Need someone to talk to

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Even if I do see someone, I still have no friends.

Unfortunately, people may sense your negative self image and depression and not want to interact with you because of it. People are more drawn to positive energy. Therapy may help you regain some of that confidence and positivity.

I have had to end more than one friendship because their negativity wore me down.

Good luck!

 

[WDSearcher]

Even if I do see someone, I still have no friends.

Well ... maybe instead of relying on texting and ".com" options, you should go out and MEET people!

• Join a club, or find an organization that does something you're interested in and volunteer there -- animal shelters, libraries, festivals, art galleries ... lots of groups are looking for volunteers.
• Take a class -- cooking class, language classes, public speaking, ballroom dancing ... choose something that requires interaction.
• Borrow a friend's dog and go to a local dog park.
• Find something you really like to do and just go do it. If you like bookstores, spend time in bookstores. Ask other people what they're reading. See if there are book clubs you can join. If you like to travel, find a tour group that caters to single travelers and go somewhere. If you like acting, find a community theater that needs help. There are tons of options.

Cultivating a group of friends that you can talk to and hang out with does require some work. But you have to go out there and do it. And don't be afraid of people who are ten years older than you. Some of my best friends are 10+ years older (and in a couple of cases younger) than me. But we have common interests, so we're great friends.

 

[luv4u859]

Well ... maybe instead of relying on texting and ".com" options, you should go out and MEET people!


[*]Join a club, or find an organization that does something you're interested in and volunteer there -- animal shelters, libraries, festivals, art galleries ... lots of groups are looking for volunteers.
[*]Take a class -- cooking class, language classes, public speaking, ballroom dancing ... choose something that requires interaction.
[*]Borrow a friend's dog and go to a local dog park.
[*]Find something you really like to do and just go do it. If you like bookstores, spend time in bookstores. Ask other people what they're reading. See if there are book clubs you can join. If you like to travel, find a tour group that caters to single travelers and go somewhere. If you like acting, find a community theater that needs help. There are tons of options.


Cultivating a group of friends that you can talk to and hang out with does require some work. But you have to go out there and do it. And don't be afraid of people who are ten years older than you. Some of my best friends are 10+ years older (and in a couple of cases younger) than me. But we have common interests, so we're great friends.

I have been trying to MEET people, but I am not the type of person to go places by myself. I do not like it. I have been an only child all my life, I don't want to do things by myself anymore. That is why I joined the meetup.com website, you join groups and then GO OUT to meet them.

 

[worm761]

Yes I do both. Teacher and in college part time. The major thing is I am shy and I am really trying to break out of it. Because of that I don't just go up to people randomly. I also have bad anxiety due to car accidents. My life kinda sucks sometimes.

You are making excuses. How do you expect to meet people if you go to work/school and then go right home? Go to a therapist to get the help that you need in the other areas of your life. But you need to join a group to make friends. Find something that you like to do and find a group that does it. You are making this harder than it has to be which is most likely due to your anxiety. Once you get the therapy that you need then you can move on.

Do you go to church? You could join one of the Bible study groups for people your age. Or start one if there isn't one. Start to think outside the box a little. It will take time but it can be done.

 

[4nana]

Sending hugs and prayers to you sweetie . Hoping you reach out and find someone close by you can rely on or perhaps some counseling. Our board can be full of good advise, I hope you listen to Dis friends. It's tough times for a lot of people, but there is always hope and please stay strong.

 

[luv4u859]

You are making excuses. How do you expect to meet people if you go to work/school and then go right home? Go to a therapist to get the help that you need in the other areas of your life. But you need to join a group to make friends. Find something that you like to do and find a group that does it. You are making this harder than it has to be which is most likely due to your anxiety. Once you get the therapy that you need then you can move on.

Do you go to church? You could join one of the Bible study groups for people your age. Or start one if there isn't one. Start to think outside the box a little. It will take time but it can be done.

I am not making excuses.

That is what I do. What else do u expect me to do? Again that is why I joined meetup to find groups.

I do go to church sometimes but the bible study is Wednesday when I am in school and I rarely go because its like an hour away.

 

[clutter]

I don't whine about much. I don't have people to hang with from my job because they are all mostly over, like 50 and above. I do go out occasionally and do things with friends, but the girl I usually go with majority of the time is rude to me. I broke my foot 2 yrs ago and still have pain and can't do much physical activity.

