Moms with boys, bathroom question

[Granny square]

Really? Someone lost their kids to CPS for playing in the front yard? Did they charge her with neglect? How old were the kids? Here is a chart that lists the minimum ages for children to be left home alone. http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm Most states have no age restrictions at all. The car thing I get--kids can die in hot cars really fast and should not be left alone in them. FWIW, I can't seem to find anything on laws about children going into a bathroom alone. it's probably been recommended on here, but if you (the general you) have not read Protecting the Gift, I highly recommend you do. I worry about a lot of things with my kids, but getting molested in a public bathroom is just not very high on the list.

No way someone would even be looked at by csb for letting their kids play in the yard while watching. It sounds like an email story. I know someone who knew someone... I don't know of a state that doesn't need more foster parents. :/. And more case managers for abuse. If children were removed there was some other issue no matter what was reported.

Kids are ready at different ages to be left alone for a few minutes. If a child is going off to school and knows basic behavioral rules then a parent can figure out if they are ready for the situation. The far greater concern than kidnapping bad molestation is Johnny not listening and obeying when told to sit and wait. By 6 3 of mine would have been fine and 1 might have wandered.

 

[bartleby1]

No way someone would even be looked at by csb for letting their kids play in the yard while watching. It sounds like an email story. I know someone who knew someone... I don't know of a state that doesn't need more foster parents. :/. And more case managers for abuse. If children were removed there was some other issue no matter what was reported.

Kids are ready at different ages to be left alone for a few minutes. If a child is going off to school and knows basic behavioral rules then a parent can figure out if they are ready for the situation. The far greater concern than kidnapping bad molestation is Johnny not listening and obeying when told to sit and wait. By 6 3 of mine would have been fine and 1 might have wandered.

Unfortunately, it is a true story, not an email or internet rumor. Here's the link. I'm hoping all charges were dropped but I never heard the final outcome.

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/19600642/mom-arrested-for-letting-kids-play-outside

 

[bella2117]

Oh yes, that's young still! i just couldn't tell from your post and was curious. At those ages, I would have kept my kids with me in the restroom, too!

I secretly wish they were older lol so I could pee in peace lol

 

[robinb]

Unfortunately, it is a true story, not an email or internet rumor. Here's the link. I'm hoping all charges were dropped but I never heard the final outcome.

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/19600642/mom-arrested-for-letting-kids-play-outside

I hope she wins all her lawsuits.

 

[livndisney]

Unfortunately, it is a true story, not an email or internet rumor. Here's the link. I'm hoping all charges were dropped but I never heard the final outcome.

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/19600642/mom-arrested-for-letting-kids-play-outside

From the link-

She spent 18 hours in jail overnight only to have the charges against her dropped.

Read more: http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/19600642/mom-arrested-for-letting-kids-play-outside#ixzz2VxnrJEEE

 

[mirage0306]

I secretly wish they were older lol so I could pee in peace lol

I remember!!!

 

[aubriee]

Funny, how you have such strong words for some moms. The fact is some of us have daughters who certainly wouldn't be comfortable with a 9 year old boy in the restroom she uses.
You just need to get over your paranoia and fear that every male in the restroom is going to molest your child, and let him use the bathroom he is supposed to be using at that age. Or like others mentioned, find a family restroom because your "issue" shouldn't trump the wants of the women and girls who have to use the women's bathroom. Your 9 year old male doesn't have to, he has his own option.
And yes, I know what I'm talking about since I have a 9 year old, 4th grader who would never be OKay with me bringing him into the women's restroom, and with good reason, he is way too old.

I agree! My 7 1/2 y/o GS has been going into the mens rooms for over a year now and would fight tooth and nail, if we even suggested him going into the ladies room with us. Unless he is handicapped in some way, no way does a 9 y/o need to go into a ladies room. That's just way too old.

Funny story: Shortly after he started going in the men's room by himself, my D-I-L and I were shopping one day when my GS had to go to the restroom. We waited right outside, but then both charged in, when we suddenly heard him yelling at the top of his lungs, "stranger danger, stranger danger". The men in there were laughing (and trying to calm him down) until we charged in, embarrassing them. Apparently one of them had casually spoken to him (saying something like "hi young man"). My GS had immediately started yelling "stranger danger, stranger danger", like his mom had taught him to do if some stranger approached him. The poor man who had simply said hi, was mortified. As we all laughed, my GS put both hands on hips and said, "It's not funny. I could have been in danger. What if he'd tried to grab me?" Yeah, like that was going to happen with a half dozen other dads in there. I've never been in a restroom at WDW that wasn't full of other parents. Does anyone actually think that all those dads in the mens room would just ignore some pervert messing with a kid? They'd be all over him.

