Never Again With Relatives!!

[MrsSpratt]

Wow. I, too hope I didn't offend you - but it does sound to me like they are abusing prescriptions which might contribute to their behavior, but isn't the under-lying issue.

I really appreciate your posting your TR. It is making me think long and hard about WDW with anyone besides my DH.

And I am so sorry that you had this experience - but you should be very proud of yourself that you could retain your objectivity in writing this and that you have chosen a healthy, non-destructive method for catharsis.

I hope your next trip with your father is perfect!

Mrs. Spratt

 

[Pooh's-Honey-Pot]

Goodness!!! Just found your report and read it all the way through. I am so sorry about the hard time they gave you. Unbelievable!!!

You have a great writing style, by the way! Despite finding it traumatic to read, it was also quite enjoyable!!!

 

[cglaura]

I loved this report, what a great writing style, I bet you love your job!

Just to be an evil , I'd go back and get that $7 shotglass and send it to Jonathan for Christmas

 

[KELSTER]

((HUGS))

First I wanted to comment that I hope I didn't offend you when I said I would have asked her if she had taken her meds. My sis is on some and you can TOTALLY tell when she's not taking them, so that's honestly my first question to her when she's acting weird.

Second, thanks for the info on the Amazing Race! My dd12 and I are sooooo doing it on our 2010 trip. (no 2009 trip, she asked to go to Philly and see the Liberty Bell and Independance Hall. Go figure)

Third, a huge thanks for writing this trip report. It really puts into perspective what everyone goes through on their trips.

I really hope your dad loves his book!

 

[smylie1]

Talk about timing!! I am having 'momma drama' with my mother this evening. She has called and left several snotty messages on my machine. I decided to try to forget it with alittle DIS and came across your report. Monica sounds like she could be my mother 40 years younger!! I completely understand the hot-cold, up-down, happy-angry, seemingly multiple personality you had to deal with! I'm sorry you went through that, but it really helped me to hear someone else can relate! Thnaks!!

 

[floydfamily4]

Oh my dear, my dear. I don't even know what to say. I read your entire report and I just wanted to scream "she's toxic - run!" but I know that families can be complicated and you were trying. I can't believe you were trying to be so generous and giving and having it thrown in your face. I'm glad you and your dad had some good times but whew - what a cost. Thanks for sharing and I hope the sharing helped you let some of it go.

 

[Hobbitmomma]

I'm speechless! Truly! Good grief!

 

[mousebymarriage]

WOW!!!! I am so sorry the trip you and your dad had so lovingly and thoughtfully planned turned out so bad. I agree with previous posters that I think they have an addiction problem, plus Monica sounds bi-polar to me. I think you showed a tremendous amount of restraint during that trip and I hope you don't blame yourself in any way for the things that transpired. It is clear to me that you did everything possible to make this a wonderful trip for them but, unfortunately I think this trip was doomed. They clearly have issues and even if you went along with their every whim 100% of the time they still would have found fault because they are unstable. At least you tried and I think you and your dad deserve another trip just the two of you, one that is sure to end on a happier note.

 

[disneyaddicted]

I read through this whole thing and was completely horrified. How could anybody be so ungrateful. To be given so much and the only expectation you had of them was for all of you to have fun and enjoy the trip together. I was disgusted! And I literally cried for you and your Dad.
I do hope that you and your Dad have made it up to yourselves, surely you did something to relax after all that drama.
You are a good person to put up with it for so long.
God Bless you and your Dad.
Ty

 

[lurkernj]

Talk about timing!! I am having 'momma drama' with my mother this evening. She has called and left several snotty messages on my machine. I decided to try to forget it with alittle DIS and came across your report. Monica sounds like she could be my mother 40 years younger!! I completely understand the hot-cold, up-down, happy-angry, seemingly multiple personality you had to deal with! I'm sorry you went through that, but it really helped me to hear someone else can relate! Thnaks!!

Wow, I was reading this thinking this sounds just like my mother too!!! After dealing with her cutting me in and out of her life for my whole life (wouldn't even come to my wedding since my father(divorced) was walking me down the aisle), she finally cut all ties 4 years ago (saying that I am selfish and don't do enough for her- in fact she wrote me a list of things I didn't do for her and gave it to me before she left) and life has been sooooo stress free since then! I am now 40 years old and realize how much better my life is without her in it. One day she will call me out of the blue and act like nothing happened, as is her usual MO, this time I'm not bitin.

I am truly sorry you had to deal with this on your vacation. It is a very uncomfortable situation to be in, as you never know what mood to expect or what to say, or will I offend. Some people are just so self centered and can think of no one but themselves, there isn't anything you can do no matter how hard you try to fix it.

