Moms with boys, bathroom question

[CaraMiaBelle]

Of course you did. Look back a few pages. And at Disney which is where we are discussing, there are alternatives. They may not be as convenient as you would like but there are alternatives. They are even on the map.

Seriously, I do not know why I am responding to this. I clearly did not say that. You do not know who you are talking to. I have firsthand experience with a situation to which you are referring with your foster daughter. I would not willfully force her into a situation she was uncomfortable with, and I would not want anyone to force my son into a situation he was uncomfortable with. Being sympathetic to one, does not negate the others needs.
I already said I would exhaust those alternatives first. Sometimes, those really aren't alternatives at all. If a 7 year old has to go, he sometimes has to go, NOW. Have you ever fostered boys before? They really are still little boys at this point.
Just try to remember to be sympathetic to others as you would expect them to be to you. Things are not always as black and white as they appear. If you are bringing someone like your foster daughter into a restroom and there are boys there, you CAN politely ask their mom to have them leave for her sake. I am certain no one would have any problems with that.

 

[cheer25mom]

I've had a boy peek at me at Disney. I wacked the door and it hit him in the nose. His mother was none to happy. Too bad I told her I control her child.
It's not te periods are something to be embarassed about but when files first get them they often dot want boys to know because boys are embarassed an make faces,noise make fun of them etc. probably because the boys don't get it.

I have had it happen more than once at Disney and had a kid almost as tall as me look under the stall door because I had on the same shoes as his mom and he thought I was her! Boys belong in the men's room or in the stall with mom, period. If they are too big to go in the stall with mom, they are too big to be in the ladies room, and you need to find a companion restroom if you are that concerned the big bad boogie man is going to get them. (Special needs kids are of course a different story, but I still think he companion bathroom us the best solution there for all concerned)

 

[cheer25mom]

JIf you are bringing someone like your foster daughter into a restroom and there are boys there, you CAN politely ask their mom to have them leave for her sake. I am certain no one would have any problems with that.

Actually, I think it is much more likely that those boys moms would pitch a hissy fit because "girls rights don't come first" as you said before. They would be horrified that their little darling was asked to leave the women's restroom and put up a huge stink. You cannot explain the why behind the request in a ladies room in front of the girl, and frankly, that info is private and none of their business. No, I don't think they would understand or be nice about it at all.

 

[CaraMiaBelle]

I know that because my DGD has social anxiety, and at 11, she is finally managing it well. Until very recently, even going to school if she was not feeling well took planning for her so that she would be comfortable if she needed to visit the nurse. Let's not talk about her traipsing off on her own. My DD would always try to find a way to minimize her anxiety, but she also had to balance her DD's personal challenges with the other people who may be impacted by her challenges.

I do not think this would even be a discussion if we did not also have to contend with parents whose own anxiety overshadows any information that negates all of the misinformation about bathroom horrors. It is my belief that we have been limiting the discussion to those parents and their tween boys

I understand completely. That is EXACTLY how my son is.
And my point was that we SHOULD be considerate of others and use other options, when available. I even stated that I was trying to get him to become more independent and comfortable using public restrooms by sending him in with his 5 year old brother and trying the use of a whistle.
As far as your last statement, for the majority, absolutely most are discussing parental anxiety with tweens. There is however, most definitely someone here, possibly 2, that have a problem with those 9 and under, even with special needs. Keep reading. Although I understand the situation she is talking about, we do all need to be aware and considerate of others.

 

[CaraMiaBelle]

Actually, I think it is much more likely that those boys moms would pitch a hissy fit because "girls rights don't come first" as you said before. They would be horrified that their little darling was asked to leave the women's restroom and put up a huge stink. You cannot explain the why behind the request in a ladies room in front of the girl, and frankly, that info is private and none of their business. No, I don't think they would understand or be nice about it at all.

Yes, I suppose if you get someone not so understanding (which apparently is very likely) who needs a reason, that could be difficult since you cannot explain in front of them. Honestly, I would probably assume it were period related if someone asked me.
But that does prove my point, both moms of the girls AND moms of the boys, need to be sympathetic to others needs. If a mom nicely says, would you mind taking your boys somewhere else, my daughter feels uncomfortable, that should clearly be honored.

 

[luvmy3]

Actually, I think it is much more likely that those boys moms would pitch a hissy fit because "girls rights don't come first" as you said before. They would be horrified that their little darling was asked to leave the women's restroom and put up a huge stink. You cannot explain the why behind the request in a ladies room in front of the girl, and frankly, that info is private and none of their business. No, I don't think they would understand or be nice about it at all.

