OT-should I have another baby?

[laceemouse]

I don't think everyone 'just knows' when they are done. DH and I made a decision to stop with two since we live on a tight income and we wanted to be able to give our children some financial security.
I run a licensed in home day care and am around children 60 hours a week, and I still spent the next 8 years or so thinking I'd gladly take another if an accident happened. I wasn't depressed about our choice, just still had that womanly urge, if you know what I mean.
It's only been in the last couple years (I'm 37 also) that I've realized I wouldn't want a baby of my own now. I love my day care kids, but I feel too old to take on the challenge of 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the next 18+ years.
Whatever decision you make, enjoy your family!

Agree 100%
I didn't "just know." I loved being pregnant and would have loved to keep going and going as long as I kept getting pregnant. My husband felt done after 4, I had my 4th at 35. We sat down and made a list of pros and cons and agreed to be done. I still miss being pregnant and having a baby in the house, I look back fondly at those years. But I have moved on to the next stage. My oldest is engaged, now I think about grandkids and dh and I are actually looking forward to an empty nest in a few years, we LOVE being alone together whenever we get the chance

I was VERY worried about having a problem pregnancy at an older age and being on bed rest, we have never had family in the area to help us. I think that would be terrible.

 

[laceemouse]

Thanks so much for all your thoughts and words of advice. I actually just had my yearly OB appointment and brought it up with the doctor. She told me many women have babies late in their 30s with no problems, but the risks do increase. She took out a book and showed how many babies are born with downs and chromosomal abnormalities based on a womans age, obviously the older you are the more chance that is going to happen. So, that was somewhat scary to see. She told me about the CVS test that happens early on that can detect these abnormalities also. I am still undecided at this point, thought know I need to decide shortly, within the next couple of months .My husband is also on the fence, last night we had a talk about finances and he wasnt sure financially it was the best decision. I am a SAHM, and we do fine, but adding another child would be hard, he is right about that. Then I say money shouldn't be a deciding factor, but in reality I guess it is. Oh, this is truely a hard decision. I still want another, but am not 100% sure of that.......thanks again everyone, it was helpful hearing from all of you.

So, if they detect an abnormality would you abort? I could never do that, but that is the answer most doctors give you. I think, even if you agree that a woman should have the right to choose, it would be a different story when it is your baby. And, most of those tests are not 100% accurate.

 

[katieandemismom]

Chiming in here to say that I'd love another baby (I'm 36), but we have fertility issues and our first two are adopted. For everyone who suggested adopting, it's a great idea, but it isn't nearly as easy as it sounds. Friends of ours are 3 years into their wait for a foster care adoption where there isn't risk of the child being placed back with the birth family. They are open to a child of any race up to 5 years old. Other friends are waiting for an infant through private domestic adoption, and this is 22 months since their homestudy was completed. It took us two years to bring each of our girls home, and Guatemala is closed to international adoptions now.

I'm adopted myself, and am a complete supporter; however, it's a rough road and can be expensive as well (even working through foster care costs money).

OP - follow your heart. My babies are 7 and almost 7, and I feel like their childhood is flying by. I would love the opportunity to have a new little scrunchy face to kiss and love all over.

 

[ToyStoryBo]

I wanted to live with no regrets...

We thought we were done with 3, but I kept wanting that 4th. Dh is the best ever, and said ok!! So we had #4. I really wanted another, but DH wasn't crazy about the idea. Not that he didn't want another baby, but he was worried about the financial aspect of it. Then I got pg with #5 unexpectedly, and I was thrilled. Had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, which totally blew us out of the water after already having 4 uneventful pregnancies. Then we consciously decided to try for #5, who was born a year almost to the day of our miscarriage. Now #5 is almost 1 1/2 and I would have another if I could. DH got the big V, so it's no longer an option....which is really for the best because 6 would just be too much emotionally, physically, and financially....I am spent by the end of the day!! lol
And DH is 40, and needs to be able to retire someday, lol!

Sorry, I am not much help.. I am just not sure that everyone has that "done" feeling. I know in my head it doesn't make sense to have more, but my heart would definitely do it!!

Just remember to try to live without regrets.....if you'll always wonder about that 4th baby, then go for it! Life is short!

 

[Coconuts]

You sound just like me! I just turned 40 and when I was pregnant with #3, I thought for sure I would be getting my tubes tied(had her when I was 38). As delivery got closer, I wasn't sure that I wouldn't want 4 so I didn't agree to it. As it turns out, during my c-section, my OB said that my uterus was paper thin(sorry if its too much info) and having another might not be the safest idea. I don't want to risk my own life when I have 3 kids at home that need me. Of course since I shouldn't have #4, I want one desperately! A friend in work just had #4 and I am so jealous. It makes me sad whenever I think about the fact that I won't ever hold my own newborn or ever be pregnant again. We won't though, especially since I am 40 now, and because risks of other complications are greater now.

My advice to you is that if you think in 10 years you will truly regret not trying for #4, then do it. You won't be able to do it then and you'll be kicking yourself. I know everyone says to consider money as an issue too, but I always say that kids are NEVER affordable. If money was the deciding factor, no one would ever have kids.

Good luck.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I truly believe that if you are still desiring another child then you are not done.

I am pregnant with #2 and I know I am done after this - I just know - I have no doubts.

If you still want another baby I say go for it. Women are having healthy babies well into their 40's these days.

 

[DisneyClown]

So, if they detect an abnormality would you abort? I could never do that, but that is the answer most doctors give you. I think, even if you agree that a woman should have the right to choose, it would be a different story when it is your baby. And, most of those tests are not 100% accurate.

