Other mommies who have lost an infant???

[turnerx6]

Wondering if anyone else out there has dealt with the loss of a child??

In Oct. of 2007 we lost our precious baby girl when she was 5 months old. She was born with a rare genetic disorder...She spent four of her 5 months in the hospital before we had to bring her home on hospice care. She passed away in my arms...the day before my birthday. Its been terribly hard on me since she died...I have "good" days and bad days - more bad days than i would care to have...but im doing okay.

We are planning our very FIRST family trip to Disney world this Oct. We will be going the week of her angel day anniversary and also on my birthday. We want to try and remember her while we are on the trip - by doing special things in memory of her...Any suggestions? It's hard to beleive that she would be turning 3 years old this May..Oh how I miss her. We have talked about doing a balloon release for her on her angel day. My hubby wanted to release 157 balloons - this is how many days we were blessed to have her with us - but FL laws say that the balloons have to be biodegradible. This is okay though - we have found a place here in TX that sells biodegradible balloons - but what would we do about the strings? Cant possible hold that many balloons with NO strings attached...so this might be a bust?!? Thought about making up a little shirt for our other 3 daughters to wear but haven't come up with anything yet...

Anyway. I hope to talk with some other families who have 'been in our shoes' - though its not the best way to 'meet' someone... :0(

Hope you are all doing well.

God bless,
Kelly from Tx

 

[nickey]

so sorry to hear about your loss. I cant say Ive been in your situation. Sorry that you still are grieving as bad as you are. Im glad to see that you have other children because you sound like wonderfil parents and these children our helping you with yur pain. I hope that you are in therapy or support groups to help you move forward. I know you will never get over this but I hope you get to a good place . Take care and enjoy Disney.

 

[goofy4mykids]

I love the balloon Idea and Disney may be able to help you. I would call the reservation number they will direct you. Also as you walk into MK you will see pavers with personel messages on them...I know they were for sale at one point not sure if they still are? You may also may look into taking a private firework cruise the night of, you can all have some quite time on the water. I cant even begin to imagin what your heart must feel, God Bless

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

I have not personally lost a child but I work with families of at risk babies and was the postpartum loss coordinator at the hospital where I worked. I have also had a couple of good friends go through this. One found her son on christmas morning.. yikes. First please feel the hugs and love I am sending your way. Even though it has been three years, the pain and healing continue and I am sorry for that. I would recommend if you haven't already done so, check into Compassionate Friends. I think the idea of the balloon release is totally cool. But if florida doesn't allow it, could you do something like the cruise a PP mentioned. Maybe even lighting candles or having floating candles on the lake. Just talk with a CM to see what options you might have. Also what about a butterfly release. I know I have seen that advertised in wedding books. That would be really neat! Personally butterflies mean a lot to my family. My GM loved them so every spring when I see the first yellow (her fav color) butterfly, I always say, Hi Nanny. Just a thought.
Please know I am here. If you need to PM someone for a shoulder to cry on! God bless you and your family as you are trying to heal! And if it helps, know that God truly understands what you are experiencing because He lost his son too. I know that may not be much comfort, especially if you having feelings of anger in that area, but I pray some day it will provide you with a sense of comfort if it doesn't now.

 

[DisneyTravelers2008]

My heart goes out to you. I hope you will find a way to remember your daughter on your trip. Another person mentioned butterflies. Maybe that would be easier than balloons...butterfiles are so beautiful...maybe this would work for you. Maybe each member of your family could release a butterfly in her honor. Disney World is a place of much joy and I hope you and your family can find a way to escape your pain while you are there and build some new memories.

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

hugs to you! we've now been through a molar pregnancy and a vanishing twin pregnancy. it hurts everyday. we went to disney last year as our healing trip and our wedding anny trip as well.

while i didnt even think to do anything at disney for either baby, i did at the thought of one of our grief concellours buy an ornament for our xmas tree. it was the first one to go on. im not into angels, but had a hard time finding one. on the last shelf at the xmas store at dtd i found some angel ornaments on clearance. they had what i thought was the wrong birthstone. i was trying to find one with our edd stone. then it hit me, i m/c'd in april and it was an april stone. so it made its trip home with us. even funnier, i bought one for the family for our tree and at xmas that went missing. i still havent found it!

