My 12 yr old DD got her period yesterday and is devastated. Any advice?

[AntePrincess]

traces7, Your poor daughter. Funny how some girls take it in stride and some don't!

I'm not sure if this would work in your household, but I got into the habit of treating myself to tea and chocolate or a nice breakfast (croissant and latte) whenever my period shows up. Although I don't love it or hate it, marking it that way has made it easier to get through, and I think it might be even nicer for a young girl to make a little ritual like that for herself.

 

[indimom]

OP, I could have told this same story last year this time. My daughter was also 12 and going into 7th grade and was just devastated. I had prepped her, but it didn't matter. She was so upset.
What it came down to was she was embarassed, didn't want anyone to know, and was certain people would be "able to tell."

The first weekend, this is what helped.

Ibuprophen for the cramps.

Shopping.
My daughter loves to shop, but we don't go often just for her. She enjoyed it and it took the edge off her mood. We invested in some dark bottoms because she was fretting about leekage and stains. I also bought her a cute Vera mini-hipster for her supplies. I also bought a wide selection of products so she could chose what works for her. I know I'm picky and there are varieties I hate, so I wanted her to be able to choose for herself.
We also window shopped just for fun, checked out Claires, the makeup aisle and her other faves. It took her mind off the issue, but gave her a chance to deal with it in a public place instead of hiding in her room. (I think it helped her get over the idea that "everone will know".)


In the long run, what has helped the most was:

Tampons. Specifically the type where the applicator has to be extended before use. When they are in the packaging they are super small and you can fit them in your pocket (easy to carry to school and you don't have to carry a purse or run to your locker for supplies in the middle of the day). I bought some for our Disney vacation (which was exactly one month from her first period. ugh) as a "possibility" and as soon as she saw how small and compact they were she was determined to make it work.

Finding out that she is NOT alone. My daughter was convinced she was the only one of her friends to get her period. I was pretty confident she was wrong, but that's not something you just ask people. By the end of 7th grade, they were all being more open about it and have their own code for talking about it. I think it helps to know you're all on the same team and there is someone you can ask if you need "help." Hopefully your daughter will open up to her friends, or they to her, and she'll feel better.

Good Luck. She will "get over it" eventually, she just needs some time and understanding.

 

[piglet50]

i may be repeating a suggestion already given but if she's out for the summer it might be a good idea to let her experiment with different types of protection (tampons, pads, etc). that way she can figure it out without the pressure of having to go to school. if she's into sports, she will probably want to try tampons. folks have different opinions about them so early but feeling "safe" goes a long way to a hormonal teenage girl good luck to you and dd.

 

[cybrkitn]

I got mine when I was 11 and was happy back then and a little nervous. But now it can be a P.I.A. the first 2 nights . However, I'm now 40 and my hormones are going crazy. I'm hoping that I won't hit menopause until I'm in my 50's (my mom hit hers at age 40) b/c DH and I still want to have anoather child.

Back in school, I hated the cramps and all I wanted to do was to lay down (and they weren't that bad either). The school nurse would always tell me to walk it off. I couldn't understand why until much later and realized that walking does help ease the cramps.

DH knows when I'm about to get it and tries to brace himself b/c I get very moody a week prior

 

[mskani]

When my dd started @ 13, we had "Woman's Day" (like Mrs. Huxtable did for Rudy on The Cosby Show). I took her for a special lunch.

Now, two years later, it has gotten better. DH and I always know when IT is on the way--she gets very surly!! My advice to you: Purchase her Summers Eve cleansing wipes!! They cost less than $2 for a box of 16. They will help keep her feeling fresh. Get her a cute calendar along with a red (or some other funky color) pen or marker (dd uses purple) and show her how to keep track of her cycle. Then make sure YOU keep track of her cycle (remember--she's a woman now!!)

Finally relax. Women have been going thru this since the beginning of time. Tell her at least she didn't grow up during the time of her grandmother (think belt-less pads )

My family and I just returned from WDW last month and both of us were on at the same time. DH thought that this trip was going to be a bust. I had plenty of supplies and plenty of pain reliever and took plenty of breaks. We had one of our best trips to date!

 

[aprilgail2]

IBUPROFEN is what she needs, right now, for the cramps. The sooner she takes it, and keeps taking it around the clock, the better she will feel.

There is nothing that works better for cramps than an NSAID. Please give her some now. It won't help any emotional issues she has about it, but it will help her feel physically better.

