Moms with boys, bathroom question

[crisi]

You're right, people are different which is why for someone to put an age on when boys should not be in a women's room will never be agreed upon. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is one way or the other. I go in, I pee, I leave. Whatever I am doing, it is behind closed doors. I don't like kids peeking in, but that applies to girls too.

I see it as a pretty big deal. Not when the kid in question is six - although that is starting to push it - but eventually, you have to let go. What is a good age? When do you trust them to be able to handle themselves.

At some point your child will be an adult, and that adult will need to use the restroom in a truck stop. Or need to travel - alone - to a different country on business. Your child will need to be equipped to watch for danger signs going to a parked car. They'll need to be able to go off to college, or basic training - join the peace corp. Be equipped to raise their own kids. That process starts the day you bring them home from the hospital, and you don't have as much time as you think you do to raise independent kids.

There are always bad people out there - they don't stop existing when your kid is ten or fourteen or thirty four. You need to equip your kids to deal with it. A Disney bathroom is probably one of the safest places to start teaching it. And a whistle is a great idea.

And if moms of boys going to bathrooms are this scared, its amazing that those of us with girls (I have both) ever let them leave the house. Because for them, the danger only increases when they are twelve. And its truly frightening when they are eighteen to twenty one and it isn't true strangers they have to be careful of.

We could drop the whole issue by just making all restrooms coed and everyone does their business behind a stall door. I've been in bars like that, and have discovered I don't care, so no one else should either. However, we haven't gotten to a world with coed bathrooms, so there is some point at which its inappropriate to bring a boy into the women's room.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I see it as a pretty big deal. Not when the kid in question is six - although that is starting to push it - but eventually, you have to let go. What is a good age? When do you trust them to be able to handle themselves.

At some point your child will be an adult, and that adult will need to use the restroom in a truck stop. Or need to travel - alone - to a different country on business. Your child will need to be equipped to watch for danger signs going to a parked car. They'll need to be able to go off to college, or basic training - join the peace corp. Be equipped to raise their own kids. That process starts the day you bring them home from the hospital, and you don't have as much time as you think you do to raise independent kids.

There are always bad people out there - they don't stop existing when your kid is ten or fourteen or thirty four. You need to equip your kids to deal with it. A Disney bathroom is probably one of the safest places to start teaching it. And a whistle is a great idea.

And if moms of boys going to bathrooms are this scared, its amazing that those of us with girls (I have both) ever let them leave the house. Because for them, the danger only increases when they are twelve. And its truly frightening when they are eighteen to twenty one and it isn't true strangers they have to be careful of.

We could drop the whole issue by just making all restrooms coed and everyone does their business behind a stall door. I've been in bars like that, and have discovered I don't care, so no one else should either. However, we haven't gotten to a world with coed bathrooms, so there is some point at which its inappropriate to bring a boy into the women's room.

Very well stated. In a perfect world parents wouldn't need to be afraid of bad things happening to their kids. It's not a perfect world and we parents need to teach our kids how to function in it.

I have to agree with crisi about daughters. I have an 18 year old daughter along with my 14 year old. My daughter drives which can be very nerve wracking for a parent and has a job. She works retail and her shifts are all over the place. Friday night she was scheduled until the store closed at 11 pm and then had to stay and help clean up. I literally have no idea when she "should" be home. Then she has to walk across the pretty empty parking lot, get in her car and drive home. I admit it, I worry about her and make her check in with me when she gets home so I know she's safe.

She's heading off to college this fall. College in a major metropolitan city. Talk about scary! My friend's daughter was robbed at gunpoint on the same campus just a few years ago. I could sit around and fuss and insist she go to the local community college so I feel better about it, but I realize she is 18, she is an adult, she is very responsible and resourceful and it is time for her to spread her wings. Will I worry? Yes. Will I check in? As often as I can get away with it. That being said, I will trust her and trust that her father and I have raised her to be a capable and competent young lady.

Kids need to take the baby steps in order to be prepared for the bigger steps. A good baby step....letting a child use the restroom by him or herself.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Very well stated. In a perfect world parents wouldn't need to be afraid of bad things happening to their kids. It's not a perfect world and we parents need to teach our kids how to function in it.