 

[Nancyg56]

5 and 3...definitely don't feel comfortable letting them go by themselves and I don't mind sharing a stall with them if I need to. Now if my my kids were a little bit older say 7 and 9 then totally different story. They can take each other with me standing waiting for them.

Oh, they are still young. I remember having to drag all of mine with me, and was thrilled when the boys could take each other.

And perhaps the reason that there haven't been more incidents is because parents have their guard up at places like Disney and are less likely to have their children out of their sight. To me, this means we all need to be more diligent in protecting our children in familiar situations, not less diligent in public ones.
.

I understand, I really do. DH and I hover a lot more with our DGD than we ever did with our own three, but I believe that there needs to be some common courtesy when parents make these decisions. Every parent has the right to determine how they watch over their children, but how do you protect the rights of others? For instance, my 11 YO DGD has every right to be comfortable in a ladies restroom. She should not need to worry about a 9 or 10 YO boy wandering around. There are alternatives for a mother who chooses to take her sons in the bathroom with her, and it is my opinion that since this is a ladies room, her right trumps the boys.

Turn this around. If a father decided to haul his 10 YO DD into the mens' room to protect her, should the 9 and 10 and 12 YO boys,have to accommodate her? No.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I think Disney should enforce a maximum age to have male or female children in the opposite gender restroom just like the YMCA does. That would put an end to average preteens and older being where they have no business being. My dd will be rounding in on 10 when we go and you can bet she will make a comment if she sees someone even close to her age in there. I can't imagine sending her into the men's room at this age/age of awareness and don't think those 8-9-10 year old boys aren't looking because they are curious and are starting to be interested in girls.

 

[Gracie09]

And perhaps the reason that there haven't been more incidents is because parents have their guard up at places like Disney and are less likely to have their children out of their sight. To me, this means we all need to be more diligent in protecting our children in familiar situations, not less diligent in public ones.

This discussion actually makes me wonder what the actual law states on children being left alone, even temporarily, outside a bathroom.. I know many states will bring a parent up on charges if they leave children unattended in a car (yes, even for a minute) or leave your child home alone at all. I know their was a case in the past few months of a women who had her children taken away by child protective services because they were out playing on her front lawn while she cooked dinner, watching them from the window. I do not know the final outcome of the case but the police did remove them at least temporarily.

No it would be because over 90 percent of child molestation and/or kidnapping is perpetrated by people known and trusted by the victim. Relatives, coaches, teachers, religious leaders etc. they groom their victims and gain their trust and usually perceive that they have a relationship with the child. The stranger lurking in the shadows is just not a realistic story. In palace like Disney where like 95 percent of the men are fathers, grandfathers or uncles who if they thought something was wrong and wouldn't hesitate to act to protect a child in distress, it's a great place to give an older kid a little more freedom. And as a foster parent who is pretty well versed in "the system" sending a 9 year old into the appropriate gender bathroom wouldn't raise any red flags for anyone.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think Disney should enforce a maximum age to have male or female children in the opposite gender restroom just like the YMCA does. That would put an end to average preteens and older being where they have no business being. My dd will be rounding in on 10 when we go and you can bet she will make a comment if she sees someone even close to her age in there. I can't imagine sending her into the men's room at this age/age of awareness and don't think those 8-9-10 year old boys aren't looking because they are curious and are starting to be interested in girls.

I agree. I just cannot understand this need. I honestly believe that if a parent is this protective, that parent needs to follow through and take the boys into the stall with them. I should not need to be uncomfortable so that the parent can indulge this need. There are alternatives available, and if the parent chooses not to use them, that is not my issue.

 

[Burnedout]

Your ridiculous. Your saying protecting our young children is going to turn them into child molesters when they are allowed to use the restrooms by themselves?! Really!

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Did you bother reading what I said? Your darling little boy that you are trying to protect (no sarcasm) will be considered a potential molester by people just like you. Just because he is a guy. By teaching your child men are dangerous and out to get them what you are condemning him because of his gender.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

Did you bother reading what I said? Your darling little boy that you are trying to protect (no sarcasm) will be considered a potential molester by people just like you. Just because he is a guy. By teaching your child men are dangerous and out to get them what you are condemning him because of his gender.

I did read what you wrote. You wrote that unless a parent "lets their child have a set" then this child will grow to be molester the parent is trying to protect it from. I read it several times because it is so ridiculous.


People are going to fear adult or teen men no matter what age that child started using the public restroom. I do not live in paranoia but I do live in reality and that is to protect my children in the best way that I can. My 8 year old does not come to the bathroom with me. My 4 year old does.