I tend to agree with you. Mother's who disregard the fact that bringing their older son into the woman's room will make girls/ladies in there uncomfortable will not take kindly to someone asking them to leave.

And before anyone comments, I am talking about mother's of older boys without special needs.

 

[cheer25mom]

Seriously, I do not know why I am responding to this. I clearly did not say that. You do not know who you are talking to. I have firsthand experience with a situation to which you are referring with your foster daughter. I would not willfully force her into a situation she was uncomfortable with, and I would not want anyone to force my son into a situation he was uncomfortable with. Being sympathetic to one, does not negate the others needs.
I already said I would exhaust those alternatives first. Sometimes, those really aren't alternatives at all. If a 7 year old has to go, he sometimes has to go, NOW. Have you ever fostered boys before? They really are still little boys at this point.
Just try to remember to be sympathetic to others as you would expect them to be to you. Things are not always as black and white as they appear. If you are bringing someone like your foster daughter into a restroom and there are boys there, you CAN politely ask their mom to have them leave for her sake. I am certain no one would have any problems with that.

Yes, I suppose if you get someone not so understanding (which apparently is very likely) who needs a reason, that could be difficult since you cannot explain in front of them. Honestly, I would probably assume it were period related if someone asked me.
But that does prove my point, both moms of the girls AND moms of the boys, need to be sympathetic to others needs.

All of this would be fixed, or at least minimized if moms took their boys into the stalls with them, or found a companion restroom if they were too big to go into a stall with mom. I honestly think this is the best solution. DD went into the stall with me until she was able to handle things on her own and I could trust her to wait for me. At that pont she didn't need me in the restroom with her, and if I didn't have to go, I sent her alone. I don't get why the same doesn't apply to boys. It is really no different, despite the fact that many have some kind of irrational fear of the molestor in the restroom. The facts simply don't bear out their fears as having any basis in reality.

 

[Nancyg56]

As far as your last statement, for the majority, absolutely most are discussing parental anxiety with tweens. There is however, most definitely someone here, possibly 2, that have a problem with those 9 and under, even with special needs. Keep reading. Although I understand the situation she is talking about, we do all need to be aware and considerate of others.

I know. I understand it as well. We are parents so we all understand that children need to go when they need to go. We sympathize with parents who need to manage restroom visits with kids whose needs make it impossible to either send them in alone, or to have them wait by the door, and I think that even if some are uncomfortable, they do not suggest abandoning those kids are compromising their safety.

What most of us keep coming back to is the "my needs supercede your rights, parenting decisions. I also think some of us question how keeping kids safe can occur if the child is not in the stall with the parent. In my lifetime, I have not been able to manage to answer that question, and when my boys were at an age when it was not okay for them to be in the stall with me, then I needed to teach them how to stay safe on their own. As a single mom with two little boys and one little girl, it was not an easy balancing act, but the hardest part was coming to terms with what was reality, and what was a fiction I had conjured up.

It is not just bathroom issues. Parents cannot shelter their children, so it is part of their job to teach them how to react in situations in which they may be vulnerable. When a parent decides that the fears in their own mind justify whatever means they employ no matter the rights to others, then the problem becomes personal to others. I think that is why there is so much passion about this subject We have all encountered "that Mom" whose tween is still being treated as though he is a little boy, and forces the rest of us to endure her idiosyncrasies. I don't mind indulging a lot for parental peace of mind, but I do not think it is my job to satisfy young make curiosity in order to complete that parents thoughts her boy is safe and sound while she is using her own private stall.

 

[CaraMiaBelle]

All of this would be fixed, or at least minimized if moms took their boys into the stalls with them, or found a companion restroom if they were too big to go into a stall with mom. I honestly think this is the best solution. DD went into the stall with me until she was able to handle things on her own and I could trust her to wait for me. At that pont she didn't need me in the restroom with her, and if I didn't have to go, I sent her alone. I don't get why the same doesn't apply to boys. It is really no different, despite the fact that many have some kind of irrational fear of the molestor in the restroom. The facts simply don't bear out their fears as having any basis in reality.

I was not referring to older boys with moms with irrational fears, but 6-9 year olds. In the case you are referring to, I would indeed have to respond differently.
For those older boys that may be in the ladies room, I am still stressing that there are also boys with invisible challenges such as anxiety, sensory integration disorder, or autism and you may not know it. I am not saying they should not be respectful as well, and try to use the companion rooms, but if they are not available for whatever reason, I would be understanding as well.