I agree wholeheartedly. My sister and her DH were told that their third child, a girl, had a severely mishaped head and spine, and were told most parents choose to abort in a situation like that. Of course they were very distraught, but they chose to pray to God for a healthy, whole child and two days later, when they were getting a 3D ultrasound to confirm how badly deformed their child was, they were told that her head and body were fine, but she had a "bump" on her spine that indicated spina bifida. Well, to make a long story short, my niece Zoe was born, had surgery to repair the "bump"(a lump of nerves), and while she does need the help of a walker to get around, she is a healthy, loving 3 year old who loves playing on the computer. She can log on and off her "user" and her games, and has a very independent streak. As a side note, my sister had another child, a boy, for a total of 4 kids, and they are all happy and healthy!
So.....the tests and ultrasounds are NOT always right!!!

 

[renae3]

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences with me. I agree that money is a factor, but shouldn't be the deciding factor. I find myself really wanting the fourth, but am scared too. We live in a 3 bedroom house, and just recently put the older boys together. Now if we have another we will definitely have to move, unless the 4th is a girl and then she can share with the baby. Buying a house would be hard right now, so thats another concern. I was at the doctors office yesterday when I saw a woman who looked to be in her late 40s with twin 18 month olds. I asked if those were her only 2 and she told me she has 11 kids! These were the youngest but her oldest was 30! These babies were born at 25 weeks and had lots of problems, but they are doing better now. I wonder if that was a sign for me...maybe I should be happy that I have 3 healthy kids and stop. I guess I will continue to struggle with what to do, thanks again everyone.

 

[Britgirlus]

Hard decision. I have just one child - I had him 3 weeks before my 40th birthday and he is absolutely perfect (aren't they all?). You sound like you really want another - have you taken a piece of paper and written down the pros and cons ? That might help

 

[ZPT1022]

I'd do like someone else suggested and make a pros/cons list. Sometimes it helps just seeing it all out there on paper. For us, we went through infertility treatments to have #2 + 3 (twins) and were told I'd never get pregnant again without medical intervention. At the same time I have a lot of female problems and my doctor recommended an ablation to help with these problems, but of course you have to be 100% done having kids to have one as you cannot sustain a pregnancy afterwards. Well that made things difficult, I could never get to the point where I was 100% sure I was done, but at the same time I didn't know if I wanted it badly enough to go through the torture of infertility treatments either. surprise surprise, I got pregnant and I am due shortly. This pregnancy has been really hard on me and I can now say that as happy as I am about this baby, I am 1000% done after this. I was one of those people who wondered if I would ever have the feeling of being done but I can say without a doubt that I am after this. That probably doesn't help you at all but I guess maybe it's some food for thought. good luck with your decision!

 

[luvmyredheadboys]

A few months ago we were in the same spot as you. We have 3 boys ages 11,8and 4 and I worried I would regret not trying one more time for a girll. But I couldn't decide and tho I am only 32 I am getting older and I do have problems with HBP. But my youngest will start school in the fall and for the first time I would be without a baby. PLus I had to come to grips with the fact that it would probably be another boy so I needed to accept that before I could make a decision. Well we had a cruise booked for Nov 2010 and were so excited so I thought we would plan our trip and then after we got back we would decide. Well fast forward 2 months later and I found out the decision had been made for me! I am now almost 3 months along. I have had a hard time with it I cried for a solid month and in my mind I had realized I was done with 3. I felt the decision had been made for me and it wasn't fair as I am a planner and plan everything I didn't even get to try any "tricks" to try for a girl I was so shocked and devastated. My husband was on the other hand thrilled and keeps telling me it will be okay. Here all this time I thought I was ready and wanted one more and now that I am having another I realized I was good with the 3 I had. BUT now that a little time has gone by I am getting better and catch myself getting excited we haven't told our boys yet or our families and tho I know it will be another boy form time to time I allow myself to daydream about finally having my dream come true. I sometimes feel so confident it is a girl and I have dreams at night it is a girl but I am not allowing myself to believe it. So I am planning for a boy! His name will be Cooper Shae I think. So you have to make so sure that is what you want you don't to have regrets either way. I probably would have decided not to have another one when it came down to it but all babies are a blessing and a gift from above so go with your heart and not your mind. I hope this helps it helped me to get it off my chest. I am getting excited to tell since it will shock everyone and that will be funny!!

 

[Temair]

It's a hard decision and you should take the time till you feel 100% sure. I had my DD at 23 and suffered PPD, so I choose to not have any more kids. Fast forward to last year, and I thought having another one might be a good idea. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with a child that is due 2 days before my DD's 11th birthday. I will tell you that I found this pregnancy to be a lot harder on my physically. I'm exhausted a lot, and morning sickness sucks. But I'm also really looking forward to seeing my baby. It does help that we an in a good financial position. We are debt free except our house and that should be paid off before the baby is born. We like in a simple 1200 sq ft house, and drive older cars, but it's been worth ever bit of it. For me the big thing that helped was that I just felt it was the right time.

 

[MomofSixinSC]

I decided I shouldn't be the one to decide something so important. My husband didn't feel qualified to decide this either. We left the decision to God and know that He decided perfectly.

BTW, I had 3 after turning 37 and they are all perfectly healthy.

 

[melisandes]

I am going to be 35 and hubby is going to be 37 this spring. He wants one more. 3 of my 4 are his and one is from a previous marriage. So I look at that and think 5 kids for me is a lot. My pregnancies are hard and getting harder as I age. Yet I think quite often one more would not be so bad. I think of all the joy my 4 have brought me.

For me the scariest part is that I already have 2 on the spectrum and my other two are very sensory so they may also be on the spectrum. Could I handle another autistic child and the fact that the next one could be more severe than my first four put together.