My DH! >:o(

[Zandy595]

DS15 had to have a biopsy done on a spot under the cuticle of his fingernail today. It took quite a while and he had to have stitches and a pressure bandage. He was given Tylenol with codine(sp) for the pain, so it wasn't a "nothing" procedure. He's in pain and isn't supposed to be using his hand. DH didn't even ask him how he was when we got home. He had the day off and could have gone to the appt with us, but he sat home and played xbox all day. Then when DS was trying to pick the laptop up DH (who was sitting next to him on the couch) wouldn't even help him. What is wrong with some men? His son might have cancer and he's being a jerk.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm so sorry. I would pull him aside and ask him point blank to go talk to his son and see how he is doing. Some people have no innate sense of compassion.

 

[DaParkers]

DS15 had to have a biopsy done on a spot under the cuticle of his fingernail today. It took quite a while and he had to have stitches and a pressure bandage. He was given Tylenol with codine(sp) for the pain, so it wasn't a "nothing" procedure. He's in pain and isn't supposed to be using his hand. DH didn't even ask him how he was when we got home. He had the day off and could have gone to the appt with us, but he sat home and played xbox all day. Then when DS was trying to pick the laptop up DH (who was sitting next to him on the couch) wouldn't even help him. What is wrong with some men? His son might have cancer and he's being a jerk.

I know you said some men, but I don't think it's a man issue, just an inconsiderate issue. I am a man and there is NO way I would sit around playing a game while my son is at the doctor. I actually feel more comfortable bringing him to the Dr. because I can relate on some level because we are both males. Even if I hadn't gone initially, I would have been on the way upon knowing he needed the biopsytoquestion the Dr. and make sure he was ok.

 

[Nelfamily]

Not taking your hubby's side, but this might be the way he's coping with the possibility of going thru a very scary journey with your son. If he doesn't acknowledge it, then it isn't happening.

I went thru this very situation almost 7 yrs ago with my son. I was beside myself with fright and anger. Why did my 7 yr old get cancer? What did he do to deserve it?

Hope you get possitive news back on the biopsy. Cancer is something I don't wish on my worst enemy. Hope your hubby either realizes what he's done or explains the reasons for acting that way.

 

[Zandy595]

I know you said some men, but I don't think it's a man issue, just an inconsiderate issue. I am a man and there is NO way I would sit around playing a game while my son is at the doctor. I actually feel more comfortable bringing him to the Dr. because I can relate on some level because we are both males. Even if I hadn't gone initially, I would have been on the way upon knowing he needed the biopsytoquestion the Dr. and make sure he was ok.

DH knew DS needed the biopsy weeks ago and knew he was going to be on vacation the day of the appointment. This is a man whose mother takes a day off of work to go to doctor's appointment with him and he's 40.

 

[let'sgo]

So sorry to hear how he acted. But some men are just like that. They are very self centered and have no empathy. My husband is also like that. Hoping the best for your DS.

 

[Agri]

My dad acted the same way when I went through a major health scare. (Not playing xbox, but was just as indifferent, if not more so.) Of course, my dad was also mentally/physically/verbally abusive and used the outcome of the scare to his advantage.

At any rate - Did you ask him to come with you? Have you asked him why he is behaving towards his son this way? Is this fairly normal behavior for him or not?

I'd sit down and have a talk because the way he's acting isn't supportive of his son.

 

[njmom47]

I am sorry because it's scary for all of you. You were there for your son, and it would have been nice for dh to be there for ds and for you as well.

Note: My dh is apparently similar because a few years ago I was having reallly bad pains and I told him I was driving dd to school and then going to the ER because I felt so horrible. He never said a word to me except when he came to visit me in the hospital (for my 4 day stay).

 

[Zandy595]

My dad acted the same way when I went through a major health scare. (Not playing xbox, but was just as indifferent, if not more so.) Of course, my dad was also mentally/physically/verbally abusive and used the outcome of the scare to his advantage.

At any rate - Did you ask him to come with you? Have you asked him why he is behaving towards his son this way? Is this fairly normal behavior for him or not?

I'd sit down and have a talk because the way he's acting isn't supportive of his son.

I didn't ask him to come. I told him the day, the time and what was going to happen at the appointment and left it up to him to decide if he wanted to go. This is normal behavior for him. He wants sympathy from everyone when he has any medical issues, but doesn't care when anyone else needs support, except his mother because she demands it.

 

[Sadfeet]

DH knew DS needed the biopsy weeks ago and knew he was going to be on vacation the day of the appointment. This is a man whose mother takes a day off of work to go to doctor's appointment with him and he's 40.