I have to agree with crisi about daughters. I have an 18 year old daughter along with my 14 year old. My daughter drives which can be very nerve wracking for a parent and has a job. She works retail and her shifts are all over the place. Friday night she was scheduled until the store closed at 11 pm and then had to stay and help clean up. I literally have no idea when she "should" be home. Then she has to walk across the pretty empty parking lot, get in her car and drive home. I admit it, I worry about her and make her check in with me when she gets home so I know she's safe.

She's heading off to college this fall. College in a major metropolitan city. Talk about scary! My friend's daughter was robbed at gunpoint on the same campus just a few years ago. I could sit around and fuss and insist she go to the local community college so I feel better about it, but I realize she is 18, she is an adult, she is very responsible and resourceful and it is time for her to spread her wings. Will I worry? Yes. Will I check in? As often as I can get away with it. That being said, I will trust her and trust that her father and I have raised her to be a capable and competent young lady.

Kids need to take the baby steps in order to be prepared for the bigger steps. A good baby step....letting a child use the restroom by him or herself.

I totally agree with this, especially the bolded part. Children learn confidence and independence, one small step at a time. My DD10 is proud that she can do laundry. Do I make her do laundry weekly, for a family of 6? Of course not! But, she's proud that she knows how. DD18 leaves for college in a few short weeks. She doesn't like to talk to "adults" on the phone (her phrase, not mine!). She got a letter from her college, saying they didn't receive her final transcripts. It would have been so easy for me to handle this, but I had her do it. Three short calls later, it's all resolved--and she has a little more confidence in handling her own matters.

My point in all this is, children need to know that they are competent enough to handle what life throws at them. It starts with small things, like picking what they'd like for lunch, and you work up to major decisions. A place like WDW is an excellent place to try out solo bathroom skills, because the restrooms are family-friendly and safe. There are plenty of parents around who would help a child who looked confused (say, he couldn't turn on the water, or wasn't sure where the exit was). And if you (parent) get nervous, you wouldn't be the first parent to call out from the doorway, or ask a passing dad to check.

IMHO, a dark, stand-alone rest stop restroom is a completely different story. No way would I send a child solo in that case. But, there are good reasons that you can point to, as to why that's different from a bright, well-used restroom in MK.

 

[australiankaren]

I know you mean well, but this board already has Moderators. You are not one of them. If you find a thread is getting out of hand, alert them. It is not your job to moderate in their place, or to tell others how to post.

 

[mollybug2]

I have a 6 year old son. I am fine with him quickly using the men's room while I wait but I struggle with it when I also need to use the restroom and then cannot wait outside for him. Especially eith the frequent long lines in women's rooms. Therefore, I love family restrooms!

 

[sturowski]

Well, I leave the husband at home and travel to Disney with two boys.. One is 3 and the other is 5.. I am not going to leave the 6 year old waiting outside the restroom waiting for me and his 3 year old brother.. I bring them both in with me.. And I have cut the cord but when by myself in crowds with no one else.. Not going to happen .. Same foes for airports when I travel without husband...

 

[disneywalkers]

My 6 year old goes with me if Daddy isn't around to take him. I sometimes have my 15 year old take him but I prefer him to be with me.

I don't think I allowed my 15 year to go to the men's by himself until he was 10 or so and that was because he already looked 14 at that age. At that point I was pretty positive that he would knock someone out of they tried to bother him.

My sons are 6 and 3. Is the 6 year old too old to come into the ladies' room with me? Can I trust him in the men's room alone if I am right outside? He tells me he is ok to go by himself, but I don't know if "I" am ok with it. What do you do?

 

[disneywalkers]

I agree.

And Disney World is so freaking busy most of the time.

I have 6 kids. I have to keep up with them, so I'm taking them in the bathroom with me and if someone doesn't like it I don't get a crap LOL

My boys are 5,7 and almost 9 I'm not very trusting of other people and if my husband isn't with us the all come in the womens room with me unless it is a one stall bathroom ..are they embarrassed??? you bet....do I care??? Nope!! In fact my youngest is the only one that complains LOL

 

[disneywalkers]

It wouldn't make me uncomfortable at all. I prefer kids to be safe.

