Need someone to talk to

[wishesuponastar]

Sounds like you are going to find new friends then. I wish you luck with that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

yup its all my fault, every ****ing thing i do is my fault. waking up in the morning is my fault and there is nothing wrong with people who lie to me and treat me like ****, yup those are the GOOD PEOPLE. I am the ****tiest person in the whole world. Are you all happy now?

thanks EVERYONE for making me feel worse than I did before.

THANKS

and everyone wanted me to say its me, so that is what they got. instead of helping i get my back dug in and i feel worse. that is why.

Sigh. Do you do this to your "friends" in real life too? You ask for help, people try to b as polite as possible and people take the time to read your posts and formulate answers for you and your response is to throw a tantrum and curse at everyone?

No one is trying to make you feel worse and no one wants you to SAY it is your fault. I think some of us are hoping to possibly actually help you and are hoping to that you might recognize that you are unintentionally doing things that turn potential friends off and then recognize that you need professional help in learning new behaviours that will result in making and keeping friends.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

thanks EVERYONE for making me feel worse than I did before.

THANKS

Some of us were nice and supportive. It's not fair to lump everyone together.

 

[luv4u859]

Some of us were nice and supportive. It's not fair to lump everyone together.

your right, its not. I am sorry for including people who were trying to help and be supportive.

 

[WDSearcher]

you don't know me, so how can you say i am selfish? I don't give to get the thank yous, i could care less about it. I GAVE because I did not want to see a five month baby starve because her mom she didn't have money for formula. i GAVE because I didn't want my bestfriend to spend christmas alone. i GAVE because I did not want my friend to not have a coat to wear in the winter time, i GAVE because my friends daugther didn't have pampers, please tell me how that equals selfish? THOSE are the reasons I gave. I could care less about the compliments.

Explain to me where I said you were selfish.

I said that loaning money and being selfish don't have anything to do with each other, and I specifically said that I was NOT saying that was why you were doing it. Stop being so mad and take the time to read things all the way through before you shoot off a response. Here's what I said:

"You can be the most selfish person in the world and still loan money -- because sometimes people give and give to others so that they can get all the thank yous and compliments back and so that they can tell everyone else how great they are. I'm not saying that that's why YOU are doing it, but that's just an example. Being generous with money doesn't automatically make you not selfish."

Take a breath and read.

 

[Skywalker]

your right, its not. I am sorry for including people who were trying to help and be supportive.

I think all of us were trying to be helpful in supportive in our own ways.

oh well I guess instead you can just lump us in with every other crappy person in your life and go on with your saintly self.

Like everyone else that knows you...I'm out. See ya.

 

[Offsides]

I still sincerely want to know what it is you are looking for from this thread. It seemed like a cry for help. Help was provided. Even if you don't necessarily agree with every suggestion, they should at least be worth thinking about. Even if you think about it and decide it's not right for you.

The beauty, in my opinion, of message boards like this is the ability to throw something out there and in return receive feedback from a wide range of people who have all had different experiences and are at different phases in their lives.

This started out as you asking for suggestions about meeting new people/making friends but seems to have turned into complaining about the crappy people in your life.

If you really feel like they are crappy, ditch them and move on. Don't waste your time on bad friends and don't let them be crappy to you. Surround yourself with people who value who YOU are.

Doing that will, of course, not be easy but I think you've had some good suggestions here on places to start.

So, instead of being offended, try to look at the suggestions people have posted here as them trying to be helpful. Think about them and how you can adapt them to be more specific for yourself.

Furthermore.. congratulate yourself and be proud of the steps you have taken. It's not an easy thing to put yourself out there and try to change your situation.

 

[luv4u859]

Sigh. Do you do this to your "friends" in real life too? You ask for help, people try to b as polite as possible and people take the time to read your posts and formulate answers for you and your response is to throw a tantrum and curse at everyone?

No one is trying to make you feel worse and no one wants you to SAY it is your fault. I think some of us are hoping to possibly actually help you and are hoping to that you might recognize that you are unintentionally doing things that turn potential friends off and then recognize that you need professional help in learning new behaviours that will result in making and keeping friends.

yeah people did want me to say that. you all kept pushing and pushing and pushing that it was all my fault i had no friends. I agreed, now what is the issue? I agreed with you. Its done now. I wish I would have never even posted in this board. I did not come here for people to push me further down, i came here for HELP. I came here to VENT to people I thought would be supportive and listen to me.

