OT- How did having a third child impact your life

[Mouse House Mama]

To be honest, I think the 3rd one was a breeze.

The second child is the one who really teaches you how to juggle. You have to balance the needs of one child against the needs of another.

A third child just makes you juggle a little faster. Honest, it was no big deal.

Sure, we do have a minivan (I LOVE the extra room!) And it is more expensive to get a hotel room than it was with 2. But these things are minor compared to the love and affection that family gets and gives to our now 6 year old "big girl."

And they do NOT "gang up" on me, in public or otherwise. Drive me nuts, certainly. But there's not a lot of guesswork as to who is in charge.

This is a great post.


We have 4 children. All of them are 20-22 months apart. They are currently very young. It is not chaotic. It is not crazy. At least not for us. We like the hustle and bustle so you do have to be able to be okay with that as there is a certain amount of that that comes along with a larger family. I take all 4 of them everywhere with me. They never gang up on me. I am in charge and there is no question about that. Is it sometimes a challenge when a little one is having a bad day? Absolutely! BUT- You can still have that challenge with only one child. They do not fight for attention. They are close to each other and don't really argue with each other except for the occasional "move over". Each child has their own activities that they participate in. We all support each one. We also make sure to spend one on one time with each child often. We take them on alone outings etc. They are a unit in that we are a family and family helps each other etc., but they are individuals with different needs and interests and we encourage that. They are fiercely protective of each other and will not put up with anyone (other kids etc.) treating their siblings badly. I only hope that they will always be close.
We travel as much as we can and while it can be expensive we make it work. I would also like to point out that my DH is amazing. He can do all of the duties that I do. That is important. He is an equal partner here and he isn't the type of man who considers taking care of his kids "babysitting." He loves being with his kids and truly enjoys them. I think that is important.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[amy1976]

We have 3 kids dd 5, dd 2, ds 1. The little ones are 14 months apart. I found the 2 to 3 transition difficult and I feel like we are always in a state of chaos in my house. I do love the 3 kids though and I feel that my family is complete. It is hard when all 3 are sick or need something at the same time (always by the way) because you are outnumbered. Leaving the house is a challenge but I have overcome it and we do quite well out. Parks and stuff are hard for me to do alone because I can not keep track of the 2 little ones by myself. Thankfully we have family that helps me tremendously. Good luck and whatever your decision you will be fine!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Having a third child immediately makes you have to wait longer for a table at a restaurant - there are MANY more tables for parties of 4 than 5.

You have to drive a bigger vehicle to have any real room with 3 in the back instead of 2 - think SUV or mini-van if you plan to travel with luggage and a stroller!

As far as parenting, well every child is different whether it is your 1st, 3rd or 5th - they have their own personalities and you learn as you go with each one how best to parent that child. What works for your first 2 might not work with this one.

 

[WIDisneyFan]

We just recently joined the club as our 3rd is 7 weeks old. In our house we have a son 4, daughter 2, and our new daughter. There have been some changes, my wife went from an SUV to a mini-van (which now that we have it we wonder why we did not do it sooner) heading out to do things like the zoo, park, or visiting family is a bit more work but very doable, and of course it adds a bit more to the list of expenses each month.


As far as changing what we do, it's really not much different than having 2. You do have to get creative at times since you are outnumbered but it really is not to bad (most of the time) The way I put it is we went from playing man-to-man to zone (those of you that are sports fans will know what I mean)

I will add that I am from a big family, I am the oldest of 5, so the chaos is nothing new to me.

 

[PatricenPete]

I just had my third in Februrary. My son is 4 and my daughter is 2, so at this point they are all home with me and it can get tough. Going to the grocery store with all 3 is near impossible since once i put the kids in the cart there is no room for my groceries! HA! We drive a mini-van now, which as a young twenty-something I swore I would NEVER do!

But the love between my 3 is amazing to watch and I haven't regretted for a single second having a 3rd baby. My older 2 are best, best, best friends - you can't find 1 without the other and they are both completely in love with their new little brother.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

My first two were 15 months apart and very close emotionally so we had a little bit of a struggling transitioning to the third one. My other two were 18months and 3 years old when the third was born. Logistically I had to find ways to manage them on my own, especially going places because DH was gone alot (military), but I managed by being very organized and by having clear, unwavering rules with my older two. For example, when we went someplace I would put the baby in the stroller, and one child's hand would go on either side. This was so ingrained with my kids that my oldest DD was still doing this by habit when she was 11 . Likewise, when we went shopping, they were required to hold onto the cart (this was in the days before the carts that held more than one child). When we got out of the car in the parking lot, the oldest two would put their hands on the door handles until I had the stroller ready.

We didn't get a minivan until we had our fourth, we fit 3 carseats across the back of our Saturn and later our Neon, but I didn't take out the infant seat for anything, they've always been too awkward for me to carry so I just used a reclining stroller instead.

I had to get very strict with bedtimes so I could have some downtime for myself, that too has stuck.