Wow 9 seems a little old, unless there are other challenges you child has. I'm really hoping you take him into your stall with you. That way he can be safe, and everyone else can be comfortable as well.

 

[disneywalkers]

So their comfort is more important than the safety of a child?

Wow. I hope I've got that wrong, cause that's what I'm getting out of that.

I agree, don't let the boys stand around and look through the cracks, but I've never in all my bathroom trips had that happen and I make a ton of them. I have the bladder the size of a 2 year old and have had 6 kids, so I've seen the bathroom often.

My 6 year old will go with me and he will use the stall himself and he will wash his hands himself and he will stand outside and wait for me up against the outside of my stall facing away from the stalls so I can see his feet. He's been trained and he's a good boy. I want to keep him.

I'm sorry but Disney would be a great place for child molesters to hang out.

Not worth the risk.

As for age....I guess it is personal preference, but I couldn't imagine sending a child over the age of 5 in the opposite sex bathroom. Almost every area has family restrooms for those parents who can't be with them so please take advantage of those locations. I know many parents are concerned about the safety of their children, but keep in mind that when you start taking older children into the restroom you are making others uncomfortable (moms teen/tween/younger girls) and it is unfair to them to be in that situation because of a choice you made.

 

[disneywalkers]

[I disagree, Disney is busy and fast paced. I don't see it as a good place to train them to go to the bathroom by themselves. Not at 6. Maybe 9, but not at 6. My 6 year old looks 4, in fact wears a size 4 in clothing. I don't doubt he can do it on his own. I know he can, that's NOT the issue. The issue to me is losing a kid in the hoopla or something else.

Disney is a family friendly place. But you know how bad people will find their prey at parks. Well Disney's a park too. Don't think it can't happen.


QUOTE=BuzznBelle'smom;48969514]I totally agree with this, especially the bolded part. Children learn confidence and independence, one small step at a time. My DD10 is proud that she can do laundry. Do I make her do laundry weekly, for a family of 6? Of course not! But, she's proud that she knows how. DD18 leaves for college in a few short weeks. She doesn't like to talk to "adults" on the phone (her phrase, not mine!). She got a letter from her college, saying they didn't receive her final transcripts. It would have been so easy for me to handle this, but I had her do it. Three short calls later, it's all resolved--and she has a little more confidence in handling her own matters.

My point in all this is, children need to know that they are competent enough to handle what life throws at them. It starts with small things, like picking what they'd like for lunch, and you work up to major decisions. A place like WDW is an excellent place to try out solo bathroom skills, because the restrooms are family-friendly and safe. There are plenty of parents around who would help a child who looked confused (say, he couldn't turn on the water, or wasn't sure where the exit was). And if you (parent) get nervous, you wouldn't be the first parent to call out from the doorway, or ask a passing dad to check.

IMHO, a dark, stand-alone rest stop restroom is a completely different story. No way would I send a child solo in that case. But, there are good reasons that you can point to, as to why that's different from a bright, well-used restroom in MK.[/QUOTE]

 

[disneywalkers]

Actually that's not true. Studies show that parents who haven't hovered enough, have children that turn out to have more problems in the long run. I encourage research. Many studies have shown that those children have just as many if not more issues later in life.

I do like to be agreed with every now and then ....but I do tend to have more and more angst towards these "helicopter " parents who wont let their child learn valuable life lessons, and nothing can be more valuable than going to the loo by themselves.
We tend to see this more and more, and coming from an educational base, you are not doing your child any favors by hovering over them. The ones who struggle with school, social issues and life in general are the ones who's mothers haven't let them take baby steps towards being self sufficient. These tend to be the kids who never take any responsibility for their actions, as they know their mother will come bounding in and proclaim their innocence, special gift, sainthood etc.

Now this isnt re: kids with special needs, this is about normal functioning kids.

As we say "common sense isn't common practice".
YMMV.

 

[Granny square]

Actually that's not true. Studies show that parents who haven't hovered enough, have children that turn out to have more problems in the long run. I encourage research. Many studies have shown that those children have just as many if not more issues later in life.

Source?

