My child support ends in a couple of Weeks

[Madi100]

This is an interesting conversation. And, I think that it changes drastically from which side you are speaking too. When my parents got divorced my dad paid $600 a month for three kids. It was a struggle for my mom. We definitely downgraded on living conditions and lifestyle. My dad chose to leave, and I don't think it should have been my mom who had to pay for his mistakes.

On the other hand, if my sister was on this board, she'd be writing forever on this subject. Her DH has to pay child support. I'm not sure exactly how much he pays, but it is close to $1000 a month. His ex left him. She had an affair. He fought for custody, and the judge was one of those that felt the kids are always better off with their mom. On top of CS, he has to split medical bills. It's nice and all, but his ex sure does take a lot of trips WITHOUT the kids.

I just think it's a really hard thing to discuss. Child support is supposed to be both parents splitting the costs. But you can't split your house payment in half, because if you didn't have that child you'd still have to have a house. You just need something bigger because you've got kids. Heat, still got to have it, and you heat the house, not the people. So, it's tough. I just hope I'm never in the situation where I need the child support. If so, I'd definitely have alimony along with it.

BTW, my dad paid child support until we were out of college. My mom had it set up that way.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

This is an interesting conversation. And, I think that it changes drastically from which side you are speaking too. When my parents got divorced my dad paid $600 a month for three kids. It was a struggle for my mom. We definitely downgraded on living conditions and lifestyle. My dad chose to leave, and I don't think it should have been my mom who had to pay for his mistakes.

On the other hand, if my sister was on this board, she'd be writing forever on this subject. Her DH has to pay child support. I'm not sure exactly how much he pays, but it is close to $1000 a month. His ex left him. She had an affair. He fought for custody, and the judge was one of those that felt the kids are always better off with their mom. On top of CS, he has to split medical bills. It's nice and all, but his ex sure does take a lot of trips WITHOUT the kids.

I just think it's a really hard thing to discuss. Child support is supposed to be both parents splitting the costs. But you can't split your house payment in half, because if you didn't have that child you'd still have to have a house. You just need something bigger because you've got kids. Heat, still got to have it, and you heat the house, not the people. So, it's tough. I just hope I'm never in the situation where I need the child support. If so, I'd definitely have alimony along with it.

I completely agree with this post. It is difficult for everyone involved.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This may sound ugly, but isn't child support supposed to pay the non custodial parents' share of the care and support of the child ? So now if you're no longer getting it I would assume that you no longer (are legally responsible for) supporting the child? If (s) he's at college, or whatever, then your household bills should reduce, along with the income reduction.

Of course, if this were alimony ending, it would be a different story.

I turned 18 in November of my senior year of high school. My dad's "responsibility" stopped, while my mother was still caring for me. My job money went for Senior Activities/expenses, so it wasn't like I was helping to care for myself with my income.

child support should be at least until graduation from high school IMHO--and perhaps even go directly to the child once they are in college (FT-4 years max).

 

[LindaR]

Normally, I would not post a response.......but this one................

As an ex who receives child support, it really, REALLY bugs me to see people "calculating" the cost of raising a child.

When I got divorced 15 years ago, we had joint custody. He NEVER saw his daughter, even though we lived less than a mile from him. (A few years ago, I was awarded sole custody due to a threat of physical harm to my daughter). You can easily calculate the cost of food, clothes, utilities.......but what is NOT given a monetary value is.........the absent parent is not there to help with homework, the absent parent is not there to sit and love on the child when she is sick, the absent parent is not there to dry the tears and talk when the child is left out of some gathering of friends, the absent parent is not there to worry when she goes on her first date.

The ONLY thing my ex HAS done is pay child support. That sure is a poor subsitute for actually BEING a parent. But, I still feel fortunate because I am one of the few who actually receive child support.

So many folks focus on the "end" of child support.........like they no longer have to be a parent because their monetary obligation is over.........

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Eighteen year olds can certainly work during their offtimes and help with the financial side of things. These kids are actually adults and beyond school aid, I can't see continuing to support them on a regular basis. Of course, that's coming from someone who moved out upon graduating from high school at the age of 17.

I graduated high school at 18. I also started college, got a job and paid all my expenses at 18. I still lived at home, but I paid $235 a month in rent and that help with utilities, and this was many moons ago. I also paid for my own food. Yes, it was hard, but it also taught me responsiblity. I think kids these days lack responsibility and maybe one of the reasons is parents help kids too much.

Oh! I also started paying for my own clothes at 16.

 

[Madi100]

Normally, I would not post a response.......but this one................

As an ex who receives child support, it really, REALLY bugs me to see people "calculating" the cost of raising a child.