Activities, as another poster mentioned, like sports and classes have been an issue. Not so much now because my oldest can help entertain the youngest, but when there were only three it was hard. My third child was very difficult to entertain at ball games when he hit the toddler stage, but it was worth it because now that he's older they all do very well at it because they know that the other kids will have to do that for them.

For the most part we try to find places to go that all of the kids will enjoy and it's not really that hard, although we do occassionally sit things out or leave a child at home to do something with an older or younger child. This is one reason we love Disney so much, there are so many things there that we can all enjoy together. We also do things like hiking trails, camping, bowling, roller skating (when they got older), playgrounds, etc. I absolutely do not insist that all of the kids to go a birthday party when only one child is invited or make the child invited not go.

And while having a support system is nice, it's still possible to manage without one, I've done it for 13 years, often without DH as well. You learn to be resourceful and depend on yourself.

I'm sorry this is so long, I just really enjoy my kids and I just couldn't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't had my third, fourth and fifth children. They bring so much to our family.

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

We have 3 boys - ages 4, 2 and 1. We say our house is full of joyful chaos and I LOVE it! I love that when they're older we'll have a house full of family when they come to visit. Our kids are a mix of bio and adopted and we're considering adding one more... maybe once our youngest is out of diapers.

They're only little for a short time and I'm trying to enjoy every moment. Yes, daycare is killing us as we both work full-time outside the home and all 3 are in full-time daycare but it's only for a few years. After that, we'll be back in the black and I'm even considering switching careers to become a teacher so I'll be on the same schedule as the kids.

It took some time to get the logistics of running errands and such figured out but we managed. My kids are well-behaved in public so I don't worry about them acting up - of course they have the occasional whine fest but there is no question that Mommy's in charge.

We constantly remind them that brothers are forever, help your brother, look out for your brother, take care of your brother, etc. and encourage them to show affection to each other. We have a very close family as our house is full of love and laughter so the occasional tears and tantrums are easy enough to get through. The kids seek each other out to play with both at home and when we're out... there's nothing cuter than watching my 4 year old help my 1 year old up the ladder to the slide while my 2 year old waits at the bottom to catch him...

It works, one way or another.

Although I do agree that the world is built around a family of 4 so outings do become more expensive (larger hotel rooms, etc.) and require some more planning. But it's all good.

 

[mickeysmyboy]

We have 3! DD is 8, DS is 6 (20 months between them) and our youngest DS will be 2 in May.

Going from 1 to 2 was a lot harder then going from 2 to 3. But DD was 6 and completely ready, willing and able to help me with the baby!

I think the most important thing for DH and I has been to realize that we have 3 very different, very unique children and we have to treat them as such!

Sometime times it is controlled chaos and sometimes I want to pull my hairout but that can happen with 2 kids and I wouldn't have it any other way!

We really, really enjoy having 3 kids!

 

[mickeysmyboy]

We constantly remind them that brothers are forever, help your brother, look out for your brother, take care of your brother, etc. and encourage them to show affection to each other. We have a very close family as our house is full of love and laughter so the occasional tears and tantrums are easy enough to get through. The kids seek each other out to play with both at home and when we're out... there's nothing cuter than watching my 4 year old help my 1 year old up the ladder to the slide while my 2 year old waits at the bottom to catch him...

It works, one way or another.

Although I do agree that the world is built around a family of 4 so outings do become more expensive (larger hotel rooms, etc.) and require some more planning. But it's all good.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I'll let you know in about a week

Congrats!

 

[TnTWalter]

You move from one-on-one defense to ZONE defense...

You can't take one and DH take the other for bedtime, etc.

DISNEY becomes MORE Expensive because you NO LONGER fit in value or moderates or studios at DVC. You either do 2 rooms or Deluxe or some 1 - 2 bedrooms DVC.

Tables need to be bigger at restaurants and home...

You almost HAVE to get a minivan or bigger vehicle...three in a row carseats don't always fit and when they're older and poking/hitting each other!! Chaos!

Need I say more?


More stress on babysitters [My mom almost had a cow when she found out #3 was on it's way] and other people.

If you work and pay daycare $$$$$......

I worked part-time and when #3 was almost 2 I quit enough was enough; too much stress...my mom was my babysitter so I didn't even have the expense but if you PAY for daycare, unless you make serious $$, it's more expensive to pay daycare than stay at home. Perhaps that would be a unexpected benefit too.

If you're in activities, your head spins a little sometimes...right now we have 3 in soccer, 1 in piano, 1 in choir, 1 in dance, 1 in baseball......AAAACK.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I LOVE LOVE LOVE having 3 kids. It's always fun at our house. They all play well together [mine are CLOSE in age]. I feel complete now [didn't quite feel done with just 2].

I am much more organized.

Life is hectic and crazy and I LOVE it.

No one is ever bored. Sometimes 2 pick on 1 but they get along more than not. And if one has a playdate the others have each other or their own friends over too.

Everyone loves playing here and all friends get along with all kids.

You become part of the 'large family' group without really having to have a gaggle of kids [more power to those that do!].

More kids to idolize and love on you!

More appreciation for the man that gave you these gifts!

Best of Luck!