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[Mazz519]

No problem at all My wife takes my 8 yr old with her if Im not around....Do what makes u feel comfortable

 

[Burnedout]

I did read what you wrote. You wrote that unless a parent "lets their child have a set" then this child will grow to be molester the parent is trying to protect it from. I read it several times because it is so ridiculous.

People are going to fear adult or teen men no matter what age that child started using the public restroom. I do not live in paranoia but I do live in reality and that is to protect my children in the best way that I can. My 8 year old does not come to the bathroom with me. My 4 year old does.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

Ok, one more time. Do you appreciate your husband being considered a molester? Do you like the fact that this is how people will view your son as soon as he is allowed in the men's room? Why not stop the cycle of assuming the worst about our male population.

Geez. Yes I think boys should be allowed to grow up, lol and grow into theirs. I don't know that I said that, though. At what age this happens depends on a lot of things. Some kids just are need more help. Sometimes however, it is just moms who want their kids to remain their little boys. I've got a son intending to head into the military next year. I'd love to keep him my happy 16 year old lifeguard. It isn't my choice however.

 

[Granny square]

Ok, one more time. Do you appreciate your husband being considered a molester? Do you like the fact that this is how people will view your son as soon as he is allowed in the men's room? Why not stop the cycle of assuming the worst about our male population.

Geez. Yes I think boys should be allowed to grow up, lol and grow into theirs. I don't know that I said that, though. At what age this happens depends on a lot of things. Some kids just are need more help. Sometimes however, it is just moms who want their kids to remain their little boys. I've got a son intending to head into the military next year. I'd love to keep him my happy 16 year old lifeguard. It isn't my choice however.

So you are saying her kids going to be a molester, right?!

Hahahaha, sorry. Teach kids reality. That there are concerns, that they don't happen often, and give them a whistle!

 

[Mama Who]

So you are saying her kids going to be a molester, right?!

Hahahaha, sorry. Teach kids reality. That there are concerns, that they don't happen often, and give them a whistle!

No, that's not what she's saying at all. She's saying that by assuming men are dangerous the other poster is creating a world in which her son will be considered dangerous just by virtue of being a man. That the son may grow up to be a good, kind, compassionate man but he will forever be viewed as a molester by people like his own mother who assume men are automatically suspect just because they are me. She's suggesting that maybe we owe our future men a better world than that.

 

[robinb]

So you are saying her kids going to be a molester, right?!

I could be wrong, but I think that she's saying that kids internalize lessons taught by their parents. If every unknown man/teen is a possible predator, even dads and other boys in a WDW mens room, then what happens to the boy when he grows up? How does he rectify that upbringing with being a teen/man himself? I don't believe that these kids will become predators or molesters, but I do think that they may have to come to grips with becoming the very thing they were repeatedly warned about when they were younger.

 

[mckelvey72]

WOW, I have a 7 year old and I never realized this issue was such a topic of heated conversation. I took my son in with me for as long as he was comfortable with it and that ended when he was about 6. He wanted to be a big boy and use the boys room and was embarrassed to use the ladies room.

Do I worry, yeah sometimes depending on where we are. A very crowded public bathroom doesn't worry me as much as other situations though. I tend to agree with what someone else posted.....in a busy public bathroom...if there is one molester in the room, there are 20 other men who are not who would protect a smaller one if they started crying or yelling.

Its funny cause I worry more about my son being stolen out of my home while I am sleeping more than a him going into a public bathroom by himself. We have a cape cod and he is on the first floor and we are on the 2nd. We have a front porch so all someone would have to do is remove the screen, step into this room as the window is only about 6 inches from the deck, grab him and run. So he is NOT allowed to have his bedroom window open at all.

So we all have our insecurities. I have taught my son about strangers, no touching etc. But as someone else said, a child that has been molested...it typically happens when you are in a sitatuation or with people you are comfortable with.

I can also say that my 13 year old would not want a boy her age....or even her 7 year old brother to be peaking thru the stalls at her while she is doing her business.

 

[mirage0306]

Teach kids to pay attention, be aware of their surroundings, to trust their intuition, and give them tools to defend themselves IF NEED BE. Reinforcing that the world is a scary place and you always need to be on guard because someone might be lurking in the shadows to hurt you...that's no way to live. I hope I am teaching my children that MOST people are nice, MOST people don't want to hurt you, but you need to be aware of your surroundings, and you need to trust your gut.

I let my seven year old go into the restroom at the Baltimore airport last week. Alone. He was fine. Because while unfortunately children do get molested, poor babies, public restrooms is not where that tends to happen. Which is why I just don't worry about that at Disney World.