OT: Vent re Non-Dis'r

[alc571]

I know this topic has been widely discussed on these boards - mostly because I started another one of these threads about a year ago - but I need to VENT to people who will understand

We initially took our son to WDW, staying offsite with inlaws, when he was 3. We did MK twice, but he didn't remember much of it. So, we decided to take him again last year (Oct 2012) just after his 7th birthday. We got him the birthday pin, and did MNSSHP, and stayed onsite at POR. We loved it.

So much so, that I decided I would set aside as much money as possible every month to be able to take him on a yearly trip. So, we started saving and saving. We planned on surprising him for his birthday again, and take him in September with free dining. Well... DH announced that he wasn't keen on taking him at the beginning of the school year because he struggles with change, making friends, and is behind in his reading/writing. (aside: he had the same teacher this year as last, so those concerns weren't there for the Oct '12 trip). So, we decided to bump it up and take him in April. We surprised him for Easter, and left two weeks later. It was an awesome time that I'm still paying for!

Anyway, we have a tent trailer that wasn't getting much use because of the trips to Disney and making them a priority. We decided, as a family, to sell the trailer and use the money for "other vacations". Well, then DH came up with the brilliant idea that we could use the money to go to Disneyland! I was thinking we would go next year, but DH and DS vetoed me and wanted to go this summer. SO... we are now booked for DL this August for a week. I'm really excited because it's DH's and my 15th wedding anniversary at the end of July and we went to DL for our honeymoon. We're also excited to see DCA, and take DS to Universal/Seaworld.

That's the background... my vent comes from this beach-loving-Disney-hating-generally-grumpy woman who sits beside me at work. I was just casually talking about how our son was wanting to see a globe and where California is, etc. She then takes off on this rant about "how can you afford this?" "what a waste of money" "your son is a very spoiled little boy" "are you saving for his education?" WTH???

First, this is her business why?? Second, can I not spend my money how I want to? Yes.. taking three trips in 12 months is a bit much. However, we have taken a total of 4 trips (including the upcoming DL one) since 2004! My son doesn't play sports (other than the church soccer fun league) and doesn't really have any expensive tastes (unless you count Lego! ) so it's not like we're spending money on hockey, etc.

I'm just so upset. How do you respond to these negative nellies?

Thanks for letting me vent. I know you'll all understand!

 

[Disworldluv]

Sounds like this woman is miserable in her own life and projects those feelings on to others. There is no appeasing this woman so I would just ignore her rantings and go on with my life. Family vacations are a great time together which your family will enjoy and remember.

 

[MEK]

Don't mention your trips to this co-worker. She has different priorities than you. She does not understand that you have sold items to actually pay for your trips. She does not understand the value that your family places on vacations and she doesn't understand how Disney fits the bill for you.

Forget about it...and move on!

 

[Marionnette]

I know this topic has been widely discussed on these boards - mostly because I started another one of these threads about a year ago - but I need to VENT to people who will understand

We initially took our son to WDW, staying offsite with inlaws, when he was 3. We did MK twice, but he didn't remember much of it. So, we decided to take him again last year (Oct 2012) just after his 7th birthday. We got him the birthday pin, and did MNSSHP, and stayed onsite at POR. We loved it.

So much so, that I decided I would set aside as much money as possible every month to be able to take him on a yearly trip. So, we started saving and saving. We planned on surprising him for his birthday again, and take him in September with free dining. Well... DH announced that he wasn't keen on taking him at the beginning of the school year because he struggles with change, making friends, and is behind in his reading/writing. (aside: he had the same teacher this year as last, so those concerns weren't there for the Oct '12 trip). So, we decided to bump it up and take him in April. We surprised him for Easter, and left two weeks later. It was an awesome time that I'm still paying for!