they have all sorts there that you can get personalized, however when we were there in october, the wait to get back was i think 5 days. so if you want to get one just for her with her name, go early in your trip.

im so sorry for your loss, our sons twin happened in 06, and i only just found out from a friend that it would of been vanishing twin. no one ever told me even tho we were pretty sure he was at one point. it does get better. grief counselling helped us a lot. so did face book believe it or not. i found many groups on there that have people going through what i went through and understand it. we had mommies here organize a walk to remember and they also started up a grief group. very helpful to go and just be with other moms who know what youve gone through. cry, laugh, smile....its nice to vent to others who understand it.

i would do as a previous posted said call disney and see if they can think of anything you can do. can't hurt.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I am sorry to hear about your lose.

I use to work for a balloon company and we would do balloon releases with out string. What we did was blow up the balloons and stuff them in to x-large clear bags and tie the bag shut when it was full. Then we transported them to where the release was to take place. We explained to the customer all they had to do was untie the bag and the helium balloons would sail away.

Another thing to inquire about..I am not sure how fond Disney would be of allowing a large number of balloons to be released because of the safety of the animals at the AKL and AKV.
Both the lodge and the park have very stricked policy's about the use plastic straws and plastic lids to cups. They do not even offer these plastic items at the restaruants at both locations because the pose a danger to the the animals. So check with Disney first.
That way if Disney says no then you will have plenty of time to come up with another plan.

 

[ndloewen]

Hugs to you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 3 year old son just 7 months ago to a rare genetic condition. My heart is still crushed and so very broken...life has been forever altered. We did a balloon release for the funeral, and again for what would have been my son's 4th birthday. It was beautiful and I loved it. I hope to do one each year. But we had no laws regarding biodegradable balloons.

I did hear of someone who buys a balloon each time they go to Disney and gives it to a stranger in memory of their loved one. I was thinking we might do that when we make it back to Disney. Wish I had more ideas...hoping someone out there will have some good ones as I'd love to hear them too.

 

[nmmom95]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost an infant to a rare genetic disorder 8 years ago. This is not a Disney idea, but for my son's first birthday, a family member had a star named for him. It was the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. I hope you find something that is meaningful for your family.

 

[reggiemcp]

My baby had not yet been born, but the loss is still awful. I just found out in February that I was pregnant (4 1/2 months) at 45 years of age. To say it was a shock was doesn't cover it. Years of infertility then my son came at 40 so I never saw this coming. We were quite happy and looking so forward to this beautiful gift. I went for my sonogram when I about 21 weeks and they found multiple edemas and severe birth defects, we were crushed. Doctors explained I changes of going full term were next to nill, and if so baby would die shortly afterward. They told me to expect that the baby would not make it past 25 weeks and that I should terminate immediately to avoid medically endangering my life.

This was the worst day of our lives, I have such mixed emotions. I never felt that this would be a choice I would have to make. I know that I had to do this, but it seems so contradictory to what a mother does.

I know that some day I will make peace with this as much as I can. We are looking into support groups and trying to think of a way to honor our angel baby. We are planning on going to Disney in November and would love to get a brick for the baby.

I am sorry that this became about me, I hope you can understand and that you find joy and happiness again in your life.

 

[Puccaw]

I am so terribly sorry to hear of all of your losses, I think unless you have been in that dark place that surrounds a person with the loss of a child it is hard to truly relate.
I just passed the 14'th anniversay of my son's death, it still rocks me to the core, but I do my best to get through each day and some days are by far better than others. Time does not heal all wounds but it does allow you to learn how to cope.
I agree with some of the PP's, call Disney and see what they can do for you.
A friend of ours also "bought" us a star, and we release balloons every year on Ben's birthday.
I wish you a time of happiness and healing while you have a magical vacation with your family, those who are present and those who are with you in spirit.

 

[KPeveler]

While I did not lose my own baby, I lost three little cousins (all girls, born to the same parents. Sarah lived for 9 months, and died from complications of Down Syndrome, Chloe and Isabell died after 2 weeks - conjoined at the head)... And I recently found out I cannot have my own children.

I am not sure if disney will let you release baloons on property, but they are usually good at commemorating any events, even sad ones... I would try contacting them and seeing what they say.

My heart goes out to you.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

I think that is a WONDERFUL IDEA!! That would be so special! I read some where someone did this and put wild flower seeds in them so once they landed the seeds went out.

