Parents going over the top with kids birthday cakes?

[brymolmom]

Yes and no. I think you have to be careful on what you give your kids because you can "afford it." We've been careful and our son still has a slight case of affluenza. I don't think my kids will leave home, go to college, get their first job, and be able to throw catered parties - so even though we could, we pick up our fruit and cheese trays at Costco for our parties. If this is a pattern of indulgence, you aren't doing any favors to your kids - unless there is generational wealth. If its a one off thing, then it can be fun.

(But a fifteenth birthday for a girl is a HUGE deal in Latino cultures - bar mitzvah or high school graduation or even a small wedding huge).

I agree with you here! It is something I frequently think about for my own kids...When I got a gift as a child and it was a 'big' gift - probably only happened once or twice and it was a BIG deal. I think about how different it is for my own kids and they just can't feel that same appreciation as I did back in my day. They're thankful - but it's just not the same. So I very deliberately keep number of gifts (and $$) very low for my kids for CHristmas and birthdays.

As for cakes - I know a lot of people do it for not just the big ones - they'll spend quite a bit on any birthday (4,5,6 years old). A FB friend of mine started a baking business and frequently posts pictures of her newest creations and they're all for people on our town. I think her prices are reasonable but I just don't see the need for the elaborate creations. And I agree that there is a lot to be said for keeping it more basic and not getting them used to 'over the top'. Now, for the posters who make their kids own cakes and give them their own time to do so (as opposed to $$) - I think that is nice if you have the time and talent.

 

[blessedby3]

My friend spent $1000+ on a cake for her dd's 16th birthday from Carlos' Bakery. She could easily afford it, so more power to her. Me, I'm a costco cake kind of gal!

WOW

 

[kidzmom3]

The cake can be a major part of the decorations for a party. If you can afford it and want it .... why all the negativity? Not every person who orders a large cake is trying "to out do" the neighbors. I think that's a very cynical attitude to have over the pleasures of celebrating your childs birthday.

 

[bumbershoot]

While I don't personally enjoy the lavish birthday parties (best party DS has been to yet was 30 or so 6 year olds running around like mad for 3 hours in the kids' parents' huge backyard), cake is a place I can get behind spending money on.

Grocery store cakes have atrocious ingredients, and if you have any allergies or sensitivities you just can't do them.

Costco cakes are fairly good, in a way, but they are still that mass produced too much sweetness taste/feeling.

Homemade, truly homemade, cakes can be awesome, but not everyone can do them. My mom did our cakes, and they were SO delicious, but they were so rich that my friends who were raised on grocery store cakes would go home feeling a bit ill, and only being able to eat half of a piece. I have her recipes, I'm a fairly decent baker, and I simply have not been able to reproduce what she was able to do with them.

A proper bakery, however, can make an incredible cake. And an incredible tasting cake, no matter what it looks like, is worth money.


Long story short, we had a $100 credit with my wedding-cake bakery, and opted to spend it on a big, one-tier, birthday cake for me. It was INCREDIBLE. And huge. My husband invited a few friends over, and they had what they could, but we had cake for WEEKS afterwards. Rich, delicious, intense cake....oh man it was great. SO worth it.

If the cake lady made birthday cakes (and I suppose she would, but there's a minimum and DS doesn't have that many friends (and they are all being raised on grocery store cakes)) I'd order them for birthdays all the time, even though it involves a drive to Portland OR and back.


For DS's small, family, 3rd birthday party I spent a good $50 on a single tier cake from a local bakery. And it was worth it.


So I don't really see a problem with spending money on the cake, as long as it's delicious. (therefore, no Charm City Cakes if we're ever in Baltimore, as I've heard they don't taste very good)

 

[North of Mouse]

I knew that there would be someone on every post with a snarky attitude and kidzmom3 you didn't let us down -

 

[cari12]

The cake can be a major part of the decorations for a party. If you can afford it and want it .... why all the negativity? Not every person who orders a large cake is trying "to out do" the neighbors. I think that's a very cynical attitude to have over the pleasures of celebrating your childs birthday.

I agree with this. Also, those that say if you make an elaborate cake yourself it's great but if you buy one, it is over indulging your child. Where does that make sense? Just because a parent doesn't have the time to make one homemade, their child should not have a great cake? For perspective, I would never spend hundreds on a cake for my child's birthday but for their kids party with their friends, I usually buy a themed one for around $35 and make a simple homemade one for their family dinner.

 

[crisi]

I agree with this. Also, those that say if you make an elaborate cake yourself it's great but if you buy one, it is over indulging your child. Where does that make sense? Just because a parent doesn't have the time to make one homemade, their child should not have a great cake? For perspective, I would never spend hundreds on a cake for my child's birthday but for their kids party with their friends, I usually buy a themed one for around $35 and make a simple homemade one for their family dinner.

Its setting an expectation that I wouldn't set for my own kids....if someone else wants to raise their kids that way - great, but I haven't seen it work out well.