Me and my friend were friends for like 7 years, she lives in NYC. I always helped her with anything she needed, whether it was money for her to buy stuff or money to feed her child. It seems like when I stop doing it she stops talking to me. She recently stopped talking to me because according to her I had no right to feel the way that I do because of my foot.

I don think I need help, but I will talk to someone, thanks.

1) have your foot checked by another doctor. You shouldn't have pain after 2 years, and that is probably affecting you.

2) it sounds like you could use some help in recognizing your own worth. Neither friendship you describe is healthy, at least the way that you describe them.

Maybe go to school? Set a career goal? Sounds like you're a teacher without a degree. That doesn't seem like it's something that will fulfill you for the next 40 years. It also doesn't sound like it gives you too many employment options. Perhaps you could set a goal, and start taking little steps towards achieving it. Maybe getting a degree in something you are interested in that will open up employment opportunities?

 

[luv4u859]

Sending hugs and prayers to you sweetie . Hoping you reach out and find someone close by you can rely on or perhaps some counseling. Our board can be full of good advise, I hope you listen to Dis friends. It's tough times for a lot of people, but there is always hope and please stay strong.

Thank you for commenting something nice. I am already in a funk and having people tell me there is more problems wrong with me is not helping. I am not making excuses I have no reason to. I am one of the nicest person ever. I will give someone the shirt of my back if they need it, but yet people still don't care about me. I am sick of texting my friend and nt getting a response no matter how many times I text her.

 

[laurajetter]

Yes I do both. Teacher and in college part time. The major thing is I am shy and I am really trying to break out of it. Because of that I don't just go up to people randomly. I also have bad anxiety due to car accidents. My life kinda sucks sometimes.

I don't have a whole lot in the way of advice but I do completely understand where you're coming from about not having any friends. I've been feeling the same way... I'm also shy and although I'm in a moms group with a bunch of wonderful ladies and have a ton of friendly acquaintances via church, other small groups, etc. it just never seems to go past the initial superficial phase of being friendly but only talking about trivial things.

I always long for a friendship I see others having; the kind where you go to a coffee shop and just talk, go out shopping together, just go over to each other's houses and hang out and be completely comfortable around each other. I last had that in college, about 15 years ago, and I really miss it. So anyway, not that it makes your situation any better, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone; there are others looking for friends too! If you ever feel like talking just PM me.

 

[luv4u859]

1) have your foot checked by another doctor. You shouldn't have pain after 2 years, and that is probably affecting you.

2) it sounds like you could use some help in recognizing your own worth. Neither friendship you describe is healthy, at least the way that you describe them.

Maybe go to school? Set a career goal? Sounds like you're a teacher without a degree. That doesn't seem like it's something that will fulfill you for the next 40 years. It also doesn't sound like it gives you too many employment options. Perhaps you could set a goal, and start taking little steps towards achieving it. Maybe getting a degree in something you are interested in that will open up employment opportunities?

1. I had a VERY bad injury. I had surgery on my foot and I have a screw. My doctor told me the first time I ever saw him that even if I get the surgery I could be in pain every single day. Don't just assume that it was just a simple break. I was out of work for 6 months.

I do go to school. I do have a career goal. My major is early childhood education. Where I am working right now they allow you to be an assistant without a college degree, it is not required. It is also the only preschool that goes by the regular school district and I get salary paid. All other preschools you get paid hourly, like 11 dollars an hour. That is why I do not want to move. That would not be enough to pay my bills.

 

[Mkrop]

I have been trying to MEET people, but I am not the type of person to go places by myself. I do not like it. I have been an only child all my life, I don't want to do things by myself anymore. That is why I joined the meetup.com website, you join groups and then GO OUT to meet them.

I know it is hard...I think the majority of people will tell you that going to these things by yourself is hard...but you need to push yourself. That first step is the hardest!

Thank you for commenting something nice. I am already in a funk and having people tell me there is more problems wrong with me is not helping. I am not making excuses I have no reason to. I am one of the nicest person ever. I will give someone the shirt of my back if they need it, but yet people still don't care about me. I am sick of texting my friend and nt getting a response no matter how many times I text her.

Then those friends dont deserve someone as nice as you!!!!! Give of yourself to people who can truly appreciate you. If you have that type of charity in your heart, than join a nonprofit charity that gives back and see if any friendships develop about that.

I know you are in a funk and it stinks No one hear is saying anything to be mean, they want you to snap out of your funk and realize your true potential!!!!! And just remember some people are soft with their words and some just say things straight up. You will get a mixture of that here...but I would think everyone wants good things for you.