Here are some other places that sell them "here"


and here is ribbon

I think adding flower seeds would be a wonderful addition to the balloons!

 

[disneygirlinphoenix]

I too have given my baby boy back to the heavens. My Jacob, passes away in 1994, a day shy away from 5 months to SIDS. To this day, daily I think of him and the man he would be, at 16 now. He was my first baby. I have read of other posts where members have dealt with loss, and my heart aches for all of us. I ponder, is it easier to lose a younger baby, because you haven't built up the memories, or an older, because you have the memories? Regardless, parents should not have to bury their childern, especially a 22 yr. old young mother!

I hope that you were able to honor your baby in the way that was special for you. I'm sending loves and hugs your way

from one mother to another...

 

[minniebeth]

My heart aches for all of you moms
My mother lost a baby girl only a few hours old, years before I was born. It is only now that I am a mother and read your stories that I can only begin to imagine your sense of loss.

I will keep you all in my heart~

 

[MyMagicKingdom]

"Ohana means family. Family means no one is left behind - or forgotten."

I think releasing 157 balloons is a beautiful idea. I have seen balloons without strings released from bags as a PP said. I'm sure Disney could be very helpful with ideas as well. Please update us and let us know what you chose to do.


On an odd note, some of these threads are beautiful in that you can really see the love parents have for their children which is so very refreshing, despite the sadness. Last week, not too far away from where I live, a 21 year old father shot and killed his 3 month son in his arms because the police were called to his house after he told his mother (whom he was fighting with) not to. Stories like this make me beyond sick as a mother because I would put myself in front of whatever harm imaginable to keep my son safe and its nice to read about the love other parents have on here. Please know that while I can't imagine your loss and wish every parent that has a lost a child prayers, hope and strength, you all also show true love and that's beautiful. Hugs and love to all and I hope I haven't offended anyone in anyway at all with my statement. I hope it doesn't come out worded wrong, I just wanted to maybe share something positive with others.

 

[AbsyBabsy]

Dear Kelly, I just read this thread and so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I read the story about the man who buys a balloon and gives it to a stranger in honor of someone. Have you thought about buying gifts that you would have bought for your daughter for her birthday and donating to a shelter?

My dad passed recently and he was a Santa. My daughter and I decided we are going to honor him by being a secret Santa to a family in need each year. Keeping the spirit alive, keeping the memories, remembering the love.


Amanda

 

[scrappinmom]

I am so sorry for your loss - but so happy for you that you got to bring your beautiful daughter home with you.

My son died 12 years ago. He lived for only 2 days. He died in my husband's arms. I was never able to hold him, they whisked him away to a different hospital minutes after he was born, and I had a c section so I was still in the hospital. He was our second child, we had a 4 year old daughter at the time. She was the one and only reason I ever got up off the couch in the months that followed.

We too went to WDW as a family 5 months after my son died. I made my daughter a shirt that said "I'm the big sister" on the front and on the back "My brother is an angel - with a halo" - I'm sure some folks thought I meant the word "angel" in jest. But that's ok we knew what it meant.

We did a couple of different things, I bought a balloon each day for him and gave it to a family with a young boy. We paid for a families CRT breakast (this was before the whole dining plan thing).

I LOVE the balloon release idea, I agree & think calling disney to ask would be a great idea.

Every year at the holidays, I pick every boy off the angel tree at church that is Patrick's same age and buy those kids gifts. This year there was only one 12 year old boy on the tree, and he had a winter coat, boots and any "game" system on his list. It even said (can be used). So, we bought the coat, boots, and a Wii with 4 games. - extravagant yes, but if my son were here I'm sure I would have spent $400 on him, just like I did his sisters.

I hope you find a way to make the day special for you and your family. I know that going to WDW without your precious daughter will be so hard. I hope someday you can find comfort in knowing she is still with you each and every moment of your day.

hugs & love

 

[GoofyGolferGirl]

First of all, I am really sorry for your loss, I lost a DD at birth and can say the pain of the loss never goes away but it does dull, making you able to talk about them without tears. I thought about buying those little bottles of bubbles (like they use in a wedding) and giving them to other children in the park esp. those waiting in long lines. You could put a sticker on them that says in memory of your DD. Whatever you do I hope you have a magical trip!!