Paying for BFF's trip. What are my obligations? Update Post #47

[DawnM]

DP

 

[DawnM]

But this isn't clear that you will not be paying for it. It just says, "Great, you guys go and have fun."

I'd say something like "hey I know that WDW is often a family trip & your DH is wanting that family trip. I know he's never shown interest in Disney & now he is, that must be exciting for u & your son! I think we will bow out on this trip so you can enjoy your family trip. Let's talk soon to plan our future girls trip!"

Short & sweet. Then if she says oh well now he doesn't want to go, then you can decide how to proceed.

 

[Angeejoe]

But this isn't clear that you will not be paying for it. It just says, "Great, you guys go and have fun."

You're right it does not directly state she would not pay, but you'd hope a statement saying "I'm bowing out of the trip" & "let's talk soon to plan our future girls trip," would be a big hint for BFF that this family trip is NOT paid paid by OP. Lol! At the very least would open the door for BFF to ask, "oh so you won't be paying?" She'd be a bit dense to think this trip would still be paid, but you're right, some people just don't "get it," & need to be directly told. Only OP knows if her BFF is someone that would "get it."

 

[DizMe]

Just be completely honest. This is a trip that would be a lot of fun for you 2 and the kids but the dynamic is completely different with her dh there and that's not the trip you were offering. YOU'RE not being rude, you're being put in an extremely awkward position by your friend and her dh. I think if you let her dh invite himself along, whether you foot the bill or not, you will probably resent it for a very long time. This has the potential to do serious damage to your friendship.

 

[karice2]

Maybe I have a different expectation of friendship but I would say, Hey Girl, If he is coming then I am not going. My friend would laugh and say, I was hoping you would say that. It sounds like the husband wants to go because you are paying.

I would just say that you want it to be a girls trip and that when you can get away without him, the offer still stands.

 

[HeatherC]

Sounds to me like they are all hoping for an all expense paid trip for their family.

OP..you are very generous. Just don't let them take advantage of your kindness.

 

[sharona]

Just be completely honest. This is a trip that would be a lot of fun for you 2 and the kids but the dynamic is completely different with her dh there and that's not the trip you were offering. YOU'RE not being rude, you're being put in an extremely awkward position by your friend and her dh. I think if you let her dh invite himself along, whether you foot the bill or not, you will probably resent it for a very long time. This has the potential to do serious damage to your friendship.

I had a friend who would constantly include her DH on girls outings. We would plan shopping and lunch and guess who would show up to the restaurant to join us. It was like they were joined at the hip. I never saw her without him! This annoyed me even though I really liked him. It did change the dynamic making me feel like I was intruding on them. When he tried to include himself on our girls weekend in Vegas, I'd had enough and canceled for a made up reason. We eventually drifted apart.

So sorry OP. I would be honest with your friend. I wish I had been.

 

[jesse8931]

Well you did post this in a budget/financial part of the board so I will put my 2 cents in.

Personally using money that you inherited for a vacation is very dumb let alone for other people.

Yes vacations are fun but if you have any debt it's un responsible to blow that on fun.

I know it's not the most popular way to think but being an adult isn't always fun.

 

[Marionnette]

Well you did post this in a budget/financial part of the board so I will put my 2 cents in.

Personally using money that you inherited for a vacation is very dumb let alone for other people.

Yes vacations are fun but if you have any debt it's un responsible to blow that on fun.

I know it's not the most popular way to think but being an adult isn't always fun.

My reading comprehension skills must be lacking. I missed the part where the OP said that she had debts. However, even if she does, it would not be irresponsible for her to spend a portion of her inherited money to do something which she enjoys as long as she has the debt under control and has a payment plan that she is following.

 

[jesse8931]

My reading comprehension skills must be lacking. I missed the part where the OP said that she had debts. However, even if she does, it would not be irresponsible for her to spend a portion of her inherited money to do something which she enjoys as long as she has the debt under control and has a payment plan that she is following.

why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.

 

[DizMe]

why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.

Now that's a bit harsh. If you've read much on this board you would not be taking Marionnette to task for being fiscally irresponsible.

