OT-impact of having a 3rd child, kinda freaking out!!

[emmababy]

I have 3. I knew I wanted 2 for sure. I wasn't sure about 3. I thought about it a lot. I am 1 of 2 and always wondered what it would be like as an adult to have another sibling with a family. Anyway, when I was thinking about it, I heard another Mom say if you are 75% sure that is sure enough, because you will never be 100% sure. I can't imagine my life without my son. It is true, rides at theme parks etc are a problem, but I wouldn't base a life decision on that. We are cruising in March and we got 2 inside cabins instead of a larger (more expensive actually) cabin. As they get older, things do get more expensive i.e. clothes, hockey, interests. I love my Honda Odyssey....wouldn't change it for the world. We also have a Chevy Avalanche. This pulls our 30ft travel trailer bunkhouse which we vacation mostly in (including the golden retriever and cat...why not we have the room!). I think you need to listen to that internal voice. Once I had 3 I knew I didn't want anymore. That was me. We had a 3 bedroom house when my third was born. Actually had my 5 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy share for awhile when the baby came. Then moved the boys together almost 2 yrs later. We now have a 4 bedroom house so everyone has there own space.

Thanks for your insight! I def don't want to base a life decision on the inconveniences of it. I look forward to when I am a Grandma, and would love to have a household of noise and grandbabies!!! I don't have that definite feeling of "I'm done" that I thought I would have. I never once imagined myself having 3 kids, until I had my son!! Now, I know we have more love to give.

 

[Poohbug]

If you do not have that "I'm done" feeling then I think you have to keep your options open.

Does everything seem to be packaged for a family of four? -yes- Can you figure things out when your family doesn't fit? -yes-

I went through alot to get my third child and of course I have never been sorry. Getting tired of diapers (10 years of changing diapers) but still not sorry. I have to say that my third one is pretty high maintainance compared to the others. Still not sorry.


Now I know that I am definately done. I can see the light at the end of the diaper tunnel.

 

[Brenzav]

Pregnant with #3 right now! Oldest is 6, middle is 4 and will be almost 5 when this baby is born.

Yes the world is built easier a family with 2 kids, but my home isn't! It is soooo rare that we take a vacation that those issues seem trival in the light of another to love. I will be harder to "do Disney" or water parks etc... but everyday our lives will be blessed with this new sibling.

Bren

 

[MrsAlly]

glad I'm not the only one torn on this!! I thought I was done and was happy with 2 untill it came time to selling off and giving away the baby stuff, I just can't bring myself to doing it! Nothing can happen right now because we did mirena but I keep bringing it up to hubby and the last few times he has not said he is against a 3rd though we both agree right now is not the time because he's laid off, plus if we wait to start trying till next summer then the next baby wouldn't be going into daycare till around the time my oldest starts full day kindergarten!

Though the whole world being built for a family of four, some of those points really have me thinking!! Atleast I have a year to decide, after that I don't think we would do it since hubby is already well into his 40's!

 

[luvmyhubby]

We were extremely nervous to have number 3. But I must admit, she is our easiest child. She is very relaxed and has recently become a walker. All 3 of mine have separate rooms, and I did cave in and buy a mini-van (even though I thought I would never want to). The mini-van is a life saver especially with two in car seats. We will not know how disney will be with 3 for a few more years. We are going in a few weeks, but I am leaving the baby with my parents! So I will have to get back to you on that part. Having a 3rd was the easiest transition for our family and I am a working mother as well.

 

[3boys4me]

I have to say that going from 2 to 3 was a huge deal for me. My kids are now 11, 7 and 2. When my 2 year old was an infant it was very easy. I was much more relaxed with him and the kids just adored him. Now, they are a handfull. They both love the little one and take such good care of him, but 11 and 7 drive me crazy, fighting all the time. I do most things with just my kids because my husband works alot. I am really out numbered when we are out. All that being said, if my dh gave me the green light I would go for number 4. For as much as they drive me crazy, they are such a joy in my life. They are loving and caring children and I would fill my house with them if I could. Once that 3rd one is there, you won't remember life with just 2. Good luck!!

 

[2sets]

The best analogy I can give about going from 2 kids to 3 is that you have to switch from a man-to-man defense to a zone defense. It is for sure more work with 3, but it's worth it. And (as my wife says) the more kids you have, the better the chances one of them will still love you when you're old

 

[dfchelbay]

Ok, so we have been kicking around the idea of having a 3rd child ever since my son was born 13 months ago. I was extremely excited and nervous all at the same time.

Well, we finally started to try this past month. We are timing everything and should know in 2 weeks if it worked. Now, I am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!! The idea of having a third child seemed great. Now, that it could be a reality, I am freaking out (have I said that enough, lol).

I have no worries about loving the baby or blending the baby into our family.