 

[luv4u859]

Explain to me where I said you were selfish.

I said that loaning money and being selfish don't have anything to do with each other, and I specifically said that I was NOT saying that was why you were doing it. Stop being so mad and take the time to read things all the way through before you shoot off a response. Here's what I said:

"You can be the most selfish person in the world and still loan money -- because sometimes people give and give to others so that they can get all the thank yous and compliments back and so that they can tell everyone else how great they are. I'm not saying that that's why YOU are doing it, but that's just an example. Being generous with money doesn't automatically make you not selfish."

Take a breath and read.

i did read, i know what you said. I was explaining why I did it, just so you don't put me into the category of the people who do it for compliments. just saying

 

[luv4u859]

I think all of us were trying to be helpful in supportive in our own ways.

oh well I guess instead you can just lump us in with every other crappy person in your life and go on with your saintly self.

Like everyone else that knows you...I'm out. See ya.

and like everyone else i'm not kissing your behind, peace out, see ya

 

[luv4u859]

I still sincerely want to know what it is you are looking for from this thread. It seemed like a cry for help. Help was provided. Even if you don't necessarily agree with every suggestion, they should at least be worth thinking about. Even if you think about it and decide it's not right for you.

The beauty, in my opinion, of message boards like this is the ability to throw something out there and in return receive feedback from a wide range of people who have all had different experiences and are at different phases in their lives.

This started out as you asking for suggestions about meeting new people/making friends but seems to have turned into complaining about the crappy people in your life.

If you really feel like they are crappy, ditch them and move on. Don't waste your time on bad friends and don't let them be crappy to you. Surround yourself with people who value who YOU are.

Doing that will, of course, not be easy but I think you've had some good suggestions here on places to start.

So, instead of being offended, try to look at the suggestions people have posted here as them trying to be helpful. Think about them and how you can adapt them to be more specific for yourself.

Furthermore.. congratulate yourself and be proud of the steps you have taken. It's not an easy thing to put yourself out there and try to change your situation.

help, advice, in a nice way. I did not come here for people to tell me i needed to be freaking medicated. I am not a social path, I do not need that. I did not come here to say its all your fault you have no one, yeah like everyone else i am sure I have done things to make people mad at me, who doesn't? I will be the first one to admit it, but it is not ALWAYS my fault. I did not come here for people to make me feel worse than I already do. I have been through a lot in my life and I probably do need to go to counseling, I will admit that, but that does not mean I am bipolar or crazy because of it and I am no where near selfish. Its crazy how everyone around me says I am a good person, but you all. I am a terrible person according to everyone here.

That is why I lashed out. It was way to much. I did not want to hear people pointing the finger, "YOU, YOU YOU!!!!!" when it is not always me.

That is one thing people on this thread do not realize. Your post made me feel TERRIBLE about myself, like I am a ****ty person when I am not. Of course I am going to be defensive if people are telling me, YOU have issues, YOU need help, YOU have no friends because of YOU, when it is not always me.

 

[Scurvy]

and everyone wanted me to say its me, so that is what they got. instead of helping i get my back dug in and i feel worse. that is why.

No one wanted you to say it is you. Everyone on this thread has been trying to help you - first with suggestions of how to meet new friends and then with advice about why you might be having trouble keeping them. Sometimes people are jerks, and that could be the problem with some of your friends. But if you have problems with every single person in your life except your family then you have to consider that maybe you yourself are part of the problem. It could be something as simple as you having bad taste in friends, and gravitating toward people who aren't going to treat you well. But there could be something you are doing which pushes people away, and based on your posts some of us suspect that is probably the case. I'm sure you are a wonderful person who is generous and who would be a great friend to people - but the way you communicate is feeling negative, unfriendly and defensive to some of us and you aren't going to make (and keep) friends if the attitude you've displayed on here is indicative of the way you act in real life. No one here was attacking you or trying to make you feel bad, and in response to our suggestions you started cursing and snapping people's heads off. That really isn't an appropriate response to people who are truly trying to help.

I hope you have good luck in your cake class and that you meet some great people. I also hope that things work out and you can maintain friendships with them. If it doesn't work out, I hope you will keep this thread in mind and try taking some of the suggestions to heart to see if maybe they will help.

