Opinions, Please. There was a man in the ladies room tonight at the movies

[Saffron]

OP ... I didn't find anything in your post offensive at all!

I totally agree with MushyMushy, RitaZ and JunieJay.

A woman expects to find other women in the lady's room, not a man. And it would not be in the best interest of any woman to find out why a man is in the lady's room. It is in the best interest of the place of business to find out why, if there is a concern (not necessary a complaint!), of a man is in the lady's room. Not all men in the lady's room have a need to be there.

Because someone voiced a concern to the management of the movie theater that a man was in the bathroom, doesn't mean that they were voicing a complaint. Most people, including all the people on this thread that I can see, are compassionate and tolerant of other people and their trials and tribulations in life. People have to be aware of another person's plight before they can be given the chance to be tolerant and compassionate. If after finding out the man had a need to be in the bathroom someone still complained, then one can talk about someone not being tolerant or compassionate.

As far as the school and changing the little girl, the nurse dropped the ball on that one. The father should have been allowed to change his daughter right in the nurse's room. In every school I attended, kindergarten through college, there was always more than one "cubbie" or "cubicle" available for changing, relaxing while waiting for mom or dad to come get a sick child etc.

 

[Serena]

The op did the right thing. IF he was with someone then that someone when hearing someone walk into the restroom should have called out something. How about, "sorry, he's with me". Or something, couldn't they?

Going to the employee is the right thing to do in this situation.

I'm confused frankly on how people could be upset because this situation concerned her. If my daughter came back from the restroom and told me a man was in there, my first reaction would be anger.

 

[WDWVillain]

maybe the man was with a women who had medical issues and did not want to let her go to the restroom alone.

 

[summerrluvv]

He picked her up in the nurses office and she is the one who sent him to the bathroom. He told me that if he had been more alert he would have went to the office but he had just been out of bed for 10 minutes and was not thinking.

How old is your daughter? Does she normally not get dressed by herself? If I were dad, I would have waited outside the girls restroom and if she needed assistance he could pop in for a second but change near the door so no one else could come in. I know that my son has had accidents in the past and I had to bring clothes for him, but he was able to change himself so I waited outside the door of the restroom.

 

[singingpixie]

I understand why the OP did what she did, and I don't think it has anything to do with a lack of compassion; it's just a different interpretation of who should do the investigating. Both the pro- and con- "tell an employee" sides are interested in confirming that the man had a legitimate reason to be in the ladies room, they just disagree on who should be finding out. If I were an employee in the theatre and someone came to me with this concern, I would have gone into the restroom and discretely tried to find out what the reason was and then taken the appropriate action (or not, depending on whether the reason was legit). I would not have immediately confronted anyone or called the police. I assume that this is what the OP was looking to have happen. She just didn't feel comfortable making sure that all was well herself. That's her right, and I think it's totally reasonable to have an employee take that step since it is kind of "sticking your neck out."

To all of you with adult family members facing challenges, it must be hard to face difficulties doing the most basic things day in and day out.

 

[YorkieMommyKandis]

I heard a few days ago on our local news that a four year old girl in the Atlanta area was pulled into the bathroom of a Dollar Tree and molested. Like the OP, my first reaction would be to leave. I would protect myself first and then think about what the situation might have been later. I think it was a good idea for her to tell the employees so they could keep an eye on what was going on. I really think a lot more places should have family restrooms.

 

[Princess~Fun]

If only there was more of this in the world.....PEACE might follow!!

Yea really.

 

[TurboKitty]

How old is your daughter? Does she normally not get dressed by herself? If I were dad, I would have waited outside the girls restroom and if she needed assistance he could pop in for a second but change near the door so no one else could come in. I know that my son has had accidents in the past and I had to bring clothes for him, but he was able to change himself so I waited outside the door of the restroom.

Doesn't work for everyone though. My poor DH feels terrible anytime he has to change DD in a public restroom. She's 9 and though she doesn't look like it, she DOES need help. And, even if she didn't, we are NOT comfortable sending her into any room alone. Something about the autism and the total lack of language holds us back on this... I'm glad your son is able to do things this without your assistance, but not everyone is so lucky.

 

[Allison]

Well, the OP said she went out and informed an employee of the theater. She didn't try to find out WHY the man was in there. Maybe he was waiting outside the stall for the woman he was with, like another poster mentioned her uncle with Downs Syndrome goes in with the women and waits outside the stall. Maybe the man was confused and didn't know WHERE he was! I know my Dad gets confused sometimes, even AT HOME.

I think if it bothered the OP so much that a man was in the women's room, she should have found out if he was with someone else BEFORE she went to inform the employee about the situation.

Informing the employee was the right thing to do. She shouldn't have to handle it. If there was a valid reason for him to be in there, that is for an employee to determine not a patron. Sorry, but you are assuming what the circumstances were and you could be wrong. Either way, the OP did the right thing.

 

[summerrluvv]

Doesn't work for everyone though. My poor DH feels terrible anytime he has to change DD in a public restroom. She's 9 and though she doesn't look like it, she DOES need help. And, even if she didn't, we are NOT comfortable sending her into any room alone. Something about the autism and the total lack of language holds us back on this... I'm glad your son is able to do things this without your assistance, but not everyone is so lucky.