What I am worrying about is how it will impact our daily lives. From a new vehicle, to how to deal with bedrooms (do 2 share or they are all separate), to eating out, buying presents, birthday parties, activities, traveling, vacations, our dvc, our dining room table, daycare. The daycare is really tripping me up. I don't know how we will afford it. I currently work full time and would love to stay home, but I carry the insurance and don't know if we could swing me not working.

I know people have 3 or more kids all the time, but NOONE on my side of the family has 3 kids since my Grandma. So, I have no point of comparison. Someone, anyone, please talk me back from the ledge. I am starting to think I might have made a big mistake.

Sorry to have to be Debbie downer here, but something you may not have thought of...and I pray you never have to is that, God forbid, you lose one of your children, there will still be a sibling there. They will know exactly what the other is going through and be there for one another. We had two children (both teens) and lost our oldest nearly three years ago to cancer. Now our youngest is an only child. It's very sad that he didn't have a brother or sister to help him through this, to share with and help each other out. It isn't anything we ever though of before this happened. Now it pains us that he goes through the loss of his big brother alone. It is a completely different relationship between siblings, than parent/child. Only another brother or sister would truly understand what he is going through.

It is certainly not a reason to have a third child, but a true blessing to have in the good times and even moreso in the rough times.

With time your mind will ease and grow comfortable with the idea of a third child. You won't even remember a time when you were nervous or having doubts...just a mind full of love for your new addition to the family.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We have three--and will soon have 4.

We moved both girls and the boy into the same room and that is our "bunk room". (We live near the beach--we are soooo coastal living. ).

Ultimately, we do want a dream house that affords a mutli-bunk room situation or everyone gets their own room. Just depends on what the cards will hold for us.

The switch will be fine. I found the transition from 2-3 to be easier than from 1-2 b/c I already knew how to multi-task.


As for DVC--we can't go for a whole week, but a portion is good enough. One can always buy an extra point package to offset the need for a larger room that can accomodate 5. But for the first 2 years and 364 days, you can still stay in a bedroom for 4. Might be a little cramped towards the end. But you can fit.

The only downer that I have come across is that an Alaskan cruise costs me double that of a family of 4 b/c I require 2 cabins, not one and that requires 2 of my children to be priced as adults instead of kids. So that extra kid would cost me an extra $4000 to go to Alaska. So we're not going.

They say the world is built for 4--but we've been getting along just fine with our 5, soon to be 6.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

For the daycare, I don't know the ages of your kids, but as they age, the cost per week goes down and it becomes minimal in school compared to infant care if you are still using it by then.

I would consider looking into a nanny as sometimes that can be cheaper than 3 separate daycare/pre-school tuitions. If you find one with educational expertise who will engage your kids and do crafts and activities with them, it can be just as good if not better than the daycare situation.

 

[PaulaSue]

The ONLY regret I have from having 3 kids is that traveling is such a PAIN. It is VERY HARD to get hotel rooms for a family of 5 at a decent price.

For example the Disney Cruise deal would could have gone on for half the price if we were only a family of 4. To get a room big enough they want an arm and a leg and then some.

 

[5 for WDW]

We have three kids as well. Our oldest son just turned 12, our middle son will be 10 in December and our daughter, our last, will be 6 on the 10th.

Like a few others said, I had no problem at all going from 2 to 3. Our sons were 6 and 4 so, that made things a little easier. They each have their own rooms. We drive a Yukon XL (Suburban) and are actually downsizing to a new Tahoe. We are DVC members so, going to WDW is not an issue for us. We joined DVC when our DD turned 3.

We have never had a problem with restaurants or traveling. They all do extra activities. The oldest does school band, marching band, Art class, basketball and baseball. Our younger son does basketball, volleyball and baseball. He started band this year and is in the 4th grade Opera. Our daughter is in Brownies and takes Ballet and Jazz. As you can see, hectic but, other then both the boys having games on the same night once and awhile, I have no problem driving them around or going to see their games, etc. My husband helps too of course.

We were only planning on 2 kids. After the boys we were done. Our daughter was the most wonderful and amazing surprise in the world. She completed our family in a way that I can never explain. Life with 3 can get crazy but, I wouldn't change a single second of it!!

 

[hoosiergirl7]

I think it's easy to get stressed out when you go from 2 to 3 but everyone I know has said that it was the best thing they did. Both DH and I are the oldest of 3 and couldn't imagine our lives without our younger siblings. We just adopted a 19 month old little girl from China about 3 months ago who changed us from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I was so nervous about going from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I love being a mom of 2 kids and I know that I can be the mom of another one.

I know the more kids you have unless of course you are wealthy, your lifestyle probably has to change a bit.

As for your concerns over daycare I don't have any real answers for you but I do have a few ideas. A very good friend of mine works for a company in Chicago. She just had her second son in July. Her company allows her to work from home 2 days a week. Her husband mostly works nights since he's part of Second City comedy, so I think he spends some time as a stay-at-home dad. I don't know if working from home is a possibility for you but it's something you might look into.