 

[JLTraveling]

Thank you to everyone for your comments, questions, and expressions of concern and sympathy. I promise to respond very soon to everyone individually, as your thoughts really do mean a great deal to me. Dad and I are on our way out the door right now to retrieve our RV from storage and head out on new and exciting adventures, so it may be this evening before I get a chance to fully respond. But I do want to say this: to those of you who expressed concern that you may have offended me, please do not worry about it in the slightest! I've been so bewildered that I am genuinely thankful for outside perspectives on what may have been going on!

I believe I mentioned earlier in the TR that as one of my writing jobs, I cover phobias for About.com. While casting around for blog material today, I think I may have hit on one of the many problems with this trip. J appears to be legitimately phobic of many, many things. One of the worst ways to handle someone with phobias is to force him to confront them. That's exactly what M did.

Here's my full blog post, if anyone is curious: How Not to Handle Phobias at Theme Parks. I certainly don't think this was the entire issue, but I believe it was a huge contributing factor. What do you guys think?

 

[kindra657]

This. You just completely hit the nail right on the head. A lot of posters have asked how Dad and I could possibly put up with as much as we did. You nailed it precisely: despite everything, we genuinely wanted them to have a good time. For us, it wasn't about our trip. We've both done Disney a lot. The only part that was for us was the birthday. Everything else was for them. We love watching people have a good time, and we were perfectly willing to do whatever was going to make them happy. Unfortunately, they were just determined to be miserable and to make everyone else miserable in the process. And you're right, that hurts. A lot. Big DIS hugs to you too Let me know when you'll be down again, perhaps we could meet up!!

KELSTER: It sounds like the Amazing Race would be perfect for you and your daughter! The company, Gifts of a Lifetime, completely tailors each and every event to the particular group. From what I understand, there is no age limit to participate as long as an adult is involved. The main event recipient must be at least 5 years old. I would think that for a 12-year-old's event, the Race might be slightly easier (less obscure clues, possibly one or two fewer tasks). It will also be customized to your daughter's knowledge/familiarity with Disney, likes/dislikes, how outgoing she is, etc. I would definitely go to their website and fill out the pre-event questionnaire. There's no obligation, and they'll create a couple of proposals for you based on your answers.

Also, in case anyone is curious, Amazing Race is just one of their themes. We were also offered a Survivor event, complete with tribal council and reward challenges. I know there are a bunch of others as well. I don't mean to sound like an advertisement, I was just so incredibly impressed with the professionalism and amount of work that they did. I couldn't be happier!

We will be going down Oct 30-Nov 3. We are taking my dd's best friend with us too!! Just bought the plane ticket bout 20 mins ago! $149 non-stop roundtrip out of Detroit!

After our Halloween fun, we'll be back down from Jan 23-28th with my in-laws and maybe some friends (the parents and siblings of dd's best friend...her mom and I are also bfs ) I'm really hoping that everyone has a great time and understands why Kindra is ALWAYS talking about disney!! lol

About gifts of a lifetime, we had them come and do an event for my sister when she turned 17. Her favorite disney movie is beauty and the beast and gifts of a lifetime sent her around MK on a "scavenger hunt" for her birthday present! We had to get to it before the last petal fell off the roses and before the villains found the gift...i'll post a link to some pics and maybe they will explain better

 

[bumbershoot]

Those are for you and your dad!

So many thoughts...

I thought your biggest problem was going to be the live-in witch, before your trip (I'd replied to a thread about her with stuff about my ex-boyfriends now-late stepmother, who took over his dad's entire life, in order to hide HER secret life). Wowie I was wrong.

Did you ever get in touch with your uncle, to find out what on earth happened with this supposed text/voicemail message?

I was thinking either drugs or alcohol, or, as I thought and my husband said...does SHE have some serious blood sugar issues? Before my husband was diagnosed, he would blast his blood sugar through the roof (so we assume) and then pick the rudest fights with me, just be a jerk-galore. I remember the week after he was diagnosed, I had called all over town to find a class he could take asap, found one, found someone who would stay after her shift was over at a local hospital to get him a free monitor and go over with him how to use it, and at the same time he had eaten something stupid (we were still very scared and he was still doing that) and he picked a fight with our son right there, and we were an hour late...his blood sugar was ridiculous, even an hour after that... Things are MUCH calmer now, and if he starts getting touchy, when he tests, we always find out he's gone up a bit. The sort of behaviour your cousin was doing, the mood swings...it just sounded like my husband when he was having wild swings. Now, just with diet and exercise (and cinnamon the wonder-plant!) his blood sugars are in the 80s and 90s, and a wild swing is 110, so it's not a terrifying thing...but despite what I was pretending just a year ago...we wouldn't have lasted much longer with the fights he was picking with me, and how far he would push over the most trivial nonsense (first time I've ever posted that online).

She doesn't seem to like her husband much.

But they seem to have a fight/make up relationship. That's how it was with my ex; we spent 2 years doing that. Towards the end we wouldn't even tell our friends we'd gotten back together, as by the time the word got to everyone, we knew we'd have broken up again. It might be exciting (thinking of your cousin's locked-door using-the-jacuzzi evening), but it's not actually *fun*.