 

[maxiesmom]

[I disagree, Disney is busy and fast paced. I don't see it as a good place to train them to go to the bathroom by themselves. Not at 6. Maybe 9, but not at 6. My 6 year old looks 4, in fact wears a size 4 in clothing. I don't doubt he can do it on his own. I know he can, that's NOT the issue. The issue to me is losing a kid in the hoopla or something else.

If you think your kid can handle it, they can probably handle it. And at that point you are dragging them into the womens room to make yourself feel better, which is not what parenting is all about. It is about raising them up to be smart, self reliant individuals. By giving into your fears when you know they can handle something all you are doing is holding them back.

And by 9 they better darn well be using the mens room. By 4th or 5th grade most kids have been riding the bus to school without mom's help. They can handle 5 minutes in the restroom without it too.

 

[Nancyg56]

My 6 year old goes with me if Daddy isn't around to take him. I sometimes have my 15 year old take him but I prefer him to be with me.

I don't think I allowed my 15 year to go to the men's by himself until he was 10 or so and that was because he already looked 14 at that age. At that point I was pretty positive that he would knock someone out of they tried to bother him.

Wait a minute. are you saying that your 15 YO son is capable of taking his brother to the bathroom, but you prefer that he does not? You also took your 10 but looks like 14 YO son into the ladies room, until he was capable of knocking someone out? I don't have a problem with little boys in the ladies room, but it just boggles my mind that a parent does not trust a teenage son to take his brother to the bathroom.

I give up. I know that these kids are not mine, and that parents have every right to parent in their own way, but I wonder how these kids use restrooms, take school buses, class trips, or any other activities that do not allow for direct hands on supervision from Mom.

 

[Gracie09]

[I disagree, Disney is busy and fast paced. I don't see it as a good place to train them to go to the bathroom by themselves. Not at 6. Maybe 9, but not at 6. My 6 year old looks 4, in fact wears a size 4 in clothing. I don't doubt he can do it on his own. I know he can, that's NOT the issue. The issue to me is losing a kid in the hoopla or something else.

Disney is a family friendly place. But you know how bad people will find their prey at parks. Well Disney's a park too. Don't think it can't happen.


QUOTE=BuzznBelle'smom;48969514]I totally agree with this, especially the bolded part. Children learn confidence and independence, one small step at a time. My DD10 is proud that she can do laundry. Do I make her do laundry weekly, for a family of 6? Of course not! But, she's proud that she knows how. DD18 leaves for college in a few short weeks. She doesn't like to talk to "adults" on the phone (her phrase, not mine!). She got a letter from her college, saying they didn't receive her final transcripts. It would have been so easy for me to handle this, but I had her do it. Three short calls later, it's all resolved--and she has a little more confidence in handling her own matters.

My point in all this is, children need to know that they are competent enough to handle what life throws at them. It starts with small things, like picking what they'd like for lunch, and you work up to major decisions. A place like WDW is an excellent place to try out solo bathroom skills, because the restrooms are family-friendly and safe. There are plenty of parents around who would help a child who looked confused (say, he couldn't turn on the water, or wasn't sure where the exit was). And if you (parent) get nervous, you wouldn't be the first parent to call out from the doorway, or ask a passing dad to check.

IMHO, a dark, stand-alone rest stop restroom is a completely different story. No way would I send a child solo in that case. But, there are good reasons that you can point to, as to why that's different from a bright, well-used restroom in MK.

[/QUOTE]
There have been three reported cases of molestation at wdw. None have happened in bathrooms. Two involved relatives of the victim and one was unsubstantiated. That is it. No kidnappings. The men's rooms at wdw are populated with fathers, brother, grandfathers, husbands etc. the vast majority of whom would not only help a child who couldn't reach the sink but would physically detain anyone who attempted to harm a child in any way.
There are a couple of bathrooms with two exits but most have one. By six the vast majority of kids should understand basic instructions like if you don't see me when you exit wait here.
I cared for a foster daughter whose father did horrible things to her in the bathroom. It caused her to not be able to be in a bathroom with a man or teen or tween without completely breaking down and even vomiting. It took months of therapy until she was able to use a public restroom or simply be in the room alone with my husband (not the bathroom we had strict rules about who uses what bathroom so she could feel safe). In her words she could beat up a little boy who tried to hurt her , not the most appropriate response but it was what she needed. Does she not have the right to feel safe in her appropriate gender restroom? A ten year old is perfectly capable of using his appropriate gender restroom. What do these kids do at school, on field trips. I'm betting teachers aren't taking them into the ladies room.