When I got divorced 15 years ago, we had joint custody. He NEVER saw his daughter, even though we lived less than a mile from him. (A few years ago, I was awarded sole custody due to a threat of physical harm to my daughter). You can easily calculate the cost of food, clothes, utilities.......but what is NOT given a monetary value is.........the absent parent is not there to help with homework, the absent parent is not there to sit and love on the child when she is sick, the absent parent is not there to dry the tears and talk when the child is left out of some gathering of friends, the absent parent is not there to worry when she goes on her first date.

The ONLY thing my ex HAS done is pay child support. That sure is a poor subsitute for actually BEING a parent. But, I still feel fortunate because I am one of the few who actually receive child support.

So many folks focus on the "end" of child support.........like they no longer have to be a parent because their monetary obligation is over.........

I was going to comment on the parenting part. The part that doesn't require money, but you sure are giving a lot of yourself and making sacrifices that the other parent doesn't have to do. However, you should not be compensated for parenting (I'm not saying you are saying that or expecting that). If my husband left today I would not expect to get a dollar for every time I had to deal with a fight or kiss a boo-boo. You can't be paid for that. You are doing what you agreed to do when you had kids, and that is be a parent. I just think that it's sad that one parent would be willing to give that up. My dad was active in our lives. He still is. However, it was active when it was convenient. When he left I saw him twice the first year. After that it was more regular, but not when it was supposed to be. And, although I love my dad with all my heart, he failed as a parent, because he became very selfish. I can't remember once in the last 20 years when my needs have come before his. So, while he can take me on some great vacations and take me shopping and have fun that my mom might not have been able to afford my mom was a parent and she was there.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Normally, I would not post a response.......but this one................

As an ex who receives child support, it really, REALLY bugs me to see people "calculating" the cost of raising a child.

When I got divorced 15 years ago, we had joint custody. He NEVER saw his daughter, even though we lived less than a mile from him. (A few years ago, I was awarded sole custody due to a threat of physical harm to my daughter). You can easily calculate the cost of food, clothes, utilities.......but what is NOT given a monetary value is.........the absent parent is not there to help with homework, the absent parent is not there to sit and love on the child when she is sick, the absent parent is not there to dry the tears and talk when the child is left out of some gathering of friends, the absent parent is not there to worry when she goes on her first date.

The ONLY thing my ex HAS done is pay child support. That sure is a poor subsitute for actually BEING a parent. But, I still feel fortunate because I am one of the few who actually receive child support.

So many folks focus on the "end" of child support.........like they no longer have to be a parent because their monetary obligation is over.........

Well sometimes an "absent" father WANTS to be part of a their children's life but their mother makes it damn near impossible, letting the children run the household and decide they don't want to spend time with their father. Their father may call them and email them all the time asking to do things, but NEVER gets a response, not even a, "no, we aren't interested." I could just imagine a similar post (minus the sole custody and physical harm thing) from DH's ex. She thinks that because he can't make EVERY activity in their life (he works shift work, so it's not always possible), then he shouldn't have ANY part of it. The best things is that the kids are old enough that the judge won't enforce visitation, and really who wants to be around people who are FORCED to be with you.

Divorce with children is such a horrible thing. I know there is a need, but what it puts everyone through is truly sad. My heart breaks continually over our own family situation. My heart breaks over a dad missing his children, and my heart breaks over children not having a relationship with their father. I would have done ANYTHING for more time with my dad (he died when I was 11). I just don't understand it.

And if this makes me sound like a shrewish second wife than so be it. Everyone has a different situation, and I have a right to feel the way I do.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Eighteen year olds can certainly work during their offtimes and help with the financial side of things. These kids are actually adults and beyond school aid, I can't see continuing to support them on a regular basis. Of course, that's coming from someone who moved out upon graduating from high school at the age of 17.

Sorry I really disagree here. Yes 18yo's can and should have jobs, at least during the summer. They can help. But they are rarely self-sufficient. I don't think it's possible to go to college and work enough hours to fully support yourself and pay your tuition. If an 18yo gets cut off from their parents support they will probably survive and the brightest, most ambitious ones will likely eventually get thru college. But why would a parent who loves their child want them to go that route. The right thing is to continue to keep a roof over their head, pay as much as possible toward their college expenses, do small things like help with their car insurance, hand them some money for food or an occasional movie, etc.
On top of it a traditional college student has to list both of their parents' income on their FAFSA. It is very difficult to prove that your parents aren't supporting you. There is a max that a student can borrow for tuition without their parents' help. Therefore this 18yo is unelligible for financial aid because their parents earn more but they aren't getting help from them. I don't think we should hand our kids everything but we should help as much as we can.
Generally the only person who thinks an 18yo college student won't need much help from their parents is somebody who doesn't live with 18yo.
Spoken as a mom who will have 3 in college next year.