I see your point, and agree that if the OP has a large amount of debt without a good plan for paying it off, it would be best to focus attention on that before anything else and a poor idea to take people on vacation if there are a lot of bills to be paid. However, you are jumping to conclusions in assuming that is the case, and second, it is not necessarily irresponsible to take a vacation if you have a certain amount of debt. Additionally, I bolded "waste it" because that is a very subjective observation on your part. Finally, it is a false analogy to compare the OP's inheritance choices with the national debt.

 

[Beezle2]

why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.

>>>>

I am dying here..clearly you haven't been here long if you think Marionnette would advocate careless debt spending She is a stanch bastion of wise money management. I have no idea actually if "she" is a she, or a he, or young, or old, whatever but I do know I would never come here and post reckless spending posts for fear of a good .

 

[Beezle2]

Now that's a bit harsh. If you've read much on this board you would not be taking Marionnette to task for being fiscally irresponsible.

I said the same Total hogwash

 

[Crystal824]

Well you did post this in a budget/financial part of the board so I will put my 2 cents in.

Personally using money that you inherited for a vacation is very dumb let alone for other people.

Yes vacations are fun but if you have any debt it's un responsible to blow that on fun.

I know it's not the most popular way to think but being an adult isn't always fun.

Where did it say the OP had debt?

 

[Gigi22]

why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.

Oh boy, anyone else here reminded of a certain episode of Murphy Brown?

 

[Beezle2]

[QUOTE="jesse8931, post: 54365226, member: 493993"]why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.[/QUOTE]>>>

For the fun? Where was it ever said the OP had debt she wasn't being responsible about? That was quite a leap you did there but maybe you were just extrapolating from your own circumstance? You have debt so you wouldn't "waste" the money?

And to try and stay on topic OP Yeah, I would cancel if the husband wanted to come. He sounds like a drag. I had invited a friend and her DD to join myself and my DD for Spring Break I was going to cover the room since we are DVC, she didn't want come because they want to go as a family for their first time. I don't care for her DH so I dropped it right there and told her I understood completely!

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

OP, I don't envy you the conversation you have to have. It sounds to me like either (a) the friend's DH was planning to take advantage of you paying the bulk of the family vacation (even if he thought he would have to pay his own airfare and ticket costs, he would have thought the room and dining was paid for), or (b) he was hoping you'd foot the entire bill. Now, I think you have to rescind your original offer and that will likely mean that your friend and her son won't get to go either, which may create some hurt feelings.

The only thing I can think of is to say something like, "Wow, I'm shocked John wants to go. I was really thinking we'd do a girls and kids trip, since we all love Disney so much. If you think you want to experience Disney World as a family before we do our girls' trip, I totally understand. I will keep the money ear-marked for our girls' trip and we'll do it another time." That way, you're making it clear that you'd still like to do the girls' trip in the future, but that you don't intend to finance their family vacation.

Good luck!

 

[Marionnette]

why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.

Interesting comment from someone with a trip countdown in their own signature.

 

[My2CrazyGirls]

The only thing I can think of is to say something like, "Wow, I'm shocked John wants to go. I was really thinking we'd do a girls and kids trip, since we all love Disney so much. If you think you want to experience Disney World as a family before we do our girls' trip, I totally understand. I will keep the money ear-marked for our girls' trip and we'll do it another time."

Good luck!

I agree w this. Keep it light. "Really??? I thought he didn't like Disney. I was really looking forward to the girls/kids only trip, but if you rather take a family trip I understand. Just let me know. Me and the kids would feel like we are intruding on your family vacation if your whole family went."

 

[2kidsForMe]

Op here. Thanks everyone for the replies. Seems like the consensus is that I'm not responsible for BFF's DH's expenses, and it would not be much fun if he went. I agree. I'm going to call her tonight and be totally honest about what kind of trip I expected. Oh, and as far as my being "irresponsible" using inherited money to take a vacation, well. I don' think I have to justify myself but I will say that the only debt I have is my mortgage, a portion of the inheritance is going into an IRA, part into kids's college fund, and part for vacation. It's not "dumb" spending money someone you care about, to give them a wonderful experience, if you can afford to do so. So there is that, but thanks for your concern.