child the elbow past a year would be viewed as weird, infantilizing and possibly borderline child abuse.

I, for one, am glad I can walk around flaunting my elbows anywhere I like!

(Elbow implants... Page three bare-elbowed girls... String elbow-kinis... Shocking elbow-slips...)

 

[Mokat76]

Wow, you mean all I have to do is continually offer healthy foods? Breastmilk isn't doing them any favors? Have you any familiarity with a little thing called the World Health Organization? Let's read what they say about breastfeeding, shall we? "The World Health Organization recommends “exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months and ... the timely introduction of adequate and safe complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to two years or beyond.”

Hmmmm. AND BEYOND. I wonder….what could those words….mean….

Thanks for the lecture on how to feed my child healthy. As my nine year old drinks his kombucha and dines on his poached eggs, avocado and strawberries for breakfast and my daughter eats her curry lentil soup and apple slices for lunch, I'll remember your sage advice. Woe to those who aren't doing their kids any favors by providing them breastmilk after age two! Nutritional eating just could never happen.

If you don't want to be lectured by others, stop lecturing. You are not the world authority any more than any other person on this discussion. Your patronizing hostility is completely unwarranted.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I think once a child is three, that if it is really necessary to give your child breastmilk just give it to them in a bottle.

Give it to them in a cup. 3 year olds can use cups. Which is why nursing a 3 year old is not about nutrition. If mom really cared, she could pump and put it in a cup, but the woman nursing an older child is doing it more than just for the child's nutrition, no matter what she claims. Children shouldn't have the bottle or pacifier beyond infancy, and continuing on the breast is no different. It's just not as PC for doctors to say something to a mother who is breastfeeding past the point when a child should be using cups.

 

[Magpie]

Give it to them in a cup. 3 year olds can use cups. Which is why nursing a 3 year old is not about nutrition. If mom really cared, she could pump and put it in a cup, but the woman nursing an older child is doing it more than just for the child's nutrition, no matter what she claims. Children shouldn't have the bottle or pacifier beyond infancy, and continuing on the breast is no different. It's just not as PC for doctors to say something to a mother who is breastfeeding past the point when a child should be using cups.

You're being more than a bit presumptuous, I believe. Not to mention hostile ("no matter what she claims").

Care to share what you think these nefarious "other reasons" of the moms are?

Besides, you know, habit, no perceived need to stop, enjoyment on both parts, a belief that it's harmless...

 

[tzolkin]

Yeah, I'm wondering if he finds his wife attractive in that way as she nurses a preschool/school aged child. I was talking about this with my DH, and he would feel unattracted to them if he saw them as a feeding mechanism for years on end. He would have a hard time transitioning from the food to bedroom in his mind.

And as a side note, I know that I personally didn't feel attractive during this time because I was either leaking, cracking, bleeding, treating them for mastitis, putting some kind of cream on them, etc. That was the LAST thing on my mind during this time. I'm sure it wasn't easy for my DH to understand how I was feeling about myself.

BUT, I also think some women get so absorbed into being a mom, that they forget to be a wife.

Certainly your experience is not everyone's, so it wouldn't be fair to generalize what all husbands feel about breastfeeding beyond a year.

I am curious how long you breastfed with the issues you mentioned. I had all those issues with my first (several rounds of mastitis, bleeding, constant pain) from day one until I stopped at 8 months. I can completely understand how you felt. But that was not how it was with my other two. I had no issues and was perfectly comfortable after a few days.

On a personal note, my husband had no problem transitioning from food to bedroom and neither did I. Things were back to normal about two weeks after birth and the fact that I breastfed our youngest until 2.5 had no consequences for my marital relationship.

Give it to them in a cup. 3 year olds can use cups. Which is why nursing a 3 year old is not about nutrition. If mom really cared, she could pump and put it in a cup, but the woman nursing an older child is doing it more than just for the child's nutrition, no matter what she claims. Children shouldn't have the bottle or pacifier beyond infancy, and continuing on the breast is no different. It's just not as PC for doctors to say something to a mother who is breastfeeding past the point when a child should be using cups.

I don't believe anyone has ever stated that it is 100% purely for the nutritional value, so I don't know why you seem so fixated on that aspect. There are other benefits of breastfeeding. I enjoyed being able to snuggle up with my toddlers and nurse them before bed. It was a sweet few minutes of bonding where we could relax and forget the world. Those moments of closeness are memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It was a connection that we mutually were not ready to let go of at an arbitrary date of 12 months. If that makes me selfish, a bad parent, or a sexual deviant in the eyes of those posting here, I really don't care.

Handing a kid a cup of milk to drink at the kitchen table that I had to pump, store, warm up is not the same thing.

And, just as an aside since several people have mentioned pumping as the acceptable option-- I was never able to pump (tried with all 3 babies) and know many other women who had the same problem. So for me it was "straight from the tap" or nothing.

 

[tzolkin]

You're being more than a bit presumptuous, I believe. Not to mention hostile ("no matter what she claims").

Care to share what you think these nefarious "other reasons" of the moms are?

Besides, you know, habit, no perceived need to stop, enjoyment on both parts, a belief that it's harmless...