Trish

 

[Debbie7452]

I have four now, but for many years had the three. Now it was easier on me because the other two were 6 and 4 little girls who helped me A LOT(willingly) with their new brother. And I had one in school already and the other went off the next year. But for me the third was a breeze!

I did end up quiting work after a year due to baby being constantly sick at day care.

 

[emmababy]

Thanks so much for all the great stories! I have been very open with my family about wanting one more and they all look at me like I have 3 heads! I think from a logisitical standpoint I can manage. I am by myself alot as my hubby drives a truck. So, I think if I can handle 2 under 3 then I could manage an older one and 2 under 3 again.

I used to think about all the changes that would happen as a family of five and the fact that a family of four is what the world is built for. Now, I could really care less! DVC now has 1 bedrooms that can fit 5, buying a minivan or crossover is fine. I was always worried about daycare, but by the time we would have a third, my oldest would be getting ready for school.

I hated being pregnant, but I think I have talked myself into it...Keep your fingers crossed!

 

[absmom2]

Well, I don't fit your exact situation here.....I went from 1 to 3. My oldest was 2 when the twins were born so my situation may have been a little different than what you will experience because I always had 2 babies with the exact same need at the same time. Even now, nearly 5 years later, it is still challenging but they all 3 are the best of friends. You will experience the "odd man out" syndrome because 2 play much better together but if your house is like ours, it is never the same two so everyone gets to be "odd man out". I've never had them run off or cause any major trouble when out in public but I set those rules with them right from the start....they knew from a very young age what was expected of them. I had to do that because I too like to "up and go" and I was determined that no matter how many kids I had that would still be possible.

As others have said, you will soon find out that the world is designed for the family of 4. With 5, you will wait longer for tables, may have to split up for rides at amusement parks, may have to change vehicles (I did the SUV..just couldn't go the minivan route and love it!), and will never have enough hands but the love and joy that the extra child brings is priceless!! There are many days they drive me nuts but I love each and every one of them in their own uniqueness and I can not imagine life any other way and feel our family is complete now. Only you can determine what is best for your family but if it doesn't feel complete, it may not be. If you opt for the third, you will find a schedule and balance that works for you. Just remember that even though some days seem impossible, these days with them as babies will pass way too quickly. Grab everyday, whether you have 2 or 3 kids, and enjoy each and every precious moment you have.

Good luck in your decision!

 

[aestapa]

We are still so torn on having a third. This has been a great thread to give us some things to think about.

 

[scottish mum]

We have 3 DS 11, DS 8 and DD 4. I found it much harder going from 1 to 2 than I did going from 2 to 3. By number 3 she just had to fit into what the other 2 were doing. She was often at swimming lessons, music lessons etc when she should have been napping or something.

My one tip for 3 would be to make sure you had a good sleeping routine. My kids always went to bed at 7pm so that I had the evening to myself. If you get a good sleep and are able to have some kid free time you can cope with anything.

 

[Orlando_Or_Bust]

I think my comment that my three can "gang up on you" was read differently than I meant. My three *do* know that their parents are boss. I was referring more to numerous children whining, dancing, clapping, begging, snoring, talking, singing, whatever at the same time - our house is not a quiet house. When you are covering your ears with two hands, it makes it hard to drive/cook dinner/type on the computer/etc.

I love how the PP commented about just learning to juggle faster - exactly. I love my three and wouldn't have changed a thing.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I think you've gotten a lot of great responses already regarding having three children vs. two. I totally agree that in a lot of ways most things are designed for families of four. Having three does take more effort and is more expensive, there's no question about it.

Having said that, I have never had one moment's regret in having three kids. Our third child was a complete suprise but she has brought so much joy in our life that I can't imagine life without her! It has been worth all of the extra work a hundred times over to have our family the way that it is. Yes, I have days that I get a little stressed and it can be a little aggravating trying to find hotel rooms that sleep 5. Yes, I drive the minivan that I swore I never would. But to me it's totally worth it.

 

[3Minnies1Mickey]

I have 4. I will say going from 2 to 3 was fairly easy. Going from 3 to 4 was extremely difficult.

 

[Debbie7452]

I think my comment that my three can "gang up on you" was read differently than I meant. My three *do* know that their parents are boss. I was referring more to numerous children whining, dancing, clapping, begging, snoring, talking, singing, whatever at the same time - our house is not a quiet house. When you are covering your ears with two hands, it makes it hard to drive/cook dinner/type on the computer/etc.

I love how the PP commented about just learning to juggle faster - exactly. I love my three and wouldn't have changed a thing.

I meant to say this in my post, too. Our house can be LOUD and it is really never in perfectly neat condition. Of course, I could get OFF the DIS and fix that!

Going from three to four was definitely harder, but that has a lot to do with my second DS's personality. He is not easy going like the other three were...I guess I was due for a wake up call. Also, we survived with three kids and a full size sedan(only one car seat)...Yes, it was crowded, but we managed to drive twice to Disney like that!! We got the big ol' SUV when #4 came along.

Oh Joy! It has a DVD player!!