New Home Regrets

[McDISer]

We recently sold our old Family home. We took the chance and started building while we were trying to sell our old home. Lucky for us, it sold in 6 months and our new home wasn’t quite done, but the home inspector allowed us to move in.


While we were selling, as I stated, we were also building our new home. We had a lot picked out and made a down payment on it, but in the 30 days, we decided the lot wasn’t going to fit with the style of home we wanted to build. I loved the area, it was 10 minutes from our old home.


So, we found a different subdivision. The subdivision is also another 15 minutes further away too.

Sorry this is getting long. I guess I am just home sick for our old home, neighborhood, etc. We have been there six months, and if weren’t for our dog, I don’t think one neighbor would have talked to us. I told my husband, “People built homes in this subdivision, to be left alone.” If it wouldn’t be for Thursday morning garbage day, I truly would not think people live here. There has to be over 30 homes, 5 homes are being built and the builders, roofers, etc., know me and the dog more than any of the neighbors that live here.

I truly have tried saying hi, starting conversations-they just smile and wave at me. I know people have busy lives, but most of my neighbors are in their late 50’s—70’s. I thought maybe they are mad at me, because my dog is peeing on their lawn. We also do not have sidewalks, just the road, so I constantly have to walk down in the ditch. I started going on a nature trail with my dog and I stopped going down the road.

The new home is truly making me sad. I don’t even want to live there anymore. My commute to work is 30 minutes each way. I used to walk to work every day.

I guess I am wondering if anyone else has had "moving" remorse. I know it only takes 30 minutes to go back to our old town, but I was used to walking out my door, my 2 sisters and parents lived in my old town. There was always someone I knew and talked too, even if it was just 10 minutes.

 

[firecracker725]

May I ask why you decided to move?

 

[morgan98]

OP, I sort of get where you are coming from. We just moved from a home that we liked very much to one about 30 miles away. It is in a completely different part of the metro area and sometimes I feel like a fish out of water. My commute has become substantially more complicated, everything seems very different.

What I do, is I have made a list of why it was time for us to move. In our case it was somewhat safety related, we were robbed once, someone tried to break in when we were home once and just an otherwise general decline of the area. The schools were also iffy which was starting to really impact home values (even though we did not have children). We wanted somewhere that was a little less crowded and dense and closer to outdoor activities also.

There are also things I like much better about my new home, so I guess it sort of balances out, but I have had to work on it.

Have you discussed this in detail with your husband? How does he feel?

I honestly don't know what to tell you about the neighbors. Maybe once everyone is in and the neighborhood is established it will have more of a community feel?

 

[disykat]

When we moved into this home, the neighborhood was (and still is actually) like yours. We had moved from a neighborhood where people knew each other, there were sidewalks with lots of people out walking in the evenings, front porches, the whole deal. My neighbors had a baby shower for me. There was a mix of retired people, young families, career couples, etc.

We moved into a neighborhood of 27 homes where I was literally the only person home during the daytime (I was home with small children at the time.) It was weird! I do miss the camaraderie of our old neighborhood, but I don't regret moving into to this house. It's been a great choice overall, much better schools for the kids, etc. We still never see our neighbors, but they are good people - it's just different.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We regret not doing much larger closets & not building the shop right away (still not done). Love the "where" though.

 

[McDISer]

May I ask why you decided to move?

We wanted to live on one level. Our bedroom and bathroom were both on the 2nd level. We did have a half bath/laundry room on the first level. The steps were very narrow stairs. The house was 115 years old. The foundation was the old stone, it leaked, even though we had someone come in and seal it. We looked for over 10 years and we decided to build. It was hard finding property to build on. We live in a farming community, and Farmers keep a very tight reign on the land. That is why we hard a hard time finding somewhere to build.

I actually wanted to tear down our house and build on our property, but we would of lost all our equity. We lived on 4 lots. Our back yard was 2 lots, and the property next to our home was a lot, in which our garage was on. Our backyard was a baseball diamond for the kids.

 

[HM]

I know how you feel. Hardly anyone in our neighborhood is ever outside. We've been here nearly 10 years and if it weren't for the bi-annual get-together, we'd probably never see a lot of the homeowners. Our old neighborhood felt like you'd expect a neighborhood to feel.

Is you neighborhood built out yet? Do you have a HOA that might have a budget for an annual street party and bbq? Start a book club or such to find new friends.

 

[McDISer]

I know how you feel. Hardly anyone in our neighborhood is ever outside. We've been here nearly 10 years and if it weren't for the bi-annual get-together, we'd probably never see a lot of the homeowners. Our old neighborhood felt like you'd expect a neighborhood to feel.

Is you neighborhood built out yet? Do you have a HOA that might have a budget for an annual street party and bbq? Start a book club or such to find new friends.