 

[cheer25mom]

I was not referring to older boys with moms with irrational fears, but 6-9 year olds. In the case you are referring to, I would indeed have to respond differently.
For those older boys that may be in the ladies room, I am still stressing that there are also boys with invisible challenges such as anxiety, sensory integration disorder, or autism and you may not know it. I am not saying they should not be respectful as well, and try to use the companion rooms, but if they are not available for whatever reason, I would be understanding as well.

I think there is no reason a typical(non special needs) 8 or 9 year old needs to go to the bathroom with mom. My 9 year old has been going alone since just after she turned 6. They can do just fine at school going from classroom to restroom and back by themselves. This is really no different, no mater what invisible danger mom believes is out there. An emergency situation with a special needs child should be a rare occurrence. The number of grade school boys in WDW restrooms standing around waiting on mom unsupervised is much greater than that situation would require. Seems to me that these moms don't care about anyone else's comfort or modesty.

I do get that special needs kids are different, I have an autistic nephew who I would never expect to handle the rr on his own. But I wouldn't take him into the ladies room with me unless there was no other option. I just don't think very many others are as considerate based on the number of boys I see standing around in WDW restrooms.

Bottom line, if you are not going to let your boy go to restroom himself, take him in the stall with you or find a companion bathroom. Yes, there are rare exceptions with special needs kids where that isn't possible, but they should be few and far between if you plan restroom visits around where family restrooms can be found. I have done it. It is not that hard.

 

[Mama Who]

How many 6 year old boys are running around peeking in stalls and why would that bother you anymore than a strange little girl looking in your stall. In several decades of using the restroom at a large variety of places I have never once had a child put his or her eye up to the crack in the door. Please people be realistic!

I'm being realistic, the little jerk was 9 and, as stated above, his mother threw a hissy over me yelling when I caught him peeking into my stall.

I do not have to justify to you why I don't want strange boys staring at me while I pee. That you are comfortable with that is your business but it is not a realistic expectation of the rest of us.

 

[Granny square]

Lol, people don't want to believe and act in facts. So, if you (general) want to pretend your child is going to be hurt, others can have their beliefs too.

I'd much rather kids be given accurate information about their safety concerns.

 

[Mom2six]

Before jumping all over and trying to belittle both me and my daughter next time, you might want to keep up with the thread before you post. Nobody that I'm aware of is talking about 6 year olds. You might have caught this post from me just a page or two back. You might have found out our feelings on this aren't that far apart:

First, I am sorry if you felt I belittled you and your daughter. I certainly am not going to belittle someone's child. Before I mentioned daughters, I did say not you in particular. Several posters have been going on about teenage girls who have their period.

Second I read the first several pages of the thread, and three or four pages at the end. More importantly, I read the post YOU quoted. In that post Disneywalker states her son was going into the men's room at 7, maybe 8, and that right now she has a 6 year old son.

In the pages directly preceding your post, several women mentioned taking their 6 year old into the women's room and were told they should be taken into the stall with them to prevent peeking at other women. Other posters have mentioned that 6 year olds taking into the women's room should be taught proper bathroom manners, stand in front of mommy's stall facing the door to prevent them seeing other women...so yeah, people ARE talking about 6 year olds throughout this thread. Beginning with the OP, and in the post you quoted.

 

[Mom2six]

I'm being realistic, the little jerk was 9 and, as stated above, his mother threw a hissy over me yelling when I caught him peeking into my stall.

I do not have to justify to you why I don't want strange boys staring at me while I pee. That you are comfortable with that is your business but it is not a realistic expectation of the rest of us.

I am sure you had a bad experience and I apologize that you were traumatized by a badly behaved 9 year old boy. However, the majority of little boys in the restroom are not running around wanting to watch you pee...and you have not explained to me how a little boy being rude is any different than a little girl being rude. I don't think that little children should be peeking at people in stalls, if they are girls or boys! However, I think people who are afraid of this happening are being paranoid! This thread did not begin as a thread about kids being rude in bathrooms - it is a thread about whether or not to take a little boy into the women's room or leave him out in the park alone.

One incident has nothing to do with all children. We really can't ban children from restrooms after all!

 

[Mom2six]

Then the PP should have quoted the OP. But she quoted me as if I had an issue with 6 year boys in the ladies room.

Well, good to know you don't have an issue with 6 year old boys in the ladies room. I apologize. I was confused because the person you quoted said her son is 6.