Really, even at school she doesn't go in the restroom alone? Does she have an aide that takes her to the restroom at school? I know in my district, teachers and aides are NOT allowed to assist the children in the restroom, even the ones with disabilities (DS has been in a special class since "K").

 

[Planogirl]

I would have also informed an employee. I wouldn't know why the man was in the ladies room of course and wouldn't wait around to ask why. Better safe than sorry IMO.

I do feel sympathetic to those who have family members who need assistance though. Family restrooms could solve so much of this.

 

[mrsdisneyfan]

How old is your daughter? Does she normally not get dressed by herself? If I were dad, I would have waited outside the girls restroom and if she needed assistance he could pop in for a second but change near the door so no one else could come in. I know that my son has had accidents in the past and I had to bring clothes for him, but he was able to change himself so I waited outside the door of the restroom.

My daughter is 5 (6 in a couple of weeks). Yes she does dress herself at home. Sometimes 20 times a day if you know what I mean. But she cannot tie her own shoes and her father still thinks she is a baby (and probably always will, daddys little girl and all that).

I asked him why he didn't just let her change herself in the bathroom and come out to get her shoes tied and he looked at me like I had suggested throwing her to a pack of wolves to get changed. So any alternative the school would have suggested would have been fine as long as he could have been there.

 

[FormrCastMbr]

I have never encountered this and would be a little surprised at first but would, hopefully, realized that some people need some help with these things. I have seen alot of family restrooms sprouting up...thank goodness.

 

[azgal81]

It probably woudn't have bothered me that much. I'm sure he had a reason to be in there he was probably assisting someone.

 

[dementia412]

One, OP was 100% right.

Two, what's the problem with a five year old going in the boy's room with dad?! My dd's do that all the time, and my son comes with me

Three... Family bathrooms.... now that's the way to go. I love family bathrooms!

 

[Chuck S]

While I agree that family restrooms could solve the problem, don't forget that an additional "family" restroom is an expense that some smaller business just can not afford.

To install a family restroom in an existing building could cost a great deal, not just in remodeling costs, but in valuable sales floor area. For instance, a small video store with a small selection of "adult" movies in a seperate room could remove those movies and put a "family" restroom in that space for little "out of pocket" remodeling expense, but that small bit of floor space can generate several thousands of dollars every month...and be the difference between a profitable business and a closed store.

What section of Wal-Mart would you reduce in size to accomodate a "Family" restroom? One of the small shops in the front of the store (hair care, bank, etc?) They pay rent on that floor space, while those small business may survive OK without the space, Wal-Mart could lose a great deal of money in rent over the course of a year. Reducing sales space within Wal-Mart's main sales area could also cost a great deal by impacting sales. Who decides what product has to be discontinued to make room for the family restroom?

Remember that the ADA allows opposite sex "helpers" to enter the restroom with someone who needs assistance, if no alternative is available. And the ADA also sets minimum floor space for "family"/ADA compatible restrooms, they have to be pretty large to accomodate the turning radius for wheelchairs/scooters.

The OP handled the situation correctly by reporting it to the theater personnel, who then could determine the reason for having the man in the ladies room.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I would have reacted and handled the situation the exact same way as the OP.

If I walked into a bathroom and saw a man - I don't car what age he is - I would immediately turn around (first checking to make sure I didn't walk into the wrong room myself!) and tell an employee of the store.

I would want my three daughters to do the same thing.

And even if I knew that the person was in there with a valid reason, I still would rather go when he was gone. The cracks in between the stalls and the doors leave a LOT to be desired in most restrooms.

I don't use the restroom at home where my DH can see me! Using the restroom is something that's pretty private in my book.

It's bad enough that enough mothers don't watch their young children in them (yes, I've had them peek underneath stalls and literally press their eyes up the cracks in the stall).

The last thing I'd want to worry about is having a man turning the wrong way and catching a glimpse of me sitting on the toilet. I understand the necessity of it at times, but on the other side, you have to understand the discomfort it can cause others too.

JMO - YMMV

 

[phillybeth]

I heard a few days ago on our local news that a four year old girl in the Atlanta area was pulled into the bathroom of a Dollar Tree and molested. Like the OP, my first reaction would be to leave. I would protect myself first and then think about what the situation might have been later. I think it was a good idea for her to tell the employees so they could keep an eye on what was going on. I really think a lot more places should have family restrooms.

Women can be sexual predators too. A child is no safer in a restroom with a woman than they are with a man. Hell, for that matter, other KIDS can be predators.

 

[summerrluvv]

Women can be sexual predators too. A child is no safer in a restroom with a woman than they are with a man. Hell, for that matter, other KIDS can be predators.

Statistically speaking, there is a higher number (much higher number) of male predators than female predators.

 

[phillybeth]

Statistically speaking, there is a higher number (much higher number) of male predators than female predators.

Yes, and as this thread proves, women are much more aware of the threat that comes from men. No one thinks that a woman or another child is a preadatory threat, but they can be. Not too long ago there was a preteen boy molesting younger boys sent into men's rooms by themselves