Anyway, we have a tent trailer that wasn't getting much use because of the trips to Disney and making them a priority. We decided, as a family, to sell the trailer and use the money for "other vacations". Well, then DH came up with the brilliant idea that we could use the money to go to Disneyland! I was thinking we would go next year, but DH and DS vetoed me and wanted to go this summer. SO... we are now booked for DL this August for a week. I'm really excited because it's DH's and my 15th wedding anniversary at the end of July and we went to DL for our honeymoon. We're also excited to see DCA, and take DS to Universal/Seaworld.

That's the background... my vent comes from this beach-loving-Disney-hating-generally-grumpy woman who sits beside me at work. I was just casually talking about how our son was wanting to see a globe and where California is, etc. She then takes off on this rant about "how can you afford this?" "what a waste of money" "your son is a very spoiled little boy" "are you saving for his education?" WTH???

First, this is her business why?? Second, can I not spend my money how I want to? Yes.. taking three trips in 12 months is a bit much. However, we have taken a total of 4 trips (including the upcoming DL one) since 2004! My son doesn't play sports (other than the church soccer fun league) and doesn't really have any expensive tastes (unless you count Lego! ) so it's not like we're spending money on hockey, etc.

I'm just so upset. How do you respond to these negative nellies?

Thanks for letting me vent. I know you'll all understand!

The woman doesn't have a filter. It's one thing to have those thoughts. It's another to express them. No, it's not her business and her comments are unwarranted. But there's no way to keep people from having an opinion and when you put your "business" out there, people are going to comment on it.

 

[alc571]

Don't mention your trips to this co-worker. She has different priorities than you. She does not understand that you have sold items to actually pay for your trips. She does not understand the value that your family places on vacations and she doesn't understand how Disney fits the bill for you.

Forget about it...and move on!

I know. It's just hard because we chit chat all day long, and I'm in the midst of planning and very excited so it's at the top of my list. The way our office is laid out, we sit side by side and are secluded from the others.

It just sucks that I have to hide my excitement because she's moody. Really, she's moody and has an opinion on everything...so it's not out of the ordinary for her.

 

[RedHeadedFairy]

I tend to not talk about our Disney plans to too many people outside of my best friends for this reason.

DH ran into some aggravation at work (small company, wife/husband & 3 employees) when they were just generally talking about us going for a quick weekend ~AGAIN~ and they started to give him a hard time about being rich & able to afford such luxuries. (NOT! It's called budgeting & planning people!)

He said the wife got alllll kinds of huffy & puffy & just went off about how NICE it must be for his wife to have a husband who appreciates that sometimes you have to spend a little money to have a good time but how HER DH thinks it's all a giant waste & refuses to spend their money on any kind of fun. It made DH very uncomfortable because 1.) That's his boss she's talking about and 2.) He has zero involvement with the budget or vacation savings, that's all me and 3.) they spend money like it grows on trees on things like dining out many times for lunch & dinner each week, going to the movies, cigarettes, etc. etc. etc. They don't see how we skip those kinds of activities & save for the bigger goal. We do cheap movies, the beach (free!), nature activites & a lot of parks & pool time. I'm a crazy couponer & stack sales & BOGO's & store + manufacturer coupons & save a TON that way. Our biggest splurge is letting DD get a $5 pizza about 2x/month.

But no, all they see is that we go to Disney all the time and they don't.

 

[DSNY4ever]

Everyone has different priorities when it comes to money. We have friends with really good jobs that never go on vacation and we didn't understand why and we recently found out that they spend a LOT on their very expensive hobbies (fixing up old cars, designer clothes/shoes, etc). So it all just depends on what is important to YOU and your family.

We make saving for our son's future college expenses, paying our bills, and having an emergency nest egg our #1 priority, and if we can afford vacations after that then we are very LUCKY!

So decide what comes first in your life and be happy with your choices...don't worry about the negative nellies!

 

[Mommy Of 3]

I have to say that I've gotten some of those types of comments. I love the ones who say "Isn't it the same stuff over and over?". And I respond "Isn't your beach/vacation or lake house (or fill-in-the-blank) the same stuff, too?