Nope, no HOA. I know I should put myself out there. I had one lady stop me on her morning walk and she told me she had been living in the neighborhood 5 years now, and how she got bit by her neighbor's dog. She saw me walking on the nature trail and she told me she felt much safer walking on the trail. I haven't seen her since. I will say, our subdivision is newer. We rode bikes a few nights ago, and rode over to 2 different subdivisions, and neighbors were on their porches, working in their yards and many waved. My oldest son was home visiting and he made a comment to me, "you guys moved in the wrong neighborhood." He even noticed it and I never told him how I was feeling.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Nope, no HOA. I know I should put myself out there. I had one lady stop me on her morning walk and she told me she had been living in the neighborhood 5 years now, and how she got bit by her neighbor's dog. She saw me walking on the nature trail and she told me she felt much safer walking on the trail. I haven't seen her since. I will say, our subdivision is newer. We rode bikes a few nights ago, and rode over to 2 different subdivisions, and neighbors were on their porches, working in their yards and many waved. My oldest son was home visiting and he made a comment to me, "you guys moved in the wrong neighborhood." He even noticed it and I never told him how I was feeling.

Since it's such a new neighborhood maybe it will take some time for it to evolve into what you are wishing for. I really hope it does for your sake.

 

[Meriweather]

I would wave when I pass, but not start a conversation.
No one in my neighborhood does......just the way people are.

Kids help...........that is how I met people all the other places we have lived.

Hope you get to feel more comfortable, but it wouldn't bother me at all.

What I regret in the house we built is the refrigerator we got....hate it!

 

[anniemae]

Why don't you try throwing a pot luck? One of my neighbors did this as a way for us to all get to know each other. She put invites in everyones mail box and everyone gathered outside to eat and talk. It was fun and helped break the ice.

Now your neighborhood sounds nice to me. I like my neighbors, but at times I just want to be left alone. I don't need to talk to someone every 5 minutes and sometimes I just want to go to get the paper at the end of the driveway without having a 20 minute conversation with someone. I also feel you can't do anything without someone peeking out their window. "who was over the other day, I saw a red car in the driveway?" "why was the air conditioning guy there, is your AC broken?" "I saw your hubby out running yesterday!" "Saw your in-laws were over again." etc.

Sometimes I long for a bit of anonymity.

 

[McDISer]

I would wave when I pass, but not start a conversation.
No one in my neighborhood does......just the way people are.

Kids help...........that is how I met people all the other places we have lived.

Hope you get to feel more comfortable, but it wouldn't bother me at all.

What I regret in the house we built is the refrigerator we got....hate it!

I hate my new refrigerator too. My dh wanted the French doors with the freezer pull out on the bottom. I told him 10 times, it will be a pain finding anything. Same with the top portion. Nothing fits. I wanted the side by side Frigiddaire, that we used to have. He wanted something different. Lost that battle-this is what I actually lost my temper with yesterday. He looked at me like I had 2 heads. Last night he made the comment, "what is bothering you." I still can't tell him, this is his dream home, just not mine.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I hate my new refrigerator too. My dh wanted the French doors with the freezer pull out on the bottom. I told him 10 times, it will be a pain finding anything. Same with the top portion. Nothing fits. I wanted the side by side Frigiddaire, that we used to have. He wanted something different. Lost that battle-this is what I actually lost my temper with yesterday. He looked at me like I had 2 heads. Last night he made the comment, "what is bothering you." I still can't tell him, this is his dream home, just not mine.

Don't you owe it to him to be honest and tell him how you're feeling? As a husband, I'd want to know because I'd be really worried about why there was such a change. Maybe talking to him about it will help?

 

[morgan98]

I hate my new refrigerator too. My dh wanted the French doors with the freezer pull out on the bottom. I told him 10 times, it will be a pain finding anything. Same with the top portion. Nothing fits. I wanted the side by side Frigiddaire, that we used to have. He wanted something different. Lost that battle-this is what I actually lost my temper with yesterday. He looked at me like I had 2 heads. Last night he made the comment, "what is bothering you." I still can't tell him, this is his dream home, just not mine.

OP, I posted earlier about the struggle I am having with moving too and that there I times I also wish I were at the old house, even though I know this makes more sense. Interestingly enough, our French Door refrigerator is one of my pet peeves as well...lol!

However, I think you need to be honest with him about how you are feeling. My husband wanted to move more than I did also. I know he is somewhat disappointed (sad) when I tell him I miss the old home, I cannot imagine having to keep something that emotional from him. What I mean my that is liking "home" is very important to most people and that not liking your house makes you feel somewhat unsettled.

I know you probably feel there is nothing you can really do, but talking about it really does help.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I would wave when I pass, but not start a conversation.
No one in my neighborhood does......just the way people are.

Kids help...........that is how I met people all the other places we have lived.

Hope you get to feel more comfortable, but it wouldn't bother me at all.

What I regret in the house we built is the refrigerator we got....hate it!

Not mine shaft and I were out the door and a couple had a conversation with us

Why don't you try throwing a pot luck? One of my neighbors did this as a way for us to all get to know each other. She put invites in everyones mail box and everyone gathered outside to eat and talk. It was fun and helped break the ice.

