No gifts necessary?!?!

[scottishduffy]

I attended a birthday party for a toddler age child recently. The parents are good friends of ours and had said on the invite "No Gifts Necessary".

I fully understand this. I requested books only for my DD's birthday to keep clutter down. Everyone (including these friends) were happy to do no gifts or bring a book. She has multiple children and has tons of toys! We have even talked about decreasing clutter of toys in the past.

Anyway, I see the "No gifts necessary" and decide to respect that. After all, I fully understand how much junk small children acquire. We arrive at the party and there is a large gift table set up. *Everyone* else at the party brought gifts. Not just small tokens, I am talking about multiple large gifts. A huge spread of toddler toys. I am the only heel without a gift. Even all the friends in our social group (we have all had no gift discussions before) brought gifts in spite of the request. It was too late for me to run out and get something.

What do you do in this situation? DH and I felt embarrassed to be the only ones not to give a gift. Do you apologize? Send a belated gift? Just ignore it but feel like a cheap *******? In the future do I just keep an emergency gift in the car in case this happens again?

 

[MrsDuck]

I attended a birthday party for a toddler age child recently. The parents are good friends of ours and had said on the invite "No Gifts Necessary".

I fully understand this. I requested books only for my DD's birthday to keep clutter down. Everyone (including these friends) were happy to do no gifts or bring a book. She has multiple children and has tons of toys! We have even talked about decreasing clutter of toys in the past.

Anyway, I see the "No gifts necessary" and decide to respect that. After all, I fully understand how much junk small children acquire. We arrive at the party and there is a large gift table set up. *Everyone* else at the party brought gifts. Not just small tokens, I am talking about multiple large gifts. A huge spread of toddler toys. I am the only heel without a gift. Even all the friends in our social group (we have all had no gift discussions before) brought gifts in spite of the request. It was too late for me to run out and get something.

What do you do in this situation? DH and I felt embarrassed to be the only ones not to give a gift. Do you apologize? Send a belated gift? Just ignore it but feel like a cheap *******? In the future do I just keep an emergency gift in the car in case this happens again?

While it is an uncomfortable situation, it DID say no gifts. I'd definitely feel awkward but I'd try to just let it go and act like I wasn't embarassed.

I am always hesitant about these sorts of things for this reason exactly. What I usually wind up doing is writing a card and sticking a small giftcard in the card.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I attended a birthday party for a toddler age child recently. The parents are good friends of ours and had said on the invite "No Gifts Necessary".

I fully understand this. I requested books only for my DD's birthday to keep clutter down. Everyone (including these friends) were happy to do no gifts or bring a book. She has multiple children and has tons of toys! We have even talked about decreasing clutter of toys in the past.

Anyway, I see the "No gifts necessary" and decide to respect that. After all, I fully understand how much junk small children acquire. We arrive at the party and there is a large gift table set up. *Everyone* else at the party brought gifts. Not just small tokens, I am talking about multiple large gifts. A huge spread of toddler toys. I am the only heel without a gift. Even all the friends in our social group (we have all had no gift discussions before) brought gifts in spite of the request. It was too late for me to run out and get something.

What do you do in this situation? DH and I felt embarrassed to be the only ones not to give a gift. Do you apologize? Send a belated gift? Just ignore it but feel like a cheap *******? In the future do I just keep an emergency gift in the car in case this happens again?

If an invite states "no gifts", I don't bring a gift. IMO, the others who brought gifts were the ones not paying attention to the request of the host.

When we had parties for our kids (yes, some of them were "no gifts, please"), and people brought gifts (not many, but some), I would put the gifts away (out of sight) for the party, to be opened later, after the party. I don't see the need to advertise that my guests didn't do as I asked.

 

[Bob NC]

What do you do in this situation?

Fake a heart attack and ride off in an ambulance.

 

[MrsDuck]

Fake a heart attack and ride off in an ambulance.

Costly alternative!

 

[Lilliputian]

I was in that situation once. I had a young child the same age as the birthday child and completely understood the sentiment of a young child having so much *stuff* that it was about to overtake the whole house. Additionally, I'm a big believer in having toys that are good for a child's development and like not having the junky toys taking up space that could be devoted to really good ones. So I didn't get a gift.

