Opinions, Please. There was a man in the ladies room tonight at the movies

[Am_I_There_Yet]

This reminds me of something that happened to my ex-DH.

We went to a local Target and he went in to use the restroom. He had to um... sit down to use it.

Anyway, a few minutes later, he walks out white as a sheet. He asked me if I saw a man walk out of the restroom before him. I did, but I wasn't paying any attention to him. I just remembered a man - nothing specific.

He said that as he was sitting on the toilet, he looked up, and the man was watching through the gap in the stall. He said he kicked the stall as hard as he could and the man ran.

All ex-DH remembered, was the man's eye. We reported it, but there wasn't too much information we could give.

That was just disgusting on sooooo many levels!

 

[MariDisney]

How old is your daughter? Does she normally not get dressed by herself? If I were dad, I would have waited outside the girls restroom and if she needed assistance he could pop in for a second but change near the door so no one else could come in. I know that my son has had accidents in the past and I had to bring clothes for him, but he was able to change himself so I waited outside the door of the restroom.

That's what I probably would have done too. Although the nurse's office at our school has several beds with curtains separating them and a bathroom, so it probably wouldn't have been an issues. I think in the school where MrsDisneyFan's kids go the nurse's office is really a closet, and so that wasn't an option.

I really like that many places now have companion restrooms so that several of the situations mentioned could have been averted and all involved would feel more comfortable.

 

[minkydog]

I appreciate the kind words from everyone. I'm not the OP but I"m the mother of an 11yo severely mentally handicapped boy who is about 5' tall now, big fella. It's already beginning to be a little bit of a problem when he goes with me to the bathroom and I foresee it being a bigger problem as he gets older. For now, we make a beeline for the handicapped stall so I can keep him in with me. There is NO WAY he could wait outside--no telling who he'd go off with. But I am grateful for posters like the ones on this thread who understand that sometimes rules have to be bent to accommodate folks. If you ever see us in the restroom, big blond boy flapping his hands andplying in the water with short, older mom trying her best to "go" fast, say hi

 

[staley7580]

I don't think that the OP was trying to be mean or intolerant. I think that most of us, with all the horrible things we hear on the news, would be a little surprised to find a grown man in the ladies' room. My first reaction would be one of surprise, then I would look to see if the man is accompanied by a woman, his body language, demeanor, etc.

I think that for those of us that haven't experienced taking care of another person that needs assistance in the bathroom, surprise and concern would be our initial reactions. It doesn't mean that we lack compassion and understanding.

Exactly!! Thank You, I would be a little disconcerted with a grown man in the ladies room. Especially if there was not an obvious disability. Considering what can, and has happened, I would rather be safe then sorry.

 

[cybrkitn]

This is a little OT but I would like some opinions. My daughter had an accident in school and had to have her clothers changed. The school calls my husband at home (he works nights so he sleeps when the kids are at school) to bring clean clothes. He gets there and is told to take her to the bathroom to help her change. He walks down the hall and stares at the 2 doors "BOYS" or "GIRLS." He decides to take her to the boys room. He figured that was better than a grown man going into the girls room and scaring the wits out of any girls who might be in there. As he is opening the door to go in a teacher comes by and says "You know that is the boys room, right?" He says "Yeah I am a boy." He takes her in and gets her changed and sends her back to class.

Apparently the teacher went to the office to complain. Now they have set up a "Family Restroom'"

What would you have done in this situation. Boys or girls room?

Depends. How old is your DD? If pre-school age, could the nurse's office be used to change DD or do they have a private bathroom in the classroom? If she is older, then (imo) she should go into the girl's room and change herself.

My DS4 is in pre-k and they will not change him (state law), but they also have a private bathroom in his classroom for him to change his clothes. He has had to do this a few times already.

Hope that helps

 

[cybrkitn]

One, OP was 100% right.

Two, what's the problem with a five year old going in the boy's room with dad?! My dd's do that all the time, and my son comes with me

Three... Family bathrooms.... now that's the way to go. I love family bathrooms!

We have no problem with that at all. DH and I will take turns going with our DS4 when he's gotta go. Even though DS is potty trained (during the day, still working on at night), he still needs help when he does #2. If he's just gotta go #1, then I'll let him either come in with me to the ladies room or let him use the boy's room by himself with me waiting outside the door for him.

After age 5 though, I feel they should be able to go to the boy's room by themselves. I get aggrevated (sp?) when I see a mother with two boys who are old enough to go the boy's room by themselves (my aunt has done this with her youngest and middle son who are in their pre-teens and it gets me so mad at her ).

 

[summerrluvv]

After age 5 though, I feel they should be able to go to the boy's room by themselves. I get aggrevated (sp?) when I see a mother with two boys who are old enough to go the boy's room by themselves (my aunt has done this with her youngest and middle son who are in their pre-teens and it gets me so mad at her ).