I hate that she held your dad's present hostage.

As much as I want to blame monica, I'm sure her husband was up to no good as well...

It must be so hard, being from a counseling background, to encounter people who don't say what they mean, and who think that you aren't saying what you are meaning as well. I'm sure it's hard on them, too, constantly trying to find subtext and thinking the worst, but on some level they must KNOW that they don't tell the truth... It just must have been so hard on you.


Now I'll be running through the family dynamics all night, as our first WDW trip will likely be an extended (time-wise) family reunion...the locals aunt and cousin (and cousin's family) are disney fans and know the parks from experience, and I don't think they think a website can help, and I'm sure they'll want to show it all to us while I'll have *some* ideas...I'm hoping there's no conflict that I'm unaware of, and that they'll be OK if we're not glued to their sides the whole time...then again, we'll stay much longer than they'll stay, so maybe we could just be glued, and have unglued time later.


I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that, I'm glad you had some (many?) moments of fun that were able to, temporarily at least, quiet the "what is happening" questions, and that your dad got his great present and got to see his brother. Thank you so much for sharing your trip with us.

 

[chonga]

Wow- and I thought traveling with my family was bad! I'm so sorry you had such a rough time with your cousin and her husband. The only thing I kept thinking while reading your TR was: "How old are these people (your DC and DCIL)???!!!"

I used to be a therapist, and like you, found myself playing mediator during a recent nutty trip to South Korea with my dad and sister (thank goodness she was there!) for my brother's wedding. I won't bore you with the details, but could truly empathize with you while reading your TR. The conclusion: I will never go anywhere with my father ever again. Your dad sounds like a sweetheart, and you're so lucky to have the relationship that you do with him.

BTW: Maybe I missed this in one of the earlier posts, but how is your grandmother doing? I hope she's feeling great, and is back home again.

Thanks for sharing your TR, and I wish you the best.

 

[BlueEyes78]

Wow, that was like a train wreck! How terrible to have spent all that money and be treated so shamefully. Sounds like both of them have severe personality disorders (borderline personality disorder, for sure, among others!). I feel awful for their kids, because I seriously doubt they are the type to let their marital problems play out behind closed doors. Sounds like their kids may need some of the "rescuing" you attempted to give Monica as a child.
Are you planning to write about your last two days there with just you and your Dad? I hope they were good ones, and it would be a relief to read about them after hearing about the first 9 day! Wow, you have some incredible patience!

 

[1971DBday]

I will never complain up my experience with family again! Your father and you were more then patient with your cousin/niece and her husband. I don't care how many times you have been to WDW it does not give them the excuse to make themselves the priority. They were your guest and they were selfish and ungrateful to their hosts.

I hope you don't dwell to long on the "ifs"....if you had just done this or if you had just said that. It is not worth it! I was blown away at your blog that a relative that you have been there for in the past and present could stab you in the back so many times, yet you both kept getting up to take more. I applauded in my mind when you finally put her in her place. That conversation would have been a lot sooner with me.

Last comment....a lot of this could have been avoided if she had respectfully told you about her marriage problems BEFORE the trip. At that point you could have discussed that this trip idea may not be a good for them to "Make It or Break It" - what a terrible situation to put you and your Dad in! "Hi our marriage is on the brink of divorce and can't stand being with each other right now - what the HECK let's drag you into and go to WDW!" No NOT a good idea - she should have spoken to you even if it was a last minute cancel on her part.

 

[queenof3]

Wow! I am so sorry your vacation turned out the way it did! I too love the Amazing Race and am so happy that your dad had a great birthday thanks to you!! And, I would love to hear how the last two days were for you and your dad! Please report it if it you would like, I am sure you have more fans here!

 

[JLTraveling]

And the drama continues! Now she's harassing me on Facebook. Her most recent comment? "Have fun sleeping with daddy." Her next move? To call HER father (the one who's not speaking to me), and get him to try to add me on Facebook so he can harass me too...does she really think I'm gullible enough to add him as a friend???

 

[thegreggersmom]

Yikes! What a nightmare. Well, that which doesn't kill us...

You know you can block her on FaceBook, right? I don't think she'll ever know and you won't have to deal with her b.s.

I am intrigued by you and your dad being full time RVers. That is VERY cool. Would love to ask you some questions. PM me, please, if that's okay.

Sarah

 

[kimbo0569]

Wow! is all I can say! We are trying to plan a trip with my mil and my mom for next year. I think it will be okay, if we establish some ground rules ahead of time. However, if there was any doubt in my mind as to whether to add anyone else to this trip (ie - dh's siblings or mine), it's been been cleared up now. I think dh and I know better and the trip may very wind up the same as yours.

God bless your heart for trying to make it work up until the very end! I think I would have lost it much sooner.

May your next trip down with your dad erase the bad memories of this one.