She seems to think there's some sort of sexual and/or exhibitionist aspect of it.

Below is her first post on the topic.

Every other post has been about nutrition as the only "valid" reason for breastfeeding.

All over the world, like in very poor countries where sometimes the option is breastfeed or don't eat, yes it makes sense then. In a rich, first world nation with access to loads of nutritional options, it doesn't make as much sense. Then it starts bordering on the "look at me" vibe. These women get something weird from their preschoolers still using their breasts. It's creepy.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I never once said it was sexual. Maybe you're projecting? Anyway, more like the moms satsify a narcssistic need by continuing to feed from the breast. A "look how much you still need me" kind of thing.

I don't buy the bonding aspect. You can bond with your child without breastfeeding them til they're 8. I cuddle with my daughter at bedtime too. We read a story (or make up a story together, depending on how creative I'm feeling), talk about the day, give kisses and cuddles, and she goes to sleep. We bond during theday by playing games together, painting our nails, working on crafts, eating meals together, dancing, talking, doing her preschool lessons, etc. Life is a bonding experience. Bottle fed kids bond with their mothers just as well. DH never breastfed our daughter and I'd say they have a pretty good bond.

If the only way you know how to bond with your child is by infantilizing them, then a family counselor would be of great help.

 

[Magpie]

I never once said it was sexual. Maybe you're projecting? Anyway, more like the moms satsify a narcssistic need by continuing to feed from the breast. A "look how much you still need me" kind of thing.

I don't buy the bonding aspect. You can bond with your child without breastfeeding them til they're 8. I cuddle with my daughter at bedtime too. We read a story (or make up a story together, depending on how creative I'm feeling), talk about the day, give kisses and cuddles, and she goes to sleep. We bond during theday by playing games together, painting our nails, working on crafts, eating meals together, dancing, talking, doing her preschool lessons, etc. Life is a bonding experience. Bottle fed kids bond with their mothers just as well. DH never breastfed our daughter and I'd say they have a pretty good bond.

If the only way you know how to bond with your child is by infantilizing them, then a family counselor would be of great help.

Oooh... So extended breastfeeding is narcissistic mothering! And infantilizing the child. Gotcha.

Look, I truly believe that our job as parents is to put ourselves out of a job, by raising our children to be independent, competant adult people. However, I do not think that whether a child nurses for six months, or three years, has anything at all to do with how well they will turn out at 18.

Mums who breastfeed longer than you did ALSO read stories, talk to their children, give kisses and cuddles, play games, do crafts, dance, take them to lessons, etc. They bond with their children in many different ways, just as you do. And yes, of course bottle fed children bond with their folks. No one's suggested otherwise.

I imagine a truly narcissistic mother would be so concerned about public appearances that she'd never contemplate nursing past a year. She would ensure her child was a model of (socially acceptable) independence and achievement, who would make her look good. And she'd be extremely critical of other mothers who do things differently from her, because that might mean she wasn't perfect.

 

[tzolkin]

I never once said it was sexual. Maybe you're projecting? Anyway, more like the moms satsify a narcssistic need by continuing to feed from the breast. A "look how much you still need me" kind of thing.

I don't buy the bonding aspect. You can bond with your child without breastfeeding them til they're 8. I cuddle with my daughter at bedtime too. We read a story (or make up a story together, depending on how creative I'm feeling), talk about the day, give kisses and cuddles, and she goes to sleep. We bond during theday by playing games together, painting our nails, working on crafts, eating meals together, dancing, talking, doing her preschool lessons, etc. Life is a bonding experience. Bottle fed kids bond with their mothers just as well. DH never breastfed our daughter and I'd say they have a pretty good bond.

If the only way you know how to bond with your child is by infantilizing them, then a family counselor would be of great help.

You seem to make just as many assumptions as anyone else in this thread.

No one ever said that breastfeeding is the only way to bond. You asked for an example of a benefit beyond nutrition and bonding was listed as one example.

How can you "not buy the bonding aspect"? Breastfeeding is well known to be a bonding act (certainly not the only type of bonding, but the fact that it is bonding isn't really up for debate)

Of course a bottle fed kid can bond with their mother just as well, but if I have already established breastfeeding as a bonding experience between my baby and I it doesn't magically cease to be a bonding experience once they hit 12 months. That makes absolutely no sense. Again, I never said it was the only type of bonding I had with my children. I just said it was one type that we didn't feel any reason to give up that soon.

 

[mnrose]

I breast fed my D until the day she turned 3, and after that, it was no longer mutually agreeable. LOL. I really don't care WHAT other people "think" of my family's decision on that issue as it has ZERO effect on you or anyone else.

After about 18 months, she breastfed ONLY twice a day (morning and night) and after age 2, only once per day (at night). WTH is is to the rest of you what my D and I found to be satisfying and agreeable. I didn't "force" her to do it! It's not abuse in any way.

I didn't photograph it, though, and that I find slightly bizarre.

I thought I would do it until she "self-weaned," but when she showed no signs of stopping, I announced about a month before her birthday, that this would be the "end" and that was that. She transitioned nicely to other night time activities. The end.