 

[luv4u859]

No one wanted you to say it is you. Everyone on this thread has been trying to help you - first with suggestions of how to meet new friends and then with advice about why you might be having trouble keeping them. Sometimes people are jerks, and that could be the problem with some of your friends. But if you have problems with every single person in your life except your family then you have to consider that maybe you yourself are part of the problem. It could be something as simple as you having bad taste in friends, and gravitating toward people who aren't going to treat you well. But there could be something you are doing which pushes people away, and based on your posts some of us suspect that is probably the case. I'm sure you are a wonderful person who is generous and who would be a great friend to people - but the way you communicate is feeling negative, unfriendly and defensive to some of us and you aren't going to make (and keep) friends if the attitude you've displayed on here is indicative of the way you act in real life. No one here was attacking you or trying to make you feel bad, and in response to our suggestions you started cursing and snapping people's heads off. That really isn't an appropriate response to people who are truly trying to help.

I hope you have good luck in your cake class and that you meet some great people. I also hope that things work out and you can maintain friendships with them. If it doesn't work out, I hope you will keep this thread in mind and try taking some of the suggestions to heart to see if maybe they will help.

again I only lashed out because I felt like I was being attacked by people and having every bodies finger pointed at me.

friendships is 2 sided correct? so I don't see how everyone can just assume its all me and I feel like if i explain all the crap I been through with people everyone would just say i am making "excuses" or "lying" so I am not even gonna say anything anymore.

but thank you, I am very excited about the class and I am already planning to walk in and introduce myself to someone.

 

[fall08CP]

yeah people did want me to say that. you all kept pushing and pushing and pushing that it was all my fault i had no friends. I agreed, now what is the issue? I agreed with you. Its done now. I wish I would have never even posted in this board. I did not come here for people to push me further down, i came here for HELP. I came here to VENT to people I thought would be supportive and listen to me.

That is what a therapist is for. Discussion boards are for discussion. Just like in real life, not everyone is going to agree with you or show empathy. I encourage you to read the book "It's Called a Break-Up Because it's Broken"- it's applicable to both romantic and friend relationships. You need to be confident in yourself and love yourself before anyone else can love you, platonic or not.

friendships is 2 sided correct? so I don't see how everyone can just assume its all me and I feel like if i explain all the crap I been through with people everyone would just say i am making "excuses" or "lying" so I am not even gonna say anything anymore.

But you seem to be the common denominator.

 

[Offsides]

help, advice, in a nice way. I did not come here for people to tell me i needed to be freaking medicated. I am not a social path, I do not need that. I did not come here to say its all your fault you have no one, yeah like everyone else i am sure I have done things to make people mad at me, who doesn't? I will be the first one to admit it, but it is not ALWAYS my fault. I did not come here for people to make me feel worse than I already do. I have been through a lot in my life and I probably do need to go to counseling, I will admit that, but that does not mean I am bipolar or crazy because of it and I am no where near selfish. Its crazy how everyone around me says I am a good person, but you all. I am a terrible person according to everyone here.

That is why I lashed out. It was way to much. I did not want to hear people pointing the finger, "YOU, YOU YOU!!!!!" when it is not always me.

That is one thing people on this thread do not realize. Your post made me feel TERRIBLE about myself, like I am a ****ty person when I am not. Of course I am going to be defensive if people are telling me, YOU have issues, YOU need help, YOU have no friends because of YOU, when it is not always me.

Whoa. First of all, if anything I said specifically made you feel terrible, I am sorry. That truly was not my intent.

I find it offensive that you seem to be implying that people who are medicated are sociopaths. I am not speaking for anybody else, but the only reason I brought up medication (and talking to someone) is because it helped ME when I was going through some issues. I don't consider myself crazy, bipolar, or a sociopath and I will willingly admit that I took medication AND spoke with someone. And you know what, it really really helped me. I understand that you are upset and hurting and so you are getting defensive.. but before you talk about how everyone on here is terrible, you should try to be a little more sensitive yourself about the things you are saying.

I think most people posting had good intentions. I did not take most posts as being mean or hurtful. Most likely, people can relate to the situation and were relaying to you things that may have helped them overcome the same thing.

You're the one asking for help, so I think that could be a reason why most people were suggesting things YOU could do to help your situation. We are only talking to you and we only "know" you, so that is where our focus is. And yes, it does take 2 people to make any relationship, but we are only talking to ONE of those people right now, so that is why you are the focus.

Anyway. It is clear that I am only offending you, even when I am trying to help, so I guess I will just say.. Good luck to you. I hope that you can get it figured out. I think you have the tools you need, you just have to implement them. I wish you the best.