 

[lisaschu]

You forgot to include the cost that the mother incurs to maintain a roof over that childs head (even if she isn't there 100% of the time). I'm sure she has a bedroom, uses electricity, water, etc.

We are supposed to have DSD 50% of the time which means mom has her 50% of the time. We both incure the same expenses...roof over her head, electricity, water, presents, etc. Therefore, those expenses cancel each other out. The court looks at the two households as "equal". Both households provide clothing, lunch money, athletic equipment, etc. Both spouses are remarried and live a very comfortable existence so it's not a financial issue. In fact, mom's househould brings in more money than our's. (My husband's income went to $0 when he was laid off and started up his own business. It was my money that paid those monthly checks and I willingly did it even though it put my household in financial jeopary. We have never shirked the responsibility of paying support for these children and we never will.) I was simply making the point that there are some situations where households spend equally on the children and yet one spouse still receives more money (which in our case means $800/mo is being spent on this child over and above normal every day expenses). Nothing more.

Honestly, there's just so much more to this story and I really don't want to go into it. I know everyone's situation is different and when it comes to divorce, custody and financial support it can be a very emotionally charged issue. I didn't mean to offend anyone. Just wanted to share our situation.

Blessings and happy thoughts to those who are dealing with delinquent non-paying spouses. I can't imagine what that would be like. I hope you all have a fabulous day.

Lisa

 

[LindaR]

I just want to add this...

In some ways, I feel sorry for my ex. Not alot, but some since these were lifestyle choices that HE made (to not be involved with my daughter).

I am blessed. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter because I've worked at it. Who does she come to when one of her friends has a problem? Me. Who does she tell her secret dreams and wishes to? Me. Who spends hours pouring over college information and discussing the pros and cons? Me.

I have something that no amount of money can make up for...........

On a sad note, yesterday I informed my daughter that her father was in the hospital. They believe he had a stroke (would be his third). I asked her if she wanted to stop by on her way home from school and see her dad. Her response......."*uck no!" "He's never done anything for me."

I am blessed that I no longer NEED the child support to make ends meet. I make a good income on my own (that was not always the case). However, I do not cut him any slack and require him to pay his share (60/40 split) because raising a child is not free, financially or emotionally.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well sometimes an "absent" father WANTS to be part of a their children's life but their mother makes it damn near impossible, letting the children run the household and decide they don't want to spend time with their father. Their father may call them and email them all the time asking to do things, but NEVER gets a response, not even a, "no, we aren't interested." I could just imagine a similar post (minus the sole custody and physical harm thing) from DH's ex. She thinks that because he can't make EVERY activity in their life (he works shift work, so it's not always possible), then he shouldn't have ANY part of it. The best things is that the kids are old enough that the judge won't enforce visitation, and really who wants to be around people who are FORCED to be with you.

Divorce with children is such a horrible thing. I know there is a need, but what it puts everyone through is truly sad. My heart breaks continually over our own family situation. My heart breaks over a dad missing his children, and my heart breaks over children not having a relationship with their father. I would have done ANYTHING for more time with my dad (he died when I was 11). I just don't understand it.

And if this makes me sound like a shrewish second wife than so be it. Everyone has a different situation, and I have a right to feel the way I do.

Miss J--I've seen you post on this before--I do not think you are a shrew at all!

 

[LindaR]

Miss Jasmine, I know what you mean.

I worshipped the ground my father walked on! I was the baby and his princess. And I spent more time hanging out with my daddy than with my mom.

It tears me apart to KNOW what my daughter is missing. My daddy died when he was 53 and I was 21.

 

[brerrabbit]

My understanding of child support, at least in Texas is that the child should be entitled to live the same lifestyle they would have enjoyed if the divorce had never happened. I think thats the way it is in most states. Like when you see a celbrity couple with kids split the child support can be like $10,000 per month. Thats certainly more than enough to raise a child and since the money is tax free (I think) that could provide a decent lifestyle for both mother and child. Since this is the thought process the courts look at the paying spouses income and sets the amount based on that. I think in Texas the max is 25% of their income pre tax.

 

[MrsKreamer]

in Louisiana you have to pay until the child is out of HS and 18. I graduated at 17 and didn't turn 18 until months later. My dad sent me the money after that.

 

[WDWMom]

DH and I were talking with DH's parents recently about DH's brother. He has been paying child support for many years. I am sure he owes back support too. My questions is when does child support end? My BIL claims he still has to pay child support because my nephew has not graduated from high school. He is 19 1/2, dropped out. I have a hard time believing he is still paying support, most likely paying the back support he owes. We live in Michigan and I am sure every state is different.

