Mother's Guilt about not taking the kids...

[IheartAriel]

A bit of back story on the trip itself...We've had a bit of a rough start to our year health wise so I booked a surprise trip in August for just the DH and myself as a thank you to him for taking care of of me and the family when times were tough. It will be just the two of us without our girls (4 & 5). Well the mother's guilt is starting to sink in. I've mentioned the trip to some friends and when I tell them it's just the two of us I get similar reactions of "what are you going to tell the girls?" "you're not taking the girls?" "how are you going to pull that one off with the girls?" I just tell them that I'm not telling them and that we're just going to go.

Since this was such a last minute decision to go (I got a great rate on the room) I didn't think I would have such a hard time planning without the girls. They absolutely LOVE Disney, that happens with two Disney freaks for parents, and my oldest has been asking recently when we get to go back. We do have plans to take them next summer for my youngest's 5th birthday so there are plans in the works for them to go within the next year or so however just not as soon as this August.

Are there any other parents out there that have experienced this? The guilt is killing me!!!

 

[bdoyledimou]

When DW and I went to WDW to celebrate her seventeenth 23rd birthday we left the kids at home.. and yes every step of the trip was -- the kids would love this, the kids would loe that, i can't believe the kids are missing this --- and then we would look at each other and say "i am so glad i can experience this with YOU"

from the sounds of it, you deserve it! Also keep in mind that MOST people think of WDW as a kids destination -- and don't realise the myriad of things for Adults to do ....

So go , and enjoy it -- and while there possibly book a bounce back to bring the kids a little later on?

 

[ccgirl]

A bit of back story on the trip itself...We've had a bit of a rough start to our year health wise so I booked a surprise trip in August for just the DH and myself as a thank you to him for taking care of of me and the family when times were tough. It will be just the two of us without our girls (4 & 5). Well the mother's guilt is starting to sink in. I've mentioned the trip to some friends and when I tell them it's just the two of us I get similar reactions of "what are you going to tell the girls?" "you're not taking the girls?" "how are you going to pull that one off with the girls?" I just tell them that I'm not telling them and that we're just going to go.

Since this was such a last minute decision to go (I got a great rate on the room) I didn't think I would have such a hard time planning without the girls. They absolutely LOVE Disney, that happens with two Disney freaks for parents, and my oldest has been asking recently when we get to go back. We do have plans to take them next summer for my youngest's 5th birthday so there are plans in the works for them to go within the next year or so however just not as soon as this August.

Are there any other parents out there that have experienced this? The guilt is killing me!!!

My DH and myself have gone a few times without children. However, I choose to just tell them where we are going. That way I don't feel like I'm sneaking around. I think it's important for children to understand that mommy and daddy alone time is very important. Now, they just tell me to have a great time and bring them back something. The first time was always hard. Now, I happily go. Do I miss my children, sure. But, it is much more of a me and us vacation than the children's vacation.

Have a great time!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

DH and I have gone to WDW numerous times without the kids and this Nov we"re going to Great Exuma without them. Do I feel guilty? Absolutely not!

They had their vacation this year. They sailed on the Fantasy and now DH and I will have ours.

Go and have fun!
But I would tell the girls. I wouldn't sneak around.

 

[mommystieg]

We went about 5 years ago without the kids and I felt terrible for leaving them behind. We did let our kids know where we would be - I am no good at secrets and we still took our annual family trip that year so it wasn't like they didn't get to go at all.

Go and don't feel too guilty (you're a mom so some guilt is just a given). We had an awesome time. DH and I hadn't been anywhere without the kids for more than a night since we were married 14 years before our trip. It was so nice to actually get to ride together and sit down to eat a meal together.

 

[dsnymoners]

I am so glad you posted this. We are debating the same thing and I am torn on what we should do.

 

[IheartAriel]

DH and I have been there on our own about two years ago so telling the kids was no big deal. But now with the oldest being 5 she knows what the deal is and will probably cry and increase my guilt! Since it's a surprise trip for DH I can't exactly tell them right now about it because they will spill the beans! So in the long run my guilt should only last as long as it takes for me to drop them off at day camp this summer since the DH won't be finding out about the trip until that afternoon when we jet off to the World!

I have a feeling once I step foot on property my guilt will be washed away and I will enjoy the trip and not think too much about what's happening at home. After all our next family trip will be coming up soon after this one!

 

[CarolineB]

When I moved to Orlando last summer, DS8 stayed with his dad until school started. I went ahead and bought passes to Sea World and Universal Studios and didn't feel any guilt about going there without DS. When he arrived, I bought him his own passes. In April, I bought WDW passes and in a few weeks, he'll be back with his dad for the summer and I won't feel guilty going without him. Parents need a break from their kids and to be able to enjoy the parks at their own pace and schedule.

I know it's not the same as taking a vacation without the kids but it kind of was for me.