And no, we are not rich, either. I also budget for our vacations.

And it really kills me when SMOKERS have the nerve to comment about money spent for WDW vacations. Somehow they figure they need cigarettes but we shouldn't spend money on vacation. Some of these smokers are also the ones who complain they don't have any money for vacation. I don't smoke anymore for many reasons, but money was quite a motivating factor, too.

 

[jadelane1]

Being a hospice nurse I'll tell you peoples number one regret was not spending enough time with their loved ones and focusing on material things. Some people just don't get it, I live my life to the fullest and we go on vacation frequently. We are not rich and our house needs updating but I have wonderful memories with my friends and family. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about what this woman says. If she's going to make you feel bad then don't bring it up. Just know that your doing what makes your family happy and there's nothing wrong with that, you'll always have great memories and that's what matters most.

 

[alc571]

That's what I keep focusing on. I'll have lots of time to fix up my house, etc when our son is older and doesn't want to travel with us anymore. Until then, I'm going to make awesome memories as often as I can. And, hopefully, I'll pass down my love of Disney and he can share that with his family when he gets older.

Thanks for all your responses. It's comforting knowing that it's not just me who gets crap from people! lol

 

[2 princes 1 princess]

they spend money like it grows on trees on things like dining out many times for lunch & dinner each week, going to the movies, cigarettes, etc. etc. etc. They don't see how we skip those kinds of activities & save for the bigger goal. We do cheap movies, the beach (free!), nature activites & a lot of parks & pool time. I'm a crazy couponer & stack sales & BOGO's & store + manufacturer coupons & save a TON that way. Our biggest splurge is letting DD get a $5 pizza about 2x/month.

But no, all they see is that we go to Disney all the time and they don't.[/QUOTE]

Most of our friends/family are the same way. Expensive clothing, accessories, salon appointments etc. They think we're crazy for going to Disney, and we think they're crazy for how they spend their money.

Most of them live extravagant lifestyles and then complain that they can't afford a vacation. We get the "Must be nice to be able to travel..." comments all of the time!
We usually don't even share our vacation plans with family anymore.

 

[bumbershoot]

I was just casually talking about how our son was wanting to see a globe and where California is, etc. She then takes off on this rant about "how can you afford this?" "what a waste of money" "your son is a very spoiled little boy" "are you saving for his education?"

Well, besides not talking about your plans, you might also figure out if these trips are for *you*, too. If they are, say that! That takes the focus off of your son, and how he is "spoiled" by the trips that are "for him".

We rarely get comments anymore ever since DH and I started speaking up about how the trips are equally for the adults in the household. We're *all* Disney and Universal fans, and no one is getting "spoiled" by the fun we have.


But the bottom line is you either get to stop talking about your trips, OR ask if she'd like to hear about how you are funding things. After all, if she's that worried, maybe she'd like to hear the in depth discussion of how you make it happen.

 

[Bob NC]

First, this is her business why?? Second, can I not spend my money how I want to? Yes.. taking three trips in 12 months is a bit much. However, we have taken a total of 4 trips (including the upcoming DL one) since 2004! My son doesn't play sports (other than the church soccer fun league) and doesn't really have any expensive tastes (unless you count Lego! ) so it's not like we're spending money on hockey, etc.

I'm just so upset. How do you respond to these negative nellies?

I can give a viewpoint from maybe the other side of this.

I work very closely with a male coworker. A year and a half ago with a 4 year old son he and his wife decided they weren't happy anymore. I had to hear the details of this all day every day. He is younger than me and VERY frequently his updates were peppered with questions for MY advice. He respected my maturity and opinions and valued my opinion.

Then when they separated and he moved out of his home, money became an issue. EVERY SINGLE day he complained about money problems. He was asking my opinion EVERY day about some money issue. Should I move into this apt or that one? Should I trade my car for a cheaper one? Should I cut back my 401K contributions? Should I switch to a different insurance plan? How can I save money eating at home? Should I carry my lunch? I got questions about everything.