 

[sweet angel]

My papers say that my ex pays until my DS has completed his education. I suppose that could go on indefinitely....but it won't.

As a side note, my ex has never paid for any "extras" -- karate, etc. He does split medical bills with me -- but I pay them up front and wait and wait until he decides to reimburse me -- usually $20 at a time.

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I were talking with DH's parents recently about DH's brother. He has been paying child support for many years. I am sure he owes back support too. My questions is when does child support end? My BIL claims he still has to pay child support because my nephew has not graduated from high school. He is 19 1/2, dropped out. I have a hard time believing he is still paying support, most likely paying the back support he owes. We live in Michigan and I am sure every state is different.

Every state is different, and every individual divorce decree may be different. I would be willing to bet you are right, he is paying back support. I can't imagine a state which or a decree which would require a parent to continue to pay for a child that age who is not in school. Is it being garnished from his wages? It will continue to be garnished until the entire balance is paid.


Denae
Denae

 

[WDWMom]

I think they may have been garnished but you never know what my BIL is saying is true or not. I can't believe the state would make anyone pay for support of a 19 year old who is not disabled. DH and I are together and have 3 kids. We are not responsible (legally) for our children after they turn 18. No one can force us to support them so how can the state force him to pay CS (unless he owes back support).

The real reason I asked is because I am sick of my BIL lying to his parents (he is over 50) and scamming money from them. DH believes he still has to pay because he has not graduated but I think it is a bunch of crock.

 

[Madi100]

My understanding of child support, at least in Texas is that the child should be entitled to live the same lifestyle they would have enjoyed if the divorce had never happened. I think thats the way it is in most states. Like when you see a celbrity couple with kids split the child support can be like $10,000 per month. Thats certainly more than enough to raise a child and since the money is tax free (I think) that could provide a decent lifestyle for both mother and child. Since this is the thought process the courts look at the paying spouses income and sets the amount based on that. I think in Texas the max is 25% of their income pre tax.

That causes problems, though, because while the child deserves it, the parent doesn't always. In the case of my sister's step kids. The mom receives about $1,000 a month. These kids used to wear all Gymboree clothes. They wore name brand everything. Now their mom shops at Wal-Mart. They do go to movies quite a bit. But, where they live they can go to a movie for $3. They now live in a double wide trailer that is on a foundation. Before, they lived in a very nice area of town. Their mom has a decent job, and their step-dad has a decent job. Kids talk. They talk about the hot tub that their mom just bought. They talk about their mom and step-dad going out all the time, without the kids. They have taken I think three major trips within the last year, and the kids have not gone. So, while the kids should get to have the same lifestyle, they don't - their mom does.

And, when my parents were married we had a very comfortable life. We took nice yearly vacations. We had nice clothes, and we usually got what we wanted for Christmas. My mom remarried a man who didn't make as much as what my dad had. And, he had two kids. So, if we were supposed to get to keep living the way we were before I should have had much nicer clothes and toys than my step siblings, but I didn't. If we went to McDonald's I had to split something with a sibling, when before I ordered anything on the menu. The only time my life was better financially was when I went to my dads and it came time for Christmas or shopping trips.

 

[Shugardrawers]

My papers say that my ex pays until my DS has completed his education. I suppose that could go on indefinitely....but it won't.

As a side note, my ex has never paid for any "extras" -- karate, etc. He does split medical bills with me -- but I pay them up front and wait and wait until he decides to reimburse me -- usually $20 at a time.

We are required to pay 1/2 of all medical expenses not covered by insurance as well. However, since her mother also has insurance on her there's very little that doesn't get paid. We are required to keep her insured until she's 21 though. That way, even if she's working full time and has health insurance of her own, she's still double covered for a while. I think this is very smart.

Everyone's situation is different. Some have very good relationships with their children and their exes. Some never see either. Some pay willingly and then some, others refuse to pay a dime. In DH's case, his ex had an affair and tossed him out so that her boyfriend could move in (he refused which I find amusing). She kept DH on call for every little thing, moving heavy furniture, painting, even buying milk and bread for her on the way to pick up DD. Altough the money has been spent in responsible ways, there have been many times she's asked us for and received extra such as $500 for prom expenses or $1000 for a band trip to WDW and then told her DD that DH refused to pay it and that she came up with it all. Last year we sent Christmas gifts and she told her DD that they were from her. We've called many times and not heard back, only to learn later she never got the messages. Some mothers are unable to let go of their anger want their exes to be the bad guy in everyone elses eyes as well as their own. It's their children who suffer most.

Of course, many mothers would give anything for their child to have a father who wants to spend time with them or at the very least pay their support so that their child can have some of the extras their friends do. I'd rather DD had those things and more and never know that her daddy tries so hard to be with her than for her to think he couldn't care less if she starved.