She really is at the average now for when girls get it, I'm glad you prepared her. I think you just need to take the attitude that it's just part of growing up, all girls go through it, take the meds to help with the cramps and deal. She'll get over it.

I have never ever had to take meds when I got my period-- I am not a big fan of taking medicine unless absolutely necessary--I hope my daugher wont need or want around the clock meds just because she has her period. Heck she didn't even want round the clock meds when she had her tonsils out so I sure hope she wouldn't want them just because she has her period and maybe some cramps.
I remember in Jr. High the girls wold be walking around with sweatshirts tied aroudn their waist at times and you always knew why--they either stained or were afraid they were going to!

 

[traces7]

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone! DD seemed to be doing much better last night. I just was feeling so bad for her!
She doesn't seem interested in trying tampons yet, but I'll keep mentioning it to her, especially if she wants to go swimming. We've been using ibuprofen and it seems to be helping with her cramping. I will check into the Teen Midol, I remember I used to sometimes use Midol.
Indimom: that's a good idea to take her shopping, my DD loves that too! Her and her friends have been talking about it some. Some of her friends have gotten their periods and some haven't.
Minnieandmickey: She's pretty comfortable going to the office if she needs help for anything, it's good to know that they all understand!
I am so glad she wasn't 9 or 10 when she first started, makes it seem like they don't even get to be a kid when they start that young.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I feel for your daughter. I remember how it was for me when I was 11 and it has been 28 years now and I still feel dread when it comes. My mom never talked to me about anything so it was much worse.
My DD is now 11 and we have been talking about it since she was 10. I feel that i have prepared her. We have even gone shopping for the right pads and liners. They actually make teen ones now, why couldn't they have done that back then? We bought a little purse like thing to keep the pads in so no one will know. I just told her what could happen and that we can keep track of her cycle when it gets regular so that she will be prepared. She will also keep (concealed) extra underwear in her backpack. She has since the first grade when she laughed so much that she, well you know.
I really is hard to celebrate something that's dreaded each month, but i won't let her know that. Maybe you could do a girls day to celebrate this rite of passage with her.
Tampons may be the way to go for the summer.

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

Some girls already got theirs at that age.
I got mine when i was 10, about a month before I turned 11. Then it went away for 6 months and came back..

But I wish you all the fun in the world when PMS time comes around

 

[shortbun]

Around here, we celebrate a girls womanhood with a hen party. We moms actually throw a party, take the young women out-they have their table, we have ours and pahtay! We don't talk a lot about the reason but everyone knows. My SIL took her daughter shopping and to lunch as a celebration. My old friend who lives far away took her daughter out for mani/pedi and hair do day. I don't get the angst. What is this, the 50's where we hide out and no one mentions it? Make it a good thing and make sure your daughter has everything she needs.

 

[princessmom29]

I have never ever had to take meds when I got my period-- I am not a big fan of taking medicine unless absolutely necessary--I hope my daugher wont need or want around the clock meds just because she has her period. Heck she didn't even want round the clock meds when she had her tonsils out so I sure hope she wouldn't want them just because she has her period and maybe some cramps.
I remember in Jr. High the girls wold be walking around with sweatshirts tied aroudn their waist at times and you always knew why--they either stained or were afraid they were going to!

you must have never had cramps so bad they double you over and sperad to you lower back. People who haven't had to deal with it will say "it's just a period" but it really can be extremely painful. Having my wisdom teeth out didn't come close. I'll take the advil any day.

 

[abdmom]

I have never ever had to take meds when I got my period-- I am not a big fan of taking medicine unless absolutely necessary--I hope my daugher wont need or want around the clock meds just because she has her period. Heck she didn't even want round the clock meds when she had her tonsils out so I sure hope she wouldn't want them just because she has her period and maybe some cramps.
I remember in Jr. High the girls wold be walking around with sweatshirts tied aroudn their waist at times and you always knew why--they either stained or were afraid they were going to!

If you've never had cramps then you can't know how debilitating they can be. For some girls, they make it impossible to function. Tonsil removal has nothing on menstrual cramps.

 

[MrsPete]

A number of you are suggesting tampons, and I remember liking them from a young age. In particular, I liked them because I could "double up" -- that is, I could wear a tampon AND a pad, and I wouldn't have to carry supplies to school.

