Walking into the hotel room without Rig was too much for me. It wasn't so much being without Rig that tore me up, but definitely the circumstances for why I was without Rig.
I didn't know what to do, I had never in my life felt so helpless and so alone as I did that night.
Everything I thought about, everything I did made me worry about Rig. I took a shower and put on dry warm jammies. I felt guilty. Would Rig be allowed a warm shower, would he be given dry warm clothes?
My head hurt from crying, I took some tylenol and the guilt was there again. Would Rig be given anything for his pain? He had to be in pain.
And knowing Rig he would be just as scared for me as I was for him. If only I could call him and tell him I made it back to Pop Century alright. I know peace of mind about me would make all the difference for him
I turned on the TV just for the company and went and got my stuffed Bambi that Rig had given me for my 16th birthday, it wasn't a real Disney stuffed animal, it was just a stuffed fawn that I named Bambi. I remembered the day he gave it me. I took it out of the bag, Rig said. "You told me that bambi was one of your favorite movies, It's ok if you don't like it."
I hugged it and told him it was the best gift ever, I kept Bambi on my bed and he always went with me if I stayed over at a friends house. Bambi had brought me lots of comfort when Rig couldn't be around.
I hugged Bambi close to me and cried.
I kept checking my phone to see if it was working. I plugged it in so it wouldn't lose it's charge, I needed to make sure Rig could get a hold of me when he was finally allowed to call.
I layed on the bed and thought Rig wouldn't have a comfortable bed, will he have a bed at all? So I layed on the floor.
I wanted to suffer as mcuh as Rig was probably suffering. I felt like the whole night was my fault.
With each passing minute came a new worry. Rig had given me all his money, what if he needs some of that money for a cab back to the resort? I guess he could call me and tell me to meet him outfront. But what if his battery on his cell phone dies? I know you are allowed a phone call from jail, that's how it's done on TV, so will he use that call for me or will he need it for a cab?
What if they keep him and he can't fly home with me? Should I check out of Pop Century right now, will I get a refund, we bought the trip insurance, would this be considered an emergency that the trip insurance would even reimburse us?
I would dose in beween my moments of hysteria. then I would wake up and start my worrying all over again. If lets say jail operated 9-5, (I had no idea) and he is one of the first to go before a judge, let's say that is over by 9:30, he would then maybe leave by 10:00am, and hopfull be here by 11:00am.
I looked at the clock, it was only 3. I started crying until I fell asleep again.
I woke up and looked at the clock, it wasn't quite 4. OK if Rig is not here by noon, then should I call the number on the card that the officer gave me. Could I call it sooner. what if I call too soon and they get mad and take it out on Rig.
Every movie and TV show about jail was in my head.
I have my talks with God during good and bad times, this time I was making a every promise, every deal I could think of. Just please let Rig walk through that door right now.
by 5am my thoughts weren't even making sense. I couldn't string a clear sentence together in my head. Is this what it's like to go crazy, is this how it starts?
I finally fell into a deep sleep, and didn't wake up until I heard the door open.
"Babylee?"
I sat up quickly, I wasn't quite coherent.
"what are you doing on the floor?"
"Rig, you didn't call me."
I jumped across the bed and into his arms. we held eachother so tight and just sank to the floor. I couldn't stop crying, I wanted to, I needed to talk to him and make sure he was ok.
"Please Babylee, don't cry, it's ok, please stop."
I wanted to stop for him, but it was useless. Rig just had to wait it out, and he waited a long time, he just sat there holding me and rocking me while I just cried, every once in a while I would say his name, but then I would just cry hard again.
I have to take a break, I will be back later.