I got there and found that EVERYONE ELSE had gotten the birthday child a gift. And then there was a gift-opening time, during which I was just sure that everyone realized I hadn't bought him anything. (I'm sure most people didn't actually notice, but I was too embarrassed to think logically at the time.)

From now on, I will get a gift that doesn't take up any space if I get an invitation like that. I'll buy the child's family a membership to a zoo, or I'll get a gift card for a local photographer, or something like that. I won't exactly be empty-handed, but I won't be contributing to unwanted toy clutter, either.

 

[chipsgirl1030]

Why would she request no gifts, then set up a table for gifts ?

I think she should have accepted the gift, then put it away for later, so as not to embarrass others who have honored her wishes and not brought one.

Then there was the one who said no gifts, then had gift opening time.

 

[EMom]

And this is why I hate "no gifts" parties. At least half the people will show up with a gift anyway and then the half that respected the request feel like crap. Better to have a party and ask people to bring a gift for the animal shelter. Then you have no clutter, no toys you don't need, no one is made uncomfortable and a good cause benefits.

Next time bring a generic gift and leave it in the car. If you arrive and see lots of gifts, exclaim, "Oh, we left the gift in the car!" Go get it and fit right in.

 

[poohfriend77]

And this is why I hate "no gifts" parties. At least half the people will show up with a gift anyway and then the half that respected the request feel like crap. Better to have a party and ask people to bring a gift for the animal shelter. Then you have no clutter, no toys you don't need, no one is made uncomfortable and a good cause benefits.

Except a friend did that, and every kid but one brought an item for the animal shelter AND a gift for the child. She felt bad, like she had demanded MORE gifts (by requesting animal stuff) when really, she didn't want anything at all. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

I think the wording was the problem in the OP. To me, "gifts not necessary" means you don't *have* to bring something, but you can if you want. Saying "no gifts please" is more of a straightforward request, although I'm sure some people ignore that too.

 

[anniemae]

I also feel the wording was strange. "No gifts necessary" is odd. To me it means you can bring a gift if you want to, but if you don't want to, that is okay too. Strange. It should have read "No gifts please."

I would have brought a card and put a small gift card to a local book store inside and tucked it in my purse so I would have something just in case.

 

[It'sOffToDisneyWeGo]

Except a friend did that, and every kid but one brought an item for the animal shelter AND a gift for the child. She felt bad, like she had demanded MORE gifts (by requesting animal stuff) when really, she didn't want anything at all. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

I think the wording was the problem in the OP. To me, "gifts not necessary" means you don't *have* to bring something, but you can if you want. Saying "no gifts please" is more of a straightforward request, although I'm sure some people ignore that too.

I also think the wording is the problem. I think in this case if you brought a gift or did not bring a gift you were honoring the host request.

 

[sksjasams]

I agree with last few PP...."no gifts necessary" means exactly that. I am not requiring you to bring a gift - it's ok if you don't.

Try not to worry about it. A gift was not necessary. If you want to clear the air, you could say to the mom when you see her, "you know, i feel bad we did not get Janey a gift since your invitation said no gifts (paraphrase here)." I'm sure she will reassure you it was fine.

Alternatively, you could pick up a couple nice books, and casually work in a gift after the fact. For example, say "I was at the book store and saw these, and I knew how much Janey would enjoy them so I really wanted to pick them up for her." or plan a day to the childrens museum or zoo (or something like that) and invite her along to celebrate her birthday.

 

[HM]

OP, I would not have brought one either. It's strange that everyone else did....or did it just seem like everyone?

 

[Elinor Dashwood]

The wording was a bit screwy. I would've taken it to mean that I can bring a gift but that it's not expected. Maybe the mom said that because some people couldn't afford a gift? Either way, it was ambiguous and too open for interpretation. I'd hate to think I made my guests feel uncomfortable or badly.

OP, if you're feeling upset, just get the birthday child a little something and explain your feelings. Maybe this way the mom will understand that she made it difficult for her guests and won't say "no gifts necessary" again!