 

[mrsdisneyfan]

That's what I probably would have done too. Although the nurse's office at our school has several beds with curtains separating them and a bathroom, so it probably wouldn't have been an issues. I think in the school where MrsDisneyFan's kids go the nurse's office is really a closet, and so that wasn't an option.

I really like that many places now have companion restrooms so that several of the situations mentioned could have been averted and all involved would feel more comfortable.

Closet is being quite generous. One bed and a desk for the nurse.

 

[mrsdisneyfan]

No problem with her going to the restroom with dad. It was just he felt funny that it was in her school. He thought she would be very embarrassed if there were boys from her class there. Any other public restroom he would no have given it a second thought. And he figured the girls room was out of the question for obvious reasons.

 

[mrsdisneyfan]

After age 5 though, I feel they should be able to go to the boy's room by themselves. I get aggrevated (sp?) when I see a mother with two boys who are old enough to go the boy's room by themselves (my aunt has done this with her youngest and middle son who are in their pre-teens and it gets me so mad at her ).

I am sorry this makes you uncomfortable but my 7 year old son is not going into a public mens room alone. If he is with me and no husband around he is coming to the ladies room with me. If I have to go he stands infront of my stall. If he has to go I stand in front of his stall.

 

[Lachesis00]

Tell that to I think it was a Kmart or Target 2 years ago. I need help. I have to have help dressing. They would not let us in the dressing room nor offered us an alternative... they honestly thought we'd be doing hanky panky. I told her to feel free to come on in and look at my white hiney (by that time I was beyond ticked off). I asked for a manager. They did let us go in (I was trying on a bathing suit and can't easily pull it on or off, and my husband was trying to assist me) but sure were keeping an eye/ear on us.

Remember that the ADA allows opposite sex "helpers" to enter the restroom with someone who needs assistance, if no alternative is available. And the ADA also sets minimum floor space for "family"/ADA compatible restrooms, they have to be pretty large to accomodate the turning radius for wheelchairs/scooters.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'll see your and raise you a

 

[LadyBears]

Exactly, and THANK YOU! I have an uncle with Down Syndrome, and he has a tendancy to wander if left alone. So if we are out with him, he goes where we do- Ladies' room and all. If it's not busy, he goes into his 'own' stall while I do my business, but if it IS busy, he stands right outside my stall.

I really don't care if someone is offended by the sight of a 60 YO man with Down Syndrome in the Ladies' room. My uncle's safety is more important to my family.

No one in my family with disabilites, so if I phrase something "wrong" don't flame me - just correct me, please.

If I were to walk into a ladies room & see a man with Downs or any other "obvious" handicap, I wouldn't think twice about him being in there. That is also easily explainable to a child about him needing assistance .... If I walked into a ladies room & a man was standing there who didn't look like he was lost or handicapable - just your average looking adult male, then yes, I too would inform management. They get paid to "confront" someone & have the laws behind them to do so. They also have the ability to go in with one or more other people as possible "backup" if necessary. As a private person, especially if I was alone with my DD, I am not going to take a chance on asking why he was there & potentially risk MY/OUR safety. Who would look out for me/us??

Now if I was a cop or had military background, then that last statement would probably be different.....

 

[Talking Hands]

As far as the school and changing the little girl, the nurse dropped the ball on that one. The father should have been allowed to change this daughter right in the nurse's room. In every school I attended, kindergarten through college, there was always more than one "cubbie" or "cubicle" available for changing, relaxing while waiting for mom or dad to come get a sick child etc.

Unfortunately not all nurse's office at school are appropriate for someone to change in. At most of the elementary schools I work at the nurse is in a room that can be a walk through to the office or the teachers mailboxes or share an area with them. At one school that recently added a wing have guest and teacher bathrooms that are one holer. Perfect solution. I know in one school the aid for one student would change him in the teachers' bathroom.

 

[mjantz]

After age 5 though, I feel they should be able to go to the boy's room by themselves. I get aggrevated (sp?) when I see a mother with two boys who are old enough to go the boy's room by themselves (my aunt has done this with her youngest and middle son who are in their pre-teens and it gets me so mad at her ).

My DS is 9 & its only been in the past year or so that I've let him go into the mens restroom by himself & only in specific situations.

-Theres no family restroom. If there is, I stand outside the door & let him go by himself.
-Its a single-stall restroom. If he can go in, shut & lock the door without anyone else coming in then its fine. I'll be waiting for him when he gets outside but he can go by himself.

However, I am still wary of letting him go into a public mens restroom by himself. Most of the time, I will take him with me. He stands in front of the stall, facing it & does not leer or stare. In fact, he's usually very embaressed that he's in there & wants to get out ASAP.