This might have been a clue. He's still a mamas boy. He isn't a man. A man takes care of his family first even if it makes him emotionally uncomfortable.

And if his constant recreation of choice is to play video games (not including times spent with DS) yeah, that was your second clue.

My DH may not be a prize in many peoples eyes but he is ALWAYS there for us. There is no way in hell he wouldn't have been at that biopsy holding DS's other hand. He has done the same duty in several situations for our family.

I'm sorry you are going though this scary time virtually alone.

 

[Sadfeet]

So sorry to hear how he acted. But some men are just like that. They are very self centered and have no empathy. My husband is also like that. Hoping the best for your DS.

I don't think lack of empathy is the answer because my DH isn't very empathetic. He has a very strong sense of responsibility though. That is what a lot of these younger husbands and fathers lack I think. They were taught everything revolves around them. It's all about their rights and not about their responsibilities. They are still children and their wives perpetuate that.

When our society tells men that children can be raised just fine by one parent households and men are not needed what do you expect? If you were constantly told by society that your contributions were not important or special would you bother to live up tp your potential?

OP I wouldn't tell your DH what time etc and see if he shows up I would tell him this is happening and we NEED you to be there. We your family need you to be the man, husband and father that is your proper role in this family.

 

[goofy4prez]

So sorry to hear how he acted. But some men are just like that. They are very self centered and have no empathy. My husband is also like that. Hoping the best for your DS.

It's not just a problem with the male gender, I know some women who match your above description to a T as well; being self centered and having no empathy is not gender specific. Fortunately, this does not describe my wife, she is the best woman any man could hope for.

To the OP, I pray all will turn out to be fine with your son and the results are negative.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

I am a man but still believe for the most part in the below equations

man =

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DS15 had to have a biopsy done on a spot under the cuticle of his fingernail today. It took quite a while and he had to have stitches and a pressure bandage. He was given Tylenol with codine(sp) for the pain, so it wasn't a "nothing" procedure. He's in pain and isn't supposed to be using his hand. DH didn't even ask him how he was when we got home. He had the day off and could have gone to the appt with us, but he sat home and played xbox all day. Then when DS was trying to pick the laptop up DH (who was sitting next to him on the couch) wouldn't even help him. What is wrong with some men? His son might have cancer and he's being a jerk.

Wow.....I would have DEMANDED that he go, no exceptions.

If he is going to be a jerk then I am going to be a witch.

Pretty soon he would either get with the program or we would end up in divorce court. I would be like the speech in Pulp Fiction by Jules....

Jules: Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' (mad guy) I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone!

So, your dh is lucky to have you.

Sorry about your son...I will think good thoughts for him.

 

[Zandy595]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts for my DS. At least I'm getting support from somewhere.

 

[laurie31]

It sounds like your DH is not just sailing down that river in Egypt, he's chartered a yacht!

I am so sorry. I hope your DS will be fine. My DH would never treat one of our kids this way. It's not a normal man thing. Either he wants to pretend it's not happening, or he's unbearably selfish.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i'm so sorry you're having a difficult time right now, and i pray for the best possible outcome for your son. having said that, your DH is acting like a child, and he needs to man up, or get out. a father doesn't sit on the couch playing video games while his son is having a biopsy. at the very least, he's sitting in the waiting room; ideally, he's in with his son, holding his hand or just putting a hand on his shoulder. maybe i'm being harsh by saying he should leave if he can't be there for his family, but i'm appalled at his behavior. it would be different if he'd had no choice but to go to work, but video games? no way would i let that slide.
i know you're just venting, OP, and i'm sure you've had a really tough day. i guess i'm venting a little for you too, because the situation is just so infuriating. as i said, i'm praying for a good outcome for your son, and comfort & peace for you.

 

[kathie859]

I swear this describes my DH's behavior. I've come to believe (since I know he is truly a good person at heart) that ignoring a problem is how he deals with issues. He doesn't do it to be mean---he's just in denial. It's like it's not really happening if you don't acknowledge it

Hope your DS is ok.

 

[Agri]

I didn't ask him to come. I told him the day, the time and what was going to happen at the appointment and left it up to him to decide if he wanted to go. This is normal behavior for him. He wants sympathy from everyone when he has any medical issues, but doesn't care when anyone else needs support, except his mother because she demands it.

No offense, but given his history, you can't really expect him to show up and be supportive if this is his general behavior pattern. I think you should sit down and have a talk with him about how you feel. There's something wrong when you have to go to the internet for support when your child is facing a cancer scare.

How is your son dealing with his dad's attitude?

I hope things turn out okay for you and your son.

 

[dngnb8]

What is wrong with some men?

Yes, this is a gender issue all the way....