Two notes about tampons though:

Look for the narrow, teen style. They're not easy to find, but a first-time user would probably like them.

If they make your daughter uncomfortable, don't push her. I have one daughter who loves them, one daughter who refuses to try them. I suspect the second one's going to come around and like them, but it has to be on her own time table.

 

[MrsPete]

I have never ever had to take meds when I got my period-- I am not a big fan of taking medicine unless absolutely necessary--I hope my daugher wont need or want around the clock meds just because she has her period. Heck she didn't even want round the clock meds when she had her tonsils out so I sure hope she wouldn't want them just because she has her period and maybe some cramps.
I remember in Jr. High the girls wold be walking around with sweatshirts tied aroudn their waist at times and you always knew why--they either stained or were afraid they were going to!

You're fortunate that you haven't needed medicine for cramps, but that doesn't mean that someone else is wrong for needing something. Don't make your child feel bad if she does need a Midol or a Tylenol.

Personally, I never needed medicine either . . . 'til around the time I turned 40. Things got bad at that point. Cramps, back ache. Sometimes it was literally so bad that I couldn't sleep. Midol and Pamprin (just 1-2 days a month) are lifesavers for me.

 

[clarabelle]

tampax has an article to read about how to put in a tampon
Also the major manufactures of sanitary products all have websites geared towards young girls with lots of info

http://www.beinggirl.com/?legacyurl=/en_US/home.jsp

I would much rather my daughter take advil round the clock for a few days than suffer like I did. My Mom acted like there was nothing to be done -I just had to be in pain.
The night before my SATs I was up for hours with cramps.
I finally went to student health when I was in college and got a prescription for Motrin (this was back in the dark ages when it wasn't over the counter)
Wow -what a difference.
There is an ingredient in Motrin and Asprin (prostaglandin inhibitor) that helps with cramps in a way that tylenol doesn't.
Also a heating pad or hot water bottle can help.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

haven't read through all replies.....

my DD started at 10 - no tears.

can't help but wonder if it isn't a product of how it has been portrayed/discussed around her.

In the 60's, in my house it was the curse, something to be whispered about if brought up at all, and certainly not discussed in front of dad!

In my house now, it has always been discussed openly ("matter of factly", not in a low or gross way, KWIM?) and as just a biological fat of life. Sure it can be a bit of a nuisance at times, but you deal. We talk openly, joke about it, and she isn't embarrassed to bring it up in front of her dad (of course, her entire relationship with her dad is 100% different than mine was). Mostly we joke about the moodiness that precedes it..... luckily, she mainly gets huggy and loving.

ETA : another thumbs up for the American Girl book!!!! Bought that ahead of time for DD and it is great!!!

not meaning this as judgmental, but just a thought.

 

[clutter]

If you've never had cramps then you can't know how debilitating they can be. For some girls, they make it impossible to function. Tonsil removal has nothing on menstrual cramps.

Abdominal surgery has nothing on cramps for some!!!

 

[brat]

My oldest is looking forward to getting hers, she has already read both the American girl book and Judy Blume.I read Judy Blume as a kid, I was a late bloomer so all of my friends got theirs before I did.Mom took me shopping for clothing and I was allowed to get more adult looking clothing.I still remember the 3 outfits we got on that shopping trip.My Moms code for that time of the month was to ask if she needed to put chocolate on the shopping list.

My oldest has already got her heart set on a shopping trip.One of her frinds got her first sleeping over at our home last year.

 

[Wishing on a star]

You're fortunate that you haven't needed medicine for cramps, but that doesn't mean that someone else is wrong for needing something. Don't make your child feel bad if she does need a Midol or a Tylenol.

Amen!

But, it's gotta be ibuprofen!!!

 

[bigbabyblues]

Hope this isn't TMI.

I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandma never told me anything. I bleed heavy and have horrible cramps, and I have since I first started when I was 11. There were a few times that I passed out in school from it, and it was really embarrassing. I finally got my mother (grandma wanted no part of it) to take me to the doctor and put me on bc pills, but that didn't help too much either.

I started using the Kotex Ultra thin pads when I was in high school, and I liked them because they were thinner than whatever I used before that, and I didn't feel like they were noticeable, if that makes sense. I still use them, although I use them with tampons now. I am another that wishes I had started using tampons earlier than I did. I would buy a few different kinds of things, maybe sample or travel packs if you can find them so you aren't stuck with a bunch of things she doesn't like, and let her try them.