 

[mushumadness]

Im currently pregnant with no 2, which will give us 2 sons in total, Morgan will be just turning 1 when his brothers born
I would love another (boy or girl) but DH says we dont have room due to only having three bedrooms,

we will see lol

 

[lolafrances]

I recently went through the same anxiety over the logistics involved with going from two kids to three. We have DS4, DS2, and DS3 months. I agree with mjkacmom, with my third I was much better prepared than with my first or second. While we had to switch my SUV for a Honda Odyssey minivan so we could have three carseats that we could access easily, and deal with other logistical issues, after having two you are already used to juggling kids around.

It is like anything else. You just figure it out along the way. As long as you can provide for them and you have enough time and energy for each of them, you will figure out the details.

And I agree, when you are done having kids, you know you are done!!! So if you don't have that feeling yet, you should listen to it. Just my opinion.

Good luck!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

We have 4. We wrestled with secondary infertility, so there's a 6-year gap between #2 and #3. There's an 11-year gap between the oldest and youngest, so I currently have 1 in HS, 1 in MS, 1 in elementary, and one in preschool. Even the few that do the same things (3 dance, for example), do them on completley different schedules.

Definitely, there are more logistics involved when you add more people--any people. I can't answer the day care question, but I will tell you that mine have shared rooms and it didn't kill them. Right now, the girls have their own and the boys share. Because of the large gap in the middle, it sometimes feels like we're raising two different families. We frequently split up--sometimes it's "girls" (14, 6) and "boys" (12, 3). Sometimes it's older and younger. I don't know, we just manage.

I can't really answer for you if it's the right choice for you, but I can tell you that anxiety is normal with any pregnancy. Also, after we had #4, I felt totally, utterly, completely "done". Not a doubt in my mind.

 

[AKADrea]

I just had my 3rd a few months ago and it's been fine! We did get another vehicle (minvan) and it does take some new logisitics, but it was a transition to 1 and then to 2 as well! I actually would love to have just 1 more You'll be fine!!! Like I tell my DH - you hardly hear people say that they regret having more children, but you do hear them wish they had more...

 

[KJ and Crew]

It's such a personal choice, no right or wrong answer! Every life has a purpose and there are no "accidents."

They are right that the world, especially DISNEY world, is built for families of 4BUT we with 5 can stay at POR, and those rooms and the resort are WONDERFUL! =)

If you get in to DVC or suites, you can still get a 1BR at the AKV or BLT that fit 5, everywhere else you MUST get a 2br. But there ARE options...

We have joy and laughter and each of our children is here for a reason. If a child is meant to be born in to this world, s/he will be! I don't think a list of pros or cons will help, b/c each child and family is different. Go with your heart, and the minivan will follow!

If you stopped at 2, that was the right decision. If you stopped after 3, that was right for you. For those with 4 or more, I'm not sure about you... Just kidding!!!

Both my best friends and my sister have 4, and I like the even numbers of their families too... It's all good, right?

 

[emmababy]

Thanks everybody for all your stories and advice. I really would love a third baby and I know I am over thinking everything. It is my type A, lol!!!

 

[kpgriswold]

We have 4. We wrestled with secondary infertility, so there's a 6-year gap between #2 and #3. There's an 11-year gap between the oldest and youngest, so I currently have 1 in HS, 1 in MS, 1 in elementary, and one in preschool. Even the few that do the same things (3 dance, for example), do them on completley different schedules.

Definitely, there are more logistics involved when you add more people--any people. I can't answer the day care question, but I will tell you that mine have shared rooms and it didn't kill them. Right now, the girls have their own and the boys share. Because of the large gap in the middle, it sometimes feels like we're raising two different families. We frequently split up--sometimes it's "girls" (14, 6) and "boys" (12, 3). Sometimes it's older and younger. I don't know, we just manage.

I can't really answer for you if it's the right choice for you, but I can tell you that anxiety is normal with any pregnancy. Also, after we had #4, I felt totally, utterly, completely "done". Not a doubt in my mind.

OMG! Us too! DD and DS1 are 2 years apart. DS2 came after a big struggle and infertility treatments and DS3 was a total surprise after we thought we were done. Now we have the HS, MS, ES, PS split going too.

I agree with this PP. The minor inconveniences of having a family bigger than 4 are just that: minor.

Food expenses have not gone up much. Kids wear hand-me-downs and share rooms, so clothing and shelter costs are about the same. Frankly, I think my kids are better off for not every little things they want. It builds character!

You'll need a minivan to hold 3 carseats, but can probably find a decent used one for not much more than a sedan. You'll need an extra chair at restaurants. But so what? In hotel rooms, you can use an air matress on the floor for the smallest child. At Disney, check out POR with the trundle beds.

The real issue is how you feel about it. If you're really freaking out, wait another month or two before you try again and see if it's what you really want. If you have "baby envy" when you hold or see someone else's, take that as a sign that you are not done.

I can attest that when you ARE done, you'll know!