 

[Disney Doll]

It's not that people are trying to make you feel badly,but people are giving you suggestions....probably ones that have worked for them in the past in a similar situation...and you are pooh-poohing all of them.

It will take some effort on your part to get on track.

That will include talking to a professional. It may include taking medication,f only for a while.

It will include "pushing" yourself a little and approaching someone even though you're shy & not used to doing that etc.

It may include finding a group that interests you and there you will find people with whom you have 1 thing in common which can be the basis for a conversation, which can become the basis for a friendship.

It may include going to a different doctor to see if there is something more that can be done to help your painful foot so that is one less thing you are delaing with.

But sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to change anything.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with Disney Doll.
Especially about the situation with your foot.

I had a minor fracture... But, also, did not realize that another problem had developed. Long after the fracture should have healed, I was still in pain and wearing that dreaded boot. I went to another doctor and got the help I needed.

Like yours, it will not be the same as it was before... But, you know what, I still tell myself every day that wish I could do something about the pain in my two busted toes. They could probably be helped, but I have not been able to muster up the courage and motivation to face surgery again. I haven't been back to see a doctor.

Anyhow, you are probably a wonderful person!!!
In most every way.
But, I think that what folks here are trying to tell you is that there can still be things/issues/etc. that can really get in the way. And those are the types of things that are really best addressed by a good professional. It takes time and effort... digging deeper.

Anyhow, do think about seeing another good doctor about your foot.
I know what it is like to have pain to the point where it affects your mobility, I went thru that... that DOES suck.

Sending

 

[WDSearcher]

I have been trying to MEET people, but I am not the type of person to go places by myself. I do not like it. I have been an only child all my life, I don't want to do things by myself anymore. That is why I joined the meetup.com website, you join groups and then GO OUT to meet them.

Right, but you quit that because the people are older than you.

There's no easy way to suddenly get friends if you won't make the effort. That means going outside your comfort zone and going somewhere alone, whether you like it or not. At least at the beginning. I'm not saying you should wander into a stranger's party and see who's there or that you need to sit in a restaurant by yourself. I'm saying, find something you like to do -- cook, act, listen to music, read, play with animals, whatever -- and go do that thing. The people who are doing that thing too are people who are potential friends. They might be older than you or younger than you or not the same type of person as you at all, except that they all like the same thing you do. So there's a start.

Either GO OUT and meet the people -- whatever their ages -- at meetup.com or figure out another way to go places. But clearly, you're going to have to do it by yourself at the beginning. Once you get a friend ... someone you've met at one of these places ... then the two of you can go out together to another event. And then you'll meet more people. But you are, unfortunately, going to need to go out by yourself a few times. There's really no way around that.

And yes ... you are making excuses. Every single suggestion someone has given you, you've had a reason why you can't do it or why it won't work for you. That's called making excuses.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

First off from your photo you are very nice looking. Please stop the inner voice that is saying you are ugly. Next, there are many, many people who do not have friends, or would like to have people in their immediate area to hang out with.

When people are replying that you should talk to a professional, I think they are hearing the sadness in your voice, and that frightens them.

I am 51 and two of my closest girlfriends are 23 and 22 years old. I went back to college to be a teacher. We had many classes together, and we just meshed. We hang out all the time, text..... This Saturday we are meeting at a scrapbook store so I can show them how to make cards. We are all going to be teachers together, and we have a strong bond, so don't rule out friends of different ages.

Please drop all of those so called friends who have not treated you kindly. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend like they are treating you? If not, it's time to let them go.

The best way to make friends is to have something where you run into the same people on a regular basis. That's why so many people suggested taking a class or Bible study. Since you can't go to your church's Bible study, would you consider going to another church? Maybe they have a women's Bible study. Is there some group or organization where you can volunteer? I have found that when you are sweating/working hard together, it is easiest to make friends.

Starting up a conversation with strangers is always tough. It's best to look for the person not engaged in a conversation with anyone else. That's the person who will be the most open to a conversation with you. Skip trying to break into any kind of a group, women huddled together in a circle.... look for the quiet person at the back of the room.

People are naturally attracted to a positive personality. They want to be a part of the fun. I realize this is so fake, but slap on a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge ol' grin, but fake it for the evening/afternoon. Make jokes. Talk about pleasant things....

I am sure you don't do this, but keep most personal information to yourself in any initial conversations. I am truly amazed at the personal things people say to me, a perfect stranger. Just keep it light and very surface level.

