Offended

[Ceila]

I would have FBed back a picture of text snipped from one of Emily Post's etiquette books on the proper way to address an envelope AND another one on the etiquette of keeping private issues between the two people involved.

Ooh, I like that idea, too!

 

[Tink1987]

She would be off my list as well! No need to put cowardly FB statuses at all, that's what drives me crazy about the thing! I bet she would never say it to your face!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

That was crappy of the recipient to comment about it on FB.

I'm comfortable with an envelope addressed to my husband and me as "Mr and Mrs John Smith", in the sense that it's no big deal and I'm not going to complain about it. However, I prefer NOT to address people that way...I usually do "John and Mary Smith" or "The Smith Family" if they're a casual enough friend. To my husband's boss and his wife, I'd put "Mr and Mrs John Smith" tho.

What I DON'T like is something addressed to ME as "Mrs John Smith." Ugh. My name's not John. I get it that it's the old fashioned formal way of doing things, but not now, in 2012.

I know women who didn't change their last name when they got married, so I'd put "Mr Tom Jones and Ms Mary Smith" or "The Smith/Jones Family."

Or, just leave off the Mr/Mrs/Ms altogether.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would have been mad if a friend of mine did that to me and I promise you that she would never get another card from me.

Question, did anyone "Like" it of face book? I would think most people would think she was rude and very disrespectful. If someone that I knew posted something about that I would have skipped right over it. It would also change the way I felt about that person. She may have been trying to be funny, but I see no humor in that at all.

Sorry OP. I thought it was very polite, and in this day and time she is lucky to even be getting a card because a lot of people dont even send them anymore.

Merry Christmas!!

 

[PrincessNancy96]

I guess I am getting coal in my stocking... I addressed all my cards that way this year!


Sorry your "friend" was such a rude person.. she would definitely be off my card list!!

 

[mhsjax]

I'll be the first to disagree and state that I really hate things addresed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I gave up my last name when I got married, but I did keep my first. Stuff address like that goes straight to DH because his name is on it, not mine. I don't mind Mr. and Mrs. Doe though. When addressing cards I usually address it to The Doe Family.

However, saying something on FB that way really was rude. I agree that she should have said something to you privately. I'm curious to know if anyone of her other friends have commented on or "Liked" what she wrote.

If it goes straight to him when addressed like this, maybe you should get the mail first. lol I open most mail even if addressed only to my DH, it just depends on who gets to it first.

 

[nathalee81]

I kept my maiden name when I got married, but we get mail all the time addressed Mr. and Mrs.

I have no problem with it.

In fact, I'm just delighted when I get a nice piece of mail or correspondence-anything other than a bill . No one ever sends Christmas cards or letters anymore and I kind of miss that...I guess I am horribly old fashioned to think that way, though...

I'm sorry that this person did this to you-I think it was tacky and petty. I really don't know what gets into people sometimes...

 

[TheIncredibles!]

@@ I would have been pissed at that too, especially knowing that she knew you would see it. Some people are so uptight.

My grandmother addresses everything that comes to me as Mrs. John Doe. Not Jane Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe. Our anniversary card comes as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. That's how she was taught and I am certainly not offended by it although the first year we were married DH was confused and opened my birthday card, easter card etc. (She sends cards for everthing and everybody in the family eachs gets their own card. No family card from her - lol)

 

[wdwmom2]

I probably would have responded with, "well, you won't need to worry about that anymore", and left it at that. As in, you will never get a Christmas card from me ever again!

My DD lives with her boyfriend. They probably will be getting married, hopefully sometime in the not so distant future. When I mailed them their Christmas card. I put, (his name) & (her name) (his last name). Just a subtle hint!!!!

 

[donaldlovesdaisy]

I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.

Your friend is a H!!!!!

 

[Ephany]

I don't like it either. I'm not John, I have my own name thank you. I understand it's an old-fashioned way of addressing mail, but meh, it's 2012. I'd ignore it if it came from an older family member and if it came from a friend, I'd probably send off a light-hearted email. Would I post it on Facebook? Never. Would I be offended? Only if it came from my MIL.

 

[Anne34]

I usually just write "The xxxxxx Family" and leave it at that. It's so much easier. If I know they don't have kids then I do write Mr & Mrs xxxxxx. No first names so it hopefully won't bother anyone, but you never know

 

[SaraJayne]

Wow! I would have had to respond with something snarky, like "It is 2012, I have my own FB account where you could contact me in private to express your displeasure of my holiday greetings."

Yup, totally calls for a witchy response.

How rude! (in my best Stephanie Tanner voice )

 

[cabanafrau]

Not to dig at you, OP, but I do think you might want to consider apologizing via facebook since she's now been embarrassed on her facebook page by your thoughfulness.

Perhaps something like, Point taken, I apologize for any offense caused. Be assured it was not intentional and will not happen again.

Corrects your social faux pas and no doubt provides a memorable etiquette lesson. Bet her face will be a festive shade of red for the holidays.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.

UGH!

I get offended with my husband's relatives - every single one addresses mail to Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. For birthdays, anniversaries, holidays etc. However I NEVER took his name and we have been married for 16 YEARS.

It is just frustrating since no one else does that.

 

[Aliceacc]

What an idiot. And rude, to boot.

Just curious-- is this her first year on your card list? Or was the way you address your cards OK with her last year??

 

[NC State]

Very rude and tacky of the recipient of the card.

I agree, I would not only mark her off my card list but as a friend too. Those are the type I don't want to be friends with.

 

[tcufrog]

While I wouldn't like getting a card addressed that way I'd either let it go or send a very friendly and kind email saying something like

"Thanks for the card. It was wonderful to hear from you and I'd love to get together with you sometime soon. Just so you know for future reference, I ended up keeping my name so if you'd address mail to us separately in the future I'd appreciate it.

Give my love to your husband and kids and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas."

Posting it on Facebook like that is just tacky and rude.

 

[ebtbmom]

I'll be the first to disagree and state that I really hate things addresed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I gave up my last name when I got married, but I did keep my first. Stuff address like that goes straight to DH because his name is on it, not mine. I don't mind Mr. and Mrs. Doe though. When addressing cards I usually address it to The Doe Family.

However, saying something on FB that way really was rude. I agree that she should have said something to you privately. I'm curious to know if anyone of her other friends have commented on or "Liked" what she wrote.

I agree with you. I am not a female version of DH and I bristle at being called Ms. Husband's name. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm offended and I'd never embarrass someone (or make a jerk of myself) by posting it on FB.

 

[Imzadi]

Not to dig at you, OP, but I do think you might want to consider apologizing via facebook since she's now been embarrassed on her facebook page by your thoughfulness.

Perhaps something like, Point taken, I apologize for any offense caused. Be assured it was not intentional and will not happen again.

Corrects your social faux pas and no doubt provides a memorable etiquette lesson. Bet her face will be a festive shade of red for the holidays.

How has the other woman been embarrassed? I don't think she thinks she embarrassed herself.

And the OP did NOT make a social faux pas as, last I knew, her way of addressing envelopes is still considered correct by the current etiquette rules.

Also, I think any form of diplomacy and subtle decorum would be lost on the other woman. Anyone who would not personally, privately address a small offense such as that, but tries to openly, publicly embarrass, poke fun of or humiliate another person who was being thoughtful & sending well wishes, seems to be lacking that level of social grace.