I often tell the story when this sort of thing comes up of my sister's first husband. Raised with a silver spoon in his mouth and indulged because his parents "could afford it," he had a real hard time understanding that he couldn't on his just out of college salary. You didn't WEAR a sweater that wasn't (and this is dating the marriage) Tommy Hilfiger or Nautica. When you went skiing, you went to Aspen - not anywhere else. Of course, you had new skis every year, last years models are last year. By the time they divorced, he was really in debt and getting quite bitter about how "unfair" life was - this was a young man with a good job and a bright future (and a really nice guy, too). His parents, responsible for overindulging him and his siblings when they were in the house, didn't do a darn thing for them once college was done (it was then time for them to focus on their retirement).

As I said before, if its a occasional indulgence - you aren't setting habits. But watch the message you send and the habits you allow your kids to pick up. Our childhood does shape us as adults - and your kid might not be getting the message 'these sorts of extravagances are fine if you can afford it' - they may get "it has to be Aspen."

(I've done a little of everything, get cakes at a great bakery - and back when I ate wheat, yes, a good bakery is worth it - maybe not to feed to four year olds, but completely for grown ups - home make extravagant cakes (like things that take 12 hours to construct), make a box cake and throw canned frosting and sprinkes on it, and stop by the grocery store for a grocery store cake. Now, neither my daughter or I eat gluten and my son likes Dairy Queen ice cream cakes beyond anything else .

 

[reginaastralis]

I think this is interesting because I have been perusing pinterest for my daughter's upcoming birthday. She'll be seven, and this is the first birthday party she's had. Because her birthday is right after Christmas, we've always just invited the neighborhood kids over for cake and they've been happy.

Anyways, I was looking at this amazing birthday this lady created, and it was Hawaiian themed, which is what we're doing, and the fake hibiscus flowers she bought to decorate the cake with were $80. Seriously?! It was beautiful, but I'm sure my daughter will be thrilled without the $80 fake flowers on her birthday cake.

 

[kidzmom3]

I knew that there would be someone on every post with a snarky attitude and kidzmom3 you didn't let us down -

Snarky = unpleasant and scornful


I do not believe that my previous post is Snarky. However North of Mouse, yours is a fine example for everyone on the Dis to see (and yes this is also another example).

I made two points that ran counter to the premise of the thread and I wasn't rude about either of them:

1. That elaborate cakes could be considered decorations and a major part of the party.

2. That I thought people of the thread were behaving cynically (Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity) because they stated that the only reason a parent would spend money on a elaborate cake was because they wanted to "show up" the neighbors.

 

[hereyago]

My friend spent $1000+ on a cake for her dd's 16th birthday from Carlos' Bakery.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some Cake boss, however, for 1000.00 momma needs to have her feet rubbed and massage for a month for all that. I'm just sayin...lol

 

[lovesmurfs]

The cake can be a major part of the decorations for a party. If you can afford it and want it .... why all the negativity? Not every person who orders a large cake is trying "to out do" the neighbors. I think that's a very cynical attitude to have over the pleasures of celebrating your childs birthday.

I knew that there would be someone on every post with a snarky attitude and kidzmom3 you didn't let us down -

Not sure that a different opinion can be defined as "snarky."

I make my kids' cakes because they always seem to want something not available in the store (i.e. Garfield's Odie or Angry Birds). But if a parent has the means to buy a bakery cake like described in the OP (and the child wants it too...), why not?

 

[21yankees]

Not sure that a different opinion can be defined as "snarky."

I make my kids' cakes because they always seem to want something not available in the store (i.e. Garfield's Odie or Angry Birds). But if a parent has the means to buy a bakery cake like described in the OP (and the child wants it too...), why not?

 

[kamik86]

I never had really fancy birthday cakes however when I was in middle school my mom and older sister took this wilton cake decorating class. Well my sister was really quite good at it. She made my wedding cake even. So although they aren't tiered, my nieces have some pretty cool birthday cakes because she will make them (both for her kid and my other sister's kids).

 

[lizabu]

I guess it depends on how big the party is. If you invite grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins and are already at 30-40 people then the kids wants a couple kids from school you're going to need a big cake. We have a big family and have 30+ people for every special occasion. I usually just buy a big slab cake from Costco but I could see how a tiered cake would be nice.

I agree about the 15th birthday thing. When I was a teen my 15 y/o friend from Mexico invited me to her birthday. I had never heard of a quinceanera at that time. It was like a mini wedding. She had a beautiful ball gown, a big cake, food a DJ etc.

 

[descovy]

Actually yes, I do know exactly what the OP is talking about.

I decorate cakes from home, mainly for family, friends, church milestones, etc... For awhile in my old town I was quite busy with 1-2 cakes every weekend.

We moved, and while some of my old contacts still called me for the "real special occasions" it was really too far away. My dd became friends with a dd of a cake decorator in this town, so we met.