 

[ktlm]

DH and I have been there on our own about two years ago so telling the kids was no big deal. But now with the oldest being 5 she knows what the deal is and will probably cry and increase my guilt! Since it's a surprise trip for DH I can't exactly tell them right now about it because they will spill the beans! So in the long run my guilt should only last as long as it takes for me to drop them off at day camp this summer since the DH won't be finding out about the trip until that afternoon when we jet off to the World!

I have a feeling once I step foot on property my guilt will be washed away and I will enjoy the trip and not think too much about what's happening at home. After all our next family trip will be coming up soon after this one!

How do you think your DH will feel about a surprise trip to WDW that doesn't include the kids? I know that as much as I love Disney, if DH did that to me, I would be heartbroken. I would be so upset if he swept me off to WDW and left DD behind, and I know that DD (6) would be crushed. I can't imagine planning a trip like that without the kids without checking with my spouse first.

When DD was 2, we went to DL without her (due to a business trip I had in the area). The whole time, all I was thinking about was how much she would love it there. We wound up going home and immediately booking a trip WDW for 6 months later, so we could take her.

I will also tell you that my cousin is over 40 and when she was a little kid her parents went to WDW, and it is still a sore spot with her. She never forgot it. Of course, that could be different with you because your kids have been before and will also get to go again soon. My cousin had never been when her parents went without her.

Not to burst your bubble, as it sounds like you guys really need some sort of grown up trip. I just want you to be sure you have thought the whole thing through.

 

[pigletto]

My neighbours husband booked them a surprise trip and they had a wonderful time!! I too thought "Without the kids?". That's because mine are 15 and 8 and Disney fanatics and would have been sad. However, we got AP's this year and have gone enough that I think dh and I could do a quick getaway with minimal guilt.
If the kids will be safe and sound I think you should do it. I think as a whole it's easy to neglect our marriages and not get much alone time. Dh and I went out for dinner alone last month and realized it was easily the firs time in 2 or 3 YEARS. So we're making more of an effort now.
I guess sometimes I get so caught up in being the best mom I can be that I forget the relationship that is the foundation of this family. It needs time too.
Good Luck with whatever you decide. I know it isn't an easy decision.

 

[JavArmy]

I could MAYBE see having guilt if you weren't returning with the kiddos within a year, but you are, so I say go for it!! I am taking my first vacation w/o my kids (ages4 and 6) and I'm soooo excited!! I only wish i was going with my husband!! We are military, so we have no family nearby so to fly with the kids to iowa and back and us to our vacation, it would cost a FORTUNE!! Maybe some day!! I say go and be grateful that you are able to spend the time together.

p.s. I am going with my 14 year old sister, so not totally getting the "grown up" expieriance, but it will be a little closer!!

 

[kehlyrsmom]

My DH and I just got back from a very brief Anniversary trip on the 19th of this month we where only there from the 15th to the 19th. We had also taken a trip a couple of years ago for 6 days at that time. No I did not feely guilty about not taking them we really needed some time together. Also our situation is slightly different though since we have a family trip coming this September, so no I did not feel guilty about going without them.

We started taking our kids in 2006 to WDW and have taken them every year now sinc. When we go in September my son's birthday falls during the week that we have gone now for the last 5 years so he has gotten to celebrate his birthday at WDW since 2007. Mom and grandpa got to celebrate our birthday's the first year we took the kids. Anyway our daughter has a December birthday and we have promised her for the last several years that we would take her for her b-day. Only problem is her b-day is Dec 23rd which is a really bad time to go. We just purcahased a SSR DVC with Dec use year so we might take her for an early Dec b-day this year as a surprise.

 

[maganda]

I'm also planning a trip for DH and me, sans kids. I will be running in the 2013 Disney half marathon. Due to the timing of the race, it isn't practical for us to take the kids out of school to watch me run. At first I had a hard time accepting that it's ok for my husband and I go to WDW without our kids but I'm also a little excited about having an adults trip for a change. I change my diet in a big way when I train for a race so I'm really looking forward to eating and drinking "good stuff" once the race is over!

I think it will show us a completely new dimension to Disney that we don't normally see when our kids are with us. And it's true that moms and dads need some alone time. It's good for our marriage.

We are heading down as a family next month. My kids are disappointed that they can't come with us next January, but they know it isn't the end of the world.

 

[IheartAriel]

DH and I pretty much have the same frame of mind about vacations, both with and without the kids. So by me surprising him with just a trip for the two of us I know he will be fine with it. He'll ask initially about the kids but will be good to go after I tell him the deal.

The idea of us going back within the year helps me to be ok with it.

Now do we do APs or not! That's a topic for a whole other thread!

 

[jenne]

I am planning a trip this summer without the kids - for my 40th! My husband and I are doing 5 days at Disney (for me) and a six day cruise (for him). We both come back happy and we are better parents!