Truly remember you are not alone. There are so many lonely people out there waiting to be found. Someone posted about you needing to get out there and it's true. I know it's hard, and awkward, but you have to push. Maybe you could talk to your church leader about a women's group where you have wine and play Bunco..... Our church does that.

Another thought is to begin visiting nursing homes or church members who are shut ins. You would be giving them a friend and someone to talk to, and you will make friends too.

I hope this helps you brainstorm ideas. Remember to take care of yourself first. You deserve it!!!

 

[luv4u859]

Just so everyone knows, I was having pains in my foot and made an appointment with my doctor, this was a couple months ago. I went, did an xray and everything was perfectly fine. There is nothing else he can do to make the pain go away. He gave me the option of taking the screw out but even with that it still would cause me pain. I have a very serious injury. No it does not hurt every day but when it rains or when I do to much yes it does cause pain and discomfort. I ran over the summer at an amusepark and was in pain for 2 weeks, its just the type of injury that I have. Its called an lisfranc injury and I am lucky that I am walking normal. It is something I have to just deal with in my life. I am going to try to push it a little more to try to do more with it.

 

[luv4u859]

First off from your photo you are very nice looking. Please stop the inner voice that is saying you are ugly. Next, there are many, many people who do not have friends, or would like to have people in their immediate area to hang out with.

When people are replying that you should talk to a professional, I think they are hearing the sadness in your voice, and that frightens them.

I am 51 and two of my closest girlfriends are 23 and 22 years old. I went back to college to be a teacher. We had many classes together, and we just meshed. We hang out all the time, text..... This Saturday we are meeting at a scrapbook store so I can show them how to make cards. We are all going to be teachers together, and we have a strong bond, so don't rule out friends of different ages.

Please drop all of those so called friends who have not treated you kindly. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend like they are treating you? If not, it's time to let them go.

The best way to make friends is to have something where you run into the same people on a regular basis. That's why so many people suggested taking a class or Bible study. Since you can't go to your church's Bible study, would you consider going to another church? Maybe they have a women's Bible study. Is there some group or organization where you can volunteer? I have found that when you are sweating/working hard together, it is easiest to make friends.

Starting up a conversation with strangers is always tough. It's best to look for the person not engaged in a conversation with anyone else. That's the person who will be the most open to a conversation with you. Skip trying to break into any kind of a group, women huddled together in a circle.... look for the quiet person at the back of the room.

People are naturally attracted to a positive personality. They want to be a part of the fun. I realize this is so fake, but slap on a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge ol' grin, but fake it for the evening/afternoon. Make jokes. Talk about pleasant things....

I am sure you don't do this, but keep most personal information to yourself in any initial conversations. I am truly amazed at the personal things people say to me, a perfect stranger. Just keep it light and very surface level.

Truly remember you are not alone. There are so many lonely people out there waiting to be found. Someone posted about you needing to get out there and it's true. I know it's hard, and awkward, but you have to push. Maybe you could talk to your church leader about a women's group where you have wine and play Bunco..... Our church does that.

Another thought is to begin visiting nursing homes or church members who are shut ins. You would be giving them a friend and someone to talk to, and you will make friends too.

I hope this helps you brainstorm ideas. Remember to take care of yourself first. You deserve it!!!

thank you. I will try that. Like someone mentioned my neighbors when I first moved here I spoke and waved to people and got nothing back so why should I keep trying with them? whenever they see me they just stare at me, all but one of my neighbors. I will try to go out and do more things alone, but other than shopping what else can I do? all our libraries in my city are closed due to having no money. I really enjoy going to amusement parks but they are closed for the season right now. I really want to meet more people going there because I will have a different variety of people to go and hang out with. Right now its just my family, that's all I have.

 

[luv4u859]

and I joined that page someone where recommended, I messaged a couple girls, hoping to get a reply from there.

 

[Mkrop]

and I joined that page someone where recommended, I messaged a couple girls, hoping to get a reply from there.

good start

how about this website for volunteering

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Maybe you can find a good match to go out and help others and that wont be too stressful on your foot

 

[njmom47]

I also feel this way alot (especially lately).
I have been going to therapy on and off, and my therapist basically lets me talk although she does "lead." I have "A-ha" moments, all by myself....and yes, I pay to talk to someone, but it helps to get my feelings out there. We set goals, baby steps.
I also agree with the possiblilty of a chemical imbalance, and trying meds. This can get frustrating too though, because trying to find the right med(s), dose, etc, takes time. And no one says you have to be medicated for life.

And I agree...you look pretty in your picture!