I don't comment on how you choose to feed your baby and toddler, so please have the same courtesy. These mommy wars have to end.

And BTW, my pediatrician was fully on board with our families choice. He ascribed to the American Academy of Pediatrician's guidance which is this:

"The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby. Breastfeeding should be supported by your physician for as long as it is the right choice for you and your baby."

 

[Julylady]

Interesting thread. I think it took a left turn a few pages back into the whole breast feeding/bottle feeding controversy. I opened the thread because I was concerned about the photos in the People magazine. The Moms and their kids were in their underwear. I found the pictures disturbing in a mass market magazine. I know several breast feeding Moms and they do not take their clothes off to nurse. And they do not remove their kids clothes either.

 

[Colleen27]

Yeah, I'm wondering if he finds his wife attractive in that way as she nurses a preschool/school aged child. I was talking about this with my DH, and he would feel unattracted to them if he saw them as a feeding mechanism for years on end. He would have a hard time transitioning from the food to bedroom in his mind.

I think this is going to vary a great deal from person to person and it is really up to husband and wife to work out a mutually acceptable solution. I know many men who object to breastfeeding entirely because they don't want to see their wives breasts in anything but a sexual fashion. I also know two men who feel that c-sections are the "better" way to give birth because they feel vaginas should be strictly sexual/pleasurable. Knowing that some women really indulge such nonsense (I know one who endured elective c-sections x 3 to preserve her husband's "happy place". I can't say I'd be so understanding!) makes me pretty sure there are also men out there who accept or at least tolerate extended breastfeeding.

 

[JessNewt]

I don't comment on how you choose to feed your baby and toddler, so please have the same courtesy. These mommy wars have to end.
"

100% agree. The mom shaming has to end. We are all doing the best we can for our kids. Bottles, or breast, or formula, or pumping, or whatever. We are a community of parents who should be supportive of one another, even if some of us choose a path different from others. Just like some women choose to have meaningful photographs taken of themselves while 9 months pregnant, other women like to have a meaningful photograph of themselves nursing their toddler. In both cases, I fully believe the mothers are trying to capture the love and bond between parent and child.

 

[tzolkin]

Interesting thread. I think it took a left turn a few pages back into the whole breast feeding/bottle feeding controversy. I opened the thread because I was concerned about the photos in the People magazine. The Moms and their kids were in their underwear. I found the pictures disturbing in a mass market magazine. I know several breast feeding Moms and they do not take their clothes off to nurse. And they do not remove their kids clothes either.

The photos are from The Honest Body Project. It features different topics like: fertility, cancer, c-sections, bottle feeding, special needs, body image, etc. All of the photos in the series are taken in the same style-- black and white with subjects wearing black undergarments. If they were fully clothed, it wouldn't be depictions of mother's bodies. It's not saying that women in everyday life strip down to feed their babies. It's meant to show what we normally don't see.

The mothers didn't know their photos were going to appear in People magazine when they agreed to participate in the project. Even if they consented to having their images featured in the magazine a year later, they were not originally intended for a mass market magazine.

You are certainly free to disagree with it regardless, but I think the context is relevant.

 

[mnrose]

100% agree. The mom shaming has to end. We are all doing the best we can for our kids. Bottles, or breast, or formula, or pumping, or whatever. We are a community of parents who should be supportive of one another, even if some of us choose a path different from others. Just like some women choose to have meaningful photographs taken of themselves while 9 months pregnant, other women like to have a meaningful photograph of themselves nursing their toddler. In both cases, I fully believe the mothers are trying to capture the love and bond between parent and child.

I think they are beautiful photos. Where I personally wouldn't go is to have such photos displayed for public consumption. Not every beautiful bonding moment between mother and child is appropriate for public view.

 

[gwynne]

The photos are from The Honest Body Project. It features different topics like: fertility, cancer, c-sections, bottle feeding, special needs, body image, etc. All of the photos in the series are taken in the same style-- black and white with subjects wearing black undergarments. If they were fully clothed, it wouldn't be depictions of mother's bodies. It's not saying that women in everyday life strip down to feed their babies. It's meant to show what we normally don't see.

The mothers didn't know their photos were going to appear in People magazine when they agreed to participate in the project. Even if they consented to having their images featured in the magazine a year later, they were not originally intended for a mass market magazine.

You are certainly free to disagree with it regardless, but I think the context is relevant.

They must have consented. If they didn't, they would be filing suit. (Assuming they were bothered about the images and how they were being used for profit.)

 

[gwynne]

I think they are beautiful photos. Where I personally wouldn't go is to have such photos displayed for public consumption. Not every beautiful bonding moment between mother and child is appropriate for public view.

Personal photos are really not my business, they are up to the mother and child. (And maybe the partner, if the mother is OK with them weighing in.)
These images are not best used to sell People magazine, but JMO. I can't believe these photos were gifted to People for free. I wonder who ended up with the cash...

 

[tzolkin]

They must have consented. If they didn't, they would be filing suit. (Assuming they were bothered about the images and how they were being used for profit.)

In many instances the photographer has rights over the photos. It is entirely possible that the subjects signed a general release form when the photos were taken that gave the photographer free license to use the photos at their own discretion.