She does do high end cakes and yes for kids' birthdays. age 5, 7, 9etc... it doesnt matter. These ladies will pay $$$ for 3 tier fondant covered creations because dd is turning 8. She makes very, very good money on it.

I did take a kids order here once for a 2 tier fondant cake, molded figurines, decorated cake board even. I quoted $180 which was quite on the low side. After materials, supplies, hours in the kitchen, I would have made more money at my cashier job at Target.

I was a little sick to my stomach to be asked to deliver it to the dimly-lit ice skating rink. It was one of those parties where you have 2 hours to skate, open presents, eat pizza and cake. Basically no one paid attention to the cake. And this was after tons of emails back and forth with the customer who had very specific, detailed instructions of what she wanted (dictated by the child) I've since decided I am too busy with family & work & volunteering to woo this kind of clientele.

But yes, $200-$300 a cake is "normal" around here... and this is just suburbia. I think many of these folks like to run around like they are socialites, but again, this is just suburbia.

As a mom with kids invited to these parties, it causes a little gift stress. When you know the cake is going to be over the top, and sometimes the party and the goodie bags are over the top, it is hard to come up with an appropriate gift for the kids who has everything.

As I say, yes, I do know exactly what the OP is talking about. We are talking about people who BUY (not make) elaborate cakes for their kids' non-milestone (but super-special) birthday.

Please just dont say it's "not worth it" though. Saying that sounds like you are saying that the hours of craft and decorating are not worth anything. How much an hour do you think a cake decorator is worth while they are sculting shapes, piping intricate designs, etc...? That skill and care is worth a pretty penny, they deserve more than a mimimum wage burger flipper, dontcha think?

Its okay to say it's out of your price range. Truth be told I have made many beautiful cakes that were more expensive than I could afford for the occasion. The answer is to pick a less elaborate cake. But not to expect an "as seen on tv" cake for a mere $100! The baker's time and talent is worth much more than that!

 

[Belle5]

My kids've had these cakes. They LOVE their birthday cakes and take lots of time searching books and the internet for just what they want, then creating their design. Their cakes are always a big deal. I've made a merry-go-round, several castles, lots of tiered cakes (I even pop them up on a great little stand I have to make them look even nicer). My soon-to-be-18-year-old came to me yesterday saying that she wants a collection of small Disney princess cakes (similar to the Barbie cakes that she loved for so many years) this year. Her birthday is still months away.

However, I make these cakes myself. They're all from scratch -- never, never from a mix, and they're all wonderful. My kids help create the cakes too.

This is the same for me. This past week my DS was visiting with his GF from another city. He asked me to give her one of "our" birthday parties with the great cake and themed party ware. I did pay for a custom cake for her just because she is on a gluten-free diet and I didn't want to try and mess with that. I am self-taught, but have made some fantastic themed cakes for my six sons over the years. My favorite was a big castle...My kids look back at those parties with great fondness and appreciation. That is why DS wanted his GF to experience "our" kind of party...

 

[ddrie]

Hi Descovy, I am right with you on your post! I am a cake decorator with an at home business for 12 years and make homemade cakes and buttercream icing. I truly feel that the cakes presented on the Food Network have done a dis-service to most decorators.

I have LOTS of people wanting stacked cakes for their children's birthday parties. They want a 3 tier cake to serve 25 people (they usually serve around 75-100 for a small size 3 tier) and they want it for $50 or less. What??? A wedding cake for the same size here runs $3.00 a serving and serves 100 (I am on the lower side at $3--Detroit area). That is a $300 cake they are wanting for cheap. Usually birthday cakes require a "theme" or "stuff" to put on them and many colors. They are sometimes much MORE work than putting together an elegant wedding cake. I can do what you see on Food Network but DON'T because people are not willing to pay the price for it. Because I make a MOIST homemade cake, it also does not sculpt into a dogs head, toilet seat, or whatever strange thing some people need/request. I don't believe a cake should be made of PVC pipe and chicken wire to hold the thing up. It should be EDIBLE!

Because I have an at home business, people also feel they can drop in anytime for a cake (like Walmart). They don't bother to call for an appointment or think nothing of calling me at 2 am when they remember they "forgot" to order a cake for 8 am. What??? I have had others forget to pick up their cakes, bounce checks and not think twice about it, and some do not come at their designated time to pick up their cakes. Sorry if I sound so negative, and thanks for letting me vent herel. I really thought that 2012 I may need to forgo the decorating. I had an incident before Christmas that I turned down someone for a wedding cake for the first weekend in March. WE ARE GOING TO BE AT DISNEY ON A CRUISE. Well, she let me have it with every swear word she could think of...she needed a cake and how dare I be gone! UGH! Don't get me wrong 95% of my customers are GREAT, it is the 5% that are killing me!!
I guess the Disney vacation can't come soon enough. You are all so kind just to read my vent. I needed the outlet. Hugs to you all!