 

[staley7580]

Im begining to wonder if Im doing something wrong. I let my 4yo go potty by himself. I stand outside the restroom, or my hubby does, and if he takes even the tiniest bit to long, my hubby checks on him. Or He just sneaks in and kinda checks him out. Is he to young for that? If we are at a big store he still comes with me, like walmart or Target. But if we are at a small place I tend to let him go alone. I am in NO way a lenient parent when it comes to my kids safety, he was 4 before I let him walk down the stairs alone, so if this is just not cool, let me know. Oh, and he turns 5 in Jan.

 

[WDWfor5]

Im begining to wonder if Im doing something wrong. I let my 4yo go potty by himself. I stand outside the restroom, or my hubby does, and if he takes even the tiniest bit to long, my hubby checks on him. Or He just sneaks in and kinda checks him out. Is he to young for that? If we are at a big store he still comes with me, like walmart or Target. But if we are at a small place I tend to let him go alone. I am in NO way a lenient parent when it comes to my kids safety, he was 4 before I let him walk down the stairs alone, so if this is just not cool, let me know. Oh, and he turns 5 in Jan.

My DS is 5 and I let him go into the bathroom by himself only if it's a single stall so no one else is in there. I dont let him go into a mens room alone no matter where - probably won't until he's at least 7 or 8 (my DD is almost 8 and I'm just beginning to let my DH send her into the restroom alone and that's the ladies room where there's nothing to see)

Anyway, that's just my comfort level - too many bad things could happen in an instant in the mens room for me to even consider it.

 

[mousehouselover]

What section of Wal-Mart would you reduce in size to accomodate a "Family" restroom? One of the small shops in the front of the store (hair care, bank, etc?) They pay rent on that floor space, while those small business may survive OK without the space, Wal-Mart could lose a great deal of money in rent over the course of a year. Reducing sales space within Wal-Mart's main sales area could also cost a great deal by impacting sales. Who decides what product has to be discontinued to make room for the family restroom?

Th family restroom in our local walmart is next to the layaway counter. Since most stores have discontinued offering layaway, they already have a fairly large and no unused space that could potentially be converteed to a family restroom. Most already have plumbing near by already so that cuts down on the construction costs. JMHumbleO

Public restrooms are a tricky place to navigate these days. My son is almost 11 and he goes by himself now but I still worry about him. He didn't go by himself until he was 9 or so. My girls didn't either. When they were younger I used to make them stand in front of my stall so I could see their shoes. I really like the idea of family restrooms; I feel their safer and you don't get as many people judging you if you aren't comfortable letting your child go into large restroom alone.

 

[Lachesis00]

That is just it, looking at me, you can tell I am disabled. You might not easily see it but I am missing my radius bones and have severely shortened arms. They as long as they look in the photo. No longer. I have problems with my hips and knees too Normally no one gives us problems.
The gal in the store and the manager were really worried but wouldn't give us much of an option. I jokingly said I would undress as much as I could and come out to have my husband yank the pant part down... some how, some way, she let us go in
But I really was offended since it is an obvious disability, and did ask for a family room.

Me on the left with my husband and his Grandma who just turned 90 last month.

No one in my family with disabilites, so if I phrase something "wrong" don't flame me - just correct me, please.

If I were to walk into a ladies room & see a man with Downs or any other "obvious" handicap, I wouldn't think twice about him being in there. That is also easily explainable to a child about him needing assistance .... If I walked into a ladies room & a man was standing there who didn't look like he was lost or handicapable - just your average looking adult male, then yes, I too would inform management. They get paid to "confront" someone & have the laws behind them to do so. They also have the ability to go in with one or more other people as possible "backup" if necessary. As a private person, especially if I was alone with my DD, I am not going to take a chance on asking why he was there & potentially risk MY/OUR safety. Who would look out for me/us??

Now if I was a cop or had military background, then that last statement would probably be different.....

 

[MushyMushy]

Im begining to wonder if Im doing something wrong. I let my 4yo go potty by himself. I stand outside the restroom, or my hubby does, and if he takes even the tiniest bit to long, my hubby checks on him. Or He just sneaks in and kinda checks him out. Is he to young for that? If we are at a big store he still comes with me, like walmart or Target. But if we are at a small place I tend to let him go alone. I am in NO way a lenient parent when it comes to my kids safety, he was 4 before I let him walk down the stairs alone, so if this is just not cool, let me know. Oh, and he turns 5 in Jan.

Well, it wasn't cool for me with either one of my kids, but only you know your son. My DS was probably in first grade or so before I let him go into a restroom alone, and then either DH or I were waiting outside. And even then, it depended on where we were. In a small place we were familiar with, we were more lax. In a larger, less familiar area, we tended to go in with him even up until he was 8 or 9 years old.

We were even more vigilant with DD, as she was a lot less mature and cautious than DS was. She's 11 and I still won't let her go into like a movie restroom alone when I'm in the theater. But she's very immature for her age.