Well, this guy had an expensive bicycle that he had had for a few years. This was a $7000 bike. He used it many Saturday mornings to go on rides with friends.

One Monday he came in and told me that he had wrecked his bike over the past weekend. He had talked to his insurance agent and they were going to give him a payoff of $5800 to replace the ruined bike.

I held up my hands and said YAHOO, that will sure help out your money problems. He looked confused and said "Why?" I said well, you just came into a lot of cash that should help with all the money problems you are having.

He said, "Oh no, I'm going to replace the bike" I said, "Yeah, but with the problems you're having can't you at least stash some of the cash and maybe get by with a $2000 bike to ride it once a week?"

In no time flat I went from being the mentor to being the butt-in coworker who can't keep his nose out of business that doesn't concern him.

 

[Nancyg56]

or ask if she'd like to hear about how you are funding things. After all, if she's that worried, maybe she'd like to hear the in depth discussion of how you make it happen.

lol! This!

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

My snarky side would lean over and ask if she can keep a secret, then tell her I got a raise.

 

[alc571]

My snarky side would lean over and ask if she can keep a secret, then tell her I got a raise.

Ok, that would be more than awesome! lol However we work in government and have public salaries which are exactly the same. She would know I was lying. I was thinking of just going with winning the lottery though!

 

[goingtowdwwithkiddos]

I did not read through it all but I am dealing with the same issue with my inlaws as a whole. We are going to WDW and next summer Beaches in Jaimaica if all goes well. They have cruised with us many times and are bitter we have these plans without them (though they are invited). But we all make different financial choices and for us vacations are more important than a big house/new cars etc.

 

[ammag]

It's hard to be critical of others finances,..or it should be. Everyone has different priorities! And ways of paying for them. My sil got snarky that we are going back (only 4 days at AoA) and claims they could NEVER go to WDW. Well the same person spends 4k to send her kids to camp even though both she and her husband are off work most of the week, gets her hair colored at 150 a pop, always has nails and toes done, they have 3 cars, she has $200 flip flops. I don't argue but they could totally go if they wanted to, or if they wanted to save. We go without any of that, and this time my mom paid for it and we will pay her back on a relaxed schedule. The thing is your coworker is probably jealous! Kind of stinks not being given the benefit of the doubt..that you are a responsible adult making a choice and the right choice for your family. But it's her loss, she's the one who sounds unhappy!

 

[danceintherain]

It's definitely a bummer, but everyone is entitled to their own choices. Part of the problem is that people don't realize that it is their choices that get them into certain situations. They want to believe that it's somehow out of their control, because that's easier to stomach.

My Mom doesn't understand why I love Disney so much, and how I don't run out of things to do. She claims to prefer the beach. Well...we booked a mother-daughter beach vacation, and she's worried we're going to run out of things to do there too.
It's starting to throw my childhood into perspective.

As for other people, I usually just offer advice about discounts and such or don't tell them. We went on our honeymoon to Disney, so people can't really make comments about us "spoiling" our kid, since we obviously love it enough to go without kids.

 

[Hayliesmom]

I'm getting the same from coworkers, only mine is several!! Everyone knows we went for the first time ever September 2012. When we went we decided we would try to go every 2 years. Well, instead of waiting until September 2014 we decided to go in March. My daughter's birthday is the 7th and she's out of school that whole week (we live where this is Mardi Gras so her school gives family holidays the week of Mardi Gras every year and it just happened to fall on her birthday!), so we won't have to worry about taking her out of school! Since it all worked out perfect we decided to go then instead and when we started planning we had over a year to save and pay. Now several people at work keep asking me why we're going back so soon. I just tell them that we didn't get to finish seeing and doing everything we wanted so now we plan on getting to. I've already decided if we get a good bounce back offer that I'll book it. I've just fallen in love with Disney and my daughter definitely loves it as well. They all tell me she is spoiled as well and I just reply back that I'm ok with spoiling my child as long as she isn't bratty.