 

[Gracie09]

Oh and Disney is not an attractive place for molesters or kidnappers. Why camera. Every inch except for inside bathrooms and hotels is monitored by camera. There are undercover security as well as uniform security. If something was attempted the person would never make it out of the park without being caught. Someone looking to harm a kid is not going to a populated place where he is likely to be caught. Most molester know and groom their victims. So instead of looking for the boogeyman in the bathroom you need to look at your scout leaders, religious leaders, teachers, neighbors, family those are the people that do the vast majority (over 90%) of the cases of molestation.

 

[Nancyg56]

Does she not have the right to feel safe in her appropriate gender restroom? A ten year old is perfectly capable of using his appropriate gender restroom. What do these kids do at school, on field trips. I'm betting teachers aren't taking them into the ladies room.[/QUOTE]


Your question is the same question I have every time I read about these youngsters who are not capable of using a public bathroom in a family friendly theme park. At what point do you honor an expectation of privacy? I do understand that for every "rule" there are exceptions, and I respect that there will be occasion when women must bring older males into the ladies room. I do believe that for the most part, the routines some parents follow when they vacation are not the norm in those children's daily lives. I have been a chaperon on class tips, and boys take themselves into the bathroom alone. I did not take them in the ladies room, nor dis I take them into the lades room. The teachers do not either.

Quite frankly, after some of the stories I hear about behavior on school buses, I would be less apt to send my little boy on a school bus alone than I would be to let him take himself to the rest room or to have him stand by the doorway while I am inside.

 

[lt90]

I dont know about america but in the uk a child is classed (in the eyes of the law) as an adult at the age of ten where it is deemed they understand the morality and consequences of their actions. If the law considers them to be liable for their actions at ten i will do my utmost to teach them all i could tp ensure they were civilised members of society and could function approirately including how to use public toilets, how to find a adult if lost and how to judge if they in danger. I think 10 is the limit of boys in girls bathrooms and i would be wary of those older and would contact a form of authority if i believe myself in danger either physicially or by means of being spied on or made to feel uncomfortable. If i am in WDW and a child older than ten is in the bathroom expect strong (but polite) words.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Honestly, I just don't see how a WDW theme park bathroom would be a good place to molest a child. I simply can't see it. Not only are there tons of people around, but tons of parents. Parents who are used to children's behavior, parents who have their antennae up for odd behavior. A much more secluded area would be a more likely choice.

I also feel the same way about airports. You have tons of people coming in and out--probably 80% of people get off a flight, then hit the bathroom. Now, if you're in a quiet airport late at night, that might be different, but I'm here to tell you, MCO is teeming with people, even at 5am.

I also have been peeped at through he cracks in the stalls. At this point, I can't remember the age/gender of the children in question, but it's definitely done.

And I have to disagree that letting a child go to a rest room on their own is being a lax parent. It's developing a skill, like many other skill. Where I think the issue of "not hovering enough" comes up is, there are parents who choose not to discipline their children, letting them run free. Those kids are likely to have problems down the line. That's very different from sending the message, "You go to the bathroom without me at home and school, you can do it here, too."

I'll even give you a bathroom example. My kids go to a dance studio. Naturally, the girls bathroom is Grand Central Station, while the boys' room is barely used. There are a couple of stalls, then beyond that is a dressing area. Sometimes it's so busy, the girls bathroom door is just propped open. As I was washing my hands, two boys (~8-10) were hanging out, near the girls room stalls, WITH A CAMERA. They were laughing and joking. I don't think they were trying to take pictures, but they certainly didn't belong there. I'm sure their mother was in the building, as they weren't dancers (the school has about 10 male dancers, we all know who they are). That's an example of boys not belonging in the girls room, and lax parenting, to boot.