 

[ccgirl]

DH and I pretty much have the same frame of mind about vacations, both with and without the kids. So by me surprising him with just a trip for the two of us I know he will be fine with it. He'll ask initially about the kids but will be good to go after I tell him the deal.

The idea of us going back within the year helps me to be ok with it.

Now do we do APs or not! That's a topic for a whole other thread!

Wow...I must be really lucky. My kiddos were not sad at all. My DS was 3 at the time so too young to probably know. But, my DD was 8 and actually helped my DH with a romantic surprise for me. SHe was genuinely excited for me. Now, if I had gone and not told her and got back she would have been mad that I lied. I guess all children are different though.

As far as AP's, if the trip next year is within 12 months, I would get them. You don't have to count x number of days. You get discounts and you can also get the TiW card. Depending on where you are eating this trip, you can save a good deal of money.

Have a wonderful trip!

 

[stackyallred]

DH and I started going to WDW yearly in the 6 years before we had kids so we still go. We spend the first half of the trip with our son and one of our parents who accompanies us and then they take DS home and we stay a week alone for our anniversary. Yes, it is hard to say goodbye to DS and I am sure as he grows to love WDW more it will get harder. However, this is the one time of year that DH and I just focus on "us time" and Disney was a part of us before we were parents. I will admit though, that I definitely couldn't go alone regularly if DS didn't also get to go fairly regularly, too.

I totally understand your guilt, but remember, you and DH having alone, quality time together is still very beneficial to your kids! My parents never did anything without us kids (partly because of guilt, partly because of money, partly because of no reliable family to leave us with). My mom often says that she values what DH and I do and wishes she and my dad had placed a bigger priority on having quality time to get away and reconnect. They have had lots of marital issues, especially as us kids have grown up and moved out and they both regret not giving each other that one on one time. I have seen the negative effect of that in them and that is why DH and I have committed to always take one week each year and do something away as long as it is financially possible. Your kids may not understand now but someday, they may thank you for setting a great example.

 

[ccgirl]

DH and I started going to WDW yearly in the 6 years before we had kids so we still go. We spend the first half of the trip with our son and one of our parents who accompanies us and then they take DS home and we stay a week alone for our anniversary. Yes, it is hard to say goodbye to DS and I am sure as he grows to love WDW more it will get harder. However, this is the one time of year that DH and I just focus on "us time" and Disney was a part of us before we were parents. I will admit though, that I definitely couldn't go alone regularly if DS didn't also get to go fairly regularly, too.

I totally understand your guilt, but remember, you and DH having alone, quality time together is still very beneficial to your kids! My parents never did anything without us kids (partly because of guilt, partly because of money, partly because of no reliable family to leave us with). My mom often says that she values what DH and I do and wishes she and my dad had placed a bigger priority on having quality time to get away and reconnect. They have had lots of marital issues, especially as us kids have grown up and moved out and they both regret not giving each other that one on one time. I have seen the negative effect of that in them and that is why DH and I have committed to always take one week each year and do something away as long as it is financially possible. Your kids may not understand now but someday, they may thank you for setting a great example.

Bolded mine. Just wanted to say . I couldn't agree with you more. My DH and myself get one long weekend a year and every five years a week in addition to the long weekend. My DD9 now says she hopes she has as good of a marriage with her husband as I do with her dad. I guess I have too many friends who had their marriage dissolve after the kids moved out because they had lost touch with each other (their words not mine).

Go, have fun. The guilt will lessen once you get there and enjoy the time just the two of you.

 

[WDW2012]

We took the kids (then 3 and 6) in 2009 and had such a great time that dh and I went back in 2010 for our 10 year anniversary (and we had been about 4 times together before kids). At the time we told the kids we were going to Florida for our anniversary trip and when we came back with Disney stuff we told them we went to Downtown Disney At this point they know we actually went to Disney but they are cool with it as we're going back in September. Don't feel guilty! Go and have fun. They've been before and they are going again. Enjoy the time without strollers, bags, naps, etc.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

We've done 2 Disney trips without our kids. The first was in Jan. 2008; our kids had just been in Sept 2007 and we already had a trip booked for the upcoming Sept -- so we felt no guilt. They were about 2 and 5 1/2, and we didn't tell them where we were going, but brought back presents, of course. This last time was in Nov. 2011, and we had just spent a week there six months prior, so again, I didn't feel like they were being shorted. We did tell them where we were going (ages 5, 9) and they did grumble a bit, but we explained that we were doing things they could not do (tours). They haven't held it against us.

I say definitely go. It's very different to be at Disney as adults than with children. On our child-free trips, I would be absolutely giddy telling my husband, "I don't have to push a stroller today!" On our adult trips, we do more open-to-close touring and really go-go-go the entire time. We go at an insane pace and have a blast.