 

[luvmy3]

I am sure you had a bad experience and I apologize that you were traumatized by a badly behaved 9 year old boy. However, the majority of little boys in the restroom are not running around wanting to watch you pee...and you have not explained to me how a little boy being rude is any different than a little girl being rude. I don't think that little children should be peeking at people in stalls, if they are girls or boys! However, I think people who are afraid of this happening are being paranoid! This thread did not begin as a thread about kids being rude in bathrooms - it is a thread about whether or not to take a little boy into the women's room or leave him out in the park alone.

One incident has nothing to do with all children. We really can't ban children from restrooms after all!

I dont think anyone is "afraid" of it happening, but women do have the right to feel uncomfortable about it happening. They have the right to go into the WOMAN's room and expect privacy. That isn't paranoia, its just common sense.
This is a disussion board, where people discuss topics. Sometimes a thread gets started and evolves, and if you have been around here for any length of time you would know that boys in woman's room threads always do.

 

[Mom2six]

I dont think anyone is "afraid" of it happening, but women do have the right to feel uncomfortable about it happening. They have the right to go into the WOMAN's room and expect privacy. That isn't paranoia, its just common sense.
This is a disussion board, where people discuss topics. Sometimes a thread gets started and evolves, and if you have been around here for any length of time you would know that boys in woman's room threads always do.

Okay. I hear you saying that women are uncomfortable because little boys might watch them pee if they are allowed in a woman's room. I can see that being uncomfortable. Perhaps I have been lucky because I have not encountered this rampant urine fascination. Why would little boys being interested in watching you pee?

However, what I also see is that you apparently either think that little girls would not peek into a stall or that you don't care if little girls peek into your stall? This is what I am unclear about.

How much PRIVACY do you think you have in a public restroom where there are openings around the door, and along the floor? Why are you okay with a 6 or 7 year old girl watching you in a stall? Many of the women in this thread have said they send their 6 year olds into restrooms alone...that means that 6 year old girls are running around in the women's room. Wouldn't they be as likely to peek at you?

I don't think that very many people have stated that it is okay for any child to put their eye up to the cracks in your stall. Are you seriously saying that large numbers of children are going around spying on people in the restroom? And I have just been incredibly lucky enough to not have ever encountered one spying on me or on anyone in the bathrooms I have walked through? How many times has this actually happened to you and have they always been boys? Interesting.

 

[luvmy3]

Okay. I hear you saying that women are uncomfortable because little boys might watch them pee if they are allowed in a woman's room. I can see that being uncomfortable. Perhaps I have been lucky because I have not encountered this rampant urine fascination. Why would little boys being interested in watching you pee?

However, what I also see is that you apparently either think that little girls would not peek into a stall or that you don't care if little girls peek into your stall? This is what I am unclear about.

How much PRIVACY do you think you have in a public restroom where there are openings around the door, and along the floor? Why are you okay with a 6 or 7 year old girl watching you in a stall? Many of the women in this thread have said they send their 6 year olds into restrooms alone...that means that 6 year old girls are running around in the women's room. Wouldn't they be as likely to peek at you?

I don't think that very many people have stated that it is okay for any child to put their eye up to the cracks in your stall. Are you seriously saying that large numbers of children are going around spying on people in the restroom? And I have just been incredibly lucky enough to not have ever encountered one spying on me or on anyone in the bathrooms I have walked through? How many times has this actually happened to you and have they always been boys? Interesting.

Wow you got all that from that post? I assume you have me confused with someone else, or you have just read what you want into what I actually did say

Way back in the beginning of this thread I stated I personally dont care if some boy is staring at me, that goes for a girl as well. I'm well beyond the age where things like that make me uncomfortable. Of course any child of any gender should be taught proper public restroom etiquette.


Having said that, I do have a teen dd who would be extremely uncomfortable with a boy above the age of 7/8 (and I dont know what your definition of little is) staring at her through the crack of the stall while she was taking care of her personal private bathroom needs. Do I think she would be just as uncomfortable with another girl doing the same, I dont know. But you know what, that doesnt matter, because its the womans room, females will be expected in there. I'm not going to diminish any female's feelings when it comes to males of any age staring at them, regardless of how they feel if another female does. Boys past a certain age no longer belong in the woman's restroom.

 

[Minniesgal]

Yes but to me the big question is how old is older. What is an older boy to some mums will be a younger boy to others.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes but to me the big question is how old is older. What is an older boy to some mums will be a younger boy to others.

IMO 8 years old and up. To put that in perspective that is a 4th grader.