 

[dana1003]

Hello... Didn't read every single post but did just want to give you my two cents. I'm 41 with twin girls, hubby works full time, my girls are in school and I get paid to watch my nephew every day. He pays me well but because of this I am home every day and do not have friends either. I'm closest to my mom and like you, I can't tell her everything. I feel lonely sometimes also even though I have a family. I want to ditto what someone said about volunteering and I see your starting a class? That's a start. You don't need to find a best friend, just being social and having something in common is enough sometimes. As you get older you will be able to work out problems without having to run it by a friend all the time. Hoping it's temporary as we all get down in the dumps sometimes. This new class sounds like a beginning and don't ever put your self worth in what someone else thinks about you. You have allot of people here that responded out of concern, people who have never met you ...good luck honey.

 

[nathalee81]

help, advice, in a nice way. I did not come here for people to tell me i needed to be freaking medicated. I am not a social path, I do not need that. I did not come here to say its all your fault you have no one, yeah like everyone else i am sure I have done things to make people mad at me, who doesn't? I will be the first one to admit it, but it is not ALWAYS my fault. I did not come here for people to make me feel worse than I already do. I have been through a lot in my life and I probably do need to go to counseling, I will admit that, but that does not mean I am bipolar or crazy because of it and I am no where near selfish. Its crazy how everyone around me says I am a good person, but you all. I am a terrible person according to everyone here.

That is why I lashed out. It was way to much. I did not want to hear people pointing the finger, "YOU, YOU YOU!!!!!" when it is not always me.

That is one thing people on this thread do not realize. Your post made me feel TERRIBLE about myself, like I am a ****ty person when I am not. Of course I am going to be defensive if people are telling me, YOU have issues, YOU need help, YOU have no friends because of YOU, when it is not always me.

First of all, I believe you meant sociopath-and just to let you know, not everyone who is on medication is a sociopath. I needed medication after I gave birth because I was seriously depressed and I don't think I would qualify as a sociopath. That was a pretty hurtful statement, and I find that ironic considering you are talking about everyone hurting your feelings.

No, you are right it is not always YOU. But, you know, sometimes it is. I had to admit to myself that I was depressed and DO something about it. That is what you need to do, as well.

If you don't like your life, do something about it.

Get some professional help, really. It helps to talk to someone. It really does.

Cut off the friends that are toxic, end the drama.

Find the positive, good things in your life-focus on those and go forward.

Find things that interest you and do them. You have asked people what you should do, but you really need to decide what interests you and go with it. If the color run is something you like-go for it. And, if you can't find a friend to do it with you, go by yourself. And, if you like to go to Universal, go there by yourself, too.

It is okay to be by yourself. I think in our world being alone is considered a bad thing, but it really isn't. It is a great thing to learn to like being by yourself, to enjoy that time.

I don't think anyone here has been hurtful, and I think a lot of people have tried to help.

But, people can only help if you want it, and I really don't know if you want that right now...

 

[Sabeking]

OP years ago when I graduated from college and got a teaching job I had to start out in a new city. I knew no one and the town was so small that there was not much to do for a young single lady. I often felt very lonely and depressed. My friends that lived in other towns had busy lives and not much time for me. Looking back I did not realize how negative I sounded to others. I totally was feeling sorry for myself and I definitely got angry. I think also I had a real confidence issue. At some point I did end up going to counseling and it ended up being one of my best years because I really learned about me and what I liked. I bought this crappy bike and rode it all over town! I would ride it to the local church, the park ( and have picnic for one), I even ended up riding it to the school I worked at that year. I was getting exercise and spending time with me figuring out some things that had happened early on in life. At the end I really liked myself better and it showed to others. I was more up beat and my confidence grew. We all crave companionship; that's human nature! Sometimes being happy alone makes a way for others to want to be with you. I would take this opportunity to do some things you want to do. A time will come in life when you are married, have kids, friends and the demands will make you cherish the time alone. This is a growing season, embrace it. I wish you all the best

 

[Offsides]

Ah I said I was done posting but I also just wanted to say that I think you should do the Color Run even if you don't have a friend to do it with. They are an absolute BLAST. I went with some people from work last year but we got split up (different running paces) and I ended up meeting and hanging out with some other awesome people. It was seriously one of the most fun days I have had in quite a while. Don't miss out on it!!

 

[luv4u859]

But you seem to be the common denominator.

And why yes you may see that here, you don't know how other people treat me