Now your neighborhood sounds nice to me. I like my neighbors, but at times I just want to be left alone. I don't need to talk to someone every 5 minutes and sometimes I just want to go to get the paper at the end of the driveway without having a 20 minute conversation with someone. I also feel you can't do anything without someone peeking out their window. "who was over the other day, I saw a red car in the driveway?" "why was the air conditioning guy there, is your AC broken?" "I saw your hubby out running yesterday!" "Saw your in-laws were over again." etc.

Sometimes I long for a bit of anonymity.

That is not a bad idea

 

[tvguy]

We went thru the move or stay decision 2 years ago when my mom passed away. We had to choose between staying in the home we have lived in for 30 years and raised our kids in, or move 6 miles to my mom's house, where I lived for 22 years growing up. Either way we were going to have to spend over $100,000 in remodeling. My mom's house was 250 square feet smaller than ours, with 3 bedrooms, (ours has 4) but on a lot 4 times as big as ours, and worth twice what our house was worth. We elected to sell mom's place and put a portion of the money into remodeling our current home into our retirement home

I just know too many people who move and kick themselves for doing it.

 

[McDISer]

Why don't you try throwing a pot luck? One of my neighbors did this as a way for us to all get to know each other. She put invites in everyones mail box and everyone gathered outside to eat and talk. It was fun and helped break the ice.

Now your neighborhood sounds nice to me. I like my neighbors, but at times I just want to be left alone. I don't need to talk to someone every 5 minutes and sometimes I just want to go to get the paper at the end of the driveway without having a 20 minute conversation with someone. I also feel you can't do anything without someone peeking out their window. "who was over the other day, I saw a red car in the driveway?" "why was the air conditioning guy there, is your AC broken?" "I saw your hubby out running yesterday!" "Saw your in-laws were over again." etc.

Sometimes I long for a bit of anonymity.

I am afraid no one will come, but I did think about that. My dh loves his anonymity. He works with lots of people all day, and loves coming home and doing nothing. It is really his kind of neighborhood.

 

[McDISer]

Don't you owe it to him to be honest and tell him how you're feeling? As a husband, I'd want to know because I'd be really worried about why there was such a change. Maybe talking to him about it will help?

OP, I posted earlier about the struggle I am having with moving too and that there I times I also wish I were at the old house, even though I know this makes more sense. Interestingly enough, our French Door refrigerator is one of my pet peeves as well...lol!

However, I think you need to be honest with him about how you are feeling. My husband wanted to move more than I did also. I know he is somewhat disappointed (sad) when I tell him I miss the old home, I cannot imagine having to keep something that emotional from him. What I mean my that is liking "home" is very important to most people and that not liking your house makes you feel somewhat unsettled.

I know you probably feel there is nothing you can really do, but talking about it really does help.

l

I know I need to tell him. I think the newness of the house has worn off, for me and right now I am too angry, and I do not want to say something that I will regret. I appreciate the comments, it is really hard, and when. I tried talking tomy closest sister, she wants to do what we did, sell her house and build. I told her to buy mine. It helped shedding a few tears this weekend too.

 

[barkley]

I think it can vary greatly subdivision to subdivision and even street to street w/in a subdivision.

the one I grew up in-our block people knew who their neighbors were but there wasn't allot of socializing (and this was back when most of the mom's were stay at home), the kids played together to some extent but not allot. the street immediately behind was totally different-all the families did get togethers, the kids played almost exclusively with one another...but the downfall was there was always some kind of drama going on b/c everyone was watching/aware of what each/their kids were doing. seems like there were always 'sides' being drawn up when little things came up.

the subdivision we lived in before we last moved was newer (still being completed when we moved in) and you might see people out some evenings or weekends but not a tremendous amount of socializing. I think it was b/c the majority were 2 parent employed families who commuted to work and by the time they/their kids got home dinner, homework and other activities (sports, church...) were their priorities. we had a few retirees but they just seemed more content to keep to themselves.

my current neighborhood is very rural so it's acres of land between homes-I honestly believe we wouldn't be as connected with our neighbors if it weren't for a couple of VERY social neighbors who love to host get-togethers that draw people out of their homes and give them the opportunity to get acquainted.

 

[piccolopat]

I hate my new refrigerator too. My dh wanted the French doors with the freezer pull out on the bottom. I told him 10 times, it will be a pain finding anything. Same with the top portion. Nothing fits. I wanted the side by side Frigiddaire, that we used to have. He wanted something different. Lost that battle-this is what I actually lost my temper with yesterday. He looked at me like I had 2 heads. Last night he made the comment, "what is bothering you." I still can't tell him, this is his dream home, just not mine.

Is it possible that the refrigerator is not as much of a problem but your anger about everything else is making you really sensitive about anything that isn't perfect for you? I have a new French door fridge. I loved my old one but when the compressor went we had to buy a new one. DH picked this one out and swore it would fit. It fits width and height wise but it sticks out about 6" beyond the counters and it is next to a doorway so you can't miss seeing it. Add to my disappointment about the big silver box that gets in my way was the fact that I now can't reach into the back on anything but the bottom shelf because this thing is soooooo big and I am on the shorter side. I ended up buying some clear lucite organizers for the shelves so I can now reach just about everything. As much as I still think this thing is too